That is a good reference, but OP is not having stage fright, he’s having off-stage-during-the-set-break fright.
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Staying off the Booze
- Thread starter bigboy_78
- Start date
Irish goodbye at the end of the show? I can take or leave the booze, but I’ve grown tired of the socializing after.
I'm not a big drinker, I like beer and not any other alcohol so the choices are already limited.
My "method" is to have one beer while we set up, then soda the rest of the night. Simple rule, works for me.
And if being shy is really an issue then try to start your "socializing" during breaks by gravitating to someone you know. And if you don't know anyone maybe tag along with another bandmember while they talk to someone they know? Just a thought.
My "method" is to have one beer while we set up, then soda the rest of the night. Simple rule, works for me.
And if being shy is really an issue then try to start your "socializing" during breaks by gravitating to someone you know. And if you don't know anyone maybe tag along with another bandmember while they talk to someone they know? Just a thought.
I usually end up with a soda or, like other have said, seltzer or tonic with a twist of some sort. Helps to stay hydrated, too!
This. Smoke some reefer if it doesn't paranoid you out. Kills you a lot slower than the booze does. No drinking for me for 4 yrs because I drank just like you and AA style total cessation was my way to quit. I stopped drinking by thinking about the heart and liver damage. And the carcinogenic effects. And the stupidity booze brings on. And hangovers. Cannabis is, however, harder to quit than the booze. But no hangovers. Shyness kills. Good luck.
Between sets I used to hide somewhere and tune all my basses. Usually people would leave me alone if I looked busy. Or I would go outside and smoke a cigar - which works really well during cold weather months.
After the gig, I leave soon after or immerse myself with the load out. If I'm busy packing gear in the trailer the hangers-on will gravitate to the more social guys in the band - except for the ones who insist on offering to help.
After the gig, I leave soon after or immerse myself with the load out. If I'm busy packing gear in the trailer the hangers-on will gravitate to the more social guys in the band - except for the ones who insist on offering to help.
I was like that. I took a break from regular gigging and drinking around the same time, so for me it was like a reset. Been off booze 2 years, now I can play the occasional gig and I don’t even consider it.
If we’re not talking alcoholism, at best you’ve built and association, your brain expects it. Gig=drink. Load in can be an anxious time for musicians.
I’d say go cold turkey and see what happens. If you can’t, well then it might actually be alcoholism. The first 6 weeks will be toughest. Proxy drinks, NA beer or mocktails will be the best bet. Or another substitute like gum.
Good luck!
If we’re not talking alcoholism, at best you’ve built and association, your brain expects it. Gig=drink. Load in can be an anxious time for musicians.
I’d say go cold turkey and see what happens. If you can’t, well then it might actually be alcoholism. The first 6 weeks will be toughest. Proxy drinks, NA beer or mocktails will be the best bet. Or another substitute like gum.
Good luck!
Is it part of your bands policy to go mingle and connect, or something that you want to do and are looking for help with? Sometimes just holding a glass of anything, even water can help. It's like a small physical extension of a mental barrier. If you're ever uncomfortable just finish the drink and say "Welp, looks like i'm empty. Nice talking to you" and walk away.
Any time you think you *need* a drink is exactly the time you don't.
Social skills are like any other skill... some have a natural love of it or talent for it, and some don't... but everyone can learn to do it to some degree, if they actually want to.
I enjoy a drink or two in the right company, rarely, but I dont drink with people I don't know or trust. Because alcohol doesn't improve any skill, it just makes you think it did by removing your concern about it.
Good luck... and be the boss of you.
Social skills are like any other skill... some have a natural love of it or talent for it, and some don't... but everyone can learn to do it to some degree, if they actually want to.
I enjoy a drink or two in the right company, rarely, but I dont drink with people I don't know or trust. Because alcohol doesn't improve any skill, it just makes you think it did by removing your concern about it.
Good luck... and be the boss of you.
Interesting topic. I've always generally been a bit shy socially, and when I first began playing live, I wondered about stage fright, but that hasn't been an issue. As to being social, since I play in original bands, our friends are the ones who come out to see us, so I already know them,
I think that being 'in the band', automatically gives you a certain persona and an in, for talking to people, so perhaps that might help. As others have suggested, I'd just try a night or two without any drinks and see how it goes.
Best of luck.
I think that being 'in the band', automatically gives you a certain persona and an in, for talking to people, so perhaps that might help. As others have suggested, I'd just try a night or two without any drinks and see how it goes.
Best of luck.
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Lots of great experience based advice here. As a life-long non-drinker / non-smoker I don't have personal experience to pull from, but I can tell you the experience of a young dear friend...
He is a bartender, so in his adult life he's always been in the environment that has been described by the OP. He developed a serious substance habit even before he became a bartender, socially at first. He soon got a DUI, lost his car and gave up driving, His career as a bartender began around this time, at local establishments which he could access on foot.
He developed a deep relationship with someone special who also had a substance habit, and over a few years they both deteriorated until they had a serious blow-out and broke up. There was a child involved, so the breakup was doubly painful for both of them.
