That's why there are such things as roommates.
Nothing screams payback like kicking her out of her own dorm so you can rail her roomie.
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Question about a relationship...sorry.
- Thread starter nathan
- Start date
That's why there are such things as roommates.
Nothing screams payback like kicking her out of her own dorm so you can rail her roomie.
That's why there are such things as roommates.
Nothing screams payback like kicking her out of her own dorm so you can rail her roomie.
Ha, that's an ironic part of the situation. I really liked her roomate at the begining of the year and i've heard she was digging me, but then things turned around and I started to go out with her roomate instead. Now we're both involved. Not to say I didn't like my girlfriend now when we started going out... i did. Her roomate did suite my style more though haha.
That's why there are such things as roommates.
Nothing screams payback like kicking her out of her own dorm so you can rail her roomie.
knarleybass
Commercial User
I don't think that any of us are trying to imply that it's easy. I really do empathize with Nathan's situation. It's just that these are definite red flags and a lot of us know from experience that it almost always ends up bad. The girl I was kind of seeing before I met my current girlfriend was a grade A neurotic. Karen Horney would say that she was moving towards people and moving away from people at the same time. She just ended up being a big tease and a waste of my time. At this stage in my life (not that I'm old or anything), I just don't have time for these ambivalence games that people like Nathan's girlfriend like to play. You're either serious about our relationship or you're not. I quit selling myself short, and now I won't accept anything less than a great relationship. My girlfriend says that I made her life kind of rough when we first met by making her chase me; I even flat out told her that she had to do some chasing if she wanted to secure me as her boyfriend (for the record, I believe that there needs to be some mutual chasing
). Hey, I think that I'm worth chasing. If you are the one doing all of the chasing, then you just end up chasing teases and looking like an idiot in the end. Arrogant to say? Perhaps, but confidence is a turn on for both males and females.Silent Bob, a great thinker who should be revered amongst such minds as Plato, Sartre, and Confucious.
That's why there are such things as roommates.
Nothing screams payback like kicking her out of her own dorm so you can rail her roomie.
Yes, but didn't Jerry and George find confirming evidence that the roommate switch is impossible to do? Then again, the outcome of their attempt to do the switch concluded on a rather interesting note in that episode.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
If I were you I would just stop talking to her and keep your distance for a while. I bet you $20 she ends up calling you and chasing after you and trying to get your attention.
You could do that, but it would be prolonging the inevitable. You're going to end up breaking up with her pretty shortly over this, i bet. She's going to cheat on you if she hasn't already. Only a matter of time.
Oh, one thing that has not been mentioned in this thread: Judge a girl by her actions more than her words. This applies to everybody, not just girls though. If she says she loves you, but then starts talking to her ex...well, I think you know the answer. If she says "oh I would never cheat" but has all these random calls from guys in her phone...that's a bit suspicious. And so on.
Girls often say one thing and then do the opposite. Their actions are obviously what they WANT to do, and their words are what they think they want you to hear.
she will more than likely sleep with her ex boyfriend this summer. if she still has feelings for him she will be an easy target for him this summer.
see there ya go. the ex boyfriend knows it is a sure thing with her. you know he will be making a big effort to get alone with her this summer. if you were single and had a sure thing in the area wouldn't you?
sorry man i've been the ex boyfriend and the other guy many times. it sounds like this girl is an easy target.
and probably her first ....you know. yeah man they will hook up this summer. i would take those odds any day.
nope. especially if he was her first love or lay. i met a girl that was 19 or so.. i was 24. we had a little fling. i was pretty much her first everything. in the years after she came by many a times even if she had a boyfriend. she also was talking to me last week telling me she was thinking about me and what not.....she is getting married in 3 weeks.
and this girl is actually very smart and level headed...but we all know a guy can wrap a girl around his finger sometimes...sounds like this girl of yours is still wrapped.
yeah because she would tell you flat out "i'm going to cheat".
from what she has already said you have a problem man.
best you can do is NOT harrass her and see if she has the feelings of keeping in touch with you over the summer.
And DEFINITELY don't act like you're engaged this summer! if you know what I mean....
And DEFINITELY don't act like you're engaged this summer! if you know what I mean....
you blew off my opinion and advice the 1st time round, probably because I was a bit harsh, but I was really trying a bit of tough love... but i'm gonna have another say...
unlike nearly everyone here, I don't think you should dump her... what would that achieve? if you dump her, you never see her again, never **** her again, probably lose a chunk of your social circle etc... you don't give up and put your dog down if it misbehaves in predictable doggy ways, you train it...
what you need to do is train her to behave properly, and if necessary, downgrade her a little (see her less often, have an active social life that involves lots of other interested women, and make sure she knows about it)
at the same time it'd be great if you could let go of the big nagging problem of this 'ex bf' lurking in the wings... I suspect she's using it as a way of controlling you... the fact is, people are more easily compliant in a relationship if they believe they can be replaced... that's what she's trying to do to you, which is why you need to do it to her...
imagine how well behaved a gf would be if she knew you had 5-6 other girls interested and happy to take her place..? do you think she'd be trying to upset you with this ex bf stuff? If she really preferred her ex to you, she wouldn't be with you
hell, I'd encourage her to go see this 'ex bf'... my POV is that if ANY guy is a better prospect than myself, she's welcome to go get him (or try to.. and if any guy's good enough take my gf from me, then he has my respect, not my hate)... a confident guy believes he's the absolute best choice any girl could make
I apologise if my 1st post was a bit strongly worded, but that's my take on it...
