Staying off the Booze

[lamarjones]

Try a CBD drink

 

[buldog5151bass]

Simple. Don't take the first drink. It's a crutch. Nothing wrong with being a little shy. Not everyone has to be the life of the party.

 

[Geepers]

Let the other guys do the social chit chat. You do you - alcohol free.

 

[burgerdj]

+1 on Athletic N/A beer. I’ve found that it’s more of a security thing having something in my hand on breaks, not the actual beer. The best part is…it actually tastes good! I’ve also never had an issue with bar management if I bring my own little cooler, since comped drinks are usually part of the gig deal.

 

[Five or Six]

I'm not going to preach a bunch about it. I've dealt with drinkers / drunks all my life. You know you and what's going on. The question being, "do you need help and are you willing to get it if your answer is "yes"? That's on you. No amount of preaching here from anyone will do that for you. If drinking and playing is the combination, you need to quit one of them.

Fortunately, no one in my band drinks. I don't mind if someone indulges some during an evening as long as they can maintain and do their job. But, fortunately non of us do. So, I don't worry about that aspect. As a BL I would be concerned about your playing if I knew the situation. But, moreso it would be the drive home and possibilities. Accident, hurt someone or, worse yet, kill someone, yourself or both. The thoughts of that alone are pretty sobering. Not to mention you've just involved every aspect of the evening. The bar / gig and the band may be held liable for your actions? There is more to this than just playing music and socializing! Just plainly get stopped on your way home, you may get a free ride some place you don't want to be. In the back seat. Then if one of the above happens, get your wallet out and be concerned about your family, job, and what you possess. It can all go down the er in the blink of an eye. This is reality. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[BowserGriff]

As others have said, alcohol-free beer might be a good idea. While it is possible that your discomfort reduction really comes from the alcohol's effects on your brain, there are also recognized patterns of cue -> routine -> reward, which means that there are habits we build to make our lives easier, but such habits can also be controlled by us. In your case it could be that cue = "people approaching, social alert!", routine = "grab some beers", reward = "feel less bad about talking". It can be that the reward now comes more from the routine/habit than the alcohol itself. Something similar happens to a lot of people with drinking coffee, it's not the caffeine anymore that wakes them up but rather the habit, so drinking decaf or even a completely different drink still wakes them up. You can definitely try alcohol-free beer or any other drink, and see if is also your case.

Somebody has read Charles Duhhig! the power of habit is one of my favourite books!

On this note, sometimes the routine and reward doesn't have to be in the regular place. I'll use myself as an example. I LOVE sleep! I started getting up at 5 in the morning even on days off to make sure that by the time I hit the bed I am OUT. The reward is waking up and being insanely productive in the mornings. Weird, but it's ok to weird.

The problem with Charles theory is that it is possible to substitute a substance with another substance without addressing the reason for a habit. I actually did this, i swapped the routine of alchol for food and although I wasn't drunk I was piling on the pounds!

Non-alcohol beer is becoming more popular and has less of a stigma. Young people are not as big into drinking as my generation are/we're. For me the taste sends me into a "ah, I might as well be drinking real beer".

Shenron has some great advice here on evaluating your own believe systems. As someone who has tried these, I recommend giving them a go.

 

[lark_z]

Serious introvert/wallflower here.....
I read something in Burt Reynold's autobiography a few years ago that I wish I'd read 50 years ago.

After he hit big, he confessed to someone that he was scared to talk in the social circles he now found himself. The person he confessed this to told him this ......just repeat part of the last thing they said to you, they'll think you're the best conversationalist ever. So, if they say "I went to the Dr today", you say "You went to the Dr today?".

It's just amazing. They get to keep talking about what's on their mind and you get to look like a social person.

 

[Old Blastard]

It sounds to me like @Shenron said, the question isn't alcoholism (though we're trying to avoid habits that lead to it) but social anxiety. I do usually have a beer or at most two over a gig, but not to rely on it for anything.

So, first thought - this might be something to get counseling about. A good therapist can help you develop techniques to manage the anxiety.

Second thought - agreed, alcohol is not the way to manage it.

Third thought - I wonder if it might help to treat the social activity during set breaks as also part of the performance? On gigs, I'm not "Jonathan," the college professor, I'm Jonny C, the rock musician. Jonny C isn't an act or fake, but it's a slightly different aspect of who I am. I'm reminded of the story about Rick Wakeman's stage fright, when someone suggested he wear a cape. He tried it, and was liberated; it turned him into a character he could play.

Fourth thought - It seems like this is just to connect with and acknowledge folks who come out to see the band, which is smart. If you're not hugely comfortable with conversations, I'd say that acknowledgement doesn't have to be elaborate. Hey how are you guys doing? Are you having a good time? So glad you came out! Cool to see you, I gotta take a powder quick...

I second the cape. Well, in my case it's a coat and tie and my ubiquitous Trilby hat that I wear daily. When the suit comes on I'm having fun and no bummer thoughts allowed. Makes it easy to talk to others, as well.

I do have a beer, usually before the gig. I may have one between first and second set, but maybe not. I have a brother who is married to Johnny Bottle and celebrating a 40th anniversary so I tend to be wary of how much I drink.

