every day when I lay down, i give thanks for another day. Every morning when i wake up, i give thanks for another chance. God takes care of everything else.
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Looking into the face of despair
- Thread starter slobake
- Start date
This poll needs multiple choice options. My depression involves a handful of choices listed, and some others that aren't.
Sorry to hear about your health issues.
I choose to hire you a spelling coach, myself a TB editor to read OP's for me and to go back and make multiple choices posthaste!
Thanks everyone for your concern and suggestions. I am ok, really. Life goes on and we do our best to make the most of it.
As I said in the original post I am not asking for help. I may have not been clear in that post. My intent was to let others know that we struggle sometimes. Don't be hard on yourself if it seems like you are the only one.
It has been interesting reading the responses. Some people understood what I was saying and apparently a few people never struggle. I am touched by the concern some have shown. Thanks for that.
As I said in the original post I am not asking for help. I may have not been clear in that post. My intent was to let others know that we struggle sometimes. Don't be hard on yourself if it seems like you are the only one.
It has been interesting reading the responses. Some people understood what I was saying and apparently a few people never struggle. I am touched by the concern some have shown. Thanks for that.
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You know, all the time you hear about people saying "we never saw it coming" so anytime someone posts what looks like it might be a plea, someone is going to reach back even if you insist you're ok.
I try to take everything here at face value. If you say you're ok then you're ok. Besides I don't really know anyone here so it's all "arms length" for me.
And I was serious, I know I would struggle if not for.my wife. She is one of those who are strong as steel and she ain't fakin' it.
I try to take everything here at face value. If you say you're ok then you're ok. Besides I don't really know anyone here so it's all "arms length" for me.
And I was serious, I know I would struggle if not for.my wife. She is one of those who are strong as steel and she ain't fakin' it.
In North America society acts like admission of depression is a no-no and weakness. Keeping up appearances means everybody is supposed to act like their "up" with no problems.
But take a look around.......prescription drug use (legitimately) for depression...off the charts. Illegitimate use of same....off the charts. Illegal drug use to change mental outlook..off the charts.
Drug use to alter an existing mental outlook legally ...off the charts.
Legalisation of previously illegal drugs to facilitate changing mental outlook....currently occurring.
So maybe we're not all as happy as we b.s. everyone else we are.
But take a look around.......prescription drug use (legitimately) for depression...off the charts. Illegitimate use of same....off the charts. Illegal drug use to change mental outlook..off the charts.
Drug use to alter an existing mental outlook legally ...off the charts.
Legalisation of previously illegal drugs to facilitate changing mental outlook....currently occurring.
So maybe we're not all as happy as we b.s. everyone else we are.
Here's my story. Perhaps if someone here has experienced returning depressive episodes can find this useful.
I've had three episodes (2011-2014) with clinical depression in my life. And those periods of time is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me, when I was in them. Makes sense that they've found that depression at a severe level, lights up the pain circuits in the brain, because it is absolute torture. So now I have knowledge, and some of it at times; I wish I didn't have; like now I know why people kill themselves and why they cut and do deliberate self-harm/self -injury. On the positive side; which is greater than the negative; I know that it's treatable, and that it doesn't last forever. I voted both professional help and friends. And I'd add medication to the list as well. That was the case with my last episode (sept 2014/three weeks in hell) for instance. There was no life stuff that made that one happen; it just forced it's way onto and into me. That's when the doctor used the term "chemical depression" about me, because you could almost set your watch to it; 19 months intervals/1 month off medication. The way out has been a combination of medication combined with therapy. And now I'm on a low dose of anti depressants still, and I feel fine. And according to the cycle, I should have had my 4th episode last month, and now a depressive episode feels pretty far off. I hope that I can go off medication completely sometime in the future, of course. But I am ready to be on them for the rest of my life if needed. Cause I hope I don't have to go "down there" again.
Generally, now as a preventive measure; I avoid negativity and negative people like the plague. And I try to connect with constructive, positive people, at any level. Enviroment is also important. And THE most important thing: sleep!. If you sleep well, you most likely will not get depressed.
