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Lost a close friend....

#21
You're grieving Mike. That's the normal reaction to a loss like this. It's physical and mental, and it's a process that affects everyone differently. Share a cry with your folks. Call the wifey on the phone and share a cry with her too. Of course, take care of the obligatory marital phone sex first. ;) :p

EDIT: you posted before I finished.
 
#22
MJ5150 said:
Amidst all the excitement in my life from my football teams playing well, I got a terrible, terrible, terrible phone call today.

One of my best friends mother died just a few hours ago. She was suffering with Alzheimers. It got a grip on her a couple years ago, and seemed to level out for a bit. In the last two weeks, it really started accelerating. Now, she is gone.

Growing up, she was a second mom to me. I spent the night at their house as often as my buddy stayed at mine. She would spank me when I misbehaved, or wash my mouth out with soap if I said a bad word. I went on vacations with their family. I even went through the phase where I had a crush on her, then my buddy found out and told his mom. She took me aside one day and talked to me about it, and said she was just too old for me. :D

The loss is not touching me right at this moment as the loss of an actual relative, but I think it will shortly. My initial reaction was "Oh, bummer" when my buddy called. Then I hung up and started crying. I am still working right now, so once I shut down from work, I got a feeling it is all going to come crashing down on me.

-Mike
Click to expand...

Mike, I'm sorry to hear this. I assume at some point in my life I will be following the same path. I used to live with a friend and his mom was always there for me, too. Hope peace comes back soon. Best to ya.
 
#27
The reality is that as you get older, you begin to lose more
and more of your friends. Not that it makes the losses any
easier, some hit you harder than others.

One thing you need to do as time goes on is that you grok
that life is fleeting and that the moments you get to spend
with the people you love are very limited. Try to savor
those times as much as you can.

A good hang, a good gtg, dinner with friends, a visit, an a
ccidental discourse or exchange, a random connection that
turns into a friendship - all are worth cherishing.

A good friend (who is now 84) once told me that the greatest
benefit of being an adult is the ability to make friends of all
ages (over 21 was the caveat) and that he never put generational
restrictions on making new friends. Good policy
as you get older when your older friends pass on.

Anyway, when the hurt passes, you will be left with a wealth
of memories of a beautiful relationship that your life would be
incomplete without. That will never leave you.
 
#28
Let your feelings take their course. If you're not comfortable with going over to the house, going to the funeral, etc. then make sure you tell the family so that they know what you're dealing with.

When my stepfather died two years ago, it upset me a lot more than I thought it would. (We didn't get along very well when I was younger.) Particularly at the funeral -- I just broke down. But they're feelings, whether we acknowledge them or not, so just let them flow.

Sorry man. I really am.
 
#30
Thor said:
The reality is that as you get older, you begin to lose more
and more of your friends. Not that it makes the losses any
easier, some hit you harder than others.

One thing you need to do as time goes on is that you grok
that life is fleeting and that the moments you get to spend
with the people you love are very limited. Try to savor
those times as much as you can.

A good hang, a good gtg, dinner with friends, a visit, an a
ccidental discourse or exchange, a random connection that
turns into a friendship - all are worth cherishing.

A good friend (who is now 84) once told me that the greatest
benefit of being an adult is the ability to make friends of all
ages (over 21 was the caveat) and that he never put generational
restrictions on making new friends. Good policy
as you get older when your older friends pass on.

Anyway, when the hurt passes, you will be left with a wealth
of memories of a beautiful relationship that your life would be
incomplete without. That will never leave you.
Click to expand...

Good words, man.

It should be a grief sticky........
 
