Resolved: was yada yada what should I do?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by LBS-bass, Aug 2, 2020.

  1. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017

    After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough.

    I believe most people will understand that someone who will do this to me would also do it to them, and these actions do not paint him in a positive light. I'm good with that.

    Love you guys.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2020
  2. flojob

    flojob Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 15, 2011
    That's a tough one. If it's a small town, the folks that know you or of you will know better. The people getting the text probably know the sender, and know to take his texts with a grain of salt.
  3. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Well, you might think so, but he has only moved back here recently and spent many years prior to that in another country. He does have friends here from years ago, but what they think or know of him I haven't a clue.

    I don't have any reason to believe that my own reputation has any other tarnish on it.
  4. bass12

    bass12 Turn up the Eagles - the neighbours are listening Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2008
    Montreal, Canada
    Honestly, I’d just let it go. Everyone in music circles has had others unjustifiably bad mouthing them at some point. In my opinion it’s not worth getting a lawyer involved but I suppose if you have the money and you want to make this guy squirm a bit then you could always have a letter sent.
  5. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    I'm thinking a letter is a relatively inexpensive way to make sure he understands he needs to stop doing this. I'm not made of money but I'm 100% sure my pockets are way deeper than his are, and I have never been one to take kindly to being screwed over. I would prefer it not escalate beyond there but i have the means to fight him if I have to. He probably does not.
    Huw Phillips, zie and bass12 like this.
  6. I personally think you are being over sensitive. I re read what he had said a few times to make sure, but what I read at face value seemed pretty accurate.

    He stated he had worked with you in a band a year ago, and had a bad experience. I see this as accurate; he had a bad experience with the band.

    No where did I read it was reflected that he had a bad experience with you, just the band. Additionally, the fact he didn’t elaborate on or get into petty finger pointing looks to me as if he took the high road.

    I don’t know the full story, just what you posted. But going after the guy for saying he had a bad experience in a band you were involved with, (which he did) I see you being a lot more petty and inflamed over this than he is.

    Nothing against you or him, I’m just trying to be honest, reading what you said at face value.
  7. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    No, did you not see that I was paraphrasing? the point of him texting my friend was to let him know that he (thinks) he had a bad experience with me, specifically. To be clear, and I now do quote: "I notice you are friends with (LBS)....I had an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player last year...."

    Which is complete and utter bollocks. He had an unsuccessful experience, but I had zip to do with it.
    zie, Yonni and Dynacord like this.
  8. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    And, honestly, I'm not asking for your impressions on my understanding of the situation, so please refrain from those lines of speculation. I understand the situation. I am asking if I should persue legal measures.
    zie and 31HZ like this.
  9. Ah, well that’s a little different. I read the original posting as different, more band oriented than you. I hope you find the best avenue to resolve the issue for everyone involved.
    Beej and Kevnn4 like this.
  10. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Thanks :)

    I know I need to sit with this for at least a day. I am beyond angry right now, which I think is understandable. Tomorrow I'm likely to still be angry but a little more clearheaded.
  11. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Wow. This dude is a bit nuts.

    First off, he's pissed because somebody else won't book his band? That's weird right out of the gate.

    A year later he's digging up bones that never had anything to do with you to begin with.

    I gather that music provides some of your income. I would he pissed too.

    Unfortunately, I can't help even a tiny bit. But I get why you're upset.

    Here's hoping somebody here comes up with something that will help you maintain your pro reputation.
  12. Eddie LeBlanc

    Eddie LeBlanc

    Oct 26, 2014
    Beaumont, Texas
    Don't create no problem, won't be no problem.
    Not much you can do. That is, unless you have a lawyer as a friend that wants to start a fuss. But likely that is exactly what will occur, more of a fuss. "And the more you pick at that sore, the more it will fester", is what my Granny always said.

    Maybe best to let it all die down. People usually just have to go on with their lives, and other things become more important.

    Or, there is always something else.......
  13. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Well yeah, people need to get on with their lives, and I have been, but a YEAR and change later he hasn't let it go and is defaming me in text messages when I did NOTHING to him? How do I just "let that go?"
    fhm555 and Eddie LeBlanc like this.
  14. Eddie LeBlanc

    Eddie LeBlanc

    Oct 26, 2014
    Beaumont, Texas
    Don't create no problem, won't be no problem.
    But who do those text messages go to? And do you think they pay attention?
    Or a discussion with a lawyer may be in order.

