Quitting my band today....ugh.

[Gougedeye]

I don't really have a solution here for you, except, why not do both? Play your country gig with guys you like and can depend on and pick up a few rock gigs when you can. Best of both worlds. I think it a pretty rare thing to find a band filled with both talented musicians and guys who you consider friends. Good luck.

 

[40Hz]

Seems you’re looking to trade up. That’s perfectly natural. Just go where you want to go. No need for all the hand wringing and drama.

Based on my experience having bandmates quit - and occasionally quitting a band myself - 99% of us are nowhere near as irreplaceable as we sometimes think we are. And no band ever benefits from having a member who has decided he or she doesn’t really want to be in the group anymore. Take your leave and be polite about it. Your old band will manage just fine without you.

 

[robassable]

60 years old?... just do it man. They'll be fine, everybody is replaceable, and it's better to leave while things are good than when things might go bad relationship wise. In my 60's too, and Life is getting way too short to not be doin' what we really wanna do.

 

[Topkat13]

I promise it’s going to be ok.

 

[jerry]

I think more cats around here should quit their bands if they are not happy.

 

[Tom Henrich]

I just turned 60 and I have been playing in bands since high school mostly. Had a dry spell when one band ran it's course and i had gotten tired enough of the effort to get into another one. Only one other time did i quit a band I was playing in to move to another one. It's happening again now.

I found myself bandless about a year and a half ago due to band drama break up and got a call from a nearby guitar player I new asking if I liked country music to which I replied "well of course I do." The other guitar player was a former bandmate and i knew his skill level and looked forward to playing again with him. I was able to just jump right into the songlist and began gigging with them quickly. These are superior players and I counted myself lucky to have landed there. I do some singing when needed and the vocal harmonies in this band are pretty darned good. We do 80's and 90's country Music. Brooks and Dunn etc. Along with classics here and there. We added an expert steel player and the sound just was elevated to something I thought was unattainable for any band I would ever be a part of.

In the meantime I get calls occasionally to sub for a missing bass guy with a few bands in our area and I have kept pretty busy between all of them but my allegiance has always been to the country band first. One of those bands is a rock n roll band who's bass guy had to bow out due to personal issues. I was going to sub for them until they found another but after a while I came to the conclusion that I really want to get back to playing rock bass lines. They're just more fun. I want to play in a rock n roll band again and this new band is pretty darned good. Lots of gigs scheduled, good money, good crowds and the band is a good hang as well. They offered me the gig and I said yes.

The country band is playing tonight at our local casino. Pa and backline provided so tear down and load out will be short. I plan on telling the guys to start looking for my replacement tonight. I even have a guy that we know who is good, can sing and is willing to fill in until they settle on a regular guy. I can give them a month and hang around to play the two gigs we have booked.

These guys are not only great players but they have become good friends as well and I think it's gonna really disappoint a few of them. Because they really like the present makeup of the band and the sound that we all produce. There aren't that many bass players around our area and it's gonna be tough to find one plays this style of music and sings. I feel like a schmuck. But I'm doing it anyway.

i know I have the right to go where I want to go and I know that bands change all the time. I know that they know it too. But they are all just really REALLY happy and I kinda feel like I am betraying them. I know it's not the case but there it is.

I just turned 60 and I have been playing in bands since high school mostly. Had a dry spell when one band ran it's course and i had gotten tired enough of the effort to get into another one. Only one other time did i quit a band I was playing in to move to another one. It's happening again now.

I found myself bandless about a year and a half ago due to band drama break up and got a call from a nearby guitar player I new asking if I liked country music to which I replied "well of course I do." The other guitar player was a former bandmate and i knew his skill level and looked forward to playing again with him. I was able to just jump right into the songlist and began gigging with them quickly. These are superior players and I counted myself lucky to have landed there. I do some singing when needed and the vocal harmonies in this band are pretty darned good. We do 80's and 90's country Music. Brooks and Dunn etc. Along with classics here and there. We added an expert steel player and the sound just was elevated to something I thought was unattainable for any band I would ever be a part of.

