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Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by ChiliPepper, Dec 26, 2012.

  1. Hey guys,

    my dad passed away last week at the age of 64 after battling stomach cancer for 7 months. :( Unfortunately, by the time the symptoms occurred and he started receiving treatment the cancer had already metastasized to other organs. Not knowing what’s going to happen the next week, month or even the next day is a horrible feeling…because you can take absolutely nothing for granted.

    Last Thursday was the worst day of my life… my sister, my mom and myself had to call relatives and friends and explain what happened, deal with all the bureaucratic bs, call an undertaker, choose a coffin etc. all the things you never want to deal with in your life.

    I was very sad and also very angry when I received the news of his disease. The Why question is of course common among patients and relatives alike. Why did he deserve this? On one hand, my sister and myself didn't want to lose our dad which is perfectly normal. But most importantly, he and my mother deserved to enjoy their retirement for more years than they did. In their 32 years of marriage they never had any major arguments. At the same time, I was very fortunate to have a loving father for 26 years who taught me so many things. I try to stay positive and think about all the great memories, although it’s difficult to do so at the moment.

    No one should ever go through this, but the harsh reality is millions of people around the world have to endure similar or even worse pain… parents in Newtown who lost their children in such a tragic way, it makes me sick to the stomach. A couple of years ago, one of our neighbors, a mother of 3 had a stroke and passed away. Recently, I read about a highly pregnant 28 year old woman who got hit by a car and died as well. Sadly, such incidents happen every single day. At least we got the chance to say goodbye. I talked to a lot of people in recent months and read tons of articles etc. about cancer, Genetics etc. and it really makes you realize that it’s an illusion to think that nowadays everyone dies at 90 without going though much pain despite major advances in medicine and increased life expectancy.

    It’s gut-wrenching seeing a loved one suffering so much and gradually becoming weaker and losing weight, hair etc. Even if you know it's going to be tough, I don’t think you can ever fully prepare for a disease and ultimately the death of a parent, sibling or friend. you want to do as much as you can but at the same time you’re feeling helpless

    He was always a humble, kind and hard working man who cared about other people more than about himself. At the same time, he enjoyed life and was happy which is so important. I’m very fond of a quote by Abraham Lincoln: “In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” After all, life is for living. What’s the point of being 80 years old if you never really lived?

    This year was in many ways an amazing year for myself, with the one major exception that makes everything else seem irrelevant. I graduated in early June, took classes at Harvard during the summer and moved to the UK in September for Graduate school. I know all the good things that happened this year are important but it’s difficult to appreciate all of it when your dad has a deadly disease.

    My sister’s getting married in late May next year. My dad was very happy about her engagement but I wish he could have walked her down the aisle. He was always very proud of my sister and myself and wanted us to continue our lives despite his disease. Even during the last months of his life, he thought about other people and tried not to make it any harder on us, nurses, friends etc. After spending months at the hospital, he spent the last 7 weeks at home and passed away peacefully on December 20th.

    As some of you know, I’m quite critical of the Catholic Church and religion in general. He was a religious man and I’d be less cynical about religion if more people actually practiced their faith the way he did. The funeral and service took place on Saturday and it was comforting how many people attended and paid tribute to him.

    I don’t want to lose my optimism but it hurts so much, I miss him terribly. :crying:
  2. BobWestbrook

    BobWestbrook Mr.

    Mar 13, 2006
    Philly suburb
    Your dad sounds like an extraordinary man. The tribute you gave in his honor was moving, and those good memories of your time with him can never be taken away. May God comfort you and your family in your loss.
  3. Thomas Kievit

    Thomas Kievit Guest

    May 19, 2012
    I'm so sorry for you. My condolences.

    I know how you feel. I lost my father in 2002 when I was just 11 years old. He passed away after he got a infarction. Normally, a very tiny part of your heart gets black, which means it's dead. My fathers infarction was that bad, his entire backside of his heart was blown away.. There was no change he would make it. He was also brain dead, cause he didn't had oxygen for a long time.

