professional therapy by a therapist who is a specialist in grief/loss. It makes a huge difference.
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My mom died recently. How to cope?
- Thread starter EagleMoon
- Start date
So sorry for your loss. Both my parents are gone and I feel it every day.
The first year is the hardest when losing a parent.
Remember your Mom and what she wanted for you in life.
Try and live that way.
God Bless.
The first year is the hardest when losing a parent.
Remember your Mom and what she wanted for you in life.
Try and live that way.
God Bless.
I appreciate the thought, but I've not had much luck with therapists in the past, so I hesitate about this suggestion. The ones I've known were more screwed up than their patients. Not saying they all are, but I've known some real "out there" people in the mental health field.
Sorry for your loss. I am sending a virtual hug your way.
It sounds like you need something to keep you occupied. Have you thought of volunteering somewhere?
It sounds like you need something to keep you occupied. Have you thought of volunteering somewhere?
So sorry for your loss.
Lots if good advice here. Especially the stages of grief. I worked in a counseling center for 8 years (financial end of things) and the counselors there said that sometimes a person will skip a stage, or the stages don't always happen in that exact order. It's a rough model, and there are exceptions. So you might never experience the anger stage, or it might happen later or to a much lesser degree.
Anyway, just take time to grieve. It's the best step you can take toward healing and coming to be at peace with her passing.
Lots if good advice here. Especially the stages of grief. I worked in a counseling center for 8 years (financial end of things) and the counselors there said that sometimes a person will skip a stage, or the stages don't always happen in that exact order. It's a rough model, and there are exceptions. So you might never experience the anger stage, or it might happen later or to a much lesser degree.
Anyway, just take time to grieve. It's the best step you can take toward healing and coming to be at peace with her passing.
Thanks everyone for your condolences. My mom and I were pretty close, the last 10 years especially. I saw her every day, took her out places, ran errands for her. Been her caretaker. So as well as losing a mom, I've also lost a job. Two big stressors. I'm just going to take it day by day and keep living my own life. It was hard to feel like I should be going on when she was gone for a while there, not that I wanted to do anything to myself, but she was such a big part of my life, it was like part of me died. I have to patch myself back together.
BurningSkies
CRAZY BALDHEAD
- Feb 20, 2005
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Its tough. My Dad died back in 2000. Throughout the whole process I felt like the real meaning is that my life (and the lives of my other family members) will never be the same again. Also, I remember thinking while we were going through all the immediate stuff relating to his death how much I just wanted life to go back to normal. When I did get out the other side of the next few weeks I concentrated on living MY normal life.
I also had a newly renewed sense that how you deal with others, treat others, and interact had more importance, more honesty, more upfront about how I feel , what I think, etc.. I very much made a very intentional decision to learn from the experience and use it to inform my future personal interactions.
Now that more than 10 years has gone by, I can say that time does change things...you never stop missing or feeling sad at the loss, but it becomes more an accepted part of you, and not in a bad way.
I also had a newly renewed sense that how you deal with others, treat others, and interact had more importance, more honesty, more upfront about how I feel , what I think, etc.. I very much made a very intentional decision to learn from the experience and use it to inform my future personal interactions.
Now that more than 10 years has gone by, I can say that time does change things...you never stop missing or feeling sad at the loss, but it becomes more an accepted part of you, and not in a bad way.
yes for sure time heals.
been 7 years since my Father passed, and i would say it took a good 3 years to get over all the stages listed by Kesslari
and my only advice is to keep thinking about you and being positive. Anger and depression can have a negative effect on our lives way before we realize it. so be careful, and pay more attention to the things you love ...family, friends, and Music.
here is a virtual hug
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Oh Eagle Moon, I really feel for you. Here's a big hug from me.
Back in 2001 my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer and refused treatment. After 6 weeks she died. 12 days later my father died. A few months after that a close family member was diagnosed with schizophrenia. You CAN survive multiple stresses.
It sounds like you lost a large part of your life as well as a parent. You will have to rebuild your life. There is some good advice in here, such as volunteering. Reach out to your friends. It's ok to ask them for help to get through this.
Don't suppress your emotions - go ahead and cry, yell etc. all you want. Eventually it will bring some relief.