#32
Some advice that works for me. I have lost so many family members. Most of them within the past 5 years. The entire family tree just toppled and there aren't much of us left of our once very large clan. I'm only 2 people away from being the elder of the family. Thats hard to grasp as I have always looked up for my inspiration and values.
What works for me is to find someone that need support and give it away to them. Just be there in any aspect that you can even if it includes going to the house. You will find that once you cross that barrier, that it wasn't as bad as tormenting yourself on whether to go or not. Don't say you can't do it because you can. Stand up and be strong for those who need you most at this time. It will come full circle and you will be ok in the end. The pain never goes away, you just think about it less as time goes on.
The anniverssary of my fathers death was this past weekend and I flew down to Austin Texas to be with my mom and go visit his grave. He is buried in a huge military cemetary at Fort Sam Houston and it is a very humbling experience to be amongst all of those that served our country (choking up right now). Every time I go there, I have a simple thing that I do. I leave a tear on his headstone. Don't know where I came up with that but at every funeral, I have always wiped a tear and put it on the casket. Its a way of leaving part of my sorrow there with the one that I loved so they won't be alone.
All that being said, be the rock for your friend to hang on to and you will get through it.

Take care,
Mike
 
#34
ryco said:
Boy Mike, you've had a tough couple of years!
Click to expand...

Yeah, it sure has been. I hadn't lost anyone in my life, and now someone is gone every time I turn around. It's like Thor said, the older we get the more we have to deal with it. I have definitely taken a different view of life in these last couple years. I cherish the moments I spend with people now more than ever.

But it gets WAAAAAAYYYYYYY worse now, WAY WORSE!

The memorial was scheduled for Saturday afternoon. My wife encouraged me to go, so I decided to tough it out and go. I said yes to my buddy, and then they asked me to speak a bit about his mom and "officiate" the ceremony. I have some public speaking skills, so they thought I would do a good job. So far, so good.

Now the bad part......because of some friends/family travleing in from out of town, the memorial is now on Sunday, at 5PM! I can't flippin' believe it. I can't be mad, so I am ultra-sad right now. :bawl::(:rollno::hmm::bawl:

-Mike
 
#36
MJ5150 said:
Yeah, it sure has been. I hadn't lost anyone in my life, and now someone is gone every time I turn around. It's like Thor said, the older we get the more we have to deal with it. I have definitely taken a different view of life in these last couple years. I cherish the moments I spend with people now more than ever.

But it gets WAAAAAAYYYYYYY worse now, WAY WORSE!

The memorial was scheduled for Saturday afternoon. My wife encouraged me to go, so I decided to tough it out and go. I said yes to my buddy, and then they asked me to speak a bit about his mom and "officiate" the ceremony. I have some public speaking skills, so they thought I would do a good job. So far, so good.

Now the bad part......because of some friends/family travleing in from out of town, the memorial is now on Sunday, at 5PM! I can't flippin' believe it. I can't be mad, so I am ultra-sad right now. :bawl::(:rollno::hmm::bawl:

-Mike
Click to expand...

Are we talking a STEELERS game conflict here? :p :eyebrow:

I guess you are going to have to make do with the re-runs!
You only get one shot at this. You know where you need to be.
 
#38
Mike,

I'm not sure how I missed this thread, other than I haven't been online much this week. Sorry to hear about your loss, as it really hits home with me as well.

We lost my father in law to Alzheimer's on Dec 13, and then my best friend (and drummer's) Dad to cancer on Dec 21. For a variety of reasons, I can truly say that I understand your pain, and I wish you all the healing that you deserve. My prayers are with you.

Please know that privately, during that little game this weekend, I'll stop to think about you.

Mike
 
#39
Thor said:
Are we talking a STEELERS game conflict here? :p :eyebrow:

I guess you are going to have to make do with the re-runs!
You only get one shot at this. You know where you need to be.
Click to expand...

Yes, we are. Yes, I know what to do. I'll DVR the game.

For me, sports are an escape from the realities of the world like losing a loved one. So to have them conflicting with each other in this case is troublesome to me. The good thing, my friend who passed was not a Ravens fan. The whole family was from the Bay Area, and hardcore 49er fans.

-Mike
 

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