Resolved: was yada yada what should I do?

[QORC]

from a legal standpoint, you have to show damages - mostly financial - to truly "win". is it worth it? I doubt it. unless you know a lawyer who will do this for free, it's not worth it. you can't even talk to most lawyers about anything related to a suit without dropping a $2500-$5000 retainer. so put it all in context.

 

[Keyser Soze]

LBS, I didn't see your initial post but let me take a whack anyway.

You present here as kind, competent, hard working with a pro attitude, legit hard-won knowledge and with a good head on your shoulders. Folks can see this. When someone starts sniping at you from the bushes, the first thing a reasonable person would think would be, "Consider the source."

Just keep on being you. Don't get down in the mud with the pig b/c that gives him a home field advantage. When he goes low, go high. That's what folks expect from you and that's why your phone rings.

Don't worry about him.

Good luck!

 

[Hummergeist]

Once I had a 'friend' who betrayed me like no other. I've been betrayed alright, but this guy did it on a level I'd never experienced before.
There was no fighting it IME, everyone wanted to believe The Bad, & none of The Good. (huMAN natURE)

That was 15 years ago & some of the folks he slandered me to still believe the BS.
BTW, the more I tried to defend myself, the worse it got!

Experiencing some of this now myself - wasting time and energy. Nobody changes their mind on social media, but sometimes it's still good and necessary to state your case...and sometimes just leave it at that.

 

[micguy]

I am asking if I should persue legal measures.

Getting lawyers involved is seldom an enhancement to your life. Things would have to get really bad for me to hire a lawyer for a band dispute. Getting litigious could make you someone that nobody wants to work with - is that the future you want?

 

[fhm555]

Well yeah, people need to get on with their lives, and I have been, but a YEAR and change later he hasn't let it go and is defaming me in text messages when I did NOTHING to him? How do I just "let that go?"

It can be hard at times but continuing to press the issue just keeps the wound open. Small minds will always find a reason it’s someone else’s fault when they can’t get what they want and quite often responding will only serve to embolden them. The redneck in me used to favor direct confrontation in situations like this but as i grew i decided forgiveness was the better tack for me. When someone slags me i forgive them and move on and so far not trying to mitigate the situation has seen no negative blowback associated with such incidents. A few years ago i had a distant former in-law start making completely false claims against me about a car i sold him. It was on FB so i had no idea it was going on until another relative told me about it. They also told me not to worry about it as no one in the family believed him because they knew i was not the kind of person who would do the things being claimed.

Updating:

After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough.

I believe most people will understand that someone who will do this to me would also do it to them, and these actions do not paint him in a positive light. I'm good with that.

Love you guys.

 

[mikeyjm2]

I didn't chime in on the first version of this because I really had nothing of value to offer, but I'm happy to read the resolution.

 

[murph7489]

Folx, lets all take a minute to remember, and @LBS-bass that my start up company that will fire your band member if you don't want to take action..could certainly and easily be modified to take action on this guy as well...I mean if I was in Cali I probably would have already hunted him down out of boredom and covid( yada yada) and fixed your problem in a non litigious manner..pro bono...
Remember you got a fella that don't want to leave the band?. perhaps your friends with him and don't have the heart to tell him he sucks ?..or if some fool is running around talking bs about you..what you need is some action and done from a distance...all you need is a rock solid alibi...for an extra fee I can provide that too. ha ha ha

 

[LBS-bass]

Folx, lets all take a minute to remember, and @LBS-bass that my start up company that will fire your band member if you don't want to take action..could certainly and easily be modified to take action on this guy as well...I mean if I was in Cali I probably would have already hunted him down out of boredom and covid( yada yada) and fixed your problem in a non litigious manner..pro bono...
Remember you got a fella that don't want to leave the band?. perhaps your friends with him and don't have the heart to tell him he sucks ?..or if some fool is running around talking bs about you..what you need is some action and done from a distance...all you need is a rock solid alibi...for an extra fee I can provide that too. ha ha ha

Hahaha, I forgot all about that. All's good for now but if he keeps this stupidity up, I will keep you in mind

 

[acid bass]

Folx, lets all take a minute to remember, and @LBS-bass that my start up company that will fire your band member if you don't want to take action..could certainly and easily be modified to take action on this guy as well...I mean if I was in Cali I probably would have already hunted him down out of boredom and covid( yada yada) and fixed your problem in a non litigious manner..pro bono...
Remember you got a fella that don't want to leave the band?. perhaps your friends with him and don't have the heart to tell him he sucks ?..or if some fool is running around talking bs about you..what you need is some action and done from a distance...all you need is a rock solid alibi...for an extra fee I can provide that too. ha ha ha

Pick up the phone, I'm all alone! Call me anytime! Just dial 36-24-36!

 

[overit]

Read the update - good on you for taking the high road and not feeding into the drama.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

Updating:

After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough.

I believe most people will understand that someone who will do this to me would also do it to them, and these actions do not paint him in a positive light. I'm good with that.

Love you guys.

Move on/away. Good for you! It's best not to stoop. I left my last band, due to lack of accountability on mostly the drummers be half, discussed with the de facto BL ( lead guitarist,resolved amicably), but upon informing the drummer I was leaving, without calling him out or blaming(i tried to take the high road). He got angry, started name calling and dragging me threw his muck! had it been face to face it might have gotten ugly, but alas I stayed calm and out of the muck! good riddance! I later found out many aquiantances, wondered why I stayed in the band with such an poor drummer! I got 2 or offers to join new bands. the lead guitarist totally agreed with me, and told me the band fell apart without my support in the rythm section. Onward & upward!

 

[DigitalMan]

Updating:

After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough.

I believe most people will understand that someone who will do this to me would also do it to them, and these actions do not paint him in a positive light. I'm good with that.

Love you guys.

Glad you’ve got resolution. Missing the OP from a posterity standpoint.

 

[LBS-bass]

Glad you’ve got resolution. Missing the OP from a posterity standpoint.

It's been quoted several times, should be easy to find.

 

[51PRI]

Updating:

After giving this some thought, I've decided to move on. Thanks to everyone here who held my virtual hand through my anger at this; sleeping well has given me a fresh outlook. I believe that making him and the music community aware in a level-headed way that I understand what he's been doing (without naming names) will likely be sufficient deterrent; he cannot now continue this behavior without outing himself as "that guy" who has been doing this to me. I think that's good enough.

I believe most people will understand that someone who will do this to me would also do it to them, and these actions do not paint him in a positive light. I'm good with that.

Love you guys.

Well, thanks for clearing THAT up!