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Quiting by email, text, IM ....

oldrocker

oldrocker

Feb 13, 2005
3,105
3,745
Long Island, NY / Tarpon Springs FL
www.facebook.com
#1
I've seen a few posts here about people being upset they were informed they were being replaced by email or text.

I just stepped away from one of my bands. The reason I'm leaving is not really important but I didn't see the point of waiting 2 weeks for the next rehearsal and letting them know in person. Who needs that drama anyway??

I wanted to give them an early heads up so they can start their replacement search right away.

The funny thing is not all of them are on FB so couldn't do a group IM, one doesn't text and the other other doesn't email ( I know in this day and age ...)

So what I did was send a group text to the 2 guys I've known the longest, sent FB IM to one guy and an email to another guy. For all I offered to stay in touch and offered to play out the schedule with them if they can't find a new guy in time.

Not sure what other way I could have quickly let them all know with the least amount of drama.
 
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#4
dreamadream99 said:
I think it’s OK to resign via the written word. Think resignation letter at work.
It is not, however, cool to fire someone that way.
Click to expand...

Actually, all the times I've been replaced in a band I've been told via email. Most of these were not not long term situations so I preferred the remote communications instead of an in person encounter.

Who wants to make a unneeded trip to hear this stuff. Clean and quick, if the decision is already made why have a discussion.
 
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#5
Oddly said:
I guess the ideal (for me anyway but, at 52 I'm borderline grumpy old man material) is a face to face discussion.
Second choice a phone call.
If those options aren't viable, only then would I consider email or text or whatsapp or whatever else as an alternative.

Treat unto others...and all that.
Click to expand...

Again, why discuss if the decision is already made. Can only lead to unnecessary argument and worse feelings.

For this case with me when leaving there was no way I could get everyone on a conference call to announce to everyone at the same time. :-)
 
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#7
OK how's this? I had a jam at my house tonight. 2 guys I know and one new guy. I don't want to ever play with the new guy again. And neither do the others. He didn't quite pick up on that. It's gonna have to be by email, cause there is not "next time". I didn't want to tell him to his face, "um. no you can't play that loud or that much and not stop talking all night and hang with us and more."
 
#10
3Liter said:
Yeah I agree.

I will say some of the stories I read here, the "relationship" is little more than a job. The two guys I played with are from the band I quit, I did quit that via text. I shouldn't have but did.
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A job is a relationship as well. Would you suddenly leave a job (career-type job) by text with no notice?
 
#11
buldog5151bass said:
A job is a relationship as well. Would you suddenly leave a job (career-type job) by text with no notice?
Click to expand...


Powerball drawing is in a bit... I’ll let you know.

But, of course not. A crummy bar band where I have to drive all across town and play with guys I’m not friends with? Maybe.

I did quit a band once and actually recruited a replacement. I gave them his name when I quit. He actually joined them. So, what I would do varies.
 
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#12
The choice of medium (text, email, phone, chat, in person) partly depends on the age of the people you are talking to, the chances of a civil conversation if done by phone or in person, and the extent of the need for explanation. Also consider the length of the relationship and depth of it.

Younger people don't have a problem with text messages for a lot of things. Older people find them really callous for important information. I had one dude who couldn't have a civil conversation if his life depended on it, so I fired him by email -- apologized it had to be that way, but given the pattern of unbridled anger and lack of civility he had shown in the past, I felt it was the best way.

If you feel the need to give reasons and answer questions (lengthy explanation required) then phone or in person is best. If it's been a long relationship, then I would always go by at least phone or in person to show respect for the relationship and your desire for its continuance. You might do it different ways with different people based on the above considerations...never an easy answer.

I thought the information you gave was good though -- willing to sub until they find another guy to replace you, etcetera. The information component sounds good based on what you say, though. Sounds like an honorable separation...
 
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#13
oldrocker said:
I've seen a few posts here about people being upset they were informed they were being replaced by email or text.

I just stepped away from one of my bands. The reason I'm leaving is not really important but I didn't see the point of waiting 2 weeks for the next rehearsal and letting them know in person. Who needs that drama anyway??

I wanted to give them an early heads up so they can start their replacement search right away.

The funny thing is not all of them are on FB so couldn't do a group IM, one doesn't text and the other other doesn't email ( I know in this day and age ...)

So what I did was send a group text to the 2 guys I've known the longest, sent FB IM to one guy and an email to another guy. For all I offered to stay in touch and offered to play out the schedule with them if they can't find a new guy in time.

Not sure what other way I could have quickly let them all know with the least amount of drama.
Click to expand...

I quit 2 jobs by email ... ya it is cold ... but they deserved it ...
 
#14
It depends on the reason for quitting. I quit one band without notice when I found out that the guitarist and his wife were setting up a large marijuana growing operation in the basement room adjacent to the room where we rehearsed. His wife had just lost her job and they figured they could supplement their income.

The last band I quit I gave them more than enough notice and played all the gigs that had been booked.
 
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#16
john_g said:
It all depends on the situation. Most of the bands Ive played with in the last 10 years have been at least 45 mins away just to the practice spot. If I decide Im quitting, Im surely not going to drive that far to tell someone I quit. And I wouldnt want the others to pack up all their stuff, drive to practice, just for me to quit in person either.
Click to expand...

I'm thinking it sucks for all, no matter what the choice of medium is...
 
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#18
Kmonk said:
It depends on the reason for quitting. I quit one band without notice when I found out that the guitarist and his wife were setting up a large marijuana growing operation in the basement room adjacent to the room where we rehearsed. His wife had just lost her job and they figured they could supplement their income.

The last band I quit I gave them more than enough notice and played all the gigs that had been booked.
Click to expand...

So you went from 'half baked' to 'honorable mention'... I like it.
 
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#19
Unless the band owes me money, I have gear at the practice space or I have a vested interest in the PA or other gear do I find it necessary to quit face to face. I have to drive at least an hour one way when I go practice or gig, so text and email is fine for me.
 
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