Your bass is a friend too, and playing has helped me through many a bad time.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Back in 2001 my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer and refused treatment. After 6 weeks she died. 12 days later my father died. A few months after that a close family member was diagnosed with schizophrenia. You CAN survive multiple stresses.
It sounds like you lost a large part of your life as well as a parent. You will have to rebuild your life. There is some good advice in here, such as volunteering. Reach out to your friends. It's ok to ask them for help to get through this.
Don't suppress your emotions - go ahead and cry, yell etc. all you want. Eventually it will bring some relief.
Your bass is a friend too, and playing has helped me through many a bad time.
Please let us know how you are doing.
((((((((((((((((((((((((EagleMoon))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You were there for her until the end, and that's more than a lot of us can say. Just know that whatever you're feeling is valid. You have a big hole that is going to take a long time to fill. Do you think it would help if you told us some of your memories of things you two did together, or just some things about your mom?
As others have said, it's important to honor her by taking care of yourself as she would have wanted you to.
If you want a little something to fill your time and space, you could get a dog. You'll never be alone and you'll always have something to do.
Virtual hugs going out to Kesslari too.
((((((((((((((((((((((((Kesslari)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You were there for her until the end, and that's more than a lot of us can say. Just know that whatever you're feeling is valid. You have a big hole that is going to take a long time to fill. Do you think it would help if you told us some of your memories of things you two did together, or just some things about your mom?
As others have said, it's important to honor her by taking care of yourself as she would have wanted you to.
If you want a little something to fill your time and space, you could get a dog. You'll never be alone and you'll always have something to do.
Virtual hugs going out to Kesslari too.
((((((((((((((((((((((((Kesslari)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Eagle, so sorry to hear about your struggle. Strange how life affects us. All I can suggest is do things that would make her smile.
Thanks everyone for your hugs. It does help. It's amazing how alone I have felt even with people around me. This is all great advice and I really do appreciate all the help. Better than any paid official psychotherapy. 
I'm not sure what would help right now, FurryMonkey. It may just be a matter of getting over the shock and disbelief (which I guess I still feel) first.
I'm not sure what would help right now, FurryMonkey. It may just be a matter of getting over the shock and disbelief (which I guess I still feel) first.
Peaceful mojo to you, Eagle Moon.
I lost my father in '94 and my mother-in-law 4 years ago. There will alway be an empty place in my heart for those loved ones, but the searing pain does fade with time. The thing that helped me most was to make a conscious effort to remember happy moments we spent together, and talking about those times with other people.
I lost my father in '94 and my mother-in-law 4 years ago. There will alway be an empty place in my heart for those loved ones, but the searing pain does fade with time. The thing that helped me most was to make a conscious effort to remember happy moments we spent together, and talking about those times with other people.
Sorry to hear about your loss Eaglemoon. There are no words that can fill the gap. Only time and your personal grieving process will do, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Meanwhile, it is imperative that you don't give in to the body and mind's natural tendancy to self-destruct during tough times. You literally have to force yourself to maintain healthy lifestyle habits. You need to turn your attention to diversions that won't jeopardize your health. Think of animals that have to be force fed or hunger strikers that require an IV--you are in bad shape, and you have to force yourself to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get your sleep at night, take walks, read to distract your mind,
...and play the hell out of that bass!
Meanwhile, it is imperative that you don't give in to the body and mind's natural tendancy to self-destruct during tough times. You literally have to force yourself to maintain healthy lifestyle habits. You need to turn your attention to diversions that won't jeopardize your health. Think of animals that have to be force fed or hunger strikers that require an IV--you are in bad shape, and you have to force yourself to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get your sleep at night, take walks, read to distract your mind,
...and play the hell out of that bass!
I am so sorry, Eagle. I have yet to lose my mother, so I can not begin to imagine how that must feel for you. For what it's worth, take solace in the fact that you were there for your mom and took care of her in her time of need. Take GREAT care of yourself and make your mother proud. Play some music, go running, do whatever makes you happy and carry the torch. My .02, hopefully it helps some.
- Chris
- Chris
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I have not yet lost my mom but I know the day will come and I don't look forward to it. Take care of yourself and know that she is in a better place.
