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TB DADS, PLEASE ADVISE
- Thread starter bassteban
- Start date
DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying the *never ever let your kids sleep w/you* bit is clear-cut/B&W wrong, just that my experiences were this: We actually let all 3 kids sleep w/us until they tired of it. #1(11 yr-old)gave it up at maybe 2-3. #2(8-yr-old girl)same deal, moreless. #3(4-yr-old girl)is a bit more stubborn/clingy. Wouldn't so much call it a problem- you do need to pick your battles, though; you can't win or even fight them all.
BIG +1 to the wisdom of taking others' advice with a BIG grain of salt. your are unique, your child is unique, the relationship you two form will be unique and based on your personalities and your circumstances. thus, advice that works for one may not apply to another. this is why good parenting books offer several options for dealing with anything from behavior to illness, there is no one rite answer.
me and my (soon to be) ex raised our kids as the "naturalist" types we are. name the stereotype: home-birth, extended breast-feeding, limited vaccines, sling instead of plastic carriers, AND family bed. i can't imagine why anyone would put their foot down and say no parent should do this. it may not work for some, it may work for others. personally, i cringe when parents let their kids cry themselves to sleep, or carry babes in car seats when walking around, or fill bottles with soda. that is me, but i don't tell other parents what to do (i don't believe anyone should).
thus, i say make conscious, educated choices. don't just follow along, these are your kids, they are worth it. they will teach you far more than you expect.
and, yes, they are listening to everything. they fool you cause they don't talk for a year or so, but they learn to listen long before they start repeating.
and for a little levity for the first time parent:
they say, kids are like pancakes....
you always ruin the first one
me and my (soon to be) ex raised our kids as the "naturalist" types we are. name the stereotype: home-birth, extended breast-feeding, limited vaccines, sling instead of plastic carriers, AND family bed. i can't imagine why anyone would put their foot down and say no parent should do this. it may not work for some, it may work for others. personally, i cringe when parents let their kids cry themselves to sleep, or carry babes in car seats when walking around, or fill bottles with soda. that is me, but i don't tell other parents what to do (i don't believe anyone should).
thus, i say make conscious, educated choices. don't just follow along, these are your kids, they are worth it. they will teach you far more than you expect.
and, yes, they are listening to everything. they fool you cause they don't talk for a year or so, but they learn to listen long before they start repeating.
and for a little levity for the first time parent:
they say, kids are like pancakes....
you always ruin the first one
After correcting a child, ALWAYS let them know that they are loved and wanted. So many times, as a child, I have felt that when I was corrected I was an unwanted piece of trash that just cost money for my parents. Let them know they are loved and that they have a purpose for living. There is more to life than just drinking and waiting to die when you're old.
I learned- or perhaps I should say I realized- this: They are NOT *like little people*(a former boss said that; I cringed)- they ARE little people.
Not sure if this has been said yet already, but ENJOY every minute that you can with your kids.
You will have many borderline boring hours of playing with rattles, then stuffed animals, making faces so they giggle, then it will be playing with dolls or gi joes, and you will think to yourself sometimes "gee, I had a real hard day in work I really dont want to play with gi joes, I just want to relax..." but.. the years will go by blindingly fast and there will come a time when you will really really miss those borderline boring times!
I guess to just sum it up, enjoy them while they're there because before you know it they'll be grown up and heading to college or moving out.
You will have many borderline boring hours of playing with rattles, then stuffed animals, making faces so they giggle, then it will be playing with dolls or gi joes, and you will think to yourself sometimes "gee, I had a real hard day in work I really dont want to play with gi joes, I just want to relax..." but.. the years will go by blindingly fast and there will come a time when you will really really miss those borderline boring times!
I guess to just sum it up, enjoy them while they're there because before you know it they'll be grown up and heading to college or moving out.
WAIT A HUGE MINUTE HERE... how is playing with GI Joes not relaxing? I would kill to play with some GI Joes after a long hard day at work.
i believe killing is how you play with gi joes. at least it was when i was a kid.
