Opinions..Left A Band Today

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Already In Use, Feb 5, 2013.

  1. Already In Use

    Already In Use

    Jan 3, 2010
    The history. Been playing with a keyboard player semi steady for about 3 years. She is the band leader. She has gone thru a variety of vocalists and guitar players retaining me as her bass player. Played a few free gigs and only one paying gig in 3.5 years.

    I have played with a few other folks over that time, mostly for fun. The latest was as a sub for a 7 piece jazz and blues band. That band wants me to be their bass player, organizing and playing a handful of shows over a 5 month period. I agreed to do that.

    Today, after knowing this for a month my band leader is sort of giving me a farewell speech on the phone as she is arranging our practice this afternoon. She referred to both me and our guitar player/lead vocalists as boat anchors.

    At practice we have a discussion over chordal tones vs scale intervals. I like to play chord tones and chromatic approach notes...I play what she arranges. We talk about 3rds, 4ths and 5ths and triads(which she doesnt have a clue about).She then goes into attempting to school me on my bass not knowing string names, numbers or how the fretboard is arranged. I show her on a tuner...the discussion gets heated...I get insulted again. I draw a picture and show it again on the keyboard. The insult stands.

    I packed up my gear and left...no gigs in sight for this band.

    Wondering...how much does one give...how much does one take before enough is enough?

    I dont know.
  2. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    One paid gig in 3.5 years? I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get insulted and I certainly wouldn't have cared enough to get insulted.
  3. You didn't leave a band. If it's not off the ground in 6 weeks it's a "project".

    How much you give is up to the individual but you gave plenty if you ask me, far more than I would have.

    Band leader is no such thing.
  4. Seems that she is the problem. I think you're going to be a lot better off with a change of scenery
  5. ChrisB2

    ChrisB2 Bass... in your fass

    Feb 27, 2008
    TalkBass > Off Topic
    That's enough, for me anyway...

    Go enjoy your new band and don't look back. :D
  6. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    +1 She probably thinks she's the next Lady Ga Ga and she's going to show all of you guys you just wait and see. :)
  7. jaywa


    May 5, 2008
    Iowa City, IA
    Wow. I wouldnt have put up with that situation for 3.5 months, much less years. Pretty easy to see why she can't keep a lineup together.

    Anyway, congrats on making the move. Sounds like good things are waiting.
  8. If you're happy I'm happy for ya, but this seems like about 3.5 years too long for me - give or take 48 hours or so.
  9. Already In Use

    Already In Use

    Jan 3, 2010
    I really appreciate the opinions. It's been hard today. Peace brothers and sisters!
  10. obimark


    Sep 1, 2011
    Know the warning signs, follow them, and when you see them, take appropriate steps to get out. Quickly. If it doesn't feel right in your gut, it isn't right.
  11. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    You didn't leave a band, you left a project that didn't work.

  12. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
  13. superblues

    superblues Supporting Member

    Oct 5, 2006
    St. Louis, MO
    I like this thought. :smug:
  14. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    Consider it a blessing. Good luck to her finding anyone to put up with her Diva crap..she will need it.
  15. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Ha! "Project" is the NICEST word one could POSSIBLY use for whatever that occasional gathering of musicians was. But your point is spot on.

    This wasn't a band. This was one egomaniac who had somehow convinced some others to join her in her "quest".

    You stuck around about 3.49 more years than I would have.
  16. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009
    so,.. did you and her have something going on the side or not?!!:confused:
  17. Sounds like you were very patient.

    I'm sure 12 months from now she will be in the same spot while you will be actively playing a real band.
  18. Rune Bivrin

    Rune Bivrin Supporting Member

    Oct 2, 2006
    Huddinge, Sweden
    Never argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and win with experience.

    Frankly, a keyboard player who doesn't know what a triad is sounds quite ... esoteric... Were her keys perchance marked with coloured dots or numbers?
  19. craig.p


    Sep 28, 2008
    New Hampshire
    One thing I've found common among borderline neurotics is they'll often accuse you of possessing the personality traits they know they possess themselves, but wont admit it. ("If it's you, then it can't be me, so I'll make you the problem, which will work great for me because then I won't have to confront any internal root causes." That type of deal.)

    The other thing is, how does a BL slap the Boat Anchor label on someone who's loyal -- unless he's a crap player or has crap equipment or won't learn a style that's needed for the project to fly or refuses to do certain music or gigs?
  20. obimark


    Sep 1, 2011
    The reality is there are a LOT of "Basement" "heroes", on ALL instruments. You need to learn to recognize them, and then avoid them at all costs, unless you are just wanting to "Jam". Because after having dealt with at least 10-20 of them, I can tell you , they WILL NEVER gig out anywhere.

    My rule is we are gigging out within 2-3 months or I am out.