Looks like I'm going to be a single dad

[EricF]

I've already tried legal aid and was told that they don't work from the fathers side, only the mothers.

Put on a dress and some heels. Then, march your @$$ down to their office and demand action.

Do whatever you need to do to get custody AND equitable child support. DO NOT give up on the child support. It's not about squeezing your ex for every dime, but about being able to provide as well for your daughter as possible.

 

[MJ5150]

Since your ex-wife makes good money, let her pay the legal fees to modify the parenting plan. If she is really wanting to have your daughter move out, seems like she'd be happy to pay and get the process moving.

-Mike

 

[jp58]

Yes I am paying support now but I don't get enough from disability to be able to afford an attorney. I tried calling legal aide but they don't help with the men, only the women trying to fight for support payments. I have no idea why it is so one sided that the women can get free legal help but a single dad can't.

That is so sad. Maybe we should fight for "men's rights."

Good luck getting custody, and with the child support. hopefully this works out for the better for both you and your daughter.

 

[SteveC]

That is so sad. Maybe we should fight for "men's rights."

That is no joke. With all the bitching women have done - and rightfully so - over the years about equity, in the family area, thy are light years ahead of men. The reverse discrimination is unbelievable, and obvious, and should not be tolerated.

Keep digging. Find a way to get legal council, keep going to the courthouse and demand action.

 

[Nedmundo]

I've already tried legal aid and was told that they don't work from the fathers side, only the mothers.

That's ridiculous. Even domestic violence centers are now realizing that occasionally husbands are the victims. I agree you need to press the issue, and the state attorney general's office might be a good place to start.

Also, the person you talked to might simply be wrong. Clerical staff in law offices don't always present an accurate picture. Maybe they've generally represented mothers in the past, but by no means does that preclude them from representing fathers. You should go there in person, with all documents relevant to your situation, and try to jump start the intake process.

 

[Rocks]

That is no joke. With all the bitching women have done - and rightfully so - over the years about equity, in the family area, thy are light years ahead of men. The reverse discrimination is unbelievable, and obvious, and should not be tolerated.

Keep digging. Find a way to get legal council, keep going to the courthouse and demand action.

This is exactly what I'm running into. Legal aid won't help men, only women when it comes to anything to do with children/support/custody and the same is the case with the local law school. The law school has students that take cases that are overseen by professors and they gave me the exact same answer. For those of you sitting there thinking I haven't been shaking trees hard enough you are sadly misinformed. You will never know how hard it is for the men involved in these issues.

Here is another example. When I first went to court to setup the child support order they provided a lawyer for my ex. I asked for a court appointed attorney to represent me and was told that they don't do this for support cases. I asked why does she get free legal advise and I don't, she is working and I'm on disability, I can't afford an attorney, she can. The judge just said well thats just how it works in child support issues.

 

[EricF]

This is exactly what I'm running into. Legal aid won't help men, only women when it comes to anything to do with children/support/custody and the same is the case with the local law school. The law school has students that take cases that are overseen by professors and they gave me the exact same answer. For those of you sitting there thinking I haven't been shaking trees hard enough you are sadly misinformed. You will never know how hard it is for the men involved in these issues.

Here is another example. When I first went to court to setup the child support order they provided a lawyer for my ex. I asked for a court appointed attorney to represent me and was told that they don't do this for support cases. I asked why does she get free legal advise and I don't, she is working and I'm on disability, I can't afford an attorney, she can. The judge just said well thats just how it works in child support issues.

Is your ex reasonable, or is this an adversarial situation? If you and her are on the same page, and she won't make a mess of you and your daughter in the process, have her be the one to contact the legal aid people. If she isn't reasonable, keep fighting until you get what you need.

 

[Jim Campbell]

This is exactly what I'm running into. Legal aid won't help men, only women when it comes to anything to do with children/support/custody and the same is the case with the local law school. The law school has students that take cases that are overseen by professors and they gave me the exact same answer. For those of you sitting there thinking I haven't been shaking trees hard enough you are sadly misinformed. You will never know how hard it is for the men involved in these issues.

Here is another example. When I first went to court to setup the child support order they provided a lawyer for my ex. I asked for a court appointed attorney to represent me and was told that they don't do this for support cases. I asked why does she get free legal advise and I don't, she is working and I'm on disability, I can't afford an attorney, she can. The judge just said well thats just how it works in child support issues.

dude.....it may be hard,but there is a lot at stake.....stop accepting what entry level people on the phone tell you and start talking to the supervisors and state representatives that can make things happen.....log every call and back up every call with a letter outlining what you talked to them about....once they get the idea you are not going to be deflected by a quick no they start working... .....you know what you have to do,so either get at it or accept defeat now......i doubt very much that there is no mechanism for help for you....telling us what someone said they won't do for you won't help you at all

 

[Rocks]

Is your ex reasonable, or is this an adversarial situation? If you and her are on the same page, and she won't make a mess of you and your daughter in the process, have her be the one to contact the legal aid people. If she isn't reasonable, keep fighting until you get what you need.

