My Situation

[Slapp Addict]

I need a little advice here guys. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me. Partly because she says she hasn't been in love with me for awhile, and partly because she is flirting with another guy at work.

For those of you who care to read further, let me explain my life, and my relationship. Me and this girl met over the internet when I was 13 years old. We became best friends and stayed that way for 2 years. We then got together shortly before my 15th birthday (Sept. 1st is our anniversary) and we had been together since then. We stayed in a long distance relationship for 3 years, and last year we decided to move in with each other. First, she moved up here. Found out we didn't like it, so we then moved down to Maryland. We both weren't completely happy with that either, so we had made plans to visit Michigan again and get our own apartment instead of living with parents since we were both sick of that.

This brings us to last week. We left to visit MI to look at apartments, switch over her nursing degree, look at car insurance, etc. Pretty much just get things in order for us to move. We were also visiting to celebrate my 19th bday and we were going to go to Canada. Well, one day we get in a fight about something small and stupid. She tells me later that day that she's driving back to MD alone. Eventually she tells me she was flirting with a guy she works with, and tells me she likes him. Here is the real kicker, she is texting and flirting with this guy sitting right next to me while we are visiting.

4 years. This girl was so loyal, and so was I in return. We have had so much fun together. I didn't think things were that bad but apparently the fight we had was the "straw that broke the camels back." I have a hard time believing that but this girl doesn't lie and tells things how they are.

And this brings me to why im typing this thread and asking for help. I don't know what to do. I still feel like she is the one for me, and I can't stop thinking about how she hurt me. The sad thing about it is I want her back so bad, even though im the one who got betrayed. Why? Why the hell do I constantly feel like this and how do I get over this? She keeps telling me it takes time, but I can't see this getting better. I'm losing my mind over here...

 

[Thunderscreech]

It happens. Grow up and move on. You'll be glad you did. I've been there, done that, it sucks, but you know...move on.

 

[sarcastro83]

This is where you take your 19 year old arse out to a bar, and start chasing a horrendous amount of tail. You're young, and I can dig how 4 years seems like a long time. But let me tell you, 4 years of long-distance longing isn't going to hold a candle to the lifetime of trim you're now looking in the face. Let her have her work fling!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take inventory of what makes you a rad guy, throw on a nice shirt. Go forth and destroy, my young friend. The world is yours.

 

[xshawnxearthx]

as a guy who has been there I'll give you the best advice you will ever hear.

stop crying about it, and move on. as harsh as that sounds, you are 19 and there will be tons of other girls in your life before you really find "the one". face the facts, if she was the one, you wouldn't be typing this stuff online, and she wouldn't be flirting with dudes at her job.

it's not going to be easy, but keep yourself busy. hang out with friends, do things you always wanted to do but couldn't. GO GET YOURSELF SOME NEW VA-JAY-JAY.

internet girls.....

 

[xshawnxearthx]

This is where you take your 19 year old arse out to a bar, and start chasing a horrendous amount of tail. You're young, and I can dig how 4 years seems like a long time. But let me tell you, 4 years of long-distance longing isn't going to hold a candle to the lifetime of trim you're now looking in the face. Let her have her work fling!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take inventory of what makes you a rad guy, throw on a nice shirt. Go forth and destroy, my young friend. The world is yours.

EXACTLY.

you know how much tail i got at 19? A LOT. and i'm not a dork.

 

[Relic]

Oh man brother I feel your pain..it may hurt like a b*tch but you have to move on and live a little. It'll get easier in time. What you have to do now is to go out there and lay some pipe in vast quantities. It's good for you.
Plus, you need to do this because when the novelty of her work fling ends, she'll be back telling you how she made a big mistake etc etc. You need to have the strength to tell her to get lost.

 

[xshawnxearthx]

also, wrap it up. lot's of dirty girls out there...

man, this just reminds me of the first girlfriend i had. she flat out cheated on me after about a year of being together. you know what i did? i tagged every female that would let me.

THAS WASSUP.

 

[John Deacon]

Listen to Thunderscreech dude. I was in a more messed up relationship that and helped me out big time. He is a wise man, who has teh tonez.