At that time, pretty despondent, my friend cleaned up. So did his former partner. Cold turkey with the help of counseling and a physician, although they both also had each other, now as just good friends, and they both had other close friends who also provided emotional support. They both have been completely clean for going on 3 years now, and they're both thriving; happily, so is the child.
My friend is still a bartender, and part of his support group is actually made up of other local bartenders who also have gone clean. There are actually quite a few bartenders who do not drink, having gone through the desperate depths themselves, recognizing what was happening and turning around. If you ask around at your local bars, you'll probably find out a few of your bartender friends have gone through this.
Going back to my friend's story, he will probably be a bartender for a long time. He's really good at it and his talents are sought after by a number of establishments. The fact that he is clean is a big plus for many bar owners. So he's probably going to be in that environment for a long time. But, he's exposed to everyone in his corner of the world who wants drinks and he sees what it does to people. That in itself helps him to stay clean, and like other clean bartenders, it also helps him to be very ethical about his work as a bartender.
The easy answer about drinking is don't start drinking and don't be in environments that encourage drinking. That's how I have stayed clean and dry for 70 years., but it's pretty hard to do this if you're a full time gigging musician. When I was in my 20s and considered being such a musician, that was one of the major factors in my decision to pursue a more conventional non-music career; some of the other factors were a consistent and functional payroll, support for a home and family, and last but not least, health care and retirement benefits -- both which I'm particularly enjoying at this time in my life. And for me, putting a dollar sign on music just took all the fun out of it.
I had an older formerly full-time musician friend once tell me that if the whole music world was a bucket, the number of truly successful full time musicians -- who did not acquire bad habits, who thrived in their career, who could support a home and a family and who had real full-time benefits -- would be a drop in that bucket. Dedication to music is wonderful, but for the vast majority of full-time musicians, it comes at a pretty high cost.
He is a bartender, so in his adult life he's always been in the environment that has been described by the OP. He developed a serious substance habit even before he became a bartender, socially at first. He soon got a DUI, lost his car and gave up driving, His career as a bartender began around this time, at local establishments which he could access on foot.
He developed a deep relationship with someone special who also had a substance habit, and over a few years they both deteriorated until they had a serious blow-out and broke up. There was a child involved, so the breakup was doubly painful for both of them.
At that time, pretty despondent, my friend cleaned up. So did his former partner. Cold turkey with the help of counseling and a physician, although they both also had each other, now as just good friends, and they both had other close friends who also provided emotional support. They both have been completely clean for going on 3 years now, and they're both thriving; happily, so is the child.
My friend is still a bartender, and part of his support group is actually made up of other local bartenders who also have gone clean. There are actually quite a few bartenders who do not drink, having gone through the desperate depths themselves, recognizing what was happening and turning around. If you ask around at your local bars, you'll probably find out a few of your bartender friends have gone through this.
Going back to my friend's story, he will probably be a bartender for a long time. He's really good at it and his talents are sought after by a number of establishments. The fact that he is clean is a big plus for many bar owners. So he's probably going to be in that environment for a long time. But, he's exposed to everyone in his corner of the world who wants drinks and he sees what it does to people. That in itself helps him to stay clean, and like other clean bartenders, it also helps him to be very ethical about his work as a bartender.
The easy answer about drinking is don't start drinking and don't be in environments that encourage drinking. That's how I have stayed clean and dry for 70 years., but it's pretty hard to do this if you're a full time gigging musician. When I was in my 20s and considered being such a musician, that was one of the major factors in my decision to pursue a more conventional non-music career; some of the other factors were a consistent and functional payroll, support for a home and family, and last but not least, health care and retirement benefits -- both which I'm particularly enjoying at this time in my life. And for me, putting a dollar sign on music just took all the fun out of it.
I had an older formerly full-time musician friend once tell me that if the whole music world was a bucket, the number of truly successful full time musicians -- who did not acquire bad habits, who thrived in their career, who could support a home and a family and who had real full-time benefits -- would be a drop in that bucket. Dedication to music is wonderful, but for the vast majority of full-time musicians, it comes at a pretty high cost.
I'm a person in long term recovery. A friend of Bill, if you will. The approach shown to me, which has been nothing short of miraculous, has no method for decreasing consumption, only eliminating it. For those who have lost all choice in the matter of drink and drug, I know the solution. If you are able to successfully moderate your drinking without your life becoming unmanageable, my hat is off to you!
The rule of thumb I was given that made the most sense to me was: If you just want to have a drink, it’s not a problem. But if you need to have a drink it’s a red flag telling you that you might want to start watching yourself.
FWIW I enjoy a drink as much as the next guy. But I skip the alcohol when I’m gigging. It adversely affects my playing. No judgement of anyone else implied. I’m just saying it doesn’t work for me. YMMV.
FWIW I enjoy a drink as much as the next guy. But I skip the alcohol when I’m gigging. It adversely affects my playing. No judgement of anyone else implied. I’m just saying it doesn’t work for me. YMMV.
The keyboardist in my band regularly has 2-3 beers at most gigs, while I never drink. We discuss this from time to time and he accepts that it’s not healthy, but rationalizes it as his way of relaxing.