unlike nearly everyone here, I don't think you should dump her... what would that achieve? if you dump her, you never see her again, never **** her again, probably lose a chunk of your social circle etc... you don't give up and put your dog down if it misbehaves in predictable doggy ways, you train it...
what you need to do is train her to behave properly, and if necessary, downgrade her a little (see her less often, have an active social life that involves lots of other interested women, and make sure she knows about it)
at the same time it'd be great if you could let go of the big nagging problem of this 'ex bf' lurking in the wings... I suspect she's using it as a way of controlling you... the fact is, people are more easily compliant in a relationship if they believe they can be replaced... that's what she's trying to do to you, which is why you need to do it to her...
imagine how well behaved a gf would be if she knew you had 5-6 other girls interested and happy to take her place..? do you think she'd be trying to upset you with this ex bf stuff? If she really preferred her ex to you, she wouldn't be with you
hell, I'd encourage her to go see this 'ex bf'... my POV is that if ANY guy is a better prospect than myself, she's welcome to go get him (or try to.. and if any guy's good enough take my gf from me, then he has my respect, not my hate)... a confident guy believes he's the absolute best choice any girl could make
I apologise if my 1st post was a bit strongly worded, but that's my take on it...
wait till summer .. see how she reacts back home .. if she calls you constantly complaining about him, wanting you to be there, her to be back with you, .. then your ok .. if you don't hear from her or have strange thoughts of something going on .. something probably ended up happening some night she went out and ran into him.
run into him?
there is a VERY high chance this guy will target her this summer.
ya know?
I was in a similar situation over a year ago... girlfriend had ex from hometown, still had feelings, blah blah blah.
I let it go and she went behind my back. I forgave her and saw past it and still see her today. Heart warming, I know. But like someone mentioned above, don't dump her outright yet especially if she hangs around your social circle. If you get rid of her too soon, one of you will be ostracized from your group of friends and chances are it won't be her. Wait it out. If she cheats on you (and from what you say it is likely) wait for the opportune moment (for example, transferring to another school... in another country... with a lot of Japanese women...) and give her the boot after sending back photos of you with other women. Life is too short for all the stress.
I let it go and she went behind my back. I forgave her and saw past it and still see her today. Heart warming, I know. But like someone mentioned above, don't dump her outright yet especially if she hangs around your social circle. If you get rid of her too soon, one of you will be ostracized from your group of friends and chances are it won't be her. Wait it out. If she cheats on you (and from what you say it is likely) wait for the opportune moment (for example, transferring to another school... in another country... with a lot of Japanese women...) and give her the boot after sending back photos of you with other women. Life is too short for all the stress.
First off, thanks for all the replies and advice from everyone, it's helped a lot.
For the entire time we've been going out, she's had almost no contact with her ex at all. She will bring up how awful he was sometimes, and not untill recently did she say she was missing him. Her feelings for him seem a bit psychotic though. For example, she won't eat at a particular restaraunt with me because that's where her and her ex ate together a long time ago and it would be too horrid for her.
So far, she's been in touch with me and calling me everynight. I haven't had to call her yet so I think that might be a good sign.
Like I said earlier I think, breaking up with her is in the back of my mind. I do love her though, so I wouldn't want to break up with her just for thinking that something bad will happen. It's still a lot to think about.
For the entire time we've been going out, she's had almost no contact with her ex at all. She will bring up how awful he was sometimes, and not untill recently did she say she was missing him. Her feelings for him seem a bit psychotic though. For example, she won't eat at a particular restaraunt with me because that's where her and her ex ate together a long time ago and it would be too horrid for her.
So far, she's been in touch with me and calling me everynight. I haven't had to call her yet so I think that might be a good sign.
Like I said earlier I think, breaking up with her is in the back of my mind. I do love her though, so I wouldn't want to break up with her just for thinking that something bad will happen. It's still a lot to think about.
The girl won't eat at the restaurants she ate with her ex, that should be enough for you...
Love is blind indeed eh?
It is very weird indeed. I'm not being blinded by love, though. It may sound like it, but I'm not the type of person that would do anything stupid because I'm blinded by love for her. I just think it would be best untill something concrete happens, or I see her in person again, to make any decisions.
you blew off my opinion and advice the 1st time round, probably because I was a bit harsh, but I was really trying a bit of tough love... but i'm gonna have another say...
unlike nearly everyone here, I don't think you should dump her... what would that achieve? if you dump her, you never see her again, never **** her again, probably lose a chunk of your social circle etc... you don't give up and put your dog down if it misbehaves in predictable doggy ways, you train it...
what you need to do is train her to behave properly, and if necessary, downgrade her a little (see her less often, have an active social life that involves lots of other interested women, and make sure she knows about it)
at the same time it'd be great if you could let go of the big nagging problem of this 'ex bf' lurking in the wings... I suspect she's using it as a way of controlling you... the fact is, people are more easily compliant in a relationship if they believe they can be replaced... that's what she's trying to do to you, which is why you need to do it to her...
imagine how well behaved a gf would be if she knew you had 5-6 other girls interested and happy to take her place..? do you think she'd be trying to upset you with this ex bf stuff? If she really preferred her ex to you, she wouldn't be with you
hell, I'd encourage her to go see this 'ex bf'... my POV is that if ANY guy is a better prospect than myself, she's welcome to go get him (or try to.. and if any guy's good enough take my gf from me, then he has my respect, not my hate)... a confident guy believes he's the absolute best choice any girl could make
I apologise if my 1st post was a bit strongly worded, but that's my take on it...
Dude, you need to write a book called Machiavellism for Relationships.
