So Am I Having a Bad Attitude?

[jive1]

Just throwing this out there to get some opinions. If I'm just having a bad attitude, let me know. It's a long post, so if you don't want to read the details, the short version is:
Band has no gigs, nobody is booking gigs, so I don't want to rehearse. Am I a jerk for being that way?


The long version:
My "main band" that I've been with for the last couple years hasn't had a gig since last year. Since my father's stroke last summer, and my baby becoming a toddler, I haven't had any time to book or promote anything while running a business and keeping a full-time job. I sorta let the booking go in hopes that the others would step up and book something. In the mean time, I have been gigging pretty steadily with other bands and pretty much keeping almost as busy as I would like to be on the gig front.

The issue is that the "main band" wants to rehearse weekly, but there's no gigs on the books. They are really good folks, very talented, I like them a lot as people and consider them friends as well as bandmates. I really enjoy jamming with them, but with nothing on the books, and it not looking like there is anything on the horizon until our regular 3-4 summer shows, I'm not very motivated to rehearse or learn new songs. Especially when they are songs like "Sweet Caroline" which I have no interest in unless it's for a paid gig. I don't jam to Neil Diamond in my free time.

The sad thing is that if someone were to put in some work and book the band, it could actually do some good things. When we do gigs, we get a great response from the crowd and our clients. Of the many bands I work with, it could be the most talented. But, I just don't have the time or desire to book the band. In the past, I asked the guys to use Google calendar or let me know in advance their blackout dates so I don't have to call everyone and have the client wait for an answer. Only one person used Google calendar, and notice of blackout dates were inconsistent on a good day. I talked about new photos and a video to help with booking better gigs for over a year, and I have given up on it because no-one wants to do it. I talked about changing the name to help give us a more sellable image, and I get blowback. Considering what little help I get from the band in the booking department, I don't see any reason to sacrifice family or professional time for it. Part of my frustration is that from my previous booking experiences with the band, I get feedback about the name, promo materials, etc. from potential clients, agents, and people I respect in the biz around here, but they don't heed any of it because they aren't out there dealing with it.

The main problem with this band is that 95% of the focus of the other band members is rehearsal. Right now we have over 90 songs in our repertoire, enough to do 2-3 nights in a row without repeating a song. But, we still "need" to learn new songs for "some gig" just-in-case. We don't have band meetings or talk about business other than a 2 minute blurb while everyone is packing up to go home. IME, rehearsal alone won't help you get gigs, and they probably know that, but for some reason they seem to act like more rehearsals will fix things.

For me the payout is playing shows. Rehearsal can be fun, but it's never as fun as playing a show for me. Without the payout, it's hard to get motivated to put the time and energy into it. It feels like a stick with no carrot.

The dilemma is that I really like these guys, and like playing with them, but without shows on the books, I don't see the need to rehearse often. And if no-one is booking any shows, then it's not going anywhere, regardless of how tight we are in rehearsal. Because I like these guys, I don't mind just getting together and just jamming as friends once in a while. But if that's the main goal, I don't want to sacrifice too much family or professional time to do it. I'd rather just jam out on tunes that I like, have fun, and call it a night. Learning Neil Diamond during my free time, having to rearrange schedules, and pushing the envelope with my already accommodating wife isn't fun. Plus, I work with other bands that are working, and I should give them my limited rehearsal time, even though they don't rehearse much.

I don't want to quit. Ideally, I wish someone would book some shows. Or we just chill and have fun as friends when we have time once or twice a month. But treating it like "work" when there is no work on the horizon or effort to get work just doesn't motivate me. I guess you could construe it as a bad attitude, and trust me, I'd rather not have one. I'd rather either focus on having fun, or working.

Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for any thoughts or ideas.

 

[gumtown]

This is something you need to confront the rest of the band head-on with.
I would suggest printing out your post here and at the next practice, stop the practice just before you guys start playing with an "importaint announcement" and get them to read your thoughts here, then see where everyone wants to go from there.
We quite often have "the band meeting" to air out any concerns, without it getting personal, being able to convey our thoughts of each other and the general bussiness of the band.
That is usually followed up with personal phone calls to discuss anything that an individual may have felt unable to talk about in front of everyone.

Many situations can be fixed, only because it was due to missunderstandings.

 

[RL Scott]

I'm always of the opinion that saving the band is job one. But at some point, especially when it becomes a job, it may be break time. In some ways I feel lucky that we've been going through a lot of lead guitarists in the last year or so. It's given us the periodic breaks from gigs I believe all musicians should take if they want to improve.

Sounds to me like life is dictating your situation more than the music. So, I'm gonna have to fall on the side of quitting in this instance. Think I'd pick taking care of my family first were I faced with this problem. I like to think so anyway, but damn would it be hard.