You never played gi joes with my youngest son. The entire gi joe universe revolves around his rules which, though they (the rules) change repeatedly at a frantic pace, I'm supposed to know 100% inside and out.
At bed time, his gi joes also go to bed at which time dad pops open a cold one
Even though the diaper box reads "up to 25 lbs.", you should still change the little nipper at least once a day.
Riis
Riis
Big plus one right here. It seems like my son was born yesterday and now he's 2 1/2.
At first. But then they meet that hot chick heroine and things get busy. I mean, I only bought a Black Cat action figure because it was Buy 1 Get 1 Free and she had big boobs. And Wolverine needed to get some action, he was too damned grumpy.
You never played gi joes with my youngest son. The entire gi joe universe revolves around his rules which, though they (the rules) change repeatedly at a frantic pace, I'm supposed to know 100% inside and out.
At bed time, his gi joes also go to bed at which time dad pops open a cold one
No, but I did play Cars, Trains, and various other toy games with my ex-roommates 4 yr. old every other day at least. And yes, I was supposed to know all of his rules, like how the wind up cars, the ones that propel themselves after being pulled back (that I called pull-back cars as a kid), are not to be pulled back and let let go. But we were encouraged to crash them, and he enjoyed it very much when I made them fly off the table. Oh, and I had to learn all their names, even though 4 of them were the same car.
Have band practice AFTER their bedtime. You'll never get that time back. My band practices twice a week from 11:30 pm to 3 am. Painful at first, but I am used to it and my little fella never has to miss his papa.
I know, it's crazy isn't it? My little guy will be starting kindergarten this Fall, I swear that it feels like it was just last year that he was this tiny little thing.
Agreed, while I am not a Naturalist, I am a Lefty / liberal and allowing your child to cry themselves to sleep is not a good thing. However, there are times when they are trying to manipulate you and you have to "be the parent". Soda pop in baby bottles or people smoking around their children drives me crazy though.BIG +1 to the wisdom of taking others' advice with a BIG grain of salt. your are unique, your child is unique, the relationship you two form will be unique and based on your personalities and your circumstances. thus, advice that works for one may not apply to another. this is why good parenting books offer several options for dealing with anything from behavior to illness, there is no one rite answer.
me and my (soon to be) ex raised our kids as the "naturalist" types we are. name the stereotype: home-birth, extended breast-feeding, limited vaccines, sling instead of plastic carriers, AND family bed. i can't imagine why anyone would put their foot down and say no parent should do this. it may not work for some, it may work for others. personally, i cringe when parents let their kids cry themselves to sleep, or carry babes in car seats when walking around, or fill bottles with soda. that is me, but i don't tell other parents what to do (i don't believe anyone should).
thus, i say make conscious, educated choices. don't just follow along, these are your kids, they are worth it. they will teach you far more than you expect.
and, yes, they are listening to everything. they fool you cause they don't talk for a year or so, but they learn to listen long before they start repeating.
and for a little levity for the first time parent:
they say, kids are like pancakes....
you always ruin the first one
DO NOT put your kid on a leash. Even the ones marketed as being 'for kids'. Leashes are for animals.
You never played gi joes with my youngest son. The entire gi joe universe revolves around his rules which, though they (the rules) change repeatedly at a frantic pace, I'm supposed to know 100% inside and out.
At bed time, his gi joes also go to bed at which time dad pops open a cold one
Even as a kid I would never play action figures with the other kids...most of them would just smash my dudes together and had no concept of plot.
Holy **** that's like gigging 3 nights a week, are you guys all unemployed? One rehearsal at 7:00 is more than enough for me.
My mom did this to me at Disney Land once....I still won't let her forget about it...I was a well behaved kid too, the degrading leash had me acting out more than I normally would have. I think my dad stepped in and saved me, then I waited 3 hours in the CA sun because my sister wanted to ride Dumbo (worst ride ever).
I know, I know I don't even belong in this thread, but I'm bored.
A couple of tidbits:
Read to your child. Make it a habit at bedtime. Let the child read
with you and follow along.
Baby poop doesn't smell. Especially when it is your baby.
(Until you start solid food.)
