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RIP Dad

#41
I am sorry for your loss my dad died Christmas Day 15 years ago from lung cancer we never were close but never the less a loss.I am 63 now and everyday is a blessing.I thought about my 2 girls when I read your story and it saddened me to feel your loss.God Bless
 
#42
I'm very sorry for your loss. My dad passed in a simular fashion in 2000. His cancer started in the pancreas and it spread from there. My mother died last year from lung cancer. Just last month, a nephew died of complications from lymphoma. He turned 20 years old in October. Cancer is an evil, merciless disease.

As for your hurt, remember the good times that you spent with your father. It helps.
 
#46
So very sorry. Lost my mom 7 years ago and my Dad 1 1/2 years ago. Mom was expected, Dad not so much. I talked on the phone to my Dad, an hour later got a call saying he had passed. At least I had said how much I loved him... Right now there is a lot of pain. Despite the hassle of making arrangements, that also keeps you busy, which can be a good thing. Right now everything that reminds you of him is gonna hurt, will stab you with your recent loss. It is trite to say, but true, that time heals. Eventually you will remember the good, and won't feel the pain as much, and eventually the good memories will bring you better feelings. There will always be sadness. Even now, seven years out, I will sometimes cry when something reminds me of my mom, and even more so with my Dad, as his loss is more recent. But now I am remembering the happiness of our relationship, the way we enjoyed things, and those memories are more pleasant than sad.

Hope that makes some sort of sense. As you can tell from the other responses, a lot of us have shared this experience. Eventually you will come out on the other side, and you will find yourself remembering your father without quite as much pain, and you will get more pleasure out of the memories. Probably doesn't feel like that now, but it will happen. To your own time table. Don't let anyone tell you at, say, six months out 'you should be over it by now.' some people recover feeling normal early, others take several years. And even when you think you are mostly back to normal, you can suddenly be hit by a crying jag or other type of severe grief seemingly out of the blue. There is a reason why our ancestors expected and allowed for a mourning period of one to two years after someone lost a close member of their family. Sometimes I wish we still did that...
 
#47
So sorry to hear about your loss...it sounds like your dad was one of a kind, and he'll always live on through his influence and the impact he had on people. At the least, you were and to talk to him up until the end.

My grandpa died about eight years ago from Lou Gehrig's disease, and we had to watch him decline and lose control of his bodily functions. First it was a cane, then a wheelchair, then he lost all mobility. He became incontinent and at the end, was unable to move or speak at all. Remembering those final moments with him still tear me up, but I try to remember him when he was still well. Now that I'm older, I wish he was here for guidance, but I'm trying to do the best I can and lead a good life in his memory.
 
#48
P. Aaron said:
Obviously, life is important to you so, I think your optimism will flourish.

Your entire post while bearing sad news was inspirational. Reminding all of us to put life in our years as well as be kind towards others.

Thanks...
Click to expand...

Thanks so much!

I really enjoyed reading all your posts, despite the sad context.

I think sharing our experiences is very important, even if it's "only" a online forum. It also shows our common humanity and all the good and bad it entails.
 
#49
Sorry for your loss. I know how bad it can feel. My Dad passed on 12/18 down in Florida. He decided to discontinue dialysis and lasted less than 48 hrs. I managed to get down and see him off the day he passed.

He had planned his own services a few years ago, but my step-mom asked me to write his eulogy last January when he was first in hospital. I had 3/4 of it done when he died. The night after I finished it, I had gone through almost two boxes of Kleenex. It was the single most painful experience I have had to date.

Not a day goes by since that I do not feel the pain of his loss. When it feels painful, please remember he is still very much with you in all you do.

I am sure your father is of proud of you as only a father can be. Fathers tell that to their children in many ways. I hope to see you again Laurent when we have our next NYC GTG. We can toast to our fathers then.

Your and yours are in our prayers-----------
 
#50
sincere condolences for you & your family

my dad passed from lung cancer back in '72 when i was 12, i still remember the day like it was yesterday.

my dad was very well liked among his peers, & he easily made friends where ever he went. ( & he grew some of the sweetest watermellons i've ever tasted )

i still think of him often, but all of the memories are obviously, the little boy/father relationship. i wish i could have had the opportunity to have had just one adult conversation with the man.

yes, you are very fortunate indeed to have spent 26 years with your father.
 
#52
Laurent, I'm so very sorry for your loss, my friend. I'm not at all surprised to learn your dad was a kind and generous soul and that he was proud of you. Keep him in your heart, and I'm sure you will continue to make him proud. When we next cross paths, I hope to hear stories about him.
 

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