Leaving the band

[JenderBazzFass]

Sad day for me.

After working tirelessly and starting from nothing 5 years ago to playing on stage with a band regularly, things have changed so much in terms of band dynamics that I've reached the conclusion that I don't really have any choice but to leave.

It's not any one thing, but the material isn't challenging and the song list is what it is. Although the others seem to like and appreciate me, the guitarist dislikes me and ignores me completely. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a factor.

I am dedicated to this and the material we play is somewhat simple and there's only so much that is right for me to do within the song. It just isn't challenging anymore, and I want to keep growing.

Without any input into the song list or a desire on the part of anyone else to level up, I'm just kind of playing out the string here.

Everyone must have gone through this, losing the first band you cared about. I suppose it's better to end here - I can be more than this / need a bigger challenge / I don't need the money and this isn't fun anymore - than for it to end via some drama or not being good enough.

I don't know how I'll ever find more people to play with in the area, that's my main worry. But I feel like it's the right time to part ways.

Ever been there?

 

[sean_on_bass]

i've had a couple of emotional band exits for sure. no major drama, just me stepping away because i was losing interest and the bands weren't really evolving.

the cure is always playing with other, new people. so hopefully you can line some new stuff up soon and stay out there.

 

[Spidey2112]

... and this isn't fun anymore...

'Your spiritual enlightenment is complete.'

Confunkalicious has spoken.

 

[Kubicki Fan]

There is a season for everything. You are ready for bigger and better things, by the sound of it.

There is opportunity cost for staying. Maybe too much.

 

[H Nighttrain]

I don't know how I'll ever find more people to play with in the area, that's my main worry.

My advice: if possible, secure a spot in a new band before walking out, it's always easier to find a gig when you've got one.

 

[Miles_ONeal]

My advice: if possible, secure a spot in a new band before walking out, it's always easier to find a gig when you've got one.

This.

 

[roccobass]

Good luck, friend. I can relate. We've all been there so it's not unusual for it to happen. But it still is a let down no matter. You'll find what you're looking for.

 

[shadven]

That guitar player isn't worth your time. . Quit that band.

 

[Element Zero]

went through something similar though it was back in 2005 so it's been awhile.

 

[Ondoval]

My advice: if possible, secure a spot in a new band before walking out, it's always easier to find a gig when you've got one.

Came here to say this! Hold on to the band until you have something else!

 

[Wasnex]

I don't need the money and this isn't fun anymore

That's all you need to say IMHO.

The usual advice is to consider three factors: 1. the money, 2. the hang, and 3. the music. Net positives generated by these three factor should make it worth your time and effort to stay in a band. If they don't, by all all means move on.
Play music if you like, or do something totally different. FYI my biggest passion now is riding mountain bikes.

Ever been there?

Yes. I feel blessed to have been able to play bass at a pretty high professional level. But eventually I started to burn out. In 2008 I cross trained from bass into audio (military bandsman). After that I did approximately five gigs on bass over about eight years. The gigs I did were to help out subordinates. It felt like fun to play again for about 5 minutes, then it started to feel like work again.

Since then I have built a huge amp collection and still enjoy fiddling around in my basement. But to this day, I have no desire to join a band, learn/maintain a bunch of songs, or deal with the type interpersonal BS that frequently occurs in bands.

I could imagine doing audio again, but I think it would be very difficult to find enjoyable and satisfying opportunities.

 

[Bass Motifs]

My advice: if possible, secure a spot in a new band before walking out, it's always easier to find a gig when you've got one.

A friend once told me: don't throw out your old shoes until you've got a new pair. Was about a job. Good advice.

 

[JamesGrant]

In a band where there's hostility? You couldn't pay me to put up with that! Relationships are two way and if you're getting paid, it's your job to get on well with everyone. Clearly something has gone wrong - time to leave, don't let it happen again.

