Proper Etiquette to Quit band

[IbanezBass69]

Before everyone flames and says "use the search bar, dummy" I have. I used the search bar here, and Google. I couldn't find anything that addressed my question in a way I liked. My question is, I want to quit my band, composed of a guitarist I met randomly, my brother, and a drummer he met randomly. I want to quit for many reasons, which I will list hereafter. There is a TL;DR at the bottom if you would rather read that.

1)The random guitarist I met, is an alcoholic. Won't admit it, but not many people need a liquor run before every practice, much less to get the cheapest vodka they have and drink it straight outta the bottle the whole time we are trying to write.

2)I am the only one in the band with a car. That just blows.

3) I am one of 2 people with a job. My brother works for minimum wage and can barely buy strings sometimes. That also blows.

4) Band started in Mayish. We have no songs written. None. Skeleton of one, but not the whole thing. :scowl:

5) Guitarist has no amp, insists we need PA. I would have to fund this by myself. Just no. :scowl:

So, seeing as this band has gone nowhere, Do I really need to get the whole group together to quit, or is a text message/e-mail, or something not as personal acceptable? My brother knows I am looking for something new, but not that I wish to quit. He is the only person I am obviously looking to stay on good terms with, and I can tell him in person whenever, as I live with him.

TL;DR: My band has not left the jam space, started in May, I am getting sick of it, can I quit with e-mail or text message?

Thanks guys. And, I did use the search bar, so don't flame.

 

[svenbass]

4) Band started in Mayish. We have no songs written. None. Skeleton of one, but not the whole thing. :scowl:

Not to be a smartass, but what exactly have you been doing at practice for 9 months?

 

[Marginal Tom]

First, talk it over with your brother. If he feels the same way, then you both quit. If not, you need to resolve that difference first. It doesn't matter to me how you tell the other two band members. Do whatever feels right to you.

 

[ButtUglyJeff]

Do you have any scheduled gigs? Honor those and move on...

 

[Korbl]

Quiting a band is never easy man and it is also unpredictable. I would say telling your brother first just so he has a heads up ( hopefully most likely to understand and support your choice) and call the other members. Keep the calls short and to the point, try not to make it into some BIG fight. Maybe even suggest something like they will be able to find another bass player or recommend another bass player in the area to fill your place. Something positive you know? This will take the light off of you leaving a bit and hopefully keep that bridge of remaining friends.

But just be cool and polite about it. Also, it may sound more difficult but doing a call is going to be better off than sending a email or worse, a text message. Calling them gives them a little more respect. Hope this helps and good luck.

 

[jaywa]

Sounds to me like this band is going nowhere. If you can convince your brother of the same thing and you both quit together, it will be a lot easier all the way around. I assume you're on reasonably good terms with your brother so I'd put it all on the line with him first.

And yes, personal conversation is the best way to make the break. Email is weak and texting is even weaker. Good luck.

 

[invader3k]

Just call each of them and say, "Hey, it isn't working for me, so I have to move on. Good luck to you guys." Don't get into making it personal or anything. If they start getting mad or arguing, just say, "Sorry you feel that way...good luck with everything," and hang up.

To be honest, they all sound like a bunch of losers. It's obvious the band isn't going anywhere, so this isn't something to lose sleep over.

 

[Marko 1]

Doesn’t sound like there’s much to quit, but get-togethers.

Obviously nobody there can write, or is taking the initiative to lead in that area.

Maybe starting with covers would be the answer, if you want to stick it out with these guys.

 

[Scatterblak]

1)The random guitarist I met, is an alcoholic. Won't admit it, but not many people need a liquor run before every practice, much less to get the cheapest vodka they have and drink it straight outta the bottle the whole time we are trying to write.

2)I am the only one in the band with a car. That just blows.

3) I am one of 2 people with a job. My brother works for minimum wage and can barely buy strings sometimes. That also blows.

