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Resolved: was yada yada what should I do?

#61
Does your band have a FB page? If so, would you approach this the same way if you got a bad review?

Opinions, like reviews, are always to be taken with a grain of salt. They're subjective to the person giving them. Just like music, or the many top 10-50 "best bass players" threads on here. One person may absolutely love your band while another would rather chew on a boot. In a group of 5 people there is an 85% chance that everyone will not agree on everything. Don't dwell on the bad. It will give more power to the person over you than necessary. Messaging them just acknowledges that you allowed them under your skin. Treat it like a review and move on. Let your ability speak for itself.
 
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#67
Have you considered filling a paper bag with dog poop and lighting it on fire and ringing his doorbell?

I had a similar situation many years ago. A neighbor slandered me by ranting to my parents that we had a get-together with school friends when my parents were out of the country. He wasn't next door, but about 7 houses up the street. Just being nosy and slanderous, this was before Facebook. Being that it was a memorable get-together (band, beer, etc.) and that my posse of friends wanted the opportunity to have future get-togethers we relentlessly hassled and harassed the neighbor with toilet paper rolling, a special version of "ding dong ditch" which included Roman candles, scraping and painting his Corvette personalized license plate from "Deutsche" to "Douche" (that took a lot of skill and risk, thanks, Robbie), stole his porch furniture, cut down his azalea hedges, trenched his yard, months of relentless crank calls, and finally, a traditional flaming doodie bag. When Mr. Deutsche stomped out the flame and realized what was on his shoes, he came out screaming. There were about 15 post-punk A-holes standing in his front yard laughing. We took the opportunity to have an open dialogue about our feelings and that in our opinions he should find other ways to express his creativity instead of trying to get neighbor kids in trouble with their parents. We cleared the air and laid the foundation for additional action items should he decide to intervene regarding future parties.

I can't say there were no consequences but I was in 10th grade at the time so consequences were still an abstract concept. But I can tell you that the next time we hosted a party my nosy neighbor kept to himself.
Today when I recall this to my own kids I remind them to be aware that caller ID has impacted crank calls and that disguises are practical due to doorbell cameras. But it's still just as important to not buckle when people are acting out. So go get 'em!

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#68
BobKos said:
Truth told, I think there's more to this than you're telling. First you paraphrased the original message in a semi-misleading way that didn't convey the original context. Now you say he sent this message to a total stranger after a long hiatus from the area. That's it. No other dialogue in that thread than to slam you?
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Nope. I said neither of the two things. I paraphrased at first because it's a PITA to go back and copy-paste the exact words and I figured people would trust me well enough to understand that's what I meant. When the inevitable misunderstanding occurred I posted exactly what the guy said here.

He did not send this message to a total stranger after a long hiatus from the area. He moved back to this area a little more than a year ago, and he sent the message yesterday to someone I know. Both of them are musicians and both of them frequently send friend requests to "friends of friends" in order to network online with other musicians. Nothing nefarious there.
 
#69
LBS-bass said:
Did you not notice that at least two lawyers responded here? There are quite a few smart people on this forum which is why I came here first. And I did get some great advice which will likely save me some time and money.
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also you are allowing Time to Pass which considering the Full Moon might be wise. 99.9% of Facebook is tiny islands of exposure of no interest to everyone not involved. Text messages are fleeting.
 
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#70
Legal action would be pretty costly. Maybe you have a lawyer who will work for free.

I think these kinds of things go away on their own if they are not given life from replies, retorts, or realities.

This sounds like a person who wants to draw you into drama so he has something to do.

Defamation might be an extreme categorization. Perhaps defamation is hyperbole. But if he is saying things that are factually untrue such as: said person did not pay me for gigs, said person stole my equipment and abused me physically, said person did not show up for gigs, then you might be able to say that you are impacted financially because people won’t book you. This could be grounds for a civil suit or some kind of settlement if damages were incurred.

It would be hard to make judgments about subjectively bad experiences though.
 
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#72
Keep playing and making gains in your career. Improve your situation. Success is the best revenge.
Be ambivalent if you meet him in person.
I once had a situation like this on a much bigger scale. I had a chance meeting with the ‘ex-band member’ in a backstage area before a show we were both invited to. I was cordial, but cool.
Later, during the concert, the singer onstage, introduced me to the audience (sitting in my seat in the audience), from the stage. It put the ex-band member in their place. Ex-band member came to me that night and said: “I didn’t know you knew _____‘the person on stage’.” He was trying to suck up to me.
Doing well for yourself in the business, is the best way to stop what he’s doing.
If you are actively working, and being successful- people won’t will believe him.
Sometimes bringing up the subject, or reminding others he has said these things, only reminds them of what he said. Ignore that, and give them musically something new to think of, when they think of you.
I hope this helps.
 
