Low drama hobby bands - share your tips

[alex1fly]

I'd love to hear strategies and tips from folks that have succeeded in having low drama hobby bands, whether now or in the past. How have you dealt with personnel changes, changes in direction, varying levels of interest over time, substance use, attitude, differences in opinion, and even your own attitude about the project?

Long story short I've done well managing my past bands from a logistical and financial standpoint, and in my next band I plan to be the band leader, host rehearsals, decide the material. As stated it'll be a hobby band - just playing for fun and mental stimulation outside of the 9-5, M-F work schedule.

 

[WG Plum]

My case is a little odd, since I have no interest in playing live. I've been lucky to find a couple of guys who have similar tastes/sensibilities and ideas of what 'success' is. I guess for me it comes down to finding people I can enjoy being in the room with, first of all, and then matching up musically. A low-drama situation requires being with people who are themselves low-drama. It all starts there.

 

[3Liter]

My case is a little odd, since I have no interest in playing live. I've been lucky to find a couple of guys who have similar tastes/sensibilities and ideas of what 'success' is. I guess for me it comes down to finding people I can enjoy being in the room with, first of all, and then matching up musically. A low-drama situation requires being with people who are themselves low-drama. It all starts there.

Right now I'm in a similar situation. I don't want to play out. That immediately cuts out a lot of opportunities as people get star struck for their $40 + drinks. And it ultimately drives everything else, song selection, "look", etc.

To the OP...clear communication is helpful and setting expectations. I've been looking for a new project. I've said I'm interested in non-stage experiences. No matter what you do or say, people hear what they want to hear so you need to be careful. My basement jam/blues band has turned into a real mess because we don't even bother to all work on the same thing in the off time so we never have anything to fit together when we do GTG. Hence, I have lost interest.

 

[WG Plum]

Doing pure improve weirdness eliminates the need to work on songs.

Not helpful, I know, but... you know.

 

[Guitalia]

As an earlier post noted, hobby bands that get together to play without a goal or deadline can feel pointless to the players, leading to the band disbanding.

I'd begin by checking the local open mic scene to see whether there are any that are set up to accommodate full bands, in addition to the usual single and duo acoustic players. For example, there are a few restaurant-breweries around here that have a good-sized dining room with a stage, drum kit, PA monitors, etc.

If there are such open mic venues, planning to work up enough material to fill an open mic that could be all that's needed to keep up interest in working on material.

The hobby band I play with has had fun planning to play an open mic for months now. The drummer, who hosts our ensemble at his house, has a lot of difficulty remembering arrangements, harmonies, and lyrics but insists on doing a lot of singing, so progress has been slow, but people remain committed.

[Venting a bit here . . . ] The drummer is also a Beatles fanatic, to the point where he bought a half-dozen copies of the Complete Beatles book (lyrics and chords version) and had them spiral bound so that everyone could attempt any Beatles song (other than the covers) that was suggested.

Unfortunately, the Beatles songs tended to sound pretty good at the first attempt but never improved, or even got worse, thanks to the drummer's memory problems.

So I suggested not bothering to attempt to polish four or five songs but instead to go through all the songs in the book, one after the other, in alphabetical order (or, more recently, album by album). Turned out to be far more fun for everyone compared to beating each of a few songs to death. I highly recommend this approach for a hobby band to keep things fresh. If a song works, fine. If it doesn't work, fine. Just keep moving on to fresh material.

 

[JRA]

How have you dealt with personnel changes, changes in direction, varying levels of interest over time, substance use, attitude, differences in opinion, and even your own attitude about the project?

A low-drama situation requires being with people who are themselves low-drama.

play with the right 'leopards' --- because your band won't change their spots!

 

[LBS-bass]

A couple things right off the bat:

- Low drama often means adjusting your own expectations. People are drama. When you bring new people in, there is always an adjustment period. How you handle that can make all the difference.

- Everyone in that room has a personal agenda. For maximum comfort it's better to know what they are in advance. Find out what people want before you sign on with them because it will be a struggle if your agendas are not in sync.