4) Band started in Mayish. We have no songs written. None. Skeleton of one, but not the whole thing. :scowl:

5) Guitarist has no amp, insists we need PA. I would have to fund this by myself. Just no. :scowl:

No flames, just my opinion. Humbly, I'd suggest that your points are immaterial. They may be reasons to quit a band or not, depending on your personal preference; the thread, and your final question, however, is regarding the etiquette of leaving a project; etiquette is what it is, however, and it never depends on someone else's perceived shortcomings. In other words, just because those guys are acting unprofessionally (matter of opinion again), that's never license for you to act in a manner anything less than as fully professional as possible. Obviously, you're on TB, you care enough to open the discussion - if what you've described is in any way accurate, you're far and away the most professional member of the act - don't let their actions (and your burgeoning need to depart as rapidly as possible) cause you to be anything less! As far as I know, from the acts I've worked with, leaving is generally like this:

On good terms: Tell the band leader you're leaving, and then say your private goodbyes to each of the members of the act. No bad mouthing anything, nothing negative. If there are gigs on the books, offer to cover them until they find someone for 60 days. If you book something else in the mean time that clashes, let it go and do the right thing. If there are no gigs on the books, Offer to cover anything they book in the next 30 days. *Don't* do both, though. If you have significant media/press materials with your mug in them, just live with it until they find someone.

On bad terms: *Get your gear out of the space*; if you can't take a friend, do it when no one is around. Tell the band leader you're leaving, offer to cover anything on the books for 60 days, and tell them don't book anything new and expect you to play on it. Don't leave your gear anywhere around. If your image is in the press materials, just let it go, because they can do more damage to you than you can to them if you've got a following - venues tend to side with the bands (since bands generate revenue), and the fans will as well (they don't want to wake up to the reality that one of their acts is changing or is no more).

Man, it sounds like you're just on the next level up from the guys your stuck with, and it's hard place to be, particularly when you've got relationships with the folks in question. I'm interested to hear how it shakes out for you; don't let their actions (inconsiderate, unprofessional, etc) cause you to be anything less than the ultimate professional, though! In the end, that's what separates the hobbyists from the players anyway.

Peace, love, etc!!

 

[Ric5]

The proper way to quit a band ...

Tell them you can no longer stand being in the same room as them.

This usually works for me.

 

[IbanezBass69]

Not to be a smartass, but what exactly have you been doing at practice for 9 months?

Well, it goes like this. I take my brother over to random guitarist's place. Its not so much practice I guess, I just call it that. We strum around, trying to write music around some lyrics (that I wrote). After a couple hours, we leave. I have stuck with it only out of my sheer stupidity, and because of hundreds of empty promises. I don't take it as smartass, I am sure I would ask the same thing if I was on the outside looking in man. That question right there pretty much sums up my quitting.

 

[dBPete]

I'm considering quitting my band as well. It's a praise and worship band, and all the band members are from different churches. The main reasons I want out are due to the drummer.

1) He has two volumes (loud, and deafening) and one rhythm, no matter what song we play. He loses time when he does a lot of his drum fills.

2) Every time we play at his church, everyone in the band gets a prophecy that sounds like something you'd get from a fortune teller that could apply to 99% of the people in the room. (Please don't make this a religious thread)

So, does the etiquette for quitting change when it's a religious band?

 

[butchblack]

Whenever possible, try not to burn bridges. 9 months and nothing's been written is enough of a reason to leave. I agree that face to face is the best, it doesn't sound like you have anything booked so that shouldn't be a problem. Do get any equipment out of the practice space. Give them no reason to bad mouth you, a reputation is something that takes a lifetime to build and 5 minutes to destroy.

Good luck

Find something better.

 

[Marko 1]

So, does the etiquette for quitting change when it's a religious band?

Considering you should be as professional and reasonable as you can in any scenario, there should be no difference.

 

[butchblack]

I'm considering quitting my band as well. It's a praise and worship band, and all the band members are from different churches. The main reasons I want out are due to the drummer.