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#73
LBS-bass said:
... My question is whether or not anyone who has real experience with these matters thinks that a) an attorney would take this seriously, as opposed to just viewing it as an online spat and b) it's worth doing.
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Many (most?) attorneys offer a 30-minute free consultation, & you may want to take one or more of them up on it. You can learn a lot from this, sometimes more than just the issue at hand.

What you can probably expect is a brief but thorough description of libel & slander from a legal perspective, as well as what you would need to do to prove your case to a court. There will also be the issue of damages, which represents provable loss by you as a result of this person's actions. There will be costs, which may be substantial, that you will have to weigh against the potential recovery and the likelihood of winning (or settling).

... This is a small town and I've worked hard over the past three years to establish myself here. I feel like that's worth something. What should I do?
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Another issue to consider is that, if you take aggressive action (regardless of whether or not you or anybody else thinks it's justified), it may create problems for you in your local community, if it gives an impression that you're difficult to work with or have a vindictive streak. It may just confirm in some people's minds what the person may have been saying & do you more damage in ways that matter most to you.
 
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#75
I'm not an attorney, but just for the hell of it, I did some research (below). I don't even see where he lied.

In California, a claim for defamation involves a false statement made by one person about another person, which causes harm to a person’s property, business, profession or occupation. Slander: Making defamatory statements by a transitory (nonfixed) representation, usually an oral representation. Libel: Making defamatory statements in a printed or fixed medium such as a magazine or newspaper.

In order to meet the elements for a defamation cause of action, a successful action must include:
  1. A false and defamatory statement about another
  2. The unprivileged publication of the statement to a third party (not including the person defamed by the statement)
  3. Damage to the person defamed. Publication, in the context of defamation, does not mean it must be in print. Rather, it is considered published when it is made to a third party.
Source - Defamation in California | Brown & Charbonneau, LLP
 
#77
lfmn16 said:
The way this is worded "I notice you are friends with (LBS)....I had an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player last year...." he doesn't even blame the lack of success on you. It's not even online defamation, it's a text between two friends.

Not what you want to hear, but if you want to be in the music business, you need to grow some thicker skin.
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To me, "an unsuccessful experience using her as my bass player" conveys the point that the lack of success lies with me. Otherwise why would you put it that way? You'd say, "I was in a band with her last year that didn't end well," or something similar. Dude makes it sound like I was the problem.

I do agree with the guy a few posts back who pointed out that I didn't ever find out what his thinking was after (according to the guitarist) he stormed out of the rehearsal room. I didn't even find out about that until several days after the fact, when the drummer (I think) contacted me to let me know the project was over. I had always thought of myself as a hired hand in that situation and didn't feel any particular emotional attachment to the project so I just chalked it up to weirdness and went about my business. It's possible that it didn't go down the way I was told, but my impressions of this guy were always that there was something a bit weird and off about him and the story I was told wasn't hard to believe.

Right now I'm inclined to just move on from here and let it go. People now know he's been doing this, as do I, and I really despise the drama on display that I see with other band situations online. I'm not interested in belaboring the point and my online post makes it clear that I'm not interested in retaliation, I just want the record straight. I guess it is straight as far as I can make it, so I'm moving forward today.
 
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#78
I own two businesses and I have to contend with online reviews of peoples "experiences". A couple have been surprisingly negative from clients I thought were happy (and nothing was said to the contrary at the time and the projects went smoothly). My family also owned a business when I was younger and it was the same there too. I see this as something similar. If people go to Yelp and see a bad review, it hinders my ability to potentially get customers. It really bummed me out because I work very hard, but I wouldnt waste money on a lawsuit, or even a cease letter, unless someone was taking out billboards, commercials, or some coordinated attack on my character in a large scale.
 
#79
Obligatory disclaimer: IANAL.

Since you asked this in a public forum that includes but is by no means restricted to lawyers, I feel able to respectfully suggest that you not bother with any legal action, for two reasons.

First, it seems like something of an overreaction. I get that it's frustrating and maddening--I would feel the same way--but do you really think that you can manage or control other people's experiences with working with you, no matter how unfair those seem to you? Is that really something legally actionable, and if so, why? If the guy had gone full psycho, sure, but from the sound of it, that seems not to have happened. (Yet, anyway.)

Second, how would you disprove or discredit what he said? By proving that he actually had a successful experience using you as the bass player? How would you establish that? "Successful" by whose definition?

EDIT: I finished writing this after your post saying you were moving on. So NVM.
 

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