Also; sunlight, omega 3 and exercise are essentials. And working nights is horrible if you're inclined to become depressed. Working nights for 6 years was the cause of my first episode; although I didn't know it at the time. Experts say that working nights nullify any and every positive thing you can do with regards to depression. You can do everything right, but if you work at night the risk of relapse is huge, almost to the point of a given. So avoid that at all costs. I have no experience myself; but I totally believe; and have heard from others; that pets are like natural anti depressants, so to speak. And especially dogs perhaps; who are like; eternal optimists!
(most of them.)
If you really want to learn about depression stuff, look up Stephen Ilardi. He's the most knowledgeable guy about this stuff, that I've ever come across.
I've had three episodes (2011-2014) with clinical depression in my life. And those periods of time is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me, when I was in them. Makes sense that they've found that depression at a severe level, lights up the pain circuits in the brain, because it is absolute torture. So now I have knowledge, and some of it at times; I wish I didn't have; like now I know why people kill themselves and why they cut and do deliberate self-harm/self -injury. On the positive side; which is greater than the negative; I know that it's treatable, and that it doesn't last forever. I voted both professional help and friends. And I'd add medication to the list as well. That was the case with my last episode (sept 2014/three weeks in hell) for instance. There was no life stuff that made that one happen; it just forced it's way onto and into me. That's when the doctor used the term "chemical depression" about me, because you could almost set your watch to it; 19 months intervals/1 month off medication. The way out has been a combination of medication combined with therapy. And now I'm on a low dose of anti depressants still, and I feel fine. And according to the cycle, I should have had my 4th episode last month, and now a depressive episode feels pretty far off. I hope that I can go off medication completely sometime in the future, of course. But I am ready to be on them for the rest of my life if needed. Cause I hope I don't have to go "down there" again.
Generally, now as a preventive measure; I avoid negativity and negative people like the plague. And I try to connect with constructive, positive people, at any level. Enviroment is also important. And THE most important thing: sleep!. If you sleep well, you most likely will not get depressed.
Also; sunlight, omega 3 and exercise are essentials. And working nights is horrible if you're inclined to become depressed. Working nights for 6 years was the cause of my first episode; although I didn't know it at the time. Experts say that working nights nullify any and every positive thing you can do with regards to depression. You can do everything right, but if you work at night the risk of relapse is huge, almost to the point of a given. So avoid that at all costs. I have no experience myself; but I totally believe; and have heard from others; that pets are like natural anti depressants, so to speak. And especially dogs perhaps; who are like; eternal optimists!
(most of them.) If you really want to learn about depression stuff, look up Stephen Ilardi. He's the most knowledgeable guy about this stuff, that I've ever come across.
Some common medications can result in deptession, either directly or indirectly. Medication to lower high blood pressure, such as beta blockers and calcium channel blockers have side effects that may contribute to depression.
Two examples:
1) Amlodipine -- This is on the WHO Model List of EssentiaL Medications and is heavily prescribed for hypertension. It is a calcium channel blocker and it lowers blood pressure by widening blood vessels.
Common side effects are fatigue and sleepiness. Less common side effects are insomnia and depression.
Knowing that chronic sleep disorders are prime contributors to depression, it's probably wise to consider this, and similar medications, as possible culprits.
2) Carvedilol -- This is a beta blocker and is commonly used to treat both CHF and hypertension. It works by slowing the heart rate, dilating blood vessels and by causing a decrease in overall muscle activity.
Common side effects include fatigue, muscle weakness and weight gain.
Again, knowing that proper diet and exercise are essential for optimum mental health, using a drug that can result in fatigue, muscle weakness and weight gain should give some measure of concern for just how much cost you're getting for your benefit.
On a personal note, I happen to be taking both of these drugs and I suddenly became depressed when I started taking them 3 years ago.
My doctor neglected to warn me of any kinds of potential problems from these drugs and he even seemed to consider them almost magic potions with no significant side effects.
I've been sorting out the problems by regularly consulting with a nutritionist and a physical therapist who understands the issues involved.
