I got into playing music to perform and entertain the audience. I met a few girls along the way and married the singer in my band 33 years ago....still married and still playing together.
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music is an aphrodesiac
- Thread starter skygzr
- Start date
I don't get approached much, but when my wife shows up, she wears a T-shirt that says "I sleep with the Bass Player"
Music is an intrinsic part of who I am, so in that way, I guess it helped me meet girls. But actually playing bass in front of an audience? Well, when I was in a cover band in the 80's with long hair and not much body fat yet, it did help me a lot when we played on military bases; those girls were ready to meet long haired dudes who weren't in the military, too! With civilians I guess it helped a little, too.
But since I started playing again about a decade ago (in my 40's and 50's) - nada.
But since I started playing again about a decade ago (in my 40's and 50's) - nada.
Regardless why you got into it, performing can be a catalyst, to making social connections of all kinds. It often puts you visibly in an environment where socializing is currently taking place. Once encountered, you immediately have a talking point on which to build. Of course no guarantees as to what it may lead to. The younger me, did take advantage of this leverage. Now at my mature age, things have completely shifted. presently encounters are usually motivated by more platonic intentions.
Number of women who have come on to me over the past 10 years of gigs: 0
On the other hand, my wife of 32 years is often very happy to see me when I get home!
On the other hand, my wife of 32 years is often very happy to see me when I get home!
Very good point. I always tell people that being in a band will introduce you to people, places and things that you might otherwise miss. If some of those people happen to be pretty and smell good, so much the better ;-)
Like you, I'm no longer likely to take advantage of the situation, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying the scenery.
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I’ve actually got a super stupid theory about why some instruments are considered “sexier” than others. It’s juvenile and asinine and I am 100% certain it’s true.
Consider this:
Guy holding guitar- super cool, obviously.
Guy standing at keyboard- somehow less cool, even though they’re playing the same song and the keyboardist might even be playing better. At a mere glance, he just isn’t as rad for some reason.
Guy on alto or tenor sax: literal definition of cool.
Exact same guy on soprano sax, clarinet or oboe: who is this geek?
What’s the pattern here? Phallic imagery.
Laugh now, then think about it.
The typical axeman has his guitar somewhere right around or near waist level, with the neck pointing diagonally upwards. Eh? Eh?
Now consider those among our ilk who choose to hold our basses closer to chest level, and what huge nerds we resemble when we do that. A fella might as well be pulling his belt up to his chest! Keeping the neck of the instrument at a suggestive level directly correlates with your lute of choice’s perception of coolness. Unless it’s a ukulele, which just seems innately comedic for some reason.
Now dig on those saxes. What makes a tenor sax so much cooler than a soprano? What makes the general perception of a saxophone so sultry and bluesy while an equally-capable clarinet is seen as a joke, frequently appearing in cartoons as a jab against a character’s masculinity?
I posit it’s the bell. The iconic saxophone’s bell curves upward at waist level while the other aforementioned woodwinds do not.
I don’t make the rules, people- I’m just observing it objectively: Phallic imagery makes an instrument cool.
“But Chicory, you insufferable mad turkeyfish, what about women playing these instruments?”
Well, phantasmal critic, I imagine if my theory were true, a woman observed playing these subconsciously masculine instruments might risk (or embrace) being seen as tomboyish, rebellious, self-reliant and counter-establishment, labels which I’m eyerollingly certain have never been associated with female musicians of any sort, least of all guitarists and bassists, whilst our sisters tooting on flutes and lovingly caressing their violins retain their apparent femininity in society’s eyes.
Anyway. That’s my theory. Crazy? Yes. Stupid? Absolutely. Wrong? Well...
I dunno man. Just something to ponder over.
--^@
Consider this:
Guy holding guitar- super cool, obviously.
Guy standing at keyboard- somehow less cool, even though they’re playing the same song and the keyboardist might even be playing better. At a mere glance, he just isn’t as rad for some reason.
Guy on alto or tenor sax: literal definition of cool.
Exact same guy on soprano sax, clarinet or oboe: who is this geek?
What’s the pattern here? Phallic imagery.
Laugh now, then think about it.
The typical axeman has his guitar somewhere right around or near waist level, with the neck pointing diagonally upwards. Eh? Eh?
Now consider those among our ilk who choose to hold our basses closer to chest level, and what huge nerds we resemble when we do that. A fella might as well be pulling his belt up to his chest! Keeping the neck of the instrument at a suggestive level directly correlates with your lute of choice’s perception of coolness. Unless it’s a ukulele, which just seems innately comedic for some reason.
