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Resolved: was yada yada what should I do?

#41
You will do yourself more harm than good by getting a lawyer involved. You don't want a reputation as somebody who sues other musicians - and even if it's just a cease and desist letter, the gossip will likely elevate it to a lawsuit.

I also think that songwriter is doing himself more harm than good by talking badly about you and the rest of the band.

Stay above the fray, tell your side of the story calmly and simply if it comes up in conversation, and keep doing the positive things that have gotten your reputation where it is.
 
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#42
I would let it go and go on with my life. If you get any feedback from others about something said about you then you can address it.
I don't think you lead two lives and are pretty steady on all your posts here so I think your reputation will stand with those that know you.
Band drama happens in all music environments. Unfortunately, sometimes we take it so personally because we pour so much into it.
 
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#43
murph7489 said:
people....that is why any job I have ever done especially painting cars I have taken several before and after pics to both document the work, and to have them for my own portfolio to keep becuase its cool to look back at jobs. An example is this 67 Plymouth Belvedere I did at the shop..I only did older cars, restorations. As you can see I took this car down to the plain silver metal and trust me it was a LOT of prep work as old cars are always a lot of prep ( the better the prep, the better the finished product). This shop is in SC and believe this doing this kind of work in that blazing heat is mf and there is no way I'm going to let some nutcase try an rob me of either money or rep or my spirituality because I have found one truth..well two...people will always try to get over on you and the people with the most money are the ones who will be the most persistent and slow to pay, and come up with all kinds of nonsense in an effort to get out of paying....

before
View attachment 3929614
during prep:
View attachment 3929615

and after the initial paint application
View attachment 3929616
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Great freaking work. If I ever need a Mopar restored, I know who to call.
 
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#46
You could hire a lawyer but then you would be the ex band member that hired a lawyer to shut the other band member up. You’re in a small town and that will get around. Would you get involved with someone that sued their former band mates? I wouldn’t. Additionally, the phrase "My pockets are deeper than his" is a bad look. That would keep me away.
 
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#47
I think you have a legitimate beef.

That being said, I would prefer to be publicly seen as the type of person who responds to smelly bait with cool-headed, pragmatic professionalism, and not as someone who takes legal action against former bandmates.

Yes, I am bummed for you, but my advice is to play the long game.
 
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#48
The way this is worded "I notice you are friends with (LBS)....I had an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player last year...." he doesn't even blame the lack of success on you. It's not even online defamation, it's a text between two friends.

Not what you want to hear, but if you want to be in the music business, you need to grow some thicker skin.
 
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#50
lfmn16 said:
The way this is worded "I notice you are friends with (LBS)....I had an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player last year...." he doesn't even blame the lack of success on you. It's not even online defamation, it's a text between two friends.

Not what you want to hear, but if you want to be in the music business, you need to grow some thicker skin.
Click to expand...

That's absolutely not how I would read that text, but to be fair I generally don't search for the possibility of benevolence when there is none on the surface.
 
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#53
I know you were paraphrasing what the songwriter said, but if all he said was he had a bad experience or unsuccessful experience with you, I don't think there's much you can do. Those are kind of subjective and it would be difficult for anyone to prove/disprove that. Maybe he is just using the last practice where you mistakenly did not show up to justify his feelings in which case I don't think it's slanderous. I would think it would slander if he was outright lying about bad experiences with you like saying you didn't show up for gigs for example.
 
#54
LBS-bass said:
Sigh.

A year ago I was briefly involved in a band with a songwriter and two other players. The songwriter apparently had the idea that the guitarist was going to promote the band and book shows; the guitarist thought no such thing. At least this is what the guitarist told me.

There was apparently a confrontation between the two of them over this one afternoon when I errantly did not think there was going to be a rehearsal; the drummer, who had been organizing things, had texted me a week earlier asking me if I thought we should be continuing weekly rehearsals with no gigs on the books since we knew all the material. I told him no, I didn't want to practice weekly until we had something to work toward. So I did not go to the rehearsal space that week, and neither did he.