 

[john_g]

Lots of good points here already. I used to have a few beers at each gig to loosen me up too, but after a bit i found playing became more difficult. These days, I play bass, keys (with hands and feet) and sing backup. Too much to do with a buzz. I stopped and havent drank at all at a gig in years. It wasnt easy, and it does loosen you up but, Ive always been a "drink and chill" kind of guy (i.e., not "drink and perform some task" kind of guy) so it made performing much easier. I do have to force myself more to be outgoing on my own though.

 

[mambo4]

Make an effort to do exactly the things you once “needed” a drink for. I spent a year clean and sober and once I experienced my usual buzzed activities- rehearsal, gig, clubbing, etc-while completely sober , it was no big deal.

I also planned ahead and brought my own non alcohol to situations. I picked a brand of drink ( that lizard tea stuff) and took it to rehearsal , made it my new habit.

And lastly I adopted the mindset that wanting is ok. I feel like a drink? That’s not a problem. Acknowledge, but don’t execute, remind myself this is rehearsal/ gig/ clubbing and focus on the more important tasks. I found in quickly got used to wanting but not acting on it, and the urges turned out to be quite temporary when I just didn’t acknowledge them.

that said, everyone is different. Good luck!

 

[HolmeBass]

It sounds to me like @Shenron said, the question isn't alcoholism (though we're trying to avoid habits that lead to it) but social anxiety. I do usually have a beer or at most two over a gig, but not to rely on it for anything.

So, first thought - this might be something to get counseling about. A good therapist can help you develop techniques to manage the anxiety.

Second thought - agreed, alcohol is not the way to manage it.

Third thought - I wonder if it might help to treat the social activity during set breaks as also part of the performance? On gigs, I'm not "Jonathan," the college professor, I'm Jonny C, the rock musician. Jonny C isn't an act or fake, but it's a slightly different aspect of who I am. I'm reminded of the story about Rick Wakeman's stage fright, when someone suggested he wear a cape. He tried it, and was liberated; it turned him into a character he could play.

Fourth thought - It seems like this is just to connect with and acknowledge folks who come out to see the band, which is smart. If you're not hugely comfortable with conversations, I'd say that acknowledgement doesn't have to be elaborate. Hey how are you guys doing? Are you having a good time? So glad you came out! Cool to see you, I gotta take a powder quick...

This is actually better. Don’t break the 4th wall by talking about your day job, your mortgage, car troubles, or even the weather. Definitely don’t talk about other bands you are in! Being slightly aloof is actually what people want, I have found somewhat to my surprise.

I have discovered this through a number of interactions over the years. It always struck me as slightly odd, but some folks have a very romantic mental image of what playing in a band is about. They don’t want their illusion broken. Hearing that you’re not driving overnight in a van together to the next gig, but rather you are driving your own car home so you can do laundry tomorrow and prepare for the work week, really bums them out.

 

[lethalplumbsauc]

I feel this on so many levels. Super shy and introverted, but because of family, I thankfully do not drink. It's taking time to push myself a bit outside of my safe comfortable space, but the more I do it the more I enjoy it. I used to be fine with it, but then I quit gigging for a long time and it all went away.

 

[Chicken Wing]

Good topic! Personally, I stopped drinking in full 101 days ago. Never was dependent, but I hate being hungover. I have a high stress job, 3 kids, and can’t function the way I want if I have even 1-2 beers the night before.

I drink odouls at the bar/jam spot. No one has ever commented on it or given me a hard time.

In terms of the social side, I don’t have much to offer, but not drinking alcohol is more and more socially acceptable now IMO.

There are probably some techniques you can use, or bring a friend who you feel very comfortable with to shadow you. Good luck!

 

[Smoove-Groove]

Look into kava kava.It can give the same social lubrication as alcohol. Just without the sloppiness and hangovers.

 

[matthewbrown]

If you want to learn how to handle performance anxiety without alcohol, I recommend taking a deep dive into Bulletproof Musician.

 

[Deleted member 394181]

I always had to drive home, so just coffee at gigs.

 

[Bass4ThePublic]

If you can’t stick to the 1 beer I would go cold turkey. Hell, even 1 beer destroys my singing ability so I normally just stick to sprite and water.

 

[InhumanResource]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

I don’t think it’s hurting you much from a general health perspective, but I do think any type of “needing” it in certain situations is a caution flag. I was definitely using it to self medicate through certain things.

I’ve gone from being a pretty regular and casual drinker to trying to stop, and it’s been a lot harder than I expected. That’s really changed my perspective. My suggestion is to just see if you can find another way to get through this without it, and if it’s a struggle…really think about that.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

Who says you need to be the life of the party? Skip the beer and find a quiet corner. However, If you feel a need to to connect, all you have to do is ask 3 simple questions. After saying “Hey”, ask their name, where they are from, and is this the first time you;ve seen your band. Then move on. This does not require lubrication. It is a skill, and requires practice.

I’m not exactly graceful socially either, but I find that having a few open ended questions in the holster ready to go takes a lot of pressure off the situation.

See if this works.

 

[Minimalist]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

My advice is simple. Accept yourself the way you are. Who says that you need to make small talk? You will talk when you want to and if somebody cannot accept this they can go f themselves.

If you want to overcome your shyness, than work on it without alcohol. But you have to want to. Using any drug to change who you are or to become who you think you should be is the first step towards addiction.