• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Stress meter maxed out?

6stringvince

6stringvince

Guest
Apr 29, 2012
269
13
Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
#1
Is it just me or have stress levels reached pandemic proportions? I get to work and my boss is in a pissy mood, therefore all my coworkers are in a pissy mood. I get home and my wife starts bitching the minute I walk through the door, about anything and everything, mostly about nothing, of course her bad mood gives my son a bad mood.... Now I'm generally a happy go lucky guy, but all this negative crap around me does take it's toll! I would say that stress is probably THE number one killer, yet all the focus is on obesity, smoking, etc.
Maybe we should be focusing on the root cause of stress instead.
Have we reached a point where our governments have as "all work, no play" just to make ends meet? Hard to buy that when some of the people who are stressed the most have 6 digit salaries and drive $50K SUV's. Is it just really like a pandemic where we all just pass it on to one another?
The other question is was the world always like this, or is this all new? Or maybe I'm just in the wrong circles, with the wrong job, and the wrong wife...
Could someone smarter than me please give me some insight!
Meanwhile, just dreaming of a cabin in the woods with just me and my bass guitar...
 
#2
6stringvince said:
Could someone smarter than me please give me some insight!
Meanwhile, just dreaming of a cabin in the woods with just me and my bass guitar...
Click to expand...

You could do it...if you were selfish and didn't care about your kid.

Maybe your wife is in a bitchy mood cause she's also very stressed. Everyone is stressed, which stresses everyone out.

For me, i have an anxiety disorder, i accepted ill be stressed no matter what my life is like. Sure some stuff stress me less, but i stress. My brain will always find a reason. Usually ******** ones too.
 
#3
Live where the cabin is and commute, seriously, but keep the wife and son.

You are onto something about the "work is all there is" thing but sometimes HAVING TO EARN less $$$ = less taxes + more free/family time which usually can lower stress. Research tax rates decades ago when stay-at-home Mom's were common because families could make it on one income AND hadn't been brainwashed into thinking they have to "buy everything that they're selling ya' ".

Also, if you are juggling a day job + family + band then you may want to consider taking a vacation from bands while the child is growing up. I did and have no regrets.
 
#4
I used to feel this way... then I started to take things a little slower. Find the beauty in everything. Mississauga is in a beautiful area... take advantage!

The winter is rough though... with the weather we've had, we've been locked indoors together without escape for far too long. Just have to make it another couple of weeks and our days get longer, it gets a little warmer, etc.

Just hang in there a little bit longer, and then take a long weekend to soak it all in. Bring the kid, bring the wife. Just enjoy life... together!
 
#6
Johnny Crab said:
You are onto something about the "work is all there is" thing but sometimes HAVING TO EARN less $$$ = less taxes + more free/family time which usually can lower stress. Research tax rates decades ago when stay-at-home Mom's were common because families could make it on one income AND hadn't been brainwashed into thinking they have to "buy everything that they're selling ya' ".
Click to expand...

For the record, the reason most families need two incomes now isn't because we're buying more stuff than before but because the various fixed costs of living have simply gone up. These include rent/mortgage payments, the cost of healthcare, the cost of education, the cost of daycare (because we need two incomes to get by now), etc...

In other words, the costs of things we can't avoid has gone up. The costs of everything else (TVs, gaming consoles, phones, home appliances, etc...) have actually gone down (when adjusted for inflation).
 
#7
I'm fortunate that my work environment isn't too terribly stressful. It's demanding and it can have its stressing moments, but so far it hasn't been anything that I can't manage.

The issue I'm running into, however, is that I feel overworked. My shift is supposed to be from 3-11pm with a 35 minute break around 8pm, but I have to come into work at least 60-75 minutes early to plan, have our daily meeting, and do our department's tradeoff. On top of that, I usually have to stay about 45 minutes after my shift to do our tie-in report, to send off some emails, and to prep for my next shift. When you add it up, I'm working 10 hour days before I even add in driving time to and from work. And then you add in time to sleep and cook meals and you begin to realize I don't have much time outside of work during the week to really get anything done lol.
 
#8
Honestly money's not really an issue in my house, don't get me wrong we don't have much to spare, but both my wife and I are pretty frugal, we generally do OK, bills get paid for, and retirement (9 years away) is well set up.
The bulk of my stress comes from everyone being stressed around me, there's always a squabble of some sort going on at work, everyone's always at each others throats!
As far as my family goes there's nothing I enjoy more then quality time with my son, but as far as the wife goes MENOPAUSE is killing me!!
My only stress comes from everyone else's stress. It just seems at times there's no getting away from it.
 
#9
jmattbassplaya said:
The issue I'm running into, however, is that I feel overworked. My shift is supposed to be from 3-11pm with a 35 minute break around 8pm, but I have to come into work at least 60-75 minutes early to plan, have our daily meeting, and do our department's tradeoff. On top of that, I usually have to stay about 45 minutes after my shift to do our tie-in report, to send off some emails, and to prep for my next shift. When you add it up, I'm working 10 hour days before I even add in driving time to and from work. And then you add in time to sleep and cook meals and you begin to realize I don't have much time outside of work during the week to really get anything done lol.
Click to expand...

