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Double Bass Retiring---a mistake?

#21
I don't blame your wife for objecting to the amount of time you were out of the house. I suggest that you cut back to no more than two nights out per week (one would be better) and make that work for you. It will give you some involvement with music while letting you know how it feels to cut back to a more realistic level.
 
#22
Here's the math:

Nights spent with bass: 4/7 or 57%

Nights spent with wife: 3/7 or 43%

Obama won the 2012 election with a 50.5% pop. vote to Romney's 48%

Sometimes the smallest difference can be the biggest problem.

In your wife's eyes, your loyalty is with music. If this is the case, I am surprised you are still married and wonder why. If this not the case, then cut back... NOT retire. You would be fooling yourself to imagine that age and a lonely wife will make you forget music and the joy it brings you. You will hate yourself and start blaming her for it. But you'll be even more upset if your wife left you or became distant, especially after all this time.

So sit down and have a talk with her, tell her music is very important to you and that you want to keep playing; however, assure her that she is most important and you want to keep your relationship strong so you are cutting back on the number of/time spent on gigs and focusing more on her.
 
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#23
Back three months later, still adjusting to the reduced schedule.

Been able to get out to some jam sessions as well as some concerts (with my wife) whcih I hadn't been able to before.

Had a cool freelance gig subbing on an all-Ellington cabaret show (white tux and bow tie, sight-reading, yowza!) which might not have been possible in the past because I was so booked up.

Enjoying not hauling around the PA system every weekend and putting up with my drummer pal's mind trips while driving to gigs.

Spending more time in the man-cave working on my keyboard chops, I never had time to practice before.

Been out dancing with my wife a lot, that's always fun ;)

Next freelance gig coming up in two weeks, playing at Fenway Park of all places.

So far, so good...no nervous breakdown yet.
 
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#24
It's way too easy to get caught up in the bar band scene, where it seems to devolve into spending more time doing other things besides playing music, like dealing with personalities, PA system, club owners, drunks, driving, wasted rehearsals, etc. You wake up and realize that you have spread yourself way too thin, and you're not having fun anymore, nor are you getting better on your instrument or writing better songs. That is when it is wise to step off the merry go round and re- appraise your goals and needs, and take stock of what feeds you and what sucks your blood. Then chart a course and follow it.

The spousal situation is always a problem when they start to object or snipe at your music aspirations. Sometimes a spouse will see you spinning your wheels and demand that you step off the court for a while, sometimes they are flat out jealous and see what you do as childish, or they think you are being chased by loose women at the gigs. The thing here, is, a musicians has to draw a line between career and spouse, and make sure that that the spouse is not using your music work as an excuse to flaunt her insecurities or try to make you do what she tells you to do. If that is your problem, then you need to have a serious talk with spouse and make it crystal clear that you are not her punching bag. But, if she wants to be constructive, and, most importantly, she respects you as a musician and sees the work you put into doing something you love, , then you should listen.
 
#26
Glad you worked it out, brianrost. I'm fortunate that my wife was always fairly understanding except for ribbing me about my constant GAS. She was even gracious enough to let me turn the basement into a mancave for my last band to rehearse.

However, I realized that the cover band scene was going nowhere in my area and at age 52, I decided I'd had enough of gigging. I was "too old" for many bands and didn't want to do the classic rock scene that many guys my age were caught up in. So I called it a day and rented out my PA system for a while until I realized that I was getting tired of getting in at 3:00 am and being out of it the next day. So I sold the PA and made a clean break.

I also took the opportunity to assess what I wanted to do with the rest of my time on earth. I've always loved classical music, but assumed I was too old to learn it. I had an Engelhardt double bass laying around and so I assumed that jazz would be the next step. Well thanks to some other TBers, I was able to find a string workshop hosted by a local orchestra and so I started attending that. That workshop convinced me that I could still learn classical and so I made it my goal to learn as much as I could and get into a community orchestra as soon as i feel my chops are sufficiently developed.

So you're doing the right thing by scaling back and refocusing your efforts. You'll be much better for it in the long run.
 
#27
Six months later...

--Getting more calls for pickup/sub work than ever :cool:

--Comfortable turning down calls ;)

--Selling off my PA :help:

--Possibly delusional, but I feel I'm playing better and having more out of body experiences onstage :hyper:

I actually have two gigs this week (turned down to others), another on Halloween, two more in November so I'm not quite as retired as I expected to be :bassist:
 
#29
Tax season followup...just came back from seeing my tax preparer. 2013 was the first year after quitting all the bands I was in. I kept my biweekly Sunday jam session job and did less than a dozen pick up jobs.