 

[Steve]

Band has no gigs, nobody is booking gigs, so I don't want to rehearse. Am I a jerk for being that way?

I'm the same way. I have exactly ZERO need for a "Boys night out".

 

[chuck norriss]

Yes. You're fired.

 

[Joe Nerve]

No way I would rehearse once a week with a band (especially doing covers) that wasn't gigging. It's tough to get me to do that with a band that IS gigging.

I remember your previous post post on taking a back seat, and it seems things went exactly how you expected. I'm not too sure however why you're as adament as you are regarding booking gigs. Unless you really don't want this band to do anything or go anywhere, and you're waiting for them to kick you out. I know booking gigs is a major hassle, but you've done it and know how. IMO it would be best for all if you just did that again, and practiced with them once in a while. Split up the booking/rehearsal time for yourself. If not, it seems kind of pointless to hang on. For both you, and them.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Come on, Jive. You've been at this way longer than me and know the answer as good as I do. You're definitely not being a jerk in any way. If gigs aren't on the table then the need to rehearse *in a cover band* is very minimal - I'd say once a month at the absolute most just to keep the songs under your fingers and to keep your harmonies in check if you sing any.

As gumtown said, I'd suggest bringing this up at the next rehearsal or band meeting. Just tell them that if gigs aren't on the table then rehearsing for this group simply isn't worth your time away from your family. If someone is willing to step up and book some decent gigs then you'll gladly be on board to rehearse more often, but until then the need to practice the same 90 songs isn't going to make the songs any tighter than they already are.

It may be time to consider if stepping down from this band is a good choice for you to make. If they're adamant about rehearsing all the time then you might not have any other choice. You can always offer to be their go-to sub for when the need ever arises.

 

[SBassman]

- If you had nothing else in your musical life, it would maybe make more sense to continue some of the rehearsals.

- I would recommend explicitly stating to your bandmates that you have put in a great deal of past energy booking, and you're hoping to see other bandmates now pick that up for a period of time.

- I would compromise and switch to rehearsal once a month to keep the connections and to enjoy the company of people I think you enjoy hanging with. I would Not, though, rehearse every week for non gigs.

I have enough trouble staying interested in the same gigs at the same places with the same tunes. If instead it was the same rehearsals in the same basement that weren't translating into other gigs, there's no way I'd have the inclination.

I'm very goal oriented. I need a goal to drive me. I can't spend indefinite amounts of time with people with no goal, who are happy to just hang in the basement. That doesn't work for me. Yet, there are surely many players out there who are very satisfied with the basement and the basement only.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

I'm very goal oriented. I need a goal to drive me. I can't spend indefinite amounts of time with people with no goal, who are happy to just hang in the basement. That doesn't work for me. Yet, there are surely many players out there who are very satisfied with the basement and the basement only.

Ain't that the truth.

 

[jive1]

No way I would rehearse once a week with a band (especially doing covers) that wasn't gigging. It's tough to get me to do that with a band that IS gigging.

I'm with you there. Oddly, the bands that are gigging alot are the ones that seem to rehearse the least, and sometimes the ones that pay the best.

I remember your previous post post on taking a back seat, and it seems things went exactly how you expected. I'm not too sure however why you're as adament as you are regarding booking gigs. Unless you really don't want this band to do anything or go anywhere, and you're waiting for them to kick you out. I know booking gigs is a major hassle, but you've done it and know how. IMO it would be best for all if you just did that again, and practiced with them once in a while. Split up the booking/rehearsal time for yourself. If not, it seems kind of pointless to hang on. For both you, and them.

There's many reasons why I don't want to book.
1. I don't get an extra cut, and I don't own this band.
2. I'm already running the sound and hosting the website.
3. I don't have the time, and have many other things to do with it.
4. It's 1000 times easier to book myself as a musician than a band.
5. I'm already playing a decent amount of gigs as is.
6. It's a hassle, and folks aren't making things easier for me.
7. I don't enjoy dealing with club owners/bar managers/promoters.

As far as getting kicked out, for what reason other than I don't have to time to book? I still show up for rehearsal prepared, supply the sound, and I am willing to rehearse, just not every week. Meh, maybe I can split up the rehearsal time with some booking. But quite honestly, at this stage of my life, any band that relies on me to do the bulk of the work is destined to fail.

 

[AfroCubanFunkMa]

Man, that's a hum-dinger for sure. I've gone through the same sort of thing.. also gave everyone a heads-up well ahead of time that my priorities have shifted and that I wouldn't be booking as much due to family and other obligations (MD gig). I even went as far as giving them my form letters and such and guess what happened..

NOTHING..