    He had been in coma for 3 days, when my mother made the hard decision that they should stop with respiration. :crying:

    He died at the age of 47, one month before he would turn 48.

    It's now 10 years that he was taken from us, but I still love him so much and I have a feeling that something is empty that will never be filled again.. But I know what you feel. I can only say that I wish you the best and I hope you can give this a place :)

    Best of luck!
  4. Evil Undead

    Evil Undead

    Oct 31, 2009
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent terrifies me, so I can't imagine how you're feeling.
  5. Tituscrow

    Tituscrow Banned

    Feb 14, 2011
    NW England
    Lost my old man of a heart attack nearly 20 years ago when he was 48. Bang. Out like a light in front of my kid brother. Still hurts to this day, but it drove home the fact that y'know....we all die and for most of us, the time and manner of our departure is beyond our control. My greatest fear is not dying, but outliving my daughter.

    Condolences, friend. Your life has changed forever, but the pain will get easier to manage.

    To quote Gene Simmons (!)..."every day above ground is a good day".
  6. 1958Bassman


    Oct 20, 2007
    I seldom reply to threads like this, but the one thing I decided to believe is that when it's time, there's nothing anyone can do about it- religious, or not. I'm not, but was raised Catholic. I also have problems with the RC church and many organized religions/supposedly religious people.

    Seeing people at the service who shared the sadness helps, but it's still not a good reason to see some of them after so much time.

    Sorry to see that the disease was found so late- if he didn't want to go to be checked out because he didn't want to be a bother, I can understand- I have known many like that and it's unfortunate that they don't get the treatment, even if they're trying to save others from having to be the care-givers.

    Your dad sounds like one of the good ones- carry that with you.
  7. Your dad sounds like a great man. I know it's tough to do at the moment, but count yourself fortunate that you were able to be guided through life by such a father.

    RIP Mr ChiliPepper
  8. SBassman


    Jun 8, 2003
    Northeast, US
    Very, very sorry for your loss.

    Prayers for you and your family.
  9. And congratulations to your sister. I know it's gotta be a bittersweet time for her, as well
  10. FunkHead

    FunkHead Supporting Member

    Mar 10, 2007
    Stewartsville, NJ
    I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like Your Dad was a great Man.
  11. Very sorry for your loss man, I don't know what else to say, its an issue I have been fortunate enough not to face yet.

    Be sure to take care of yourself while supporting the family in these hard times.
  12. blastoff99


    Dec 17, 2011
    SW WA
    I am very sorry.

    Thanks for sharing about your dad.
  13. Ziltoid

    Ziltoid I don't play bass

    Apr 10, 2009
    I'm sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family.
  14. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    I'm so sorry for your loss I have you and your family in prayers.
  15. Febs

    Febs Supporting Member

    May 7, 2007
    Philadelphia, PA
    My wife lost her mother two months ago, so I know what you are going through. You have my sincere condolences. It sounds like your dad raised wonderful children, so take what small comfort you can in knowing that he lives on in you.
  16. Sorry man. I lost my dad to cancer in July. Hurt like hell, and still does.
  17. smperry

    smperry Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    Endorsing Artist: Martin Keith Guitars

    I'm so sorry. I lost my father to cancer when I was 26 too...even though we didn't have a great relationship, I have an idea of what you're going through too. All that logistical stuff and then greeting everyone at the funeral was a lot to deal with. Don't be hard on yourself for not being in good shape now; you're not really supposed to be. It will get better though.

    Thinking of you and your family.

  18. Sorry to hear about your loss. Your father sounded like a great man. May he rest in peace.
  19. Sorry for your loss my friend. Give yourself time to do what you need to do and don't be too hard on yourself, the healing process takes time.

    Best wishes and prayers for you and your family.

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    I am sorry for your loss Laurent, hugs.