Anyways, its obvious your the better man here, as I was. This is her loss, and you are better than her, cause you stayed loyal, and didn't flirt around. You are the strong one, and one day, she is going to be kicking herself that she didn't stay with you, or at the very least had the decency to talk to you about any problems you had, and didn't turn into a coward and started flirting.

I know you will ignore the comments about getting some, cause thats what I did, cause that didn't matter. You lost someone that you really cared about. You will get through this dude, luckily this board is full of semi-legal psychologists, right Will?

 

[Slapp Addict]

Oh man brother I feel your pain..it may hurt like a b*tch but you have to move on and live a little. It'll get easier in time. What you have to do now is to go out there and lay some pipe in vast quantities. It's good for you.
Plus, you need to do this because when the novelty of her work fling ends, she'll be back telling you how she made a big mistake etc etc. You need to have the strength to tell her to get lost.

This is also something im worried about. I know when the stuff with the other guy gets old and she misses me il take her back.

Also for all the people saying I need to get some new @$$, I can't. It's like every time I look at another girl, I think of her. I would love nothing else than to move on and get rid of her but I can't and I don't see it changing. This was my first girlfriend AND my first serious relationship so it's really making it difficult.

I'm not one to start these emo threads but unlike her I have nobody to talk to this crap about. I don't have a "rebound" to make me feel better.

 

[John Deacon]

This is also something im worried about. I know when the stuff with the other guy gets old and she misses me il take her back.

Also for all the people saying I need to get some new @$$, I can't. It's like every time I look at another girl, I think of her. I would love nothing else than to move on and get rid of her but I can't and I don't see it changing. This was my first girlfriend AND my first serious relationship so it's really making it difficult.

I'm not one to start these emo threads but unlike her I have nobody to talk to this crap about. I don't have a "rebound" to make me feel better.

Dude, your fine, and like I suspected, you ignored the getting some thing.

 

[Slapp Addict]

Dude, your fine, and like I suspected, you ignored the getting some thing.

No, don't get me wrong, im not ignoring any advice given to me. I just don't have the will inside me to do that. May I also mention I lost my virginity to this girl, and she has been the only one I have had sex with.

Another crappy thing is I even have this one chick that I use to go to school with that really likes me, but I just don't want it.

 

[John Deacon]

No, don't get me wrong, im not ignoring any advice given to me. I just don't have the will inside me to do that. May I also mention I lost my virginity to this girl, and she has been the only one I have had sex with.

Another crappy thing is I even have this one smoking hot chick that I use to go to school with that really likes me, but I just don't want it.

No, no, no, thats a GOOD thing you ignored it. Good for you!

 

[xshawnxearthx]

This is also something im worried about. I know when the stuff with the other guy gets old and she misses me il take her back.

Also for all the people saying I need to get some new @$$, I can't. It's like every time I look at another girl, I think of her. I would love nothing else than to move on and get rid of her but I can't and I don't see it changing. This was my first girlfriend AND my first serious relationship so it's really making it difficult.

I'm not one to start these emo threads but unlike her I have nobody to talk to this crap about. I don't have a "rebound" to make me feel better.

why don't you have anybody? was she one of those girls who didn't want you having friends?

it's not going to be easy to let it go. first loves are never easy, but her doing what she did should make it easier. and if she does call you in a few months, after you are over it(which you will be, i promise) you will have a choice to make. you can ignore her, and tell her you've moved on, or you can wreck her in the underpants area and then tell her you're over her and you want nothing to do with her.

the hardest thing to overcome won't be the emotion, but the fact that you've never lived as a teenager or young adult with out a girl on your arm. the world is your oyster. slurp it up.

 

[xshawnxearthx]

No, don't get me wrong, im not ignoring any advice given to me. I just don't have the will inside me to do that. May I also mention I lost my virginity to this girl, and she has been the only one I have had sex with.

Another crappy thing is I even have this one smoking hot chick that I use to go to school with that really likes me, but I just don't want it.

THAT'S THE BEST PART. you have only been with one girl. chicks dig that, plus when you realize how every girl is different.