I'm still the one that's predominately booking the band even though I have neither the time nor the desire. I am however actively courting a few booking agents to bring in new bookings. I can manage the current booking relationships I have going for local clubs, festivals and website inquiries.

Sometimes we just have to accept that others either don't have the requisite business skills needed or the hustler's spirit it takes to keep a group working and make arrangements as needed.

PS. don't bother waiting on people to change, they won't.. also, who the hell rehearses weekly for no gigs.. especially covers.. I rehearse my working coverband monthly and even that takes effort to pull together.. Gigs, work and family always trumps rehearsal..

 

[kraigo]

Offer your resignation and hold your ground. Only you can prioritize the things in your life and it looks like you just did.

KO

 

[SBassman]

PS. don't bother waiting on people to change, they won't..

Bonus points for that quote. Very true.

 

[bassman314]

Jive, dude...

You are over-committed in your life. You need to let one of the other players take control of the promotion. If they don't want to, then you should feel no qualms about stepping back or out.

 

[john_g]

This is how my last band fell apart. Great band with lots of gigs at one time but it dried up. They wanted to rehearse rehearse rehearse with nothing on the calendar. No one else would do homework and learn new songs on their own, so we had gigged mostly the same songs for like 2 years. I have my own business, at the time a full time job, and two small kids at home so I know where you are coming from. Everyone just got irritated at different things (mine being po'd at no one else stepping up and too much practicing) and it combusted.

Dont want to burn bridges but just tell them if they want you with them someone needs to step up and book some gigs as you dont have time to just jam with no payoff.

 

[Blueszilla]

Have one or more of them read your OP. It's honest, respectful and lucid. It's very clear. Maybe they think you want to do that stuff. If they are a reasonable bunch, and your post implies they are, seems simple enough for them to pick up the slack.

 

[jive1]

- I would recommend explicitly stating to your bandmates that you have put in a great deal of past energy booking, and you're hoping to see other bandmates now pick that up for a period of time.

Honestly, I don't want to play the martyr card. If they want to book or find someone to do it, I'm cool. They can probably do better than me.

- I would compromise and switch to rehearsal once a month to keep the connections and to enjoy the company of people I think you enjoy hanging with. I would Not, though, rehearse every week for non gigs.

I could totally live with that.

I have enough trouble staying interested in the same gigs at the same places with the same tunes. If instead it was the same rehearsals in the same basement that weren't translating into other gigs, there's no way I'd have the inclination.

They do try to keep it interesting by learning new songs, but in some ways it compounds it. We work on a song but not have a gig to follow up with to see how well it goes over, and see if it's worth putting further effort into. We don't know what kind of venue to play at, so we're just stockpiling songs in case some type of gig comes up.

I'm very goal oriented. I need a goal to drive me. I can't spend indefinite amounts of time with people with no goal, who are happy to just hang in the basement. That doesn't work for me. Yet, there are surely many players out there who are very satisfied with the basement and the basement only.

I could live with them just wanting to be in the basement. But putting in the effort of being a working band on the rehearsal side while not getting the work is demotivating for me. Either we just cut loose and have fun, or put in the work to get work. Anything in between is neither fun, nor profitable.

 

[nickbass79]

I'm in the same boat. The band has no gigs, they want to practice on Sunday morning or Friday night. I like my weekends. I see no point, since we are a cover band and all of us are very experienced musicians.

 

[Biggbass]

Join another band on the side and get inspired.

 

[jive1]

Maybe they think you want to do that stuff. If they are a reasonable bunch, and your post implies they are, seems simple enough for them to pick up the slack.

I made it clear as a group, and to members one-on-one that I am neither gifted, willing, or able to do it.

Whenever this is brought up, the answer usually rolls towards adding new material and rehearsing more to get tighter.

They are a reasonable bunch, but for some reason not that motivated to get gigs. I also try to be reasonable in that maybe they don't want to gig that much, or really be a working band, or deal with the business end of it. I'm cool with that. I kinda need to gig to make up for losing my wife's income because she stays home with the kid. That's not their problem, that's why I hooked up with other bands for gigs. But, on the other hand, rehearsing every week, and conducting rehearsal like we're all serious with no work, just seems delusional to me.

In all reality, 1 gig is equal to 5 or more rehearsals in terms of getting a band tight. If you rehearse every week, you can still be rustier than a band that gigs every week. It's because when you rehearse, you are just working on 5-10 songs of your set list, while at a gig you are working on all of them. By the time you get back to that song you worked on 2 months ago, you probably forgot some part of the arrangement. But if you're gigging it every weekend, it will be ingrained into your mind. I praise them for wanting to sound good and be tight, but I wish they could see how gigs would really help 1000 times more than rehearsing in the basement.