Nonetheless, I found this video to be very useful in the discussion of alcohol and how it affects us:
As to social anxiety, as mentioned by someone else, solving the root issue seems more important that the drinking issue and a professional therapist is a great place to start.
Best of luck.
Nonetheless, I found this video to be very useful in the discussion of alcohol and how it affects us:
As to social anxiety, as mentioned by someone else, solving the root issue seems more important that the drinking issue and a professional therapist is a great place to start.
Best of luck.
Seems like you’ve made this connection between social situations and hooch.
Does the beer (or other) really make the situation better or different? Or did you somewhere along the way pick that cue up from others?
If you can play a bass on a stage in a band in front of people I’m betting you don’t really need to grab a few drinks before you can say “s’up”.
Perhaps it’s the physical association. Try carrying a water glass. Or sparkling water with a lime, looks exactly like a gin and tonic.
If you “need” the alcohol off stage but not on stage that’s a prop. So make the prop non-alcoholic.
Good luck.
I love a good drink. But I don’t need one. Last thing you’d want is to drive home half in the bag.
Does the beer (or other) really make the situation better or different? Or did you somewhere along the way pick that cue up from others?
If you can play a bass on a stage in a band in front of people I’m betting you don’t really need to grab a few drinks before you can say “s’up”.
Perhaps it’s the physical association. Try carrying a water glass. Or sparkling water with a lime, looks exactly like a gin and tonic.
If you “need” the alcohol off stage but not on stage that’s a prop. So make the prop non-alcoholic.
Good luck.
I love a good drink. But I don’t need one. Last thing you’d want is to drive home half in the bag.
I am naturally extroverted and have no issues in social situations...I have also found that drinking negatively effects my playing...so I generally do not drink at all until after the playing is done.
not a drinker either unless socially i might have several, never at gigs till it's over. Booze can sit in my house for months before i touch it, I am more of a gummies type...
....as suggested something non-alcoholic.
....as suggested something non-alcoholic.
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IMO/E, as others have mentioned, the best way to look at this is the underlying issue - social anxiety. You wish to change that, and having a few drinks helps with that.
First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (for most people). It's extremely common, millions upon millions - if not billions - of people have done it throughout the years and continue to do it and don't turn into alcoholics. Most medical professionals agree that ideally you wouldn't need any substances to address social anxiety - as other had mentioned, addressing the root cause via therapy (CBTI is especially effective) would be ideal, but it doesn't work for everyone.
There are tons of therapy options available - even online therapy can help! If you are looking for long term/permanent change, it's definitely possible and in fact quite probable that you will see significant improvement. It does take some work, but it's well worth in IME.
Some medical professionals will recommend prescription drugs, some of which are great - especially the ones geared specifically towards helping with social anxiety overall as opposed to "situational" drugs (beta blockers or drugs meant to "calm you down" i.e. xanax and the like). For the latter, you're just substituting one drug (alcohol) for another (potentially more harmful) drug.
First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (for most people). It's extremely common, millions upon millions - if not billions - of people have done it throughout the years and continue to do it and don't turn into alcoholics. Most medical professionals agree that ideally you wouldn't need any substances to address social anxiety - as other had mentioned, addressing the root cause via therapy (CBTI is especially effective) would be ideal, but it doesn't work for everyone.
There are tons of therapy options available - even online therapy can help! If you are looking for long term/permanent change, it's definitely possible and in fact quite probable that you will see significant improvement. It does take some work, but it's well worth in IME.
Some medical professionals will recommend prescription drugs, some of which are great - especially the ones geared specifically towards helping with social anxiety overall as opposed to "situational" drugs (beta blockers or drugs meant to "calm you down" i.e. xanax and the like). For the latter, you're just substituting one drug (alcohol) for another (potentially more harmful) drug.
I can totally relate to the social anxiety. I also have a touch of performance anxiety.
I generally don't like drinking much, and most/all of my gigs these days are in non-drinking establishments. I've found a beta blocker does the trick for me.
***This is prescription medication, and should never be used unless prescribed to you!***
I think the vast majority of TV news presenters are probably on beta blockers. They effectively quell the physical symptoms of anxiety without affecting the brain in a noticable way, allowing you to do what you need to do without feeling like you need to throw up or your heart's gonna jump out of your throat.
Again, please don't take Rx meds, especially heart meds, if they're not prescribed to you by your doctor.
I generally don't like drinking much, and most/all of my gigs these days are in non-drinking establishments. I've found a beta blocker does the trick for me.
***This is prescription medication, and should never be used unless prescribed to you!***
I think the vast majority of TV news presenters are probably on beta blockers. They effectively quell the physical symptoms of anxiety without affecting the brain in a noticable way, allowing you to do what you need to do without feeling like you need to throw up or your heart's gonna jump out of your throat.
Again, please don't take Rx meds, especially heart meds, if they're not prescribed to you by your doctor.
Freekmagnet
Commercial User
I quit drinking 28 years ago. Most everyone here has given the usual (and good advice). I would add make new friends who you can be around without drinking.