In the meantime I get calls occasionally to sub for a missing bass guy with a few bands in our area and I have kept pretty busy between all of them but my allegiance has always been to the country band first. One of those bands is a rock n roll band who's bass guy had to bow out due to personal issues. I was going to sub for them until they found another but after a while I came to the conclusion that I really want to get back to playing rock bass lines. They're just more fun. I want to play in a rock n roll band again and this new band is pretty darned good. Lots of gigs scheduled, good money, good crowds and the band is a good hang as well. They offered me the gig and I said yes.

The country band is playing tonight at our local casino. Pa and backline provided so tear down and load out will be short. I plan on telling the guys to start looking for my replacement tonight. I even have a guy that we know who is good, can sing and is willing to fill in until they settle on a regular guy. I can give them a month and hang around to play the two gigs we have booked.

These guys are not only great players but they have become good friends as well and I think it's gonna really disappoint a few of them. Because they really like the present makeup of the band and the sound that we all produce. There aren't that many bass players around our area and it's gonna be tough to find one plays this style of music and sings. I feel like a schmuck. But I'm doing it anyway.

i know I have the right to go where I want to go and I know that bands change all the time. I know that they know it too. But they are all just really REALLY happy and I kinda feel like I am betraying them. I know it's not the case but there it is.

We may be related. I'm 57 and have been looking for a band because the one I was playing in wasn't my cup of tea. I did the whole post on FB, Reddit and those paywall app musician classifieds with no luck. Eventually I posted on Craigslist got some response and hooked up with a band.

All of my posts said classic hard rock / classic metal. I was unaware that The Cult, Santana, Tom Petty, Lenny Kravitz and The Beatles fell into that genre. LOL. I didn't mind the Petty and Beatles too much because I love them. Still, not what I want to play however. I'm not looking to have a million monthly streams on Spotify or a sold out week at playing Madison Square Garden. And I can appreciate that other guys in the band have songs that they want to play. Adding a Stevie Wonder song after practically begging to do a Rush song was the last straw. Writing this now made me realize that it may have been that the Rush song was played like a trainwreck on purpose.

For most, playing music is supposed to be fun. I decided to hook up with the band I was in for similar reasons. I got sick of not finding what I was looking for and wanted to see if I could still do it. I had a massive stroke 2.2 years ago. I needed to prove to myself that I was up to the task. After that I found that I was, adios muchachos. LOL.

 

[Swipter]

Interesting read through. The only place I have played is in churches, although I have played with some really good people. I miss it more than you know. I can't find a church to go to but that's a different story. I totally agree about the grass. Sometimes what you have is much better than what you want. The people you work with sound like the best part. The next place may not be like that.

 

[Pocket Dave]

@BassDad1964, how did it go last night.

Seems that if you showed them the same gratitude, grace and honesty you reflect in your OP, while they probably wish you'd stick around, they'll understand.

I can kind of relate; I'm in a similar band right now with a lot of country, among other things. The guys are all high-level and a great hang, they all understand the audience engagement aspect of entertainment and we work a lot. I truly enjoy playing with these guys.

If I were to ever consider leaving for another band, I'd add one thing.

I'd probably let the guys know how much I'd feel honored and appreciate any chance to sub back in on any of my off nights they might need me.

 

[BassDad1964]

Some updates:
We played the gig at the Casino. Band sounded great and the crowd seemed to like it. We had a good time. Up until the time I sat 'em down and let them know that they need to start looking for a new bass guy. Actually two of the guys understood but the BL had a tough time with it and still is. I told them where I was going (members of both bands are all friends) and I told them that I would stay on and play booked gigs while they found another player. The BL's main response was to lament how he wished he had known three months ago before he started updating PA equipment. I told him that I didn't know three months ago! Anyway, it was just a reaction and he knows that all of that was his decision and nobody asked him to spend money like that. However, I do feel bad about it.

I have reached out to every musician I know in our area looking for possible replacements to recommend and I have found a few and passed their names along. One of them is a decent player and a much better singer than me so they actually have the potential to be an even better band I think.