Case in point - I have been working with a band that I more or less manage because no one else wants to do it. So I do what I've done in the past to fill a room, and that includes not playing out too often so that one show doesn't cannabalize the next one. We brought on a new player who immediately wanted to start trying to book us in a bunch of new rooms; I am comfortable with our level of activity because all the rest of us are in multiple bands and this works for us. I'm sure some of us would like to play out more and I'd be ok with that as long as it isn't too often and opens us up in new areas. It also has to be the right kind of venue because I am not happy playing in empty rooms and swore two years ago that I'd never do it again.

The mistake we made there was not talking through what the new player actually wants and needs. After an initial period of trying to push us to do more than I'm personally comfortable with, she has had to adjust her expectations. I've told her that her best bet is to connect with other musicians and find additional projects to work on, because that's what the rest of us have all had to do. It did come down to me having to tell her this might not be the right band for her, but she likes what we do at a musical level and wants to stay. So, ok, but there was a period of stress there that was possibly avoidable if we'd talked more before agreeing to work together.

If you don't know everyone's agenda and you're not all on the same page, sooner or later someone will erupt into resentment and that's when things get very difficult.

 

[ThudThudThud]

View attachment 4986570


play with the right 'leopards' --- because your band won't change their spots!

It goes for all tyles of bands. If you don't all have the same mindset, or plan (and stick to that plan), or goals, there will be a schism.
Johnny-Rock-Star will want you all to quit your jobs to be worldwide superstars before you've got one song down. Jimmy-Eager-Beaver will have booked a tour before you have two practices under your belt.
Todd-Six Beers will play everything different every time.
Dave-Never Ready will always want to perfect every note before anyone else hears anything.
Tommy-Big Ego/No Talent - will force his feelings on everyone else.

I've met them all. I'm kind of done with it.
For now, my home studio, and working on recording and writing my original stuff - for pretty much my own consumption - is just fine. I get to play, and I get to twiddle with knobs (albeit virtually), and it's cathartic enough. I have contacts that I can bring in to help with stuff I can't manage (I'm no drummer, and no EVH).

 

[bwildt]

My suggestion is to find people who are steadily and successfully employed. They have learned that dedication pays off. They have learned to work with others. They have learned that compromise is often required to make things work. They understand the need for time management. They understand realistic goals.

I find nothing worse than trying to work with unreliable and needy people. These type of people are often chronically unemployed for a reason.

I hope I haven't ruffled too many feathers.

 

[hrodbert696]

I think the one thing I would add is to have a frank conversation with each band member about what it is they want out of the band. In a hobby band, everyone's a volunteer, even if you're getting paid gigs no one's relying on the pay to survive. So like volunteers, they'll keep doing it as long as it satisfies whatever motivates them in the first place. Some people want a musical challenge, or to play their favorite music (and nothing else, possibly): some people want a hangout; some people want attention, others want happy partying crowds. If one guy wants to please a crowd and the crowd wants country music, while another guy wants to play metal and despises country, you're probably going to lose one or the other. So get clear on what everyone wants and how they'll each get it.

 

[groovaholic]

Johnny-Rock-Star will want you all to quit your jobs to be worldwide superstars before you've got one song down. Jimmy-Eager-Beaver will have booked a tour before you have two practices under your belt.
Todd-Six Beers will play everything different every time.
Dave-Never Ready will always want to perfect every note before anyone else hears anything.
Tommy-Big Ego/No Talent - will force his feelings on everyone else.

I've met them all.

find people who are steadily and successfully employed. They have learned that dedication pays off. They have learned to work with others. They have learned that compromise is often required to make things work. They understand the need for time management. They understand realistic goals.

Every word of these is true.
@ThudThudThud is describing several of my past bandmates.
@bwildt is (thankfully) describing my current bandmates.

So I'd say the key to having a successful no-drama band is to avoid the types that @ThudThudThud has described and instead surround yourself with the types that @bwildt described.

 

[JRA]

It goes for all tyles of bands. If you don't all have the same mindset, or plan (and stick to that plan), or goals, there will be a schism.
Johnny-Rock-Star will want you all to quit your jobs to be worldwide superstars before you've got one song down. Jimmy-Eager-Beaver will have booked a tour before you have two practices under your belt.
Todd-Six Beers will play everything different every time.
Dave-Never Ready will always want to perfect every note before anyone else hears anything.
Tommy-Big Ego/No Talent - will force his feelings on everyone else.

funny! agreed: aggravating "mindsets" --- not on the same page.

