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Locking in with a drummer's feel and tempo

This is something I'm having issues with so I'm looking for tips.

My band's drummer is rock solid and has a great energetic feel. We're a pretty straightforward uptempo rock band and a lot of the time I'm building lines around 8th note phrases with syncopation for flavor.

When I record my parts at home to practice, they have distinct groove and time feel and hold up on their own. When I play with the band and listen back to our rehearsal recordings, I always seem to be rushing and not quite in sync with his feel. I'm not necessarily out of time but we're just not locked in.

Sometimes I have trouble hearing his kick because we're a fairly loud band. Would locking into his snare on the 2 and 4 cause this? If I could hear a distinct 1-beat maybe I'd lock in more?

What are some practice tools to combat this? I generally practice with a metronome and I have no problems with that at all.
 
Does your home practice involve a drum machine, or recordings of the drummer, or are you playing 'al fresco'? How does your distinct groove and time feel stack up against the clock?

A bit of everything actually. I'm generally playing TO something though, generally a metronome when I'm still ironing out my parts then to our practice recordings to get my feel in line with the drums. It seems to be mainly a problem when playing with the band. I'm happy with my ability to play to a recording.
 
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A bit of everything actually. I'm generally playing TO something though, generally a metronome when I'm still ironing out my parts then to our practice recordings to get my feel in line with the drums. It seems to be mainly a problem when playing with the band. I'm happy with my ability to play to a recording.

So maybe the band is inconsistent between runs. Recordings, even flawed ones, are easy to play to, practice with or learn because they play back the same every time. How do different recordings of the same track stack up against each other?
 
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I like to be able to see his kick pedal and will look over to see if we are together, i.e. see as well as hear.

Right, wrong, or whatever - I ignore his fills and keep the steady beat going.

I also, like you mentioned, sometime rely on the snare with some songs.

Thank goodness for good drummers.
 
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I never thought of it as locking in to the drummer, except early on, when I needed to. It’s more like you lock into the style, and the drummer locks into the style, so you are both locked into it together.

I’m not sure where you are in your musical journey, but if you feel the drums have to dictate your rhythms, or you have trouble keeping time with him, you may still be early in your journey, and I promise you that all improves, the more ensemble playing you do.

To be honest, I don’t understand where the whole dependency, and mimicking the kick came from. I know of plenty of instances where the bass sustains while drums are busy, or when drums sustain while bass is busy.

If I had to recommend a course for improving, it would be to listen and play your favorite styles, till your toolbox is full and you can begin to create in those styles. Also, ensemble tempo must be developed. Try having your entire band play to a metronome click. In fact, at a slower tempo than normal—that’s where fluctuations are really exposed.
 
Does your home practice involve a drum machine, or recordings of the drummer, or are you playing 'al fresco'? How does your distinct groove and time feel stack up against the clock?
+1 on this!. Getting and practicing with a drum macine helped me immensely. Also, I then went and learned the basic drum patterns on line.YouTube was fantastic for this.