Resolved: was yada yada what should I do?

[wmhill]

Move on. $h!t happens and people run their mouths, big deal. The longer you dwell on it, the more it eats away at you.
If you're a straight shooter and valuable bandmate, the slagging won't stick to you. We have all had it happen to us and we.ve probably done it to some extent ourselves.

 

[JRA]

I just want the record straight. I guess it is straight as far as I can make it, so I'm moving forward today.

 

[JKos]

You could hire a lawyer but then you would be the ex band member that hired a lawyer to shut the other band member up. You’re in a small town and that will get around. Would you get involved with someone that sued their former band mates? I wouldn’t. Additionally, the phrase "My pockets are deeper than his" is a bad look. That would keep me away.

This. Let it go. You may have already done too much.

 

[HearNoStevil]

 

[buldog5151bass]

All the email says is that the person had a bad experience with you - that's their opinion. Seems petty to me, but there is nothing you can do about it. If they feel they had a bad experience, they feel that way.

 

[BobKos]

Nope. I said neither of the two things. I paraphrased at first because it's a PITA to go back and copy-paste the exact words and I figured people would trust me well enough to understand that's what I meant. When the inevitable misunderstanding occurred I posted exactly what the guy said here.

He did not send this message to a total stranger after a long hiatus from the area. He moved back to this area a little more than a year ago, and he sent the message yesterday to someone I know. Both of them are musicians and both of them frequently send friend requests to "friends of friends" in order to network online with other musicians. Nothing nefarious there.

Actually, you DID say those things. Or at least implied them. If I have misunderstood your own posts here so be it. I'm only reading what you post here and it seems to change as it goes. It only reinforces the fact that you are not expressing yourself well on this topic. I usually like your posts, but this thread has you ricocheting around. You're prob worked up and that isn't helping you. As such I would not engage him on social media over this. In fact I wouldn't engage him at all. Others may take what you say in the wrong context and you will look like the angry loser. Good luck with it.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

What goes around comes around. I've had issues with two people and they both got theirs.

 

[backin82]

If you're in a small town, then chances are the music circle is tiny. Just reach out to the ones you know (and want to work with periodically) and explain what happened in case they know or care about the issue. Your reputation shouldn't suffer much at all if the accuser is off-base with their assessments and is generally a crazy person to work with.

Let it go. Cream rises to the top.

 

[backin82]

What goes around comes around. I've had issues with two people and they both got theirs.

And this works both ways. If you respond poorly, even if justified, it'll just look bad. Take the high road. You never know what my transpire in the future, and how you handle this will be an indicator of your character to people who don't know you.

 

[vvvmmm]

Gotta say, I wouldn't even reach out to anyone. Why give the jerk power, why emphasize their poopie, why even acknowledge their opinion as being anything any reasonable person would consider?

And yeah, if asked, take the high road.

 

[LBS-bass]

Actually, you DID say those things. Or at least implied them. If I have misunderstood your own posts here so be it. I'm only reading what you post here and it seems to change as it goes. It only reinforces the fact that you are not expressing yourself well on this topic. I usually like your posts, but this thread has you ricocheting around. You're prob worked up and that isn't helping you. As such I would not engage him on social media over this. In fact I wouldn't engage him at all. Others may take what you say in the wrong context and you will look like the angry loser. Good luck with it.

OK then.

 

[RabidMusic]

I would not worry so much about it. He is only hurting himself.

 

[LBS-bass]

After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough. Love you guys.

 

[Phaenomenal]

There are those of us patiently waiting for things to get back to normal and spending our downtime fondly reflecting on past shows, good times and good friends. Then there are those who are bitter about what they don't have and spending their time feeling forgotten, lonely and being mean, so they pick at the past and blame everyone else for where they are. This person sounds like the latter to me. He wants attention and you know what will make him madder than sending a letter? Doing nothing. Anyone who approaches you about it, acknowledge the band ended poorly after a dispute between him and another band member. It sounds to me like your reputation is more solid than his. Personally, I wouldn't waste the time and money on the drama he craves.

