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Struggling with drummer’s attitude (long rant warning)

#44
Sounds like Milky is the band leader, the alpha dog.

This is a very normal thing in any social group, for one person to rise to the top and take control of the situation.

Respectfully, if you ever had any shot of challenging him and becoming the alpha yourself, that ship sailed a loooooong time ago. So my advice is to suck it up and follow the leader. :)
 
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#49
hbarcat said:
I joined a band way back in 1988 with a drummer who was incredibly talented but had a dysfunctional personality like the guy in your band. We tried to make it work because it was literally impossible to find another drummer as good as he was but his constant demands for having every single thing his way also made it impossible to play coherent sets of music that he could be happy with. Nothing was good enough for him and he would throw temper tantrums and refuse to play when he wasn't satisfied with every single detail.

I had to quit because it just wasn't possible to work with him as a performing band. Fortunately, I later on recruited him to do some recording in my new band's home studio. It went perfectly well since all we had to do was have him learn our original music and create and perform drum parts and then record them to tape. A few years after that, I tried again to play in a gigging band with the same drummer, hoping that he would have mellowed out a bit. He was the same dysfunctional personality I dealt with in the first band.

During the past decades, I've actually had this drummer do some recording of drum parts for me and I've been 100% satisfied with the results. It's just impossible to work with him in a long term gigging situation. Which is a real shame because I'm not exaggerating when I say that he has an incredibly rare talent for drumming. He actually has a degree in percussion performance from a prestigious music school and he can cover the most accomplished of famous rock drummers (Neil Peart, Danny Carey, John Bonham, Keith Moon, Stewart Copland, etc..) seemingly without effort. Every time I show people video of his playing they're amazed that he isn't famous himself. It's just that his personality won't allow him to work with others.
Click to expand...

For me, no matter how talented is a guy.. I don't play with jerks...
 
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#50
Firstly...........you have a LOT of patience!! I repeat some of the previous questions.....is drummer the BL? I.E. put the band together? Secondly, it is NOT cool to bring outside entities to rehearsals even more so letting them make statements regarding YOUR band. It is NONE of the their frikkin' business. That is NOT cool and I would have none of that!

I personally do not have the patience for this kind of mess. I would have quit a long time ago. I suggest having a BAND meeting and discussing matters. Let it all out. Is everyone in the band happy? If not, it ain't a band.
 
#51
it seems that you're trying to take the high ground - you try to look at both sides, try to compromise, try not to place blame.

the problem - as i see it - is that your drummer has no interest in doing those things. he either wants to be the one in charge or he wants perfection as he hears each song in his own head. that leaves you these options - do things his way, always feel like your preferences aren't important or quit and find/form a band where you can take part in the creative decisions.

and yeah, you could hold a band meeting and bring up some of the stuff you've brought up in your original post. i wouldn't guess you'll get too far with that, but it's worth a shot.
 
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#53
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