@LBS-bass' said:
"If you don't know everyone's agenda and you're not all on the same page, sooner or later someone will erupt into resentment and that's when things get very difficult."


my 'great bands to be in' were the ones where we were willing to accommodate/tolerate each other's ambitions, schedules, peccadillos, etc. for the common good (and FWIW: most of those had BLs and/or MDs). the cats who thought or behaved too far out of line usually took themselves out! but of course, you have to fire some, from time to time. we were successful because we had a willingness to work together even though any of our long-term goals may have been wildly different.

what thud humorously described is just a mess!

 

[Medicine Man]

1. Split the work and the money fairly. This could mean evenly, or people who do more work, such as booking or hauling a pa, make more money. Discuss these expectations upfront.

2. Address drinking or substance abuse problems immediately. Address reliability problems immediately.

3. Have processes in place for how the band is managed, whether that is a totalitarian band leader, or democratic process. Be upfront about it, like "we will listen to all your song suggestions, but Tim has the final say," or "we usually only book 3 shows a month, but it could be more in summer." Most strife comes from people having different goals or expectations.

4. Shows before hos. Set expectations for professionalism, but dont forget to have fun because hobby band. Set expectations for fun but don't forget about professionalism, also because hobby band.

5. Be a strong band leader. This is the same as any other strong manager. Listen to the opinions of your people, but be decisive.

6. Less talented people who work hard and are a good hang make better band members than virtuoso primadonnas. If you must have one, one is plently, and you should waste the "primadonna" slot on a singer.

7. Fire the drummer.

 

[gln1955]

funny! agreed: aggravating "mindsets" --- not on the same page.

@LBS-bass' said:
"If you don't know everyone's agenda and you're not all on the same page, sooner or later someone will erupt into resentment and that's when things get very difficult."


my 'great bands to be in' were the ones where we were willing to accommodate/tolerate each other's ambitions, schedules, peccadillos, etc. for the common good (and FWIW: most of those had BLs and/or MDs). the cats who thought or behaved too far out of line usually took themselves out! but of course, you have to fire some, from time to time. we were successful because we had a willingness to work together even though any of our long-term goals may have been wildly different.

what thud humorously described is just a mess!

Aggravating Mindsets would be a good band name.

 

[JRA]

you bad!

 

[jerry]

Long story short I've done well managing my past bands from a logistical and financial standpoint, and in my next band I plan to be the band leader, host rehearsals, decide the material. As stated it'll be a hobby band - just playing for fun and mental stimulation outside of the 9-5, M-F work schedule.

If you are the band leader and not paying support players, you already have set the table for drama in a band. Just by picking the material you are setting your self up for drama. IMHO.

 

[Goatrope]

Not in a “hobby band”, but these may apply anyway.

What’s worked for our three piece for over 8 years:

-Avoid social interaction with band mates outside of gigs.
-Gig enough that it makes formal rehearsals unnecessary.
-Strong work ethic regarding doing independent study.
-Offer and Accept constructive criticism, but not on stage.
-Genuinely adore each other and value gig time together.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

...
Johnny-Rock-Star will want you all to quit your jobs to be worldwide superstars before you've got one song down. Jimmy-Eager-Beaver will have booked a tour before you have two practices under your belt.
Todd-Six Beers will play everything different every time.
Dave-Never Ready will always want to perfect every note before anyone else hears anything.
Tommy-Big Ego/No Talent - will force his feelings on everyone else.
...

I'd like to add "Timmy-Off-Time" as well to that list, who will do 1 or all of the following:
- Swear up and down he has the timing down perfectly, but is audibly as off-time as a broken clock
- Never shows up on-time, consistently late or not at all
- Constantly asking for "time off from rehearsal" because of "life stuff"...which usually translates to hangovers, oversleeping, or group outings to TGI Fridays where all money was blown on cheap mixed drinks and x-treme nachos (or w/e they serve there now)

 

[mike o]

People! We’re overrated and difficult. If you understand that, you’re doing better than me

 

[alex1fly]

If you are the band leader and not paying support players, you already have set the table for drama in a band. Just by picking the material you are setting your self up for drama. IMHO.

Maybe, maybe not. I've spent a lot of years in bands happy as a clam to show up, play with others, and not have to make any decisions. So maybe what I'm looking for is folks that, like me of yesteryear, want to be led.