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Really need some advice, bandmates are turning on me...

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DaddyFatBass32

Oct 11, 2011
54
20
Los Angeles
#1
So, I play bass in a ska/jazz/rock/latin band with a bunch of my closest friends. We've been playing together for a little over two years and it was mostly for fun. Most of the band members are trained on their instruments and I was the only person who was self-taught. Anyway, a week ago we had some investors come watch us at a gig. They were pretty impressed but had some notes for us. The very first one was "The bass player has got to go." Now I'll admit, I am not the best bass player in LA but I'm pretty good. But I can tell my bandmates, especially the singer, are thinking about giving me the boot. Most of the band is begining to get very serious about "getting big" and I feel like I've run my course with them and I don't want to hold them back.
What should I do? Any bit of advice will help. :hmm:
 
#3
If these guys are your closest friends, talk with them about it. If you feel like you're holding them back, tell them and see what they say. Maybe it'll be a relief to all of you and you can move on. See what happens.
 
#4
A good friend of mine played drums in a band that got "signed" maybe 20 years ago. They were all excited, and my buddy quit his job to go to Nashville to record their big album.

When they got to the studio, the producer looked at the singer/songwriter/front-man and asked him "What are all these guys doing here?" Apparently, they already had a band all lined up and were just interested in the singer.

This stuff happens all the time.
 
#5
You are a friend to them if you actually think of quitting to not hold them back, good on you for that. On the other side, what do your friends think? Do they think you're holding them back? Think you guys need to sit down and talk about what was said.

Your feelings of having run your course with the band... did that come after what was said or were you already feeling it? If you were already feeling it, then maybe you are holding them back. Just saying....

Now, "investors" say lots of things. Did they say "if you replace the bassist, we will support you with x dollars to record a demo"? What kind of investors were they? Musicians, Producers, Image Makeover people? This dictates the amount of respect to give what they said.

The "hit it big" dream can make the best of friends do really stupid things. So keep that in mind. You can commit yourself to improving, taking lessons, etc.

Wish you all the best.
 
#8
I would say the odds are significantly less than 50-50 that these investors' opinions have anything to do with your ability to play bass. It's far more likely they don't like something about your appearance, stage presence, the color or style of your bass, etc. Maybe you don't sing and they think you should (or vice versa)... hard to say but given the fact that IME less than 1 out of 10 non-musicans can even tell the difference between a bass and a guitar (much less whether a bassist is any good)... I would be very surprised if your bass skills are the primary issue here.

Sorry to say but in today's "fashion first" world some very good musicians get bounced from bands for some very dubious reasons.
 
#9
jaywa said:
I would say the odds are significantly less than 50-50 that these investors' opinions have anything to do with your ability to play bass. It's far more likely they don't like something about your appearance, stage presence, the color or style of your bass, etc. Maybe you don't sing and they think you should (or vice versa)... hard to say but given the fact that IME less than 1 out of 10 non-musicans can even tell the difference between a bass and a guitar (much less whether a bassist is any good)... I would be very surprised if your bass skills are the primary issue here.

Sorry to say but in today's "fashion first" world some very good musicians get bounced from bands for some very dubious reasons.
Click to expand...

+1

In addition, who the hell are these "music executives?" What's their track record? Have they produced gold records, have they launched succesful careers? Have they enabled musicians a good living wage?

I've seen this so many times. Some self-proclaimed string-puller is just blowing smoke up everyone's rear and causing a lot of bad blood in the process. It's really common in the music business.

Talk this out thoroughly, objectively without emotion or drama, and get ALL the facts.
 
#10
electracoyote said:
I've seen this so many times. Some self-proclaimed string-puller is just blowing smoke up everyone's rear and causing a lot of bad blood in the process. It's really common in the music business.

Talk this out thoroughly, objectively without emotion or drama, and get ALL the facts.
Click to expand...

+1000

Find out who these guys are, and vet them.

If I got a dollar for every single person who said they could "help" our band, none of the bands would need any help because we'd be stinking rich.
 
#11
That was pretty cold, but they are business people. People play rough when there's money at stake.

I'm wondering. Ska is usually pretty polished. If the other guys all have a lot of training and you're self-taught, then I'm guessing you are a lot more "raw" sounding while they are more "studio" sounding. Is it possible this band is not the best fit for your sound and your talents?

These things are especially hard when friendship and loyalty come into the mix. I was in a situation with a my math rock band where we brought in a good friend of ours to play drums after our original drummer left. We really wanted it to work, but he just couldn't keep up with all the crazy transitions, odd time signatures, and weird polyrhythms.

We played a few shows together, and they were all trainwrecks. Then he surprised us by quitting. We were really bummed out. We still thought we could get him up to speed if we just put more time in, but he was just getting too stressed out by the whole thing and wasn't happy.

Everything worked out, though. We eventually found a new drummer who is a really good fit and a great guy. Our old drummer is playing in another band that works a lot better for him and they are gigging a lot. They give him a lot of love and respect. It was awkward between us for a little while, but it's back to normal now and we still hang out.

I think the best thing is to all talk about it openly and keep cool heads. If this is the way things are moving, maybe it will be a good opportunity for everybody. Good luck!
 
#14
MatticusMania said:
Youre giving them too much credit. The OP said they were "investors".
Perhaps theyre trying to start "a label"...

;)
Click to expand...

Sarcasm duly noted and much deserved.

I referred to them as music executives because they obviously don't want to be merely investors in a "silent partner" sense. They want to call shots regarding band dynamics and decisions.

Again, typical of the "business." Everyone's a critic, everyone's an expert.
 
#15
Wow, lots of feedback. I really appreciate it, guys.
The guys have mentioned that they want me to stay and that maybe I should get some lessons. I think this is pretty good idea but I don't want to invest too much money on bass lessons. My "real" passion (or whatever, haha) is film.
So, I don't feel too bad if they let me go.
 
#16
Hmmm, strange reaction from your end. Actually the title of the thread is misleading. They're not turning on you at all.

Maybe since this is not your passion, you should in fact quit and give them the room to become better as a band. You can practice your passion by doing videos of the band (in a film type of way, not live video type stuff necessarily), and thereby still continue your friendship with them...
 
#18
I think electracoyote, jive1, and grue have all made astute observations and given good advice. Kudos to you all.

You're in a band with your friends and are having fun then things start to get serious and the (mostly IME) weasels come sniffing around. The entertainment racket is filled with them, and is mind boggling in its limitless amounts of ruthless back-stabbing and skull duggery. It can be difficult to separate the genuine from the scum. Your band will find it difficult to know whom to trust because money changes everything and almost everybody.

I think if you're honest with yourself and do indeed need to bow out of the group it's not the end of the world. I know it sucks to have put in all the ground work to get to this point but you can always find/start another one if you want.

Do you have any technical skills like sound engineering, tour managing, etc.? If you're friends they'll most likely want people around they know and trust when they travel. Good road crew members are a valuable asset and seem to always find plenty of work.
 
#19
ibateur, thats what I was thinking. Most of the guys are great. But the singer and guitarist are sort of turning on me. They're shooting down the idea of me getting lessons, they want me to have a different stage presence and stuff like that. I just didn't want to make them seem like jerks...on the internet. Haha.
 
#20
In the investors' defense... if your heart really isn't into this band to the degree of the rest of your bandmates, maybe they're picking up on that. If they're going to put money into the band they want to be convinced they're not gonna have a member bailing right before a big showcase gig or something.

Which again, doesn't come down so much to your musicianship as it does your motivation and commitment level.
 

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