Significant other/partner attending gigs

[AaronVonRock]

I usually enjoy my gigs more when my wife does not attend. Thankfully, she only comes to about 20% of the shows. She gets bored because she's not really into the kind of music we play and she has heard our songs more times than she cares to. As a result, I feel responsible for her at our shows. I'm always checking on her to see if everything is ok (which she always is). Plus, she is ready to go after we play. She's just there to see me and has no interest in the other bands or hanging out. I'm the exact opposite. I make an entire night out of it.

To her credit, she never complains about things at shows and she gives me the space to let me do my thing. But still, I usually have more fun at shows if she's not there. I'm curious if anyone else has a similar mindset as me.

 

[Dogbertday]

I kinda hear what you're saying. But I perfer when my girlfriend comes to gigs IF she'll enjoy them. I doubt she'll go to any of my country gigs, ever.

 

[GuiTuber]

My wife likes our music and she likes to come when she knows the other ladies will be there. My bandmates and I have become pretty close friends as have the wives, so it's a win-win.

I don't pressure her to go and it's ok if she doesn't want to go. I enjoy myself either way. When she goes, she knows I have responsibilities and waits patiently.

Now, my ex-wife, that would have been another story.

 

[Bajo Clarkko]

I'd never have to worry about the GF coming to my shows because I don't play Micheal Bolton type music. (I play Blues/Classic Rock.)
I was recently in a band where our drummer had poor night vision, so his wife drove him to all of our gigs. She was an AWSOME band members wife. She'd help us with our sound, volume and EQ-wise. She'd also keep her ears to the ground, tell us what people were saying. (Too much slow stuff, not enough slow stuff, etc.) Ultimately, our band put on a better show, because of her presence. Plus, she was simply a great hang.

 

[Nic.]

I usually enjoy my gigs more when my wife does not attend. Thankfully, she only comes to about 20% of the shows. She gets bored because she's not really into the kind of music we play and she has heard our songs more times than she cares to. As a result, I feel responsible for her at our shows. I'm always checking on her to see if everything is ok (which she always is). Plus, she is ready to go after we play. She's just there to see me and has no interest in the other bands or hanging out. I'm the exact opposite. I make an entire night out of it.

To her credit, she never complains about things at shows and she gives me the space to let me do my thing. But still, I usually have more fun at shows if she's not there. I'm curious if anyone else has a similar mindset as me.

I kinda have a similar experience - she's not really into the music, and the volume levels are usually too loud for her preference. She tells me to just go have fun and hang out with the band and socialize with other people, but I still feel a little bad about neglecting her. Ideally, I'd prefer if her friends were there with her.

 

[40Hz]

AFAIC anyone is welcome to either attend or not. My longtime GF is a blues guitarist however, and we work together as often as possible. So it's kinda a non-issue for me.

Call me lucky I guess.

 

[cornfarmer]

Ok.....lucky!

I'm ok if my lady friend shows up or doesn't. I'm not there to worry about anyone's needs or feelings. When she does come out she enjoys herself, plus it gives me just another way of splitting if I don't feel like hanging out after the gig. "See ya, my GF is tired and needs a ride home/we want to go eat/we have to get up early in the morning/blahblah" Exit stage left....

 

[bassbully]

I'm in the same boat. Wife doesn't come often but has heard us a thousand times gets bored. I am like you making sure she's happy with food , drink whatever. She never complains and likes getting out but it makes me have busy night tending to her and the band. I am loose with less stress when she doesn't show up. Plus all the bass player groupies won't approach if they know your gal is there.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

I don't have a significant other and I avoid using PC phrases.
I do have a wife who, like the OP's wife, seldom attends. I like it when she does, but she, too, has heard the songs enough.

 

[RustyAxe]

I don't care. My sweetie works as a full time OR nurse, a tough job physically and mentally, often long hours. The last thing I'd want to do is pressure her to attend my gigs. Sometimes SHE needs down time, too. She is 100% supportive of my musical endeavors, has never thrown up a road block to any project I want to do (and I stay pretty busy), never fusses about my occasional absence from a family event (I block out time if I know in advance). Truth is, I don't like to go out and sit alone and listen to other bands on my nights off very often. Next weekend a favorite band of ours is playing nearby (I've played with a couple of the members in the past) and we'll go for dinner, and maybe even dancing. I'm playing with my band the night before, and two nights after ... she won't be at my gigs, most likely. That's cool. It works for us, and that's all that matters.

 

[hrodbert696]

I can't exactly pick any of the choices on the poll. I love for my wife to come to a gig if it's a situation where she's going to enjoy herself. The average bar gig, that's not the case - she's not the type to hang out at a bar, she doesn't have friends who are going to go with her to hang out at a bar, and it's no fun for her (and thus a negative for me, both playing and on breaks) to sit there bored and miserable. Sometimes things line up so it's good for her - we'll play a benefit for an organization she's involved with, so she's there with people she knows, or we play a bar attached to a restaurant or bowling alley, so she'll take the kids for that side and they'll listen in on the band through the door. Otherwise, no - it's no fun for her and a distraction for me.