 

[John Deacon]

why don't you have anybody? was she one of those girls who didn't want you having friends?

it's not going to be easy to let it go. first loves are never easy, but her doing what she did should make it easier. and if she does call you in a few months, after you are over it(which you will be, i promise) you will have a choice to make. you can ignore her, and tell her you've moved on, or you can wreck her in the underpants area and then tell her you're over her and you want nothing to do with her.

the hardest thing to overcome won't be the emotion, but the fact that you've never lived as a teenager or young adult with out a girl on your arm. the world is your oyster. slurp it up.

He is right. Its been a YEAR since me and my ex broke up (there were a few complications) and I am just now feeling a lot better. Thanks to good ol' Thunderscreech, AKA, Ol' Dirty Bastard.

Anyways, trust me. After a few months of healing, and not thinking about her, you will realize that you are feeling better.

 

[sarcastro83]

Hey man, no one is expecting you not to be hurting after this. You're young, and you don't know better, after all.
That being said, second chances and girls who flake after four years, especially in inconvenient times, rarely make for a good combination. Second chances are a fool's errand, my friend.

So you see her everytime you look at another girl? I've been there, and that will change. Especially if you've got a specific type, they'll all wind up looking relatively similar with the lights out, anyway.

Trust us old farts who've been there, and rely on your four B's to help make it through. Those four B's?

That's Bros. (in that "knuckleheads from old times" sense, not in the lame Teva wearing, frat boy sense)
That's Booze. (Buds if you're so inclined. Bowling (?) if you're straight edge)
That's Bass. (Playing for me was always somehow more fulfilling when angry. Use it. It'll work to your advantage)
and last but not least, That's Broads. (The ultimate cause and solution to many of man's woes.)

I won't remind you to go forth and destroy again, young man.

 

[Thunderscreech]

No, don't get me wrong, im not ignoring any advice given to me. I just don't have the will inside me to do that. May I also mention I lost my virginity to this girl, and she has been the only one I have had sex with.

Another crappy thing is I even have this one smoking hot chick that I use to go to school with that really likes me, but I just don't want it.

AAAAAAH! Another One!

That happened to me. And, honestly, she looked like a piece of cheese, but not matter. I lost it to her, and got attached, and then boom.

Yeah, it burns. But the faster you get back up, the faster you're gonna for get about it.

I also met mine on the internet, too...

 

[xshawnxearthx]

He is right. Its been a YEAR since me and my ex broke up (there were a few complications) and I am just now feeling a lot better. Thanks to good ol' Thunderscreech, AKA, Ol' Dirty Bastard.

Anyways, trust me. After a few months of healing, and not thinking about her, you will realize that you are feeling better.

it took me awhile to get over my "first love". as it will for every young man/woman. unless you are just some cold hearted dude. the one thing that helped me get over things at first was getting back in the game.

a few friends who hated the girl i was with, forced me to go out with them after a month of two of sulking. within 2 or 3 nights of having girls flirt with me i got back in the saddle. never looked back.

 

[Slapp Addict]

Also another thing I think about is what if she just made a mistake? She has told me she is sorry for what she did, even though she hasn't stopped and is going to be talking to this guy, but she has told me sorry. What if she is the one and she wants to get back together and I ignore it? There's so many people who have 1 or 2 messups but go on and stay with each other. Take her parents for example. Her mom cheated on her dad when they were around our age, but they have been with each other for 40+ years.

Let me give a little info about this guy too just to make the situation more clear. He works at Dominos with her delivering pizza. He is almost exactly like me. He plays bass, he likes metal, he has tattoos, he has a beard, he's a big guy, etc. Another thing about him, is that he has a girlfriend who he has been with for a year. Now I have asked her numerous times if she liked this guy, she always told me no. I asked her why she lied to me about liking him after all that stuff had happened and she told me she wanted to make herself believe she didn't because she loved me and wanted to make our relationship work.

 

[John Deacon]

it took me awhile to get over my "first love". as it will for every young man/woman. unless you are just some cold hearted dude. the one thing that helped me get over things at first was getting back in the game.

a few friends who hated the girl i was with, forced me to go out with them after a month of two of sulking. within 2 or 3 nights of having girls flirt with me i got back in the saddle. never looked back.

That also helps. Starting to go out on dates with other girls, even if you are completely over her yet, will speed the process up.