    Got to admit, if most people see on going rants, they tend to feel the source is totally off balance. And most delete them without reading. And some could even block them if they go on and on. At least most the folks I know. Unstable people do unstable things, and most everyone notices quickly.
    DirtDog, Loring and Shalto like this.
  15. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Fusion Cats Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    It's stinky.
    With that said - one thing. COVID-19.
    We're all a bit sensitive and on edge, and some of us are quite weird by now, if we weren't to begin with.
    Bad-mouthing at this level is easily outweighed by your behavior, which, I believe, is usually in integrity.

    If it were me, I'd let it go. If I saw it happen again I'd then take strong action, which in my case would be a direct confrontation (not physical, you understand, but direct).
  16. Shalto


    Aug 23, 2019
    I have no experience but I highly doubt it's worth pursuing formally. As:

    1) "bad experience" is subjective. Whether your behaviour was exemplary, average or poor it's "their" experience. Edit: I see he said "unsuccessful experience" still quite a vague criticism, as his perception of success is subjective.

    2) If you've been around long enough to build a reasonable reputation then it will survive this. If he is texting people who know you, then they know you. It would have more potential to hurt you if you are new to a scene.

    3) People who gossip tend to get ignored by those its worth networking with, and listened to by those you wouldn't mind avoiding professionally.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2020
    TerribleTim68, Beej, iammr2 and 10 others like this.
  17. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Well, I don't know. No one else has contacted me, but the person he sent it to today is a very close friend, so who knows how many mere acquaintances got this message before it hit someone I know well?
    I did confront him via Messenger; he lives in the next town over. He did not reply but instead blocked me. I have screen shots of what was forwarded to me so there's no question about what he was up to.

    I guess the question is whether or not he'll keep doing it now that he knows I'm aware of what's being said. The odds, I'm guessing, are low.
    Dynacord likes this.
  18. 4SG


    Mar 6, 2014
    A text is written, so the claim would be for libel, not slander. The content of the text--"I had an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player last year"--is not defamatory per se (i.e. it's not damaging on its face). So, the question is whether it's defamatory per quod. This would require a showing that the statement tends to subject you or your business to "special damages." Special damages constitute lost profits, loss of business relationships, interference with contractual relationships, decreased business traffic, or adverse employment consequences. In other words, you're losing gigs because of being badmouthed. The expression of an opinion, whether or not it's based in fact, may be a defense to the claim of defamation per quod if it's truly nothing more than an opinion expressed without negligence or malicious intent.

    That's a super brief snapshot of Californian defamation law. There are a million variables. You need to consider whether this person's texts are not errant opinions but statements intended to impact your reputation or income-generating capacity. If you're just angry about it happening (which is understandable) but doubt--or would not be able to prove--that there will be any measurable consequences, it may not be worth your time and money.

    Hope that helps and sorry about this situation.
    Sid Fang, oldNewbie, iammr2 and 17 others like this.
  19. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Thank you very much. My main concern is how this would impact my ability to network moving forward. Obviously we're all in a holding pattern with COVID on the scene but I have been active in the local scene for about three years and was just beginning to build my reputation to the point at which I had relatively lucrative gigs on the books almost every weekend this year which, of course, were cancelled.

    I wouldn't say that I've been established in this town for any length of time; I've been scraping to establish myself over three years and was just really starting to feel like that was paying off. The big question is whether or not he sent this to several people or if by some strange coincidence only sent it out once and it just happened to go that one time to one of my closest friends (very doubtful).

    To me it's quite obvious that his intent is to harm my ability to work; there is literally no other reason to send a text message like that to someone who you have just connected with for the first time online today (which is what happened - he was not connected with my friend online until today and the first thing he did was send him this message). I can't imagine why he would do that, but I also don't feel so secure in my reputation here that I could say without doubt that there's been no harm done. So I don't know. I just want him to stop doing it.

    I'm going to try to get some rest tonight and explore this more thoroughly in the morning.
    31HZ likes this.
  20. BassUrges


    Mar 14, 2016
    I’m not licensed in California, but if someone in one of my states wanted me to take this on as a lawsuit, they’d be forking over $25,000 down, with the advice that it could cost 3-4 times that if you wanted to take it to the mat. A letter would be a lot less, of course, and might just make him mad.

    I point this out to put in perspective your question of w whether a lawyer would take this seriously. Have a check for 25 large? I will take it seriously.

    But actually—I would strongly advise almost any client to let it go. Unless you’re losing HUGE business opportunities, the risks of defamation suits are pretty much never worth it. The other side can and will point out every stupid thing you’ve ever done as part of their defense, which can easily leave you worse off even if you win. Plus what are the odds you can collect anyway?
    Koshchei, Mosfed, oldNewbie and 20 others like this.
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

    Sep 28, 2021

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.