Leaving before it starts

[Plays_For_Dog]

Leave the band and burn those bridges. You don't want that kind of drama in your life. Cut away clean and don't linger it out. Just a simple, "I quit. I'm done with this band and am moving on to other endeavors". Then, completely cut them off. Don't give them an inch of your attention, or they will suck you into a drama fiasco.

Just leave and quickly forget about them, and hopefully they will quickly forget about you. You will find another band with good musicians. They're out there more then you think.

 

[viper4000]

Mr. L - you have a convincing set of replies here. I've never seen two whole pages of suggestions to leave a group. There are usually sane heads here that suggest staying with a group for the long haul. For your situation, the sane heads are saying you should leave.

You should really consider leaving soon if you haven't already. Even before your March contest. Even if the band wins, you will not. The brothers' mother will ensure you receive no benefits from this, if they do it at all. Learn from this experience!!!

 

[fenderbassman40]

Do not stay for the contest. Contest like that are scams and will only lead to more trauma, heartache, and hassles. Those types of contacts are usually pay to play scams involving many many bands booked for one night and those bands have to pack the place.

even if you win it's no guarantee that anything is going to come of it except for a bragging right line on your Facebook page. Which is kind of like being the tallest kid in six grade. Overall it just does not matter.

Run like hell… NOW!!!!

 

[SnowCal]

Just gonna say. The autistic brothers from another mother, with 'connections', who is an overbearing manager for a band that doesn't gig or record, is pretty great.

Be like Usain Bolt and run.

 

[Ric5]

+1.

+2

Do you really need another mom?

 

[Ric5]

When you quit they will hire a guy who walks funny, tilts his head and says "I am an excellent bass player"

 

[zon6c-f]

SAXN...Every word of my story is true. I wish it had a better ending for the child-star.

I don't know if stage mom stayed in his life after adulthood or not.

Their whole family arrangemet was strange. Her husband was the childs "full-time manager" on paper, therefore he could not work otherwise. Since the stage mom did all of the actual managing; conrtracts, etc...she could do no work other than "manage" their 'child star'. Bottom line, child star was sole bread earner for family; paid all bills, provided housing, etc for whiole family: mom-n-dad as well as younger siblings..what a scam pulled on that poor young-un.

Our story got worse before it finally ended...

After the 'Nashville incident', we didn't hear form them for a loong time.

Side story..Oddly, she knew Tommy Roe and booked him with us. Her child-star had no involvement. Tommy Roe asked for no $$..performed gratis.. a great guy. However, as he knew her, I waited for the other shoe to drop..

...THEN.NOTHING..didn't hear from her, her child, nor Tommy Roe, even... Silence from her was deafening...

Several months later, out from nowhere, like a nightmare, they came back..

We were playing a charity event..they showed up..agreed to sit in.. After his performance, she passed the hat, as always..no skin off my neck, THE BAND WAS PLAYING FOR FREE; A CHARITY EVENT.

She was disappointed with their offerings and passed the hat again. Equally disappointed SHE PASSED THE HAT A 3RD TIME!

By that time she was angry and complained to our band leader about lack of funding for them..her gas, childs talent, stardom and effort...

B L wisely pointed her in the direction of the C B Club President [ this was in mid 1980's..lol..] who sponsored the event. He told her that no one was getting paid; they had tollerated her passing the hat; not once, but 3 TIMES. Then he reminded her that it was a charity event for crippled children not a charity event for her son. They left in a huff.. never to be seen by us again.

 

[Saxn]

Dude that is just the EPITOME of no class... I am sorry you had to go through that nonsense. Maybe not as sad for you as for the kid, but still... I've seen a trend in that sort of behavior with parents of young, talented kids, though and I just cant fathom it.

As sad as your tale is I had to chuckle at the "pass the hat 3 times" routine. I used to play sax in a traveling gospel group and I have seen that done in two churches - not by us, but by the minister at the pulpit! He made it very clear that the first time around wasn't good enough. Both times I refused to return to those congregations.

Anyway, hopefully you've been nothing but onward and upward since then, and sorry for the thread derailment. To the OP... this can only end badly. Time to make tracks, bud.

 

[JimmyM]

Tommy Roe IS a great guy. Tried to guess who the minor recording star was...guessed wrong apparently. His mom sounds like a psycho.

 

[Drunk Heffalump]

Sharon.....Sharon Osborne, is that you?

 

[casper_morgan]

Get out... get out now

 

[Mystic Michael]

... never one to mince words. I know, it's tough love.

Hey, it's what the Internet is all about!

MM

 

[electracoyote]

Resign like a professional, avoid outlining your grievances.

As for their reactions, you can't control that, so stop worrying about it.

 

[JimmyM]

Ya, Tommy is a pro. Worked with him on and off for about 15 years now. He retired for a while due to a neck injury he suffered while falling off a stage in Germany, but he's back out now. Loves his fans and treats us musicians with the utmost respect.

 

[jungleheat]

An alternate suggestion is that you could use the threat of leaving so soon before the "big contest" to wrestle some control back from the mom, including you controlling the money from the prize should it be won (so she doesn't just "invest it back into the band", making the whole exercise pointless for you).

Then after the event, and with your cut in your pocket if you win, you check out of the band and start a new musical life with the other one.

I do have one question though, what was so bad about the female singer? Was she just not any good? Who is doing lead vocals for the band now?

 

[zhollywood]

Before you know it, she's going to pick up your bass and start writing your lines for you.
RUN!

 

[pushbuttonfour]

stay man you can work it out!!!!!!!!

If anyone didnt get it, I was kidding here. Yeah, gtfo this band asap

 

[Mr L]

I do have one question though, what was so bad about the female singer? Was she just not any good? Who is doing lead vocals for the band now?

It's not that she was bad it was that we didn't ask for her or need her. She just assumed we wanted someone else.

I share lead with the guitar player basically with the premise of: you write the song then you sing lead. With this being the unwritten rule I sing most of the lead.

Our style jumps from soft rock to punk. I write most of the material and thus I sing it. None of the songs I have written would fit a female vocalist (lots are about girls or they need a strong low end that her voice just didn't have)

 

[NWB]

Their mom does have connections however and if I burn that bridge, things could get difficult for me.

Now, how many gigs have her "connections" gotten the band?

 

[cloverkeys]

If I'm honest, this sounds like a perfectly fine band, it has it all..

-mother with so many records ties she's practically Rick Rubin,
-child prodigy with autism tearing up guitar,
-brother, comparable to THE SIR PAUL McCartney in song writing,
-eligible and smoking hot girl singer who is talented and obsessed with bringing her friends in a "we love bass players" club around,

You'd be crazy to give all THIS up!