Breast feeding is a great thing. It has Daddy benefits
too
Research crib designs and equipment well. There are a lot of
badly designed and recalled products out there.
Stay in for the long haul. They will still be your kids when they
are irritating 13 year olds and adult 27 year olds. You need to
evolve with them and be there for them. By no means a
small commitment.
Eat meals together, this is great family time opportunity, make
it a habit to sit down together as a family as opposed to
quick snacks in front of the TV.
TV: Leave it OFF unless there is a specific family show to be
watched. Default position for the idiot box should be OFF.
Make the sacrifices. Ex: I am a straight commission sales guy
so taking time off from work cost me money. The time I cherish
most looking back was the time I was the Cub Scout
and Webelos co-leader, the T-Ball Coach, the assistant
Scoutmaster and the Odyssey of the Mind
organizer/judge/schlep. Don't miss out on their lives and these
opportunites to interact, you will not get another chance.
Another thing this does is:
Set a good example. Want your kid running around dropping
the F-Bomb? Don't use it. Want your kid to be polite, then
BE polite. Want your kid to abuse drugs and alcohol, then
have them watch you. Want your kid to do a good turn
every day, do one every day as an example.
Be patient. Yelling and verbal abuse is toxic to children.
Be firm and fair. Don't waffle on principles, and be sure you
and your s/o agree on policies. Kids learn quickly to shop
for an answer from one parent or another if the stances are
not uniform.
If you are religious or spiritual, include your family and
reinforce good values.
Reward good behavior. Whether it's extra effort, unloading the
dishwasher, helping out around the house, rewards are nice.
This is personal, but I kept a bang-around guitar in the house
the kids could play with that I didn't have to worry about.
We also have a small piano, and we offered the kids lessons
if they were interested. They were. Musical variety is a great
thing, expose them to all kinds of genres - show tunes, classical, jazz,
rock, fusion, pop, etc. Take them to concerts and shows. A rich musical
life is a beautiful thing to give a child.
Read to your child. Make it a habit at bedtime. Let the child read
with you and follow along.
Baby poop doesn't smell. Especially when it is your baby.
(Until you start solid food.)
Breast feeding is a great thing. It has Daddy benefits
too
Research crib designs and equipment well. There are a lot of
badly designed and recalled products out there.
Stay in for the long haul. They will still be your kids when they
are irritating 13 year olds and adult 27 year olds. You need to
evolve with them and be there for them. By no means a
small commitment.
Eat meals together, this is great family time opportunity, make
it a habit to sit down together as a family as opposed to
quick snacks in front of the TV.
TV: Leave it OFF unless there is a specific family show to be
watched. Default position for the idiot box should be OFF.
Make the sacrifices. Ex: I am a straight commission sales guy
so taking time off from work cost me money. The time I cherish
most looking back was the time I was the Cub Scout
and Webelos co-leader, the T-Ball Coach, the assistant
Scoutmaster and the Odyssey of the Mind
organizer/judge/schlep. Don't miss out on their lives and these
opportunites to interact, you will not get another chance.
Another thing this does is:
Set a good example. Want your kid running around dropping
the F-Bomb? Don't use it. Want your kid to be polite, then
BE polite. Want your kid to abuse drugs and alcohol, then
have them watch you. Want your kid to do a good turn
every day, do one every day as an example.
Be patient. Yelling and verbal abuse is toxic to children.
Be firm and fair. Don't waffle on principles, and be sure you
and your s/o agree on policies. Kids learn quickly to shop
for an answer from one parent or another if the stances are
not uniform.
If you are religious or spiritual, include your family and
reinforce good values.
Reward good behavior. Whether it's extra effort, unloading the
dishwasher, helping out around the house, rewards are nice.
This is personal, but I kept a bang-around guitar in the house
the kids could play with that I didn't have to worry about.
We also have a small piano, and we offered the kids lessons
if they were interested. They were. Musical variety is a great
thing, expose them to all kinds of genres - show tunes, classical, jazz,
rock, fusion, pop, etc. Take them to concerts and shows. A rich musical
life is a beautiful thing to give a child.