So I am passed feeling too bad about it. I knew it would hurt the BL and it has but the situation is about as best as I can make it so I am done worrying about it.

Thanks for listening to my rant and responding they way you all did. Talkbass can be a cool place and I appreciate it.

bob

 

[Pocket Dave]

Some updates:
We played the gig at the Casino. Band sounded great and the crowd seemed to like it. We had a good time. Up until the time I sat 'em down and let them know that they need to start looking for a new bass guy. Actually two of the guys understood but the BL had a tough time with it and still is. I told them where I was going (members of both bands are all friends) and I told them that I would stay on and play booked gigs while they found another player. The BL's main response was to lament how he wished he had known three months ago before he started updating PA equipment. I told him that I didn't know three months ago! Anyway, it was just a reaction and he knows that all of that was his decision and nobody asked him to spend money like that. However, I do feel bad about it.

I have reached out to every musician I know in our area looking for possible replacements to recommend and I have found a few and passed their names along. One of them is a decent player and a much better singer than me so they actually have the potential to be an even better band I think.

So I am passed feeling too bad about it. I knew it would hurt the BL and it has but the situation is about as best as I can make it so I am done worrying about it.

Thanks for listening to my rant and responding they way you all did. Talkbass can be a cool place and I appreciate it.

bob

Mentioning the recent PA upgrade seems like a reach; Is he going to stop booking the band now that he needs to change bass players?

Sounds like the BL felt hurt, took it personal, and started an inventory of "why this sucks" in his head. If he gets over it, great; If not, not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

[3Liter]

Mentioning the recent PA upgrade seems like a reach; Is he going to stop booking the band now that he needs to change bass players?

Sounds like the BL felt hurt, took it personal, and started an inventory of "why this sucks" in his head. If he gets over it, great; If not, not your circus, not your monkeys.

Hmm. How many threads here talk about a band collapsing when they can, but can't really, replace one member? The first one to go often triggers others to do the same. BL probably has this in his mind.

 

[BassDad1964]

Mentioning the recent PA upgrade seems like a reach; Is he going to stop booking the band now that he needs to change bass players?

Sounds like the BL felt hurt, took it personal, and started an inventory of "why this sucks" in his head. If he gets over it, great; If not, not your circus, not your monkeys.

Yup. I agree.

 

[Marko 1]

Thanks for listening to my rant and responding they way you all did. Talkbass can be a cool place and I appreciate it.

I have a bit of band drama causing me stress, and I was kinda depressed thinking it might end the band, as in me bowing out (worst part being it would leave me with tons of unused equipment/gear), but it seems to be manageable for the time being.

But... I am happy to know that I can come here and share with some sympathetic, good-hearted folks should things fall apart.

 

[Pocket Dave]

Hmm. How many threads here talk about a band collapsing when they can, but can't really, replace one member? The first one to go often triggers others to do the same. BL probably has this in his mind.

Maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows.

Since the OP has provided some replacement contacts, one who may even be an upgrade, it'd be hard for me to understand that.

Here in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metromess, if you've got steady bookings, you can generally attract and keep good players. Even with random bookings, you can at least get capable sidemen.

Still, you never know. If someone's looking for an excuse to blow up the band, they're usually going to find it, in spite of, and sometimes oblivious to, their own motivations.

 

[BassDad1964]

Had first rehearsal with the new band last night. Wish I could have just fast forwarded to that part. I have subbed for these guys before but its nice to know when you are in the right place. One added tidbit: I talked with the Steel player yesterday and he is ready to step out as well. He says that he loves the way the band sounds but the material we were doing, 80's-90's country just doesn't draw a crowd. He's right. The BL doesn't want to listen to our requests to adjust the songlist and he doesn't see it being profitable much longer. However the BL texted me today to ask for the website admin role and he also said that they are auditioning new bass players. I told him that if he needed my help to cover a booking I would be happy to do it.