But the guitarist did, and the songwriter did, and they both got into a big conflagration over the booking question. The songwriter took his gear and stormed off and I never heard from him again.

Today I got a forwarded text from a good friend who received a message from the songwriter. Mind you, this is more than a year later. The text, which I am paraphrasing, said "I see you are friends with (LBS). I was in a band with her last year and I had a bad experience."

This was a bit of a shock, not surprisingly. I had nothing against this guy and had nothing to do with his altercation with the guitarist and decision to abandon the project. Up until that point all he had done was heap praise on my contributions, and though I thought it was odd that he'd never contacted me, I just moved on.

But, we are a year out. How many other people has he sent these texts to?

I sent him a message telling him I thought it was some major BS on his part to slander me for no reason behind my back and then I put something up on FB to the effect of, "if you got a text from someone about me, please let me know so I can give you my side of this." I did not name any names, but I will if anyone contacts me.

But that doesn't feel like enough. I want to send him a cease and desist letter. My question is whether or not anyone who has real experience with these matters thinks that a) an attorney would take this seriously, as opposed to just viewing it as an online spat and b) it's worth doing.

I texted him to ask him for a list of people he's sent this to. I know his address. I can do my own letter using an online form and probably retain an attorney to cc things to in case he doesn't reply to the letter.

He hasn't responded to my request for names and I doubt that he will. This is a small town and I've worked hard over the past three years to establish myself here. I feel like that's worth something. What should I do?

*changed the thread title based on info from some smarter people than me :)
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Prefaced with IANAL (though I have dealt with similar situations in a Union capacity):

1) How much money do you stand to lose from this negative statement? More or less than the cost of a nastygram? Even if you preface the letter with "without prejudice", it doesn't mean he can't post it publicly and paint you as an image-obsessed control freak who's trying to stifle a bad review (see: Streisand Effect). I suggest that this is a far worse outcome than some slightly negative hearsay.

2) Is he still actively attacking you? If not, then your correspondence may have gotten the point home. If he is, then yes, you might want to pursue legal action, but only if you can prove without a doubt that his commentary has had a deleterious effect on your income (i.e. people turning you down specifically because of that this person said). Note that a successful defamation suit has a really high burden of proof, and not every case is as clear cut as "She's a serial rapist and white supremacist who uses her share of the money from ticket sales to poison Hallowe'en candy".

3) Do you think you've spooked him already? From the look of it, you've reached out a few times now. I'd start to worry that any further poking might come back at you as harassment.

I suggest that a better course of action is to shrug it off, and if anybody asks, to say that he and the guitarist were both flakes who wrecked the band because they couldn't agree who's turn it was to do the chores, like booking gigs.
 
#56
Haven't read past page 1 …

I think I'd start with simple contact to the person talking poopie about you. Find out why he has the impression that you had anything to do with the implosion last year - maybe talk him down from any further trash talking. Maybe he didn't even mean to express what he did or mixed up his names/experiences or ????

Can't do much of what has already been distributed, although I'd be curious as to why he even started his game - did someone use him as a reference for you? Seems quite obtuse to just start posting targeted bad mouthing.

I'm sure that people who already know both of you know the truth, but the peril is in any future opportunities. I'd certainly try to keep communications private rather than get into a public sparring.

As posted above, true legal approach is expensive and might be overkill at this stage. But, I would start documenting any such postings that you learn about, so you have real data to support any tactics you may choose to pursue.

Luckily, we're in a relatively large market - maybe he singer songwriter circle that you seem to prefer is a tad smaller, but from my limited experience, it would be hard to poison a high percentage of opportunities. He sounds kind of transient anyway, so it could be a very short term situation anyway.

Best of luck.
 
