Non-bassists say the darnedest things

[bobalu]

I didn't think it could be original to me.

Well you're in good company! (plus, not people now a'days even know who Chet Atkins is. )

 

[Oddly]

“You should only hear the bass when the bass player makes a mistake.”

And yes, I’ve heard this one.

I've heard Garry Tallent (Springsteen's bassplayer)say that!

 

[Spectrum]

"What kinda gun ya got in there?"

(Asked when I walked in with a headless bass in a fitted gig bag.)

I got pulled over by a cop late one night coming home from a jam with my gig bag in the passenger seat of my truck. The cop was certain there was a rifle inside it and took some convincing.

 

[Spectrum]

Not quite a stupid question, more a snarky musician reply (I'm not proud of my snark, but there it is)
Person: "Wow, man, your bass sounds great!"
Me (stepping away from the bass and appearing to listen intently): "Hmm, doesn't seem to make any sound at all by itself..."

^^^ A famous/true Chet Atkins story. (well documented). Guy: "your guitar sounds great!". Chet: puts the guitar down in its stand and say's "how does it sound now?"

Funny. When somebody tells me my bass sounds great, I just smile and say, "Thanks!" because I know the person means to compliment me and I'm not looking for an argument.

 

[groovepump]

"Bass is the easiest instrument to play.
Anyone can do it."

I must have heard this a million times. I just ask the (person) to play the next song, and they usually scurry away.

 

[HolmeBass]

I also always vigorously agree whenever anyone does the, “It’s easy, only 4 strings, yadda yadda.”

I’m like yep, you got me, it’s not that hard. Charlie has the talent, Susan has the looks, and I play bass.

 

[groovepump]

It's amazing how playing unlined fretless makes most of these kind of comments go away.

HA! isn't that the truth! AMEN . . .

 

[John Webb]

You should never play any notes above the fifth fret...

 

[Wilmingtonian]

"The groupies must not leave you alone"

 

[Winslow]

I got pulled over by a cop late one night coming home from a jam with my gig bag in the passenger seat of my truck. The cop was certain there was a rifle inside it and took some convincing.

I passed through several airports with the same bass in the same bag, and all the guards thought the same thing, but all it took was opening the bag and pulling the bass out to put such questions to rest. The bag was so closely fitted to the bass, it flopped over like a balloon with no air without the bass in it, making it clear there wasn't anything else "hiding" in there. Even with that kind of curiosity prompted by the form factor, it's still the easiest bass to travel with I've ever had.

 

[The Owl]

Trombone = pitch approximator

And remember kids, alcohol and trombones do not mix.

 

[Deleted member 165050]

I passed through several airports with the same bass in the same bag, and all the guards thought the same thing, but all it took was opening the bag and pulling the bass out to put such questions to rest. The bag was so closely fitted to the bass, it flopped over like a balloon with no air without the bass in it, making it clear there wasn't anything else "hiding" in there. Even with that kind of curiosity prompted by the form factor, it's still the easiest bass to travel with I've ever had.

I flew from the UK to the US with an NS Design WAV4 as hand luggage. Still not sure how I got away with that, but everyone was great with it. It fits a double size overhead locker btw.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

A hard day in music retail... Kid comes in looking like a DJ and barking how he's a producer, want's to buy a guitar because he's has already mastered the bass in 6 months... At this point in my career at the store, everyone I worked with knew I could get around on the instrument well enough to shred this kid (and I'm pretty sure they wanted me too, by some of the looks they gave me). But, I just sold him a guitar, smiled and waved.
A true samurai doesn't have to show everyone how sharp their sword is. He just gets the job done.

There is no harm in helping someone have a victory. It’s the secret to good sales, good marketing, and good relationships.

 

[ProbablyTooLoud]

It is interesting how people that don’t play an instrument have some really authoritative opinions on what it is...

- “A bass is really just a pitched drum” or “A bass is really just tunable percussion”
- “You really want the sound of the bass and the kick drum to blend together so that it sounds like the same thing”
- “The bass should just play the chords” *bassist plays notes that are in the chord* “No, just play the chord notes” *bassist explains what they just played* “No, just play the chord name”
- “The top two strings aren’t really needed. I don’t know why they are on there - nobody uses them.”
- “I can play bass” *proceeds to play only roots in, gripping the neck like a baseball bat or only fretting using index finger.*

Am I missing any?

Most of these are not wrong, just incomplete and out of context.
Except the one about the top two strings: wrong.

 

[mongo2]

More than a few times I've gotten a question such as, "You play with your eyes closed a lot of the time. How do you know where the notes are?"

My smartash answer is, "I don't."

 

[g-dude]

Most of these are not wrong, just incomplete and out of context.
Except the one about the top two strings: wrong.

Except that many of them are taken as absolute and complete truth.

As in, there are people that legitimately think that a bass should only play when the kick drum hits.

 

[ProbablyTooLoud]

Except that many of them are taken as absolute and complete truth.

As in, there are people that legitimately think that a bass should only play when the kick drum hits.

Those people are illegitimate redheaded stepchildren and their thoughts are...beautiful, because god loves all the little children.

 

[g-dude]

Those people are illegitimate redheaded stepchildren and their thoughts are...beautiful, because god loves all the little children.

Can’t argue with that.

Maybe I should bless their hearts.

 

[ProbablyTooLoud]

Can’t argue with that.

Maybe I should bless their hearts.

Haha, yes, indeed you should.
Another southerner on TB.
Bless their pointy little heads.

 

[g-dude]

Haha, yes, indeed you should.
Another southerner on TB.
Bless their pointy little heads.

Not currently living in the south, BUT....almost all my family does.

I found out senior year of college that I have a southern accent that came out when I talked to my mom. I suspect it comes out whenever I talk to family, but I can’t tell because it just sounds “normal”.

Meanwhile, when we go to visit my family, it’s fun to hear my wife get her English accent muddled with some southern - the word “dog” is my favorite. The look on her face when she caught herself saying “dawg” was hilarious.