If I didn't have health insurance then I'd be right and truly screwed. But that's another thread.
Two examples:
1) Amlodipine -- This is on the WHO Model List of EssentiaL Medications and is heavily prescribed for hypertension. It is a calcium channel blocker and it lowers blood pressure by widening blood vessels.
Common side effects are fatigue and sleepiness. Less common side effects are insomnia and depression.
Knowing that chronic sleep disorders are prime contributors to depression, it's probably wise to consider this, and similar medications, as possible culprits.
2) Carvedilol -- This is a beta blocker and is commonly used to treat both CHF and hypertension. It works by slowing the heart rate, dilating blood vessels and by causing a decrease in overall muscle activity.
Common side effects include fatigue, muscle weakness and weight gain.
Again, knowing that proper diet and exercise are essential for optimum mental health, using a drug that can result in fatigue, muscle weakness and weight gain should give some measure of concern for just how much cost you're getting for your benefit.
On a personal note, I happen to be taking both of these drugs and I suddenly became depressed when I started taking them 3 years ago.
My doctor neglected to warn me of any kinds of potential problems from these drugs and he even seemed to consider them almost magic potions with no significant side effects.
I've been sorting out the problems by regularly consulting with a nutritionist and a physical therapist who understands the issues involved.
If I didn't have health insurance then I'd be right and truly screwed. But that's another thread.
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Glad you are doing well. I'm always happy to see my friends doing well.
Lately things have been bad in my marriage, with my band and at my job. These are a huge part of my life.
My marriage situation is already better and we used a pretty big bump in the road to grow together. We are seeking counsel and prayer for that.
My band situation seems to have taken care of itself, we have a new band leader from Africa. He is a great guy and an amazing musician.
Walked into my job this morning after being away all weekend and it was like walking into a morgue. The feeling of depression and despair hung over my office like month of grey skies. That was an Ah HA! moment. I can choose not to let it get to me.
I have been the one to speak out. When the untouchable ones from the top floor came by with their cheerful smiles and asked how I was doing I told them the truth. Not a rant but specifically what is going on. I also had "rounding" sessions where they asked me how it was going, I told them the truth too. Most people I work with are too scared to speak up but I am not. I understand how they feel , there have been a log of lay-offs here including our boss.
Had a one on one with my new boss and was afraid I was going to get fired. Instead she told me I am the "spokesperson" for the department.
I don't want to be the spokesperson I just want things to get better here. That was a week ago and nothing has changed.
These are first world problems and I have read some of the posts here about people going through things that my piddley issues don't even compare to. My peace of mind is more about my attitude than my circumstances. Awareness of what is going on around me and how it might be influencing me helps.
My marriage situation is already better and we used a pretty big bump in the road to grow together. We are seeking counsel and prayer for that.
My band situation seems to have taken care of itself, we have a new band leader from Africa. He is a great guy and an amazing musician.
Walked into my job this morning after being away all weekend and it was like walking into a morgue. The feeling of depression and despair hung over my office like month of grey skies. That was an Ah HA! moment. I can choose not to let it get to me.
I have been the one to speak out. When the untouchable ones from the top floor came by with their cheerful smiles and asked how I was doing I told them the truth. Not a rant but specifically what is going on. I also had "rounding" sessions where they asked me how it was going, I told them the truth too. Most people I work with are too scared to speak up but I am not. I understand how they feel , there have been a log of lay-offs here including our boss.
Had a one on one with my new boss and was afraid I was going to get fired. Instead she told me I am the "spokesperson" for the department.
I don't want to be the spokesperson I just want things to get better here. That was a week ago and nothing has changed.These are first world problems and I have read some of the posts here about people going through things that my piddley issues don't even compare to. My peace of mind is more about my attitude than my circumstances. Awareness of what is going on around me and how it might be influencing me helps.
Laughing at myself and sometimes saying things out loud only i can hear amuse me. An be away to feel better about something bad.
s0c9
Supporting Member
Sat morning I went to the memorial service for my friends - just turned - 25 yr old son.
