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Problems with Girls

K

klejst

Oct 5, 2010
6,647
3,676
#1
First thing is this is not meant to be a "hate on girls/women" thread, simply me venting a little and reaching out for advice from those who may be in the same situations and how you handle and deal with them/it.

Long story short, I am in my late 20's and my last serious relationship was about five years ago now. I have done my share of dating since however the longest dating period only lasted about a month and a half and I say it like that because none every reached that official relationship status. I have dated women from the age of 19 all the way up to 37 and many ages in between who all say they want the guy who is established, nice and has morals and goals but most times I cannot help but think really what a crock that is. I am no doormat by any means and most times do not tolerate a woman's immature attitude and games however I was raised to treat women with respect and dignity and will be the first to admit I make mistakes and sometimes excitement and taking things a little fast sometimes does get the better of me however I know it also cannot be me all the time.

Is my luck with women really that bad or do I really know how to pick 'em?
 
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#2
Is it summer yet?

In a serious note you have 2 options
1 Keep trying
2 Give up
You dont need to decide now, but keep trying without looking for anything serious maybe you will found someone who knows, but trust me you dont wanna live all by yourself is more dificult that you may think I say this from experience, just relax and live the life
Here have a chocolate
1fcb6b88846561aca246df6d5903df94.jpg
 
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#5
Stop worrying about finding the "right one". Date and hang with people you like. Maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe a decade from now you will find the right one. Until then, enjoy it. ****, you are in your 20s.

Not trying to make light of your post - been there.
 
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#7
Focus more on yourself and things you can control. Work out, play lots of bass, read, find the pleasure of your own intellect. Women are attracted to men who have a handle on their own lives, it's not just being settled and self-sufficient, although that is the first step, but being someone who has cultivated how to enjoy their life.
 
#10
Thanks to those who offered advice and a laugh with all the Chocolate themed posts.

Perhaps I spelled it out a little wrong before - I am not looking to get married within the next week, however just simply asking how other guys cope with constant and consistent rejection from girls/women.

I have great things going for myself and enjoy doing what I like and single life is great but it eventually comes down to stuff not working out (which I know is not always me), numerous rejections and just the thought that perhaps you are just cursed for something to work out again before it does start to get to me and in the back of my mind it's getting to the point where I am starting to seem like the third wheel with my friends. I'm not woe is me'ing myself but just telling how it is.
 
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#13
Stop thinking of "getting a girlfriend" as your ultimate goal, and just hang out with women whose company you enjoy. Don't get serious. Don't act like you're falling in love after a few dates. Even if you are. Women like a challenge just as much as men do. If you're too available too early in the relationship they'll lose interest.


Sent from my iPad using TalkBass
 
#14
Women want a provider. It's late springtime, observe the young sparrows. The girls shake their tail feathers waiting for the boys to feed them morsels of food.
What do you do to appear financially solid?
Is your house in order? Carry yourself with confidence.
Be cocksure.
Shoulders back, chest forward.
Just do it.
 
#15
nukes_da_bass said:
Women want a provider. It's late springtime, observe the young sparrows. The girls shake their tail feathers waiting for the boys to feed them morsels of food.
What do you do to appear financially solid?
Is your house in order? Carry yourself with confidence.
Be cocksure.
Shoulders back, chest forward.
Just do it.
Click to expand...

I hope all you kids are taking notes, there's gonna be a test later.
 
#16
Not enough information for me to really say anything, so instead I'll ask questions.

Where are you meeting these women? You mention ages, but what kinds of women have they been? What about them triggers you to ask them out on a date? How well do you know them before dating them?

How about yourself? How much attention do you pay to your appearance (grooming, clothing, etc.)? What kinds of things do you talk about with these women? What's the rest of your life like? What do you want out of a relationship, short- and long-term?

klejst said:
I have dated women ... who all say they want the guy who is established, nice and has morals and goals but most times I cannot help but think really what a crock that is.
Click to expand...

I gather by this that you see yourself as "established, nice, and has morals and goals." A number of different things might be misfiring here. 1) they may mean it and you may not be as established and moral as you think you are: 2) these may be necessary but not sufficient conditions for the girls' interest - they don't want just any old nice guy, they want a nice guy with that zingy something extra that lights their fire and they didn't find it in you: 3) they may not really mean it, you're picking the wrong kind of girls based on looks rather than knowing them; what they really want is a bad boy who will push them around and dump on them but they're not about to admit that.

I am no doormat by any means and most times do not tolerate a woman's immature attitude and games however I was raised to treat women with respect and dignity and will be the first to admit I make mistakes and sometimes excitement and taking things a little fast sometimes does get the better of me however I know it also cannot be me all the time.
Click to expand...

I can only imagine what these phrases actually mean. What kinds of "immature attitudes" have you encountered on your dates and how have you manifested "not tolerating" them? What has happened when you've gotten "excited" and "taken things a little fast?" In the abstract way it's phrased that all sounds right and proper and understandable, but in practice it could refer to anything from falling drippy sloppy in love too fast to sexual assault.

tl:dr version: it might be them and you're picking the wrong girls. Or it might be you. Not enough info to say.

One final thought: talk about this with female friends that you have no interest in dating. Get a woman's critique of your strong and weak points, from someone who knows you well. May be an eye-opener.
 
#17
Try not to be overbearing or obnoxious. Don't be a drunken fool. Don't be too cold or aloof.
Just be the best you, you can be. Concentrate on where you want to go in life, the right woman will either be waiting there for you or she'll catch up ... eventualy. You're young yet, just let it happen ... don't force anything ... it never fits right !
 
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#20
What do I do with my 30 years of crap relationship with women? Let's see...

I get drunk to the feet on a regular basis.

I pet and squeeze the **** out of every cat I see on the street even though it's got rabies and shoothing flames out of it's ***hole while screeching like a pterodactyl.

I ride my bycicle with rage, as if every person that let me down are on the pedals and I smash them with every cycle. I sometimes get distracted because of thinking about my crap relationship with humans and have an accident, breaking a bone or two.

In no particular order.


However, as of late, I found it hard doing all the three at the same time so I started seeing a theraphyst (aka shrink) and let all the TBOT community know I'm not right in the head. However, I don't think any one in TBOT is right in the head so I just feel home.:D

Another tip: Let it go, don't think about it. Carpe Diem, if you can. Drink a beer when you can't. Live it a day by, maybe tomorrow you'll meet some one special, maybe a brick will fall on your head and kill you. Do what you feel like doing, not because you feel like you have to be doing.;)
 
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