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Question about a woman, help!!

#21
OneDrop76 said:
I'm certain she likes me and likes spending time with me. We email each other all day at work, then just about every night he works, she calls me to hang out. We have inside jokes, common life experiences and backgrounds, and we can talk about almost anything with each other. I've told her things that I haven't told anyone. And there have been little flirtations here and there on both sides, but I haven't actually come on to her. I have tried to reign in any instinct like that out of respect for my buddy. So I'm pretty sure there is something mutual there, and if he wasn't my friend I would have made a move already...
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yeah man. even if it wasnt your friend. it really does sound like you are "the big brother" or something like that. ive been there, done that. not with my friends girls, but just girls in general in which i was there for them when they were having their ****ty times. i can remmeber one in particular. she was in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend. i met her, kicked it to her, but was respectful of what she was going through.

we ended up talking all the time. going out to lunch and diner everyday. hanging out when we werent doing anything. emails everyday. lots of friendly flirting. i really thought she was into me. everyone around said she seems into me. so, one day we were hanging out, and guess what happend? she told me she thought of me as a friend, and then ended up getting back with her ex.

the way you have to look at it is this. you are becoming her friend. when girls say they want friends first, its bs. so dont think that becoming her friend will make her want you, because before long, she will use terms like "big brother" or "best friend", or she will say something like "i have this friend who would be perfect for you". plus, she knows this guy is your friend. if she values your friendship, she isnt going to **** that up....so what you need to do is just step away.

there is tons of hot girl who are into the same things you are...
 
#24
I don't know who to quote as there is so much good advice here. ;)

No good will come of this, and I think you know it.

To lust after a friend's girlfriend/wife does happen in life, although we don't even like to admit it to ourselves.

You are king David. ;)

Bathsheba has gotten under your skin.

Do not send Uriah to the front lines to be killed in battle so she will be yours.

Nuf said.

Good luck.

Mike ;)
 
#26
[Dear TeeBee]

doodz.

You are so wrong!

Go up to this guy and do what us Coldwarriors call a
'preventive strike'.

After knocking the guy out and tying him up, help the lady
pack her bags and boxes, and load them in your white
Charger, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after
with the beautiful woman of your dreams ...
[/Dear TeeBee]

Sound unlikely?

Yup.
 
#27
Only you know what it's like when you two are together, so ultimately, you'll have to trust your gut over any of us. I have a really close friend who at one point would have dumped her fiance (with whom she had MAJOR problems) for me if I had pushed for it. We both had feelings, and we talked about them, but I didn't move in because I wanted her to make the be the one to call the shots, since she was the one who had to choose between two people. Eventually, she patched things up with her guy, and they're still engaged. I have since found a wonderful girl who I wouldn't trade for anyone at this point. My engaged friend and I are still extremely close, and we do flirt a lot, but we know what it means and more importantly, where it's NOT going. She and I would have done well as a couple, but in the end, I left it up to her to decide by not pushing the issue, and I think she made the right decision.

Your situation might be different, but it's up to you to figure it out. You already understand the consequences of speaking/not speaking up, so it's all going to come down to which has the biggest payoff: keeping a great friend and possibly regretting not being more, or potentially burning two bridges.
 
#29
ras broos said:
There's just no substitute for experience...
Sounds like you're about to get a truckload.
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i agree , leave her to her own decisions ... imo .

don't try to get with her behind your friends back ,
or try to persuade her into making a certain decision ,
cus' that kinda stuff will come back to haunt you .

bad mojo , very bad mojo ...
 
#31
Ultimately this is your decision but if you want advise here it is.

The last thing you want to do is confess your feelings to her. It's a bigger possibility you will wind up with neither. You may be close and flirtatious with her right now but that does not mean much in a situation like this. She may trust you and feel like she can talk to you but that does not guarantee she sees you "that way" Even if you did have a chance to be intimate with her, it does not mean that you will have a relationship with her. Worse case scenario she may be using you to get to him, and I don't mean some kind of a plot, she simply may not know what she wants. It's all to common that absolutely nothing good will come out of confessing your feeling in the middle of all that. If you believe you will wind up with everything, you watch too many movies.

If you feel that they are going to break up, wait for it to happen. If it does, wait for the right time tell your friend how you feel about her, then go for it. Any thing else would get you an ass kicking you would only deserve.

If you feel you must absolutely confess to her, and I still wouldn't do this.

Next time you two are together. Tell her you can't see her like this anymore, you feel that you are growing to close and you don't want to see anyone get hurt.

From that you should be able to find out if she feels the same way or not.
If she feels the same way, then it's her move to break up with him. Still no guarantee that will happen. If she doesn't feel the same way, go get your own girlfriend! ;)
 
#32
OneDrop76 said:
So here's the deal: I need to know the right course of action with this situation, because it is a crazy one.
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it's actually pretty needy to sit there and fantasise about what might happen with your friend's girlfriend... chances are she's not interested in you sexually... if she was, you'd already have slept with her, trust me...

it sounds more like she sees you as her male girlfriend.. and male girlfriends don't get laid

there are millions of women out there in the world (about half the population of the planet is female, so i'm told)... what's the point losing your friend over this particular one?
 
#34
I agree with most everyone. Don't do that to your friend. If you care about the woman, you don't want to be a rebound. Find someone else. If it's meant to be with this woman, you can get together years from now after there's not so much baggage involved.

Marshall
 
#35
COwsgomoo is exactly right.

Girls like to have thier cake and eat it too. Right now she is getting exactly what she wants, physically from him, and mentally from you.

Do not allow yourself to be the "shoulder she cries on"

Believe me, you don't need tears, you need a girlfriend, capsice?

And this girl will not give it to you, more then likely, or as Cows said, she would have already.

My younger brother does stuff like this all the time, and he is always (as a result) wondering why he does not end up with the girl, while the guy who says no more then two words in a complete sentence and is never there for her, is right now banging her like a salvation army drum!!!!

My honest advice, bass player to bass player, is to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and go find a girl who is not with someone else. Do you really want to be with someone fresh from someone elses arms?

Believe me, this woman is not that great...or she would not be inadvertantly leading you on...she is not that great, but you think she is.....and you wont forever. Take a step back and see her for what she really is: Disloyal.

Let's say you and her get together. As soon as you start having problems, she will find another shoulder to cry on, and it probably won't be yours.

Snap out of it. Get your back straight...chest in, shoulders back, head up!!!!
 
#37
Next time you two are together. Tell her you can't see her like this anymore, you feel that you are growing to close and you don't want to see anyone get hurt.

From that you should be able to find out if she feels the same way or not.
If she feels the same way, then it's her move to break up with him.
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I agree. If you really "love" her wait until they break-up. Then 3 months later (etc) ask your friend's permission to ask her out. That's the honourable thing to do. I know its not easy but you have to suck it up. If she is worth it you will wait and do it right.
 
#40
The problem with most men (myself included) is we think with the wrong head. You can't tell me that when you see a hot chick, you don't think about something sexual. And just because we think like this doesn't mean that women do.

I agree that if a woman wants you sexually, she'll make sure you know it as well.

It's fishing season, find a new lake to swing your pole in. And stay away from the stink bait. ;)
 

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