I think your prototypes look really good! I commend you for taking on a difficult pickup design.
Here's my take, and you can follow it or reject it - that's up to you. Keep in mind, I've never made a Wal-style multicoil myself, but I have experimented a fair amount with neodymium magnets. In your case especially, those neos, more than anything, are going to be a real PITA. They're hard to manage, and once you start wrapping more wire on them, they start to get real dark sounding.
From what I understand, (I'm sure others with more experience
@MPU @slowburnaz can chime in) the Wal pickup is a pretty tried and true design of 10000 turns of #42 around each coil. I'm not sure if they use AlNiCo cylinders or a ceramic bar magnet, but either one would work fine.
If this was my project, and I was trying to execute a complicated magnetic structure like a Wal multi-coil, I would probably opt for a more streamlined approach and use C8's or AlNiCo 5 magnets rather than struggle with the neos. It's not to say that it can't be done or that you won't be able to do it. It is to say that making these pickups with neodymium magnets is going to be
a lot more difficult, and the end result won't be radically different from the results you would get from a different magnet.
One other thing - all those other extra bits of metal - the threaded inserts and the keeper nuts on the bottom of your coils - you want to minimize the use of magnetic
and conductive materials. Keep in mind that all these thing will have an affect on the sound - whether or not that is your intention is another issue. Seeing those nuts ring alarm bells in my mind. Personally, I try to think in terms of how I'm
shaping a magnetic field wrapped in electrical current. A better option would be to have those screws thread into a single steel bar. You can then use that bar to attach your magnet. Another approach I've seen guys do is use a PCB with holes into which non-threaded pole pieces can be press fit.
The threaded inserts - they also appear to be made of metal, which is not optimal. Not only that, they take up a lot of space where you could be wrapping more wire. You're using up a lot of your wire channel with those inserts. I'd recommend just wrapping the wire directly around an insulated pole - be it a steel slug or AlNiCo cylinder - and use flatwork on the top and bottom to make a bobbin.
Other than that, your engineering looks very neat and tidy. Certainly much neater that I could do. I hope this helps.