I hope you're not salary, friend. I see this happening to some guys I work with who are too.

OP - I feel for ya. Over the years I've realized that relationships that bring unnecessary stress into my life aren't worth having. But only you can weigh the pros and cons of your marriage. Maybe worth both of your time to attend a few counseling sessions with the Mrs to learn how to handle each other better when the S is hitting the fan. No shame in doing that before it leads to bigger problems. I've learned there will always be stress ... it's just how you react that helps or makes it worse.
 
#12
Something that I have started to live by, a personal mantra or whatever, when dealing with stressful situations is "You can only control two things in life. Your actions and your feelings." I use to have temper problems and ever since I started practicing this my temper has cooled dramatically. I'm rarely stressed out at/about work. It can be tough when everyone around you is full of negative energy.
 
#13
Dr McCoy said:
Something that I have started to live by, a personal mantra or whatever, when dealing with stressful situations is "You can only control two things in life. Your actions and your feelings." I use to have temper problems and ever since I started practicing this my temper has cooled dramatically. I'm rarely stressed out at/about work. It can be tough when everyone around you is full of negative energy.
Click to expand...

I've been having temper problems as of late. Some stuff (nothing combat or military related) happened during my military service and I'm suffering from a very lightweight PTSD I think.

I can control most of my actions but how can one control their feelings? I'd like to know more please as this could also help me.

To me, feelings just come from inside. I sometimes distract my feelings but most of the time they overwhelm me.
 
#14
Dr McCoy said:
Something that I have started to live by, a personal mantra or whatever, when dealing with stressful situations is "You can only control two things in life. Your actions and your feelings." I use to have temper problems and ever since I started practicing this my temper has cooled dramatically. I'm rarely stressed out at/about work. It can be tough when everyone around you is full of negative energy.
Click to expand...

Dammit man, you're a doctor, not a psychologist.
 
#15
You get to go home to your family everyday? Working a 9-5? Sounds stress free to me. I work 6 days a week, 12-17 hour shifts and I work with explosives ALL DAY in a combat zone. Haven't seen my family and closest friends in 3 years.
 
#17
I think erosion of time is a big issue. The only spare time for me comes in the form of sleep deprivation, if I want to play some guitar or record, I'm only able to squeeze that in in the middle of the night, which of course compounds the stress issues the next day. I could choose to go to bed early and skip, but that deprives me of what I consider to be my only stress release, about the closest thing I have to meditation. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
For some that stress release comes in the form of shopping, which of course leads to overspending, then overworking to pay for those bills. As mentioned above, some with healthy salaries are the ones with the most stress, their instant gratification no longer comes in the form of a new pair of Nike's, but perhaps more in the form of a new Mercedis.
I think it comes down to self management, I think our society needs to shift gears and focus on that, when you really think about it a healthy life style has to start with stress free living, everything else like smoking, obesity, drug and alcohol abuse with fall in to place on it's own.
 
#18
6stringVince:-

No ,you're right on the money....stress is everywhere....

You described my life to a tee as well....but it gets worse..

Everything my wife says is a complaint of some sort.....

every day...

When anybody visits us they whine about something non-stop...

When you look at the neighbors outside or people walking their dogs ,most of the time they are muttering to themselves and swearing even though they are by themselves...

You drive downtown you can see the people passing in cars forming ugly words as they grimace at you...

When you get downtown everyone is walking around mumbling and complaining to themselves or anyone who will listen....

Even the telemarketers interrupt their spiel by whining about the lack of co-operation if I haven't hung up already.
 
#19
machine gewehr said:
I've been having temper problems as of late. Some stuff (nothing combat or military related) happened during my military service and I'm suffering from a very lightweight PTSD I think.

I can control most of my actions but how can one control their feelings? I'd like to know more please as this could also help me.

To me, feelings just come from inside. I sometimes distract my feelings but most of the time they overwhelm me.
Click to expand...

That's it. Feelings do come from the inside, within one's self! To best answer question would be to say practice. For me it takes a lot of work. I will catch myself in a fit of rage and think to myself, "Was that worth it? What good did that do?" and most importantly of all "Why do I even give a s***?" I know easier said than done, we are all different and handle things in different ways. Maybe I say "eff it." too much, then again maybe I smoke and drink too much as well but I feel pretty good most days. For the record, I'm not a doctor, just a dirty welder who isn't the least bit qualified to be any kind of psychologist. However this chick is:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

I watched this right before I posted this. So no, I didn't get my "mantra" from her. I don't remember where I picked it up.

To 6stringvinve, I hope you enjoy the video. If you have never heard of TED there are hundreds of other "talks" you may find interesting. Good luck to you and your family. Congratulations on being able to retire within the next decade, because of the higher cost of living and wages staying the same, I think it would be fair to say most in my generation (I'm an 80's baby) wont be able to (comfortably/not reliant on the government) retire. Keep groovin' brother! :bassist:
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back