1) He has two volumes (loud, and deafening) and one rhythm, no matter what song we play. He loses time when he does a lot of his drum fills.

2) Every time we play at his church, everyone in the band gets a prophecy that sounds like something you'd get from a fortune teller that could apply to 99% of the people in the room. (Please don't make this a religious thread)

So, does the etiquette for quitting change when it's a religious band?

If it was a band from just one church discussing it with your music director or minister would be appropriate. Where you are all from different churches it should be no different then quitting a secular band. Keep the focus on yourself and try not to burn any bridges. In your case it sounds like you'll run into these guys often.

 

[svenbass]

That question right there pretty much sums up my quitting.

Seems to me that no one should be offended if you said that you would rather spend that time in a situation that was more capable of achieving some goals. It doesn't mean you can't go and hang out with them anymore.

Also, to get the ball rolling in any situation, decide on a couple of tunes everyone likes and learn them. It will give the group a little foundation from which to work forward.

 

[Mystic Michael]

Before everyone flames and says "use the search bar, dummy" I have. I used the search bar here, and Google. I couldn't find anything that addressed my question in a way I liked. My question is, I want to quit my band, composed of a guitarist I met randomly, my brother, and a drummer he met randomly. I want to quit for many reasons, which I will list hereafter. There is a TL;DR at the bottom if you would rather read that.

1)The random guitarist I met, is an alcoholic. Won't admit it, but not many people need a liquor run before every practice, much less to get the cheapest vodka they have and drink it straight outta the bottle the whole time we are trying to write.

2)I am the only one in the band with a car. That just blows.

3) I am one of 2 people with a job. My brother works for minimum wage and can barely buy strings sometimes. That also blows.

4) Band started in Mayish. We have no songs written. None. Skeleton of one, but not the whole thing. :scowl:

5) Guitarist has no amp, insists we need PA. I would have to fund this by myself. Just no. :scowl:

So, seeing as this band has gone nowhere, Do I really need to get the whole group together to quit, or is a text message/e-mail, or something not as personal acceptable? My brother knows I am looking for something new, but not that I wish to quit. He is the only person I am obviously looking to stay on good terms with, and I can tell him in person whenever, as I live with him.

TL;DR: My band has not left the jam space, started in May, I am getting sick of it, can I quit with e-mail or text message?

Thanks guys. And, I did use the search bar, so don't flame.

WAY too much information...

Ordinarily - when gigs are lined up or the band is otherwise actually active - you give maybe two or three weeks notice, then leave. That's gigs pending or not: they can find a substitute.

Since there's hardly anything really here to quit, you can just leave. But why are you so anxious to do it via email or text? Why are you afraid to just tell them, face to face, that you're out?

MM

 

[Marko 1]

...

Also, to get the ball rolling in any situation, decide on a couple of tunes everyone likes and learn them. It will give the group a little foundation from which to work forward.

That was my suggesting earlier, learning some covers. Yes, find a song everyone likes, each learns his part, then get together.

I have a feeling some kids go to “originals” because they simply aren’t good enough at playing decent material, which may or may not be the case, but doing so might help them learn.

Might also teach them how songs are constructed, and help them later to write.

Otherwise, it seems to me like just another case of kids wanting to be in a band before they’re ready. Seems very typical these days.

Band before skills, name before songs, PA before job/car/etc…

There are just so many things wrong here, I can hardly address it without being insulting.

 

[ggunn]

There must be 50 ways to leave your band... (apologies to Paul Simon)

Bottom line is be upbeat, polite, and professional. There's no reason to go into detail about their shortcomings from your POV, just say you have different goals from theirs and you need to free yourself to pursue them. Buy them all a beer and walk away.

Don't burn bridges. You never know; down the road a bit you may find yourself auditioning for a spot in a band with some of those guys.

 

[bolophonic]

That doesn't sound like a band, so I wouldn't really feel too bad about quitting. Get with some better players and I bet you will never look back. Just tell them that you are dissatisfied with the progress and that you want to move on.