Your new band already has a bass player. You need to find a drummer, and a front person and maybe one other (keys or guitar) - you put the band together, set the expectation and organise the promo and get some gigs and your now in a new band. The best way to find new players is to be a dep - you meet a lot of people like that. The other best way is to go to open mic or jam nights. The other, other way is to go to venues where they have solo performers and chat with the performers on their breaks - many of them will say 'yes, If you provide a drummer and you both know my material, and the money is ok, I'll gig with you'. If you can sing (and play upright is a bonus) then you can consider being in a duo. Especially if you know how to run the PA - a valuable skill!

 

[brstma]

I disagree with staying in a band that You're not happy with until you find something else, especially when one member actually dislikes you or something (unless you're relying on gig money to pay the bills maybe)

Gotta move on in my opinion. Something good will happen even if it takes some time

 

[glocke1]

It happens and I went through that a few years back.

In the band I was in things changed so drastically it was quite simply no longer fun.

Drugs, hard drugs at that were always present in the background among some members, but than became more prevalent and widespread ( as in heaping mounds of blow on the guitarists amp after a gig ) that personalities were getting affected in a bad way.

Add in the fact that the one guitar player had an issue with me for some reason and started taking verbal potshots/jabs at me while on stage and I was glad when the band leader said that the band had basically run its course.

If the B/L hadn't called it quits I definitely would have left on my accord.

In general it is safe to say that if you aren't having fun, it isn't challenging, and there is friction with other band members its time to go and looking back there are a few bands I wish I would have left sooner than I did for one or more of the reasons I listed above.

 

[buldog5151bass]

I've left a couple of bands when there was a lack of ability, despite gigs. But right now, it's getting harder to find good and
motivated musicians.

1. Do you have other options?

2. How often does this band gig (have long would you have to stay after giving notice? Not good to quit and leave them in the lurch).

 

[Wez Yo Bice]

Mine was a family band. And blood being thicker than water. . . .
One of the member's kid started running the sound.
Small gigs no kid. (Good) Large gigs, kid. (Bad)
Just the opposite of what we needed.
I left it, "call me if this gets fixed." Evidently, it's not been fixed. If they're happy the way it is, that's fine.

 

[SC Bassboy]

Sad day for me.

After working tirelessly and starting from nothing 5 years ago to playing on stage with a band regularly, things have changed so much in terms of band dynamics that I've reached the conclusion that I don't really have any choice but to leave.

It's not any one thing, but the material isn't challenging and the song list is what it is. Although the others seem to like and appreciate me, the guitarist dislikes me and ignores me completely. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a factor.

I am dedicated to this and the material we play is somewhat simple and there's only so much that is right for me to do within the song. It just isn't challenging anymore, and I want to keep growing.

Without any input into the song list or a desire on the part of anyone else to level up, I'm just kind of playing out the string here.

Everyone must have gone through this, losing the first band you cared about. I suppose it's better to end here - I can be more than this / need a bigger challenge / I don't need the money and this isn't fun anymore - than for it to end via some drama or not being good enough.

I don't know how I'll ever find more people to play with in the area, that's my main worry. But I feel like it's the right time to part ways.

Ever been there?

I felt that way everytime my old cover band would launch into "Hands to Yourself". For me, it was embarrassing to stand on that stage playing that song. The good thing is that a solid bass player is rare, and your services will be sought after by others. You leave the group only to become a legend!

 

[SactoBass]

When it's time to go, it's time to go. For me, playing music is all about having fun. That's the only reason I play music. Enjoyment. If you are not having fun, it's time to change things.

 

[jimmydean]

I am in the same boat with the same factors . Had two really good auditions with two bands recently , one went so well we talked about gigs starting in a month and recording , ect . I gave my band walking papers and two days later they change their mind about me . Back in the band I quit.......WTH ! Recently did a video audition for a well known musician , no contact after six weeks........don't hold your breath waiting for the phone to ring . I don't need the money and the fun factor is minimal but I tell myself it's better than sitting around at home making demo recordings .