TB DADS, PLEASE ADVISE

[hbarcat]

Keep this observation in mind:

No one has ever said on their deathbed that they wished they had spent less time with their children.

 

[MatticusMania]

Keep this observation in mind:

No one has ever said on their deathbed that they wished they had spent less time with their children.

Im sure some may have.

 

[EricF]

A couple of tidbits:

Read to your child. Make it a habit