Hey all,
I play in a group that's very tight knit, been around for four years, lots of local success, just released a pro full length etc.
I have an audition for a second band tonight who's music i am also enjoying. I have no plans to quit band number one, but we've all agreed that 2013 is kind of our make or break year.
How'd you go about telling your original band that you're joining another? kinda feels like telling your wife you've got a mistress, though it's my time and I'll spend it how I like.
Who plays in two or more bands? Any major issues you've found? Love to hear from some folks experienced with this...
My situation is different from yours, but I found pitfalls on the relationship side of things playing in 2 bands. I don't know if anything applies, but...
I rediscovered playing after a long time off and joined a weekend warrior cover band. While I wouldn't use the description "tight knit," there was a definite "band of brothers," mentality and camaraderie...at least for the weekends. Until the trouble started, I envisioned being in this band for years. Over 3 years of doing this, I was also reconnecting with playing music in a general sense, and I ended up reconnecting with people from my high school days who wanted to get back into playing. A band formed, kind of organically, with the idea of old heads getting together and making some noise, maybe playing a party here or there or the odd "real gig" that presented itself. This was a "for fun" band...people way too busy to get very serious.
I mentioned to the guys in my "main band" what I was doing, and that mention was treated with complete disinterest. After that, I didn't talk about it much. Over a year or so, pictures and videos were posted on facebook, as the for-fun band played some parties and did a couple of two band gigs at a local bar. When we played at one of the area "A" rooms (that was hired out for a happy hour office party) and offered an opportunity to play serious downtown music venue (that has exploitation multi-band showcases some weeknights), the guys in the main band flipped.
I was confronted and asked what my plans were. They somehow came to believe that I could have gotten *OUR* band into that "A" room, that I could have gotten *OUR* band into the exploitation showcase. Neither of those things were true. We settled it that night. I think I used almost your precise words "It's my time and I'll spend it how I like," but I was treated to some passive-aggressive BS over the next few months, and I ended up quitting.
What might transfer to other situations...while I
told them about it early on, I didn't
discuss it with them, telling them what my intentions were, what position the band held in my priorities, how my schedule was (or wasn't) affected relative to them, how they would (or wouldn't) be impacted. I knew that my intent was simply to enjoy some time playing with old friends, they didn't know that. I knew that the main band came first in terms of my schedule and that any potential conflicts would be decided in their favor. But they weren't mind readers, and when they were disinterested initially, I probably should have gone ahead into detail instead of dropping it.
That said, I'm better off for having left that band, the conflicting attitudes were there all along, they would have come out at some other point, but that's neither here nor there for you.
Are the guys in your band isolationist or do they value networking? Do they view playing music as competition and a zero sum game?
Good luck with it.