 

[Fishheadjoe]

I'm of two minds on this one....
I like her to come because she and our singers wife will always dance and dancing girls beget more dancing girls.
I like her to stay home because if she stays the entire night, her bar bill basically eats up my nights pay!!!!!
Fishheadjoe

 

[40Hz]

I don't have a significant other and I avoid using PC phrases.
I do have a wife who, like the OP's wife, seldom attends. I like it when she does, but she, too, has heard the songs enough.

"Significant other" isn't a PC phrase. It's a catchall term for someone you have an emotional bond with, and who is integrated into your life. A wife is one small subset of significant others.

Not everybody feels the need to be so "PC" or "traditional" that they need or want a state issued license to lend credence to their relationship. Because seriously, what could ever be "more correct" or "political" than petitioning the government to step in and "legalize" a personal relationship? There are lots of people in lifelong relationships that don't bother with the "wife" or "husband" designation at all. They just go with what they know they have together - and act accordingly.

 

[Wolfenstein666]

I usually enjoy my gigs more when my wife does not attend. Thankfully, she only comes to about 20% of the shows. She gets bored because she's not really into the kind of music we play and she has heard our songs more times than she cares to. As a result, I feel responsible for her at our shows. I'm always checking on her to see if everything is ok (which she always is). Plus, she is ready to go after we play. She's just there to see me and has no interest in the other bands or hanging out. I'm the exact opposite. I make an entire night out of it.

To her credit, she never complains about things at shows and she gives me the space to let me do my thing. But still, I usually have more fun at shows if she's not there. I'm curious if anyone else has a similar mindset as me.

Same. I always felt responsible for her good time and well being at shows. With the music we play the crowd can get really rowdy and I always tried to keep on eye on her. Thankfully, we're not together anymore!

Its better now because I too like to make a night out of it, drink with my buddies, check out the other bands and generally pud around the venue for a few hours. Its easier/more fun to do when you're not constantly trying to keep track of someone.

 

[AaronVonRock]

"Significant other" isn't a PC phrase. It's a catchall term for someone you have an emotional bond with, and who is integrated into your life. A wife is one small subset of significant others.

Not everybody feels the need to be so "PC" or "traditional" that they need or want a state issued license to lend credence to their relationship. Because seriously, what could ever be "more correct" or "political" than petitioning the government to step in and "legalize" a personal relationship? There are lots of people in lifelong relationships that don't bother with the "wife" or "husband" designation at all. They just go with what they know they have together - and act accordingly.

OP here. You are correct. Significant other or partner is a catchall term and that's why I used it. It has nothing to do with being PC. Wife/husband or boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't cover all the bases.

 

[Muttleybass]

After 34 years, it doesn't matter. She rarely comes to shows anymore and only comes when our gang of friend shows up. We have an understanding that I'm 'on' and can't always hang with her as I have a responsibility to work the room.

I always appreciate it when she's there, but she is under no obligation to come. I'm working and she understands that.

 

[hintz]

I'm with the OP on this one as far as my original band is concerned(metal), having my wife there stresses me out..i worry about her, she spends money on drinks and she doesn't like that style of music so she isn't enjoying herself!

I like to be alone so I can focus on a good warm up before, and I also don't like talking to *anyone* before I play(weird right!!?? Its not nerves but getting in the zone!), I can't do this right when she's there, does this make me a terrible person??

For my pop cover group, I don't care either way!! I've been married for 8 years now, and I'm still not used to her at gigs, maybe its because I was single for so long

 

[tedious1]

My wife comes to as many shows as she can, she came before we were together, and unless things don't work out, she'll be there. I never had to explain to her about my idiosyncrasies on show nite, she's always understood that I've got tuning to do, get mentally prepared, etc. etc. and it's never an issue.

It certainly doesn't hurt that she helps load in, load out, and she'll watch the merch table while we're getting on and off stage and while we're playing (and she generally sells the most merch after the singer...) and she often ends up playing waitress, bringing a round to the band while we're on stage.

 

[40Hz]

I...
I like to be alone so I can focus on a good warm up before, and I also don't like talking to *anyone* before I play(weird right!!?? Its not nerves but getting in the zone!), I can't do this right when she's there, does this make me a terrible person??

No. You use what works for you. I like 5 minutes or so to myself to do some breathing and hand relaxation exercises sometime within the half hour just before I go on. I don't ever get nasty over it - or make a big production out of it - but I can be pretty firm about getting "my five" if I have to. And I've worked with a lot of musicians over the years that absolutely didn't want to be talked to or bothered in any way about anything just before a show. So you're not at all unusual with that.

 

[Duder]

I like it when my wife comes to our shows, but it's fine if she doesn't. I know she supports me regardless of her attendance.