Now dig on those saxes. What makes a tenor sax so much cooler than a soprano? What makes the general perception of a saxophone so sultry and bluesy while an equally-capable clarinet is seen as a joke, frequently appearing in cartoons as a jab against a character’s masculinity?
I posit it’s the bell. The iconic saxophone’s bell curves upward at waist level while the other aforementioned woodwinds do not.
I don’t make the rules, people- I’m just observing it objectively: Phallic imagery makes an instrument cool.
“But Chicory, you insufferable mad turkeyfish, what about women playing these instruments?”
Well, phantasmal critic, I imagine if my theory were true, a woman observed playing these subconsciously masculine instruments might risk (or embrace) being seen as tomboyish, rebellious, self-reliant and counter-establishment, labels which I’m eyerollingly certain have never been associated with female musicians of any sort, least of all guitarists and bassists, whilst our sisters tooting on flutes and lovingly caressing their violins retain their apparent femininity in society’s eyes.
Anyway. That’s my theory. Crazy? Yes. Stupid? Absolutely. Wrong? Well...
I dunno man. Just something to ponder over.
--^@
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But basses are bigger than guitars... shouldn't the bass player be top dog of the band, in your theory?
Addendum: “but what about guitars worn on peoples’ backs? Why are those cool?”
This is admittedly a piece of the puzzle I haven’t been able to solve. What in the world could this resemble?
Off the top of my head, the first things that come to mind when I think of things commonly depicted as being strapped to a person’s back (other than backpacks) are:
• Swords
• Firearms
• Arrow quivers
But none of those things have ever been associated in any way with phallic imagery, have they? Huh.
Ah well! The mystery endures.
--^@
This is admittedly a piece of the puzzle I haven’t been able to solve. What in the world could this resemble?
Off the top of my head, the first things that come to mind when I think of things commonly depicted as being strapped to a person’s back (other than backpacks) are:
• Swords
• Firearms
• Arrow quivers
But none of those things have ever been associated in any way with phallic imagery, have they? Huh.
Ah well! The mystery endures.
--^@
Please recognize my complete inability to hold a straight face when I type that in this case, the size matters less than how it is used.
--^@
The bass, like the bari sax, is perceived as a terrifying freak of nature in this context.
I pulled more tail being a college radio DJ than being a bass player (not that either metric is at all strong).
Mine must be a factory 2nd...
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My experience, as well as MANY, MANY other musicians is that it's the opposite. It doesn't help if it's not dancable, but I still got approached by women playing in a folk/jazz acoustic trio playing at retirement homes and as background at restaurants. I think it really, really helps if you're doing something different. For instance at my last gig, I was playing ukulele in an afro-cuban band, and a stunningly beautiful woman in her 20s approached me - I had to pass because of my schedule at the time.
For a long time, I was too shy to even realize how often I was approached. In retrospect, I was approached far often than I realized. I know better now!
But meeting women through music (as a hetero guy) still usually needs the male to take the initiative to approach the women. It's SO much easier when they realize that you're in a good band (harder if its a lousy band). This is both on and off stage or among friends. Most of the hurdle (at least for me) was realizing that they were actually approaching me, and also realizing how sexy the women thought I was just because I was in a good band.
So, my experience is basically the opposite of yours.
Your statement of "Music is an intrinsic part of who I am, so in that way, I guess it helped me meet girls" rings very true. While I've been approached many times at gigs, it seems like hetero women that I've met outside of music are that much more attracted to me due to my profession, even when they haven't seen or heard my band.
However, I still get approached a lot at my age - I'm 45. Mind you, I'm not including incidents when I've approached women at gigs. In addition to the last gig that I recounted earlier in this post, the time before that was about a month ago at a regular bar gig with a rockabilly band. She was also stunning and in her 20s. I don't like to place a value on young women in their 20s over other women, but it's rare for women that young to approach an older guy like me.
Please recognize my complete inability to hold a straight face when I type that in this case, the size matters less than how it is used.
--^@
Hmmm.
Well all I can add to this discussion is something a former girlfriend once told me. She said the women seated on barstools could feel the bass notes vibrating through their seats. Not sure how that ties in with your visual symbolism theory, but she seemed to think it was important.
At least, we can all now rationalize if the ladies aren't up and dancing...
I find that "make music to get women" trope funny.[/QUOTE
i find it comforting. and i have fond memories of a youth 'uncorrected' --- allowing for the purest narcissism.*
Chicory Blue : your 'demuring' is attractive, but unnecessary --- freud has your back: every single point you made!
* TBH: i'd rather have a beer these days. music does get me some beer, so once again: it all worked out!