 

[troy mcclure]

my experience is people will ignore bad information from someone after they cry wolf over and over. Those who blame are to blame.

 

[arbiterusa]

My question is whether or not anyone who has real experience with these matters thinks that a) an attorney would take this seriously, as opposed to just viewing it as an online spat and b) it's worth doing.

Yes, I have real life experience with defamation, documented and in writing, as part of a multimillion dollar lawsuit involving theft of trade secrets. Which we won.

We did not enter the defamation portion into the trial, even though it was an item that we had the most evidence for and could show the most damages for. Why? In the United States, defamation claims are simply not winnable.

To answer your questions specifically; 1. any attorney will take any complaint you have VERY seriously so long as you have money to pay him/her with. 2. It is not worth doing. It's not even worth discussing with a lawyer even if that consultation's free. Forget the whole thing ever happened and get on with your life.

 

[LBS-bass]

my experience is people will ignore bad information from someone after they cry wolf over and over. Those who blame are to blame.

This is my feeling, too. The point here is that someone who would do this to me would do it to anyone. I believe that most people understand this. It's not a good look for him.

 

[Mosfed]

Sigh.

A year ago I was briefly involved in a band with a songwriter and two other players. The songwriter apparently had the idea that the guitarist was going to promote the band and book shows; the guitarist thought no such thing. At least this is what the guitarist told me.

There was apparently a confrontation between the two of them over this one afternoon when I errantly did not think there was going to be a rehearsal; the drummer, who had been organizing things, had texted me a week earlier asking me if I thought we should be continuing weekly rehearsals with no gigs on the books since we knew all the material. I told him no, I didn't want to practice weekly until we had something to work toward. So I did not go to the rehearsal space that week, and neither did he.

But the guitarist did, and the songwriter did, and they both got into a big conflagration over the booking question. The songwriter took his gear and stormed off and I never heard from him again.

Today I got a forwarded text from a good friend who received a message from the songwriter. Mind you, this is more than a year later. The text, which I am paraphrasing, said "I see you are friends with (LBS). I was in a band with her last year and I had a bad experience."

This was a bit of a shock, not surprisingly. I had nothing against this guy and had nothing to do with his altercation with the guitarist and decision to abandon the project. Up until that point all he had done was heap praise on my contributions, and though I thought it was odd that he'd never contacted me, I just moved on.

But, we are a year out. How many other people has he sent these texts to?

I sent him a message telling him I thought it was some major BS on his part to slander me for no reason behind my back and then I put something up on FB to the effect of, "if you got a text from someone about me, please let me know so I can give you my side of this." I did not name any names, but I will if anyone contacts me.

But that doesn't feel like enough. I want to send him a cease and desist letter. My question is whether or not anyone who has real experience with these matters thinks that a) an attorney would take this seriously, as opposed to just viewing it as an online spat and b) it's worth doing.

I texted him to ask him for a list of people he's sent this to. I know his address. I can do my own letter using an online form and probably retain an attorney to cc things to in case he doesn't reply to the letter.

He hasn't responded to my request for names and I doubt that he will. This is a small town and I've worked hard over the past three years to establish myself here. I feel like that's worth something. What should I do?

*changed the thread title based on info from some smarter people than me

OMG seriously? Just get over it. The more of a stink that you make, the worse YOU are going to look.

also - how do you know that their “bad experience” had to do with the situation you are mentioning? Maybe they didn’t like something else and just never told you.

Either way - seriously - just move on

 

[Beej]

Glad you're moving on. Honestly, I can't think of a time in my life where someone complained to me about someone else and I made a decision based on that complaint. I prefer to make up my own mind.

 

[Medicine Man]

Butthurt musicians who cry about their ex bandmates on the internet or FB or text or wherever only hurt their own credibility, imho. Unless he is accusing you of something specific like stealing gear or spending the band fund on crack, he only makes himself look bad. Don't stoop to that level or you will look as unprofessional as he is making himself look by doing this.