 

[51PRI]

I have a bit of band drama causing me stress, and I was kinda depressed thinking it might end the band, as in me bowing out (worst part being it would leave me with tons of unused equipment/gear), but it seems to be manageable for the time being.

But... I am happy to know that I can come here and share with some sympathetic, good-hearted folks should things fall apart.

It's good to have a place to vent, if nothing else.

 

[pepj]

Had first rehearsal with the new band last night. Wish I could have just fast forwarded to that part. I have subbed for these guys before but its nice to know when you are in the right place. One added tidbit: I talked with the Steel player yesterday and he is ready to step out as well. He says that he loves the way the band sounds but the material we were doing, 80's-90's country just doesn't draw a crowd. He's right. The BL doesn't want to listen to our requests to adjust the songlist and he doesn't see it being profitable much longer. However the BL texted me today to ask for the website admin role and he also said that they are auditioning new bass players. I told him that if he needed my help to cover a booking I would be happy to do it.

You live and die on your material choices and I'm fine with playing what you want, but then the audience response is on you for making and agreeing them.

I'm seeing 3 types of gigs around here.
Originals which has limitations in paying, so usually need tickets sales; Play the covers you like, in the style you like, and crowd pleaser; which means you dont have to be that great to get away with it.

 

[DanDBassist]

I just turned 60 and I have been playing in bands since high school mostly. Had a dry spell when one band ran it's course and i had gotten tired enough of the effort to get into another one. Only one other time did i quit a band I was playing in to move to another one. It's happening again now.

I found myself bandless about a year and a half ago due to band drama break up and got a call from a nearby guitar player I new asking if I liked country music to which I replied "well of course I do." The other guitar player was a former bandmate and i knew his skill level and looked forward to playing again with him. I was able to just jump right into the songlist and began gigging with them quickly. These are superior players and I counted myself lucky to have landed there. I do some singing when needed and the vocal harmonies in this band are pretty darned good. We do 80's and 90's country Music. Brooks and Dunn etc. Along with classics here and there. We added an expert steel player and the sound just was elevated to something I thought was unattainable for any band I would ever be a part of.

In the meantime I get calls occasionally to sub for a missing bass guy with a few bands in our area and I have kept pretty busy between all of them but my allegiance has always been to the country band first. One of those bands is a rock n roll band who's bass guy had to bow out due to personal issues. I was going to sub for them until they found another but after a while I came to the conclusion that I really want to get back to playing rock bass lines. They're just more fun. I want to play in a rock n roll band again and this new band is pretty darned good. Lots of gigs scheduled, good money, good crowds and the band is a good hang as well. They offered me the gig and I said yes.

The country band is playing tonight at our local casino. Pa and backline provided so tear down and load out will be short. I plan on telling the guys to start looking for my replacement tonight. I even have a guy that we know who is good, can sing and is willing to fill in until they settle on a regular guy. I can give them a month and hang around to play the two gigs we have booked.

These guys are not only great players but they have become good friends as well and I think it's gonna really disappoint a few of them. Because they really like the present makeup of the band and the sound that we all produce. There aren't that many bass players around our area and it's gonna be tough to find one plays this style of music and sings. I feel like a schmuck. But I'm doing it anyway.

i know I have the right to go where I want to go and I know that bands change all the time. I know that they know it too. But they are all just really REALLY happy and I kinda feel like I am betraying them. I know it's not the case but there it is.

I also enjoying playing rock music. A band I played with had a house gig for around 5 years. We played a decent variety of music but no rock. Steel player singer, acoustic guitarist singer, keyboard singer, drummer and myself on bass. They pretty much played every moment and I eventually felt stifled because there was so much going on that my bass lines became mundane. The place we played was sold and we lost the gig and everyone went there own way.

Now I am in a fun group where I can let my creativity out of the jar and have become a good influence on the other members. We have a female vocalist, electric guitarist singer, drummer singer and bassist (non singer). There is lots of room for me to play my heart out and I feel much happier. It made a big difference in many ways. Hope the best for you too. By the way I'm turning 73 in June and am playing better than ever due to the type of music and band.