#57
First of all, sorry you're going through this. My best advice is to let it go unless it is unavoidable to do so. Please forgive if I missed a reply, but have you contacted the drummer and guitarist to find out if they've also been subject of the same negative feedback texts? Very important point to find out if you've been singled out and if the others are getting the same treatment perhaps the three of you have a collective gripe. Also, has the songwriter written anything negative about you on FB? Since you don't have a press agent (didn't hear mention of one) would delete your comment on FB and possibly (only if necessary) post something professional and high level about your involvement with the band "seems there's a songwriter trying to circulate a new song about a band that were so bad they ruined my songs" or simply stating what you've told us - the four of you played together for a while, no gigs were done and you moved on to greener pastures after the project did not come together. Something high level. If songwriter is publishing lies about you on FB, you can report that though I'm not sure how much they'll do about it, but it will serve as documentation. If this guy is after the three of you - discuss together. If he's singled you out and persists with negativity cross that bridge when you get there and if it subsides try to just let it go. Its obvious you care about what you do, put in the effort to try and make it work and are sensitive to having your efforts turned into a trash talk rant by a disgruntled songwriter so hope you can take the high road and look at this as a bump in the road and not a threat to your career or reputation. Do the homework and find the scope of the situation, evaluate your situation and options and above all else move forward with your life and don't sweat the small stuff. Peace and love with some good luck!
 
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#58
In reading what you posted, he said he had a bad band experience. But it implicates you in a non specific way, by associating your name with the statement.
Not much that you can do beyond confronting him the way that you did. A conversation or request for him to leave you out of it would be appropriate.
Good luck!
I've had to let go/move on from such characters, who have said much worse in my past. Unless what they are saying rings true, I have to consider them not worth my happiness, and dismiss them from my thoughts.
 
#59
LBS-bass said:
And, honestly, I'm not asking for your impressions on my understanding of the situation, so please refrain from those lines of speculation. I understand the situation. I am asking if I should persue legal measures.
Click to expand...

Emotion is running a bit high there.

Ok, if you’re going to sue for defamation, you have to show quantifiable injury. As in can you show it cost you work, got you fired from somewhere, etc. Hurt feelings about a negative comment isn’t going to qualify. Also, saying he had simply had a “bad experience” would most likely be seen in legal circles as him voicing a personal opinion. Nothing actionable about that. Had he elaborated and said a lot more, or launched a whole campaign and started making public announcements that might be different. But responding to an unsolicited question saying he had a bad experience is pretty vague. Not much different than saying “I just don’t like her.”

Galling as it can be I’d just let it go. People say nasty things about other people all the time. If your reputation precedes you, as I’m guessing it does, some minor diss received on FB isn’t going to harm it. And by making too big a deal out of it at this point might make some people think “she doth protest a bit too much” and wonder if there’s something more serious you want to hide. Silly I know. But humans excel at silliness.

I did cost somebody a job once. One of my clients called and asked about a consultant I used a few times in the past. I said I no longer did. I didn’t elaborate and my client didn’t ask me to.

The reason was because the guy knew his stuff. But he routinely slipped deadlines on the two projects we used him on. And I had to get someone else to finish his task on the second one. So I stopped using him.

That’s a pretty serious slam in the IT world. And somehow he found out, probably through a friend of his at that client, what I said. He called me up and threatened to sue. And I told him to go ahead.

Next thing I get a letter from an attorney screaming blue murder, accusing me of all manner of wrongdoings, alleging damages in the six digits, demanding a public apology and a complete retraction, yadda-yadda-yadda…

I handed it to my attorney. He looked at it and asked me what happened. I told him. He laughed. He told me I didn’t do anything that could be considered slanderous. I was asked about him and I factually stated I had used him in the past and no longer did. Simple statement of fact. Then he ran me quickly through through how defamation works. And from what he said it’s a pretty tough case to make. It has to be pretty egregious to make it stick.

He told me he’d make a phone call and not to worry about it.

Last I ever heard about it.

tl:dr - probably best just let it go for the time being and it’ll likely be over and done. If it escalates later on you can deal with it once it does. :)
 
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#60
I believe you`re giving his statement too much credence. If I`m using this guy as a reference for you, I would ask said him to elaborate, knowing all the while there are 2 sides to every story. I haven`t been in a band yet that one doesn`t talk bad about a former acquaintance. While there`s always a little bit of truth in every story, I like to hear the whole story before ever passing judgement.
I say Let it Go.
 

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