She is reasonable to a point. She wants me to have custody but says she can't make the phone calls because she is at work and doesn't want others to hear what she is talking about. SO she flat out refuses to lift a finger to do this. But she is also telling me that if I don't she is going to have my daughter put into a group home because she can't handle her. The simple truth is she could handle her if she tried but she never wanted to be a mother in the first place so she doesn't mother her children at all, more like a really bad nasty room mate.

dude.....it may be hard,but there is a lot at stake.....stop accepting what entry level people on the phone tell you and start talking to the supervisors and state representatives that can make things happen.....log every call and back up every call with a letter outlining what you talked to them about....once they get the idea you are not going to be deflected by a quick no they start working... .....you know what you have to do,so either get at it or accept defeat now......i doubt very much that there is no mechanism for help for you....telling us what someone said they won't do for you won't help you at all

I've even been told this by judges, if you don't believe me just try calling the legal aid in your state and asking if they can help you with a custody case, see what they tell you. I also hung out on a forum for fathers that are living through the nightmares of dealing with the court systems in regards to child issues and this problem is very wide spread. Many have contacted local news media but they don't do anything because its a better story if they are talking about the mothers side and they are making the man out to be the problem.

 

[tycobb73]

You got along with your daughter when she wasn't living with you. who knows about now. She is at the hardest years when it is to be a parent. And something my parents and aunt taught me, there is a double standard for teenage boys and girls.

 

[Rocks]

You got along with your daughter when she wasn't living with you. who knows about now. She is at the hardest years when it is to be a parent. And something my parents and aunt taught me, there is a double standard for teenage boys and girls.

My daughter spends weekends here and we have never even had a slight argument. I set the rules and boundaries and she is fine with it. The main difference is I am here to be a parent, her mother is not. Her mother will stay at work long after her hours are over just to avoid dealing with the kids, she gets home late and then screams at them because she expects the house to be spotless when she gets home even though she herself refuses to clean anything. She also has 12 cats, some of them she admits don't use the litter box and she expects her daughters to clean them all even though they are her cats, she takes in strays to try and rescue them and find them home but never finds them homes because she gets attached to them, sad thing is she doesn't feel the same about her very own children.

 

[Nedmundo]

If you've been shut down by legal aid and your nearest law school's clinical program, contact the state and county bar associations. They might have a list of attorneys who would take a case like this for free (pro bono). You might need documentation, like an email or letter from legal aid stating why they won't take your case.

It could be that, because legal aid and the law school normally represent women in these situations, they are reluctant to take a case representing the "other side." Many defense lawyers never represent plaintiffs, and vice versa. I don't think the same concept should apply in this context at all, because it should be about the best interests of the child, regardless of which parent presses the issue. I'm just trying to think of some possible rationale, however bizarre.

If that is indeed the case, there should be lawyers available to represent fathers, and the bar associations would be good places to start.

By the way, which law school is this? Send PM if you're not comfortable posting.

 

[Rocks]

By the way, which law school is this? Send PM if you're not comfortable posting.

Case Western is the law school and they work hand in hand with legal aid.

 

[EricF]

My daughter spends weekends here and we have never even had a slight argument. I set the rules and boundaries and she is fine with it. The main difference is I am here to be a parent, her mother is not. Her mother will stay at work long after her hours are over just to avoid dealing with the kids, she gets home late and then screams at them because she expects the house to be spotless when she gets home even though she herself refuses to clean anything. She also has 12 cats, some of them she admits don't use the litter box and she expects her daughters to clean them all even though they are her cats, she takes in strays to try and rescue them and find them home but never finds them homes because she gets attached to them, sad thing is she doesn't feel the same about her very own children.

The part I bolded is the single most important part of all of this. Even if only what half you say about your ex is true, my advice is to get your daughgter out of that house as soon as you are able to, and keep fighting for your rights on the legal side. I don't doubt you've spent nights awake trying to figure out how to make this happen. Keep trying.

Do you have only the one daughter with your ex, or do you share other children?



Shout out to Eric Perry (IIRC, he's a family counselor)...Do you have any advice or contacts that may help the OP?

 

[Eric Perry]

Someone call me?

I have done lots of family therapy work in the past, yeah. It's difficult to really offer much regarding the legal aspect of your case, as it's different in every state and even on the county level 'round these parts. Therefore any advice I'd offer in that realm would most likely be inaccurate.

My sugggestion, as money seems to be tight, is locate a well respected public mental health agency that has experience in doing family therapy. Get their input. Possibly get some assessments and evals done to better clarify where your daughter would be better off, and utilize that documentation to your advantage. The courts may then assign a guardian ad litem to represent your daughter's best interest based on the information provided by those that assessed the family dynamics, the situation, etc.

My last (and most important) piece of advice would be don't call the mother of your child "nucking futs" (or any slandering variation, spelling or otherwise, of said title) on a public forum, as it's simply not cool, and realistically it's now out there for your daughter to read, should she stumble across the site. I'm sincerely hoping you don't slander her in front of your daughter as well. Also, remember there are multiple sides to every story.

 

[Rocks]

I never talk bad about her mother in front of her or when she is anywhere near. Even when she says bad things about her mom I take the high road and try to diffuse the situation. Also no one that knows me knows that I am on this forum or what my user name is so thats not an issue. My PC is securely locked down and password protected (Linux, not windows) so no one can access it but me. Even if I walk away it goes into screen saver mode within one minute and requires a password to come out of screen saver so I always let it go into screen saver mode before I walk away if anyone else is in the house.