My friend has been my dentist for close to 25 yrs, played in my band together for 2 yrs and someone I have jammed with for 15+ yrs.
His son was to graduate college next week. As best I can determine (since no-one was talking), he had been depressed and was [apparently] on anti-depressants, then quit taking them. He appears to have driven some 120 miles to his ex-girlfriend's house, put a gun to his head on her doorstep and pulled the trigger.
The boys mother is a psychologist and may have prescribed him the anti-depressants herself.. idk for sure..
.. so tragic.
My friend has been my dentist for close to 25 yrs, played in my band together for 2 yrs and someone I have jammed with for 15+ yrs.
His son was to graduate college next week. As best I can determine (since no-one was talking), he had been depressed and was [apparently] on anti-depressants, then quit taking them. He appears to have driven some 120 miles to his ex-girlfriend's house, put a gun to his head on her doorstep and pulled the trigger.
The boys mother is a psychologist and may have prescribed him the anti-depressants herself.. idk for sure..
.. so tragic.
I can't really think of an intelligent response to this except wow. Sorry to hear this.Sat morning I went to the memorial service for my friends - just turned - 25 yr old son.
My friend has been my dentist for close to 25 yrs, played in my band together for 2 yrs and someone I have jammed with for 15+ yrs.
His son was to graduate college next week. As best I can determine (since no-one was talking), he had been depressed and was [apparently] on anti-depressants, then quit taking them. He appears to have driven some 120 miles to his ex-girlfriend's house, put a gun to his head on her doorstep and pulled the trigger.
The boys mother is a psychologist and may have prescribed him the anti-depressants herself.. idk for sure..
.. so tragic.
s0c9
Supporting Member
Thanks.. that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL...
Parents were an absolute mess.. which is to be expected.
Plus, I have kids in that age range...
Lately things have been bad in my marriage, with my band and at my job. These are a huge part of my life.
My marriage situation is already better and we used a pretty big bump in the road to grow together. We are seeking counsel and prayer for that.
My band situation seems to have taken care of itself, we have a new band leader from Africa. He is a great guy and an amazing musician.
Walked into my job this morning after being away all weekend and it was like walking into a morgue. The feeling of depression and despair hung over my office like month of grey skies. That was an Ah HA! moment. I can choose not to let it get to me.
I have been the one to speak out. When the untouchable ones from the top floor came by with their cheerful smiles and asked how I was doing I told them the truth. Not a rant but specifically what is going on. I also had "rounding" sessions where they asked me how it was going, I told them the truth too. Most people I work with are too scared to speak up but I am not. I understand how they feel , there have been a log of lay-offs here including our boss.
Had a one on one with my new boss and was afraid I was going to get fired. Instead she told me I am the "spokesperson" for the department.
These are first world problems and I have read some of the posts here about people going through things that my piddley issues don't even compare to. My peace of mind is more about my attitude than my circumstances. Awareness of what is going on around me and how it might be influencing me helps.
Sorry to hear this news, especially stress in your marriage. That would mess me up bad.
As for work I have a lot of stress too but it's self imposed.
My wife often quotes an old boss of hers who told her, when she used to go to work grumpy, "Only you can make your day good or bad." She repeats this all the time, and even though I cannot make it true for me, she has been happier and stronger in the 20 years since then than she ever was before... and she was strong before. So there must be some power in it if a person can make it stick. I just get my strength from her... like a vampire.
My mom, 90 years old, says she prays every morning for God to help her be the person he wants her to be and it must work because everyone who knows her says she's the sweetest person they ever met.
Good luck.
I have tried everything for depression drugs both legal and illegal, professional help, you name it. Depression and anxiety made my life a mess and it sometimes makes an appearance not as much these days but still does. I just try and stay positive, I have love in my life and many reasons to go forward. Some days just suck depression wise. But in order for things to go up sometimes they must come down. Sometimes it rains before the sun shines knowing things will get better helps. Also keeping in mind even though there are obstacles as long as I want to succeed and be happy I will. In the end even though depression is chemical you can choose how you cope.