2012: grossed ~$8000, profit ~$1100

2013: grossed ~$3600, profit ~$850

So what does that tell me? My expenses were way too high, with mileage being the biggest one. Dry cleaning of stage clothes was the second biggest expense, by the way.

So from a financial standpoint, although my gross dropped 55% my profit only dropped 14%. Wot a bizness :spit:
 
#30
15 months later, out of the blue I got an offer to join a band I've admired since I first saw them perform almost 30 years ago. Very seasoned no baggage nice guy pros, good money and (thanks to the down economy) no more touring, just local gigs. They had heard me play at a jam session a couple of months ago.

The catch is they are booked every Friday and Saturday night which is not going to fly with she who must be obeyed.

I will probably turn down the offer :bawl:
 
#35
I'm coming at retirement from a different perspective. I'm 58, and have just over a year left before retiring from the day job. My wife has always been pretty supportive of my musical endeavours, especially since it hasn't been my primary source of income for a lot of years. I currently try to stay busy with music. The most demanding, time wise, are theatre shows, which typically run for a week or so.

We've tried to get into the habit of getting out at least once a week to see local artists performing, and my wife comes out to most of my gigs. That goes a long way toward making things smoother at home. I'm looking forward to having more time for practice. Time to pick up DB and piano again!
 
#36
It's tough to keep up your chops on upright if you aren't playing regularly.

I am 48. I quit my bands a couple years ago after a long time (15+) with many of the same people. My wife is supportive of me playing - as long as it's fun and worth it. I quit for a couple reasons. I didn't want to "gig at all costs" like some of the guys, and my kids wanted me home. The time will come soon enough when they won't care if I'm around. If the right gig is out there at that time, maybe I'll try for it. I don't miss the "stuff" that goes with late night gigs, and the pay wasn't worth it.

If I could play what I wanted, and didn't have to come home at 3:00 am, I'd be all over it. For now, I play (with many of the same people I used to gig with) at church a couple times a month. I have one good bass, a decent amp and a nice DI/IEM board - which I use for church and many of my fill in/sub gigs.
 
#37
Slightly OT:

Very sad news this week. The drummer on my twice a month Sunday night gig passed away last week from cancer. He was only a few months older than I am. He had been missing the gig off and on for months as he went through treatments. The last time we played was about three months ago and he said the prognosis was good, so I was caught by surprise. The funeral was two days ago and last night's gig was bittersweet for everybody.
 
#38
brianrost said:
Slightly OT:

Very sad news this week. The drummer on my twice a month Sunday night gig passed away last week from cancer. He was only a few months older than I am. He had been missing the gig off and on for months as he went through treatments. The last time we played was about three months ago and he said the prognosis was good, so I was caught by surprise. The funeral was two days ago and last night's gig was bittersweet for everybody.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about your drummer. I am older now (at 63) than both my older brothers were when they died (53 and 59). I try to be conscious every day of how fortunate I am to be alive and healthy and with a loving family (and enjoying playing music - but I'll get back to that).

I think you got some great advice from a lot of fellow TB'ers and I really enjoyed reading all the posts.

I played 'full time' for about 20 years before quitting 'cold turkey' for 25 years to work a day job (real estate) and raise a family. A chance meeting with an old friend I played with years ago before we both moved cross-country got me back into playing about a year and a half ago. I now own 2 DB's a BG, and ABG and two amps and I play gigs on average of twice a week. In addition, I just started playing with a community orchestra. (Oh, and I retired from my day gig this year.)

It took a while to find the right balance. At first I was trying to get all the gigs I could (my busiest was one stretch of gigs 8 days in a row). Finally my wife told me "remember, you're supposed to be doing this for fun, right?"

For me, playing a couple gigs a week is just right. I just got back from one and had a great time.

My wife and I have found a new activity (traveling) that we are enjoying together. So, for me finding balance was the key. Make sure you have space for all the important things in your life.

Peace.
 
#39
I also quit for almost 20 years and missed it terribly. My advice to is simply cut back, and as others have said, be more choosy about gigs. I realize there is a breaking point where you risk not getting called. But I definitely wouldn't go cold turkey. I'd cut back, and see how that works, then if necessary, cut back again. But I'd keep playing at some minimally manageable level. I think you'll really miss it.
 

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