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mid life crisis?

powderfinger

powderfinger

Feb 24, 2009
791
53
#1
Ok, I figure since this is OT, and we've been talking about turd burgers, quantam physics, and Delta, we can discuss mid life crisis as well.

I am in my mid 30s, and I'm not a Satanist or anything, but I don't have kids, or a wife (and honestly don't want a family). So it's not like I'm sitting around thinking, "oh, I wish I had a family... boo hoo" or anything.

Ive reached a point in my life right now where I really don't feel like I fit in anywhere, or belong anywhere. I mean, most of my friends are doing the family thing now, or have moved to other places for jobs, etc. And when I say "friends", I am referring to all my friends, basically... ex bandmates, high school buddies, college buddies... I guess for lack of a better term, no one can "come out and play" anymore.

Same goes for family. All my siblings and all are married with kids. My "main family" really doesnt get together much anymore, bc its all about the kids and their new families now.

Im kind of in limbo career wise, about what Im wanting to do with the rest of my life too. Im kind of exploring options, but not quite sure of my future yet.

Also, I miss my old band. Sure, we had a tumultouous time, but we had alot of success. We toured the southeast. We recorded. It kept me busy, and I was proud of all the accomplishments we made. It made me feel worthwhile. Now, all Ive been able to do is get a couple of guys together now and again to jam on covers, and last 2 times, the singer/guitarist has been a total ego maniacal asshat. Ive gotten a few pickup gigs, but just as a hired gun... sucks from going to successful original band guy to playing covers as a hired gun, playing songs I dont even really like. Also, bout time my band broke up a few years ago, I lost the love of my life too (remember the thread from about a month ago.. me wanting to contact her... and no, i didnt).

So I dont wanna whine, I want to improve my situation. But Im so damn bored right now. I have some hobbies (jogging, working out... they dont do much for me anymore, though). I feel like Im going stircrazy.

Again, I dont want to whine. I want to see what you guys might can suggest, esp. if you are middle, age crazy too and have gone through this awkward mid 30s stage.... where you feel 1/2 way like a kid, and 1/2 way like an old ass man.
 
#3
I know a few people in your position.

Having a family has filled a void that would be there had I stayed single. Besides loving my wife and son, I'm so co-dependent that I couldn't be alone if I wanted to.

You need a challenge. If being a family man is not your thing then that's fine. But you need that sense of purpose.

A short list of suggestions:

-Give lessons
-Volunteer
-start a side business/band
-go to school and get a degree
-learn a new instrument

Good luck!
 
#4
TheVoiceless said:
I know a few people in your position.

Having a family has filled a void that would be there had I stayed single. Besides loving my wife and son, I'm so co-dependent that I couldn't be alone if I wanted to.

You need a challenge. If being a family man is not your thing then that's fine. But you need that sense of purpose.

A short list of suggestions:

-Give lessons
-Volunteer
-start a side business/band
-go to school and get a degree
-learn a new instrument

Good luck!
Click to expand...

Yes. I suppose a challenge is the main issue. I'd like to start an original band, for sure. Also, would like to get a new degree, but just not sure about finances. But I think overall, you are right on the money. There is a void.
 
#5
powderfinger said:
Yes. I suppose a challenge is the main issue. I'd like to start an original band, for sure. Also, would like to get a new degree, but just not sure about finances. But I think overall, you are right on the money. There is a void.
Click to expand...

GO FOR IT!!!
Finances can be dealt with. If you wait it will not happen.
Put all your energy into doing the things you stated.
It is hard work but it will fill the time you are now using being bummed out.

Good Luck
 
#6
With the exception of having never been in a successful band (and being a bit younger), I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are.

To make it worse, one of my close friends had a semi-falling-out with his ol' lady and drummer of 6-7 years and now he's living with me while she wishy-washes around about whether they're still together or not, so I have that going on in my house too...
 
#8
Bloodhammer said:
With the exception of having never been in a successful band, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are.

To make it worse, one of my close friends had a semi-falling-out with his ol' lady and drummer of 6-7 years and now he's living with me while she wishy-washes around about whether they're still together or not, so I have that going on in my house too...
Click to expand...

Oh dude, I couldn't take someone camping out on my couch due to a wishy washy broad. That sucks. It took my about 15 years to have a successful band finally, and it didnt last but a couple years... but with bands, I suppose thats a long time. Maybe?

And to Hdracer, regarding finances, thats easier said than done. I took somewhat of a pay cut at work, and now am barely just getting by on bills. I would ask my mom to help me with college funds, but shes already helping me with groceries and light bill. I guess this is another reason I feel like s***, right now. I am skeptical about a loan though, as Ive heard, read, and seen firsthand horror stories about them. Sounds like a racket honestly.
 
#9
Being a father is the hardest/humbling and most enjoyable thing I've done. Not suggesting that to you. But I think you and all of us benefit from tackling daunting tasks. Challenges will bring out your best and worse qualities.

My newest endeavor is promoting a documentary that changed my outlook on the future. It gave me hope and makes me feel like there is always a better way we can do things. Here is the link. Invalid Link Removed

Hope it inspires you as it has myself.
 
#10
powderfinger said:
Oh dude, I couldn't take someone camping out on my couch due to a wishy washy broad. That sucks. It took my about 15 years to have a successful band finally, and it didnt last but a couple years... but with bands, I suppose thats a long time. Maybe?

And to Hdracer, regarding finances, thats easier said than done. I took somewhat of a pay cut at work, and now am barely just getting by on bills. I would ask my mom to help me with college funds, but shes already helping me with groceries and light bill. I guess this is another reason I feel like s***, right now. I am skeptical about a loan though, as Ive heard, read, and seen firsthand horror stories about them. Sounds like a racket honestly.
Click to expand...

Not for nothing, but with the internet and libraries you don't actually have to go to school to learn something new and rewarding. You won't have a piece of paper at the end, but you will keep your money.
 
#18
powderfinger said:
regarding finances, thats easier said than done. I took somewhat of a pay cut at work, and now am barely just getting by on bills. I would ask my mom to help me with college funds, but shes already helping me with groceries and light bill. I guess this is another reason I feel like s***, right now. I am skeptical about a loan though, as Ive heard, read, and seen firsthand horror stories about them. Sounds like a racket honestly.
Click to expand...

Yes it is a racket. BUT, I would say don't be paranoid about a student loan. Interest rates are low. I would consider it a valid investment into the future. Also depending on your education path you take some employers may pay a portion of student loans (teaching, nursing, social service jobs in a underserved area). Consider taking just enough to pay for classes & books. Sit back and really contemplate what you want to do or accomplish. There will always be a need for certain high demand occupations (nursing, engineering, radiography tech, etc). Do you want a bachelor's (or higher degree) or associates/junior college degree. How about an apprenticeship? Not sure where you live but where I am an RN makes about $38-$50 per hour or more.

Your still young in the mid-30's and have a LOOOONG way to go so find something that can pay the bills & have a little extra. Don't discount anything as you are only getting one shot at life so make it worth your while.

I'm also not aware of your situation but since finances are so difficult would you consider moving back with your mother (if possible). It may put you in a position to put yourself on a solid path. Since you don't have children or a wife this may be easier. If you already have a degree of some sort if you go to a community college you may have a certain number of credits counted so you would be able to concentrate on your field of interest.

I'm in my mid-40's and am undergoing a career change also. Although I am married we do not have children and we live away from family (they're back in NY). Our friends are married BUT have kids and that's their priority in life so we rarly do anything social with them. So I do get what you're saying.
 
#19
bassguppy said:
Yes it is a racket. BUT, I would say don't be paranoid about a student loan. Interest rates are low. I would consider it a valid investment into the future. Also depending on your education path you take some employers may pay a portion of student loans (teaching, nursing, social service jobs in a underserved area). Consider taking just enough to pay for classes & books. Sit back and really contemplate what you want to do or accomplish. There will always be a need for certain high demand occupations (nursing, engineering, radiography tech, etc). Do you want a bachelor's (or higher degree) or associates/junior college degree. How about an apprenticeship? Not sure where you live but where I am an RN makes about $38-$50 per hour or more.

Your still young in the mid-30's and have a LOOOONG way to go so find something that can pay the bills & have a little extra. Don't discount anything as you are only getting one shot at life so make it worth your while.

I'm also not aware of your situation but since finances are so difficult would you consider moving back with your mother (if possible). It may put you in a position to put yourself on a solid path. Since you don't have children or a wife this may be easier. If you already have a degree of some sort if you go to a community college you may have a certain number of credits counted so you would be able to concentrate on your field of interest.

I'm in my mid-40's and am undergoing a career change also. Although I am married we do not have children and we live away from family (they're back in NY). Our friends are married BUT have kids and that's their priority in life so we rarly do anything social with them. So I do get what you're saying.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice. Id like to move in with my mom, but after retirement, the old folks moved to a rural town about 5 hours from me, so no help there.

I have a Bachelors in business right now, and it did open a few doors years ago. However, now, everything seems to require some sort of specific certification/skill net (such as nursing, engineering, etc.). Ive considered radiography. I honestly, after 12 years in the "business world", Im pretty burnt and stalling out right now.

I might consider a loan, but as a last resort. When I got my bachelors, I was able to work and pay for school, bc loans hadnt gotten out of hand yet, and you could still pay out of pocket for schoool. You know, before the days of a 300.00 textbook and 70.00 parking permit, etc.

I just wish my bachelors wasnt so useless. Most employers look at a bachelors and are like, "ok... whatever" these days.
 

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