Lost a close friend....

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by MJ5150, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Amidst all the excitement in my life from my football teams playing well, I got a terrible, terrible, terrible phone call today.

    One of my best friends mother died just a few hours ago. She was suffering with Alzheimers. It got a grip on her a couple years ago, and seemed to level out for a bit. In the last two weeks, it really started accelerating. Now, she is gone.

    Growing up, she was a second mom to me. I spent the night at their house as often as my buddy stayed at mine. She would spank me when I misbehaved, or wash my mouth out with soap if I said a bad word. I went on vacations with their family. I even went through the phase where I had a crush on her, then my buddy found out and told his mom. She took me aside one day and talked to me about it, and said she was just too old for me. :D

    The loss is not touching me right at this moment as the loss of an actual relative, but I think it will shortly. My initial reaction was "Oh, bummer" when my buddy called. Then I hung up and started crying. I am still working right now, so once I shut down from work, I got a feeling it is all going to come crashing down on me.

  2. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    Hang in, Mike.

    A good cry is not a bad thing. Means you got feelings. Good
    musicians usually have those.

    After the cry, I recommend the celebration of life mode. Sounds like
    you have a lot of good things to remember.

    I recommend an Otis Redding CD with your cry btw, Very cathartic, very
    emotional, very moving.

    Thanks for sharing.
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Yeah, I got this huge lump in my throat. I'm about to lose it.

    My wife is out of town this week traveling for work, so I got no shoulder to cry on. Just you guys.

  4. WookieeForLife

    WookieeForLife Guest

    Sep 30, 2008
    Im truely sorry for you. It always is horrible losing someone close. Hang in there.
  5. Very sorry to hear it bro. My best friend's grandmother died of Alzheimer's quite a few years ago. She played a role in raising me. It was definitely a shocker when she passed away. :(
  6. Jared Lash

    Jared Lash Born under punches

    Aug 21, 2006
    Denver, CO
    My condolences man. Those kinds of losses (family friends, the loss of a pet) always seem to hit me in waves where initially I think I'm going to be fine but it just builds up and gets worse and worse as I start recollecting all the memories.

    So tip back a beer in her memory and remember all the good times.
  7. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Fusion Cats Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    I'm sorry for your loss.
  8. jady


    Jul 21, 2006
    Modesto, CA
  9. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    Wow that sucks. Having only TB to cry to. You know the
    quality of the discourse here in OT. :smug: ;)

    Take a break, go out to your car and put a CD on.

    Heck, take the rest of the day off. Tell your boss I said it was
    ok and it doesn't pay to cross the G of T.
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I'm taking the last little bit of my day off. I am scheduled to call a client in a few minutes, but I can't keep it together long enough to have a five minute conversation.

    This whole experience has been odd for the last hour since I found out. I can feel my body going through the emotions, but it's like I'm not part of them. I'm sad, but it's like...eh, too weird to put into words. Maybe this is me distancing myself from the loss to ease the pain.

    I'll drive over to my parents house in a few and talk to them. They don't know yet. They know our friend was in her last days of life, but not what just happened. My buddy asked me to tell my parents.

    As usualy, youn'z are great. Thanks for the encouragement. Time to go calm myself down before I get behind the wheel.

    Forgot to mention......our son is best friends with their youngest son. It was always neat how I grew up with their oldest son who is a couple years younger than me, and they have another son who is my sons age. They are also best buddies.

  11. GregC

    GregC Questlove, Black Thought, Hamilton Gold Supporting Member

    Jan 19, 2007
    I'm very sorry for your loss, Mike, hang in there. Alzheimer's is such a terrible, frustrating, unpredictable disease--it crept up on my grandmother, then rendered her almost completely "out of it" for years before she finally passed.:( Thor's advice is very sound (of course).
  12. Selta


    Feb 6, 2002
    Pacific Northwet
    Sorry to hear this, bud.
    My mother is a RNA for a local "home". She deals with these patients all the time, so I kind of know how these things can go.

    I'm sorry for your loss. If there's anything you think I can do, you know how to get ahold of me.
  13. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    That's what you think. If you talked to my wife, she'd tell
    you I'm really an idiot!
  14. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    My best friend died a couple of months ago. I can tell you, you're handling this better than I did. I didn't cry out loud until I was at his funeral in front of friends and family.

    Grieving is a good thing.
  15. fo shizzle

    fo shizzle Guest

    Sep 25, 2008
    Fort Worth, Texas
    Sorry brother.

    Holler if you need anything.
  16. Man, sorry to hear that... my deepest condolences
  17. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    I'm sorry, Mike. :(

    You can go chill on my lawn again.
  18. smperry

    smperry Administrator Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    Missed this. Sorry for your loss Mike. :(
  19. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    Sorry man, by your story she sounds like she was a wonderful woman.

    Hope best for you, your buddy and rest of her family.

    May she rest in peace.
  20. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Spent the evening over at my parents house. We looked at some old pictures, home movies, and then just told some stories about our times with their family. I feel better, but somewhat distant now. Like one part of me is going through this, but the other part isn't.

    I haven't gone over to my buddies parents house yet. She died at home, in her own bed, so it totally creeps me out to go to the house now. I am really bad about dealing with this aspect of death/loss. I don't like going to the hospital to see people who are about to die, I don't like going to funerals, I can't handle going to visit the surviving family. I just can't do it. I don't know how long it will be before I can go over to the house. My buddy wants me to come over tomorrow after work, but I just can't do it.

    On a good note, my wife talked with me on the phone tonight. She is in Virginia right now, but stayed up late to talk to me. It helped as well. Thanks again to my friends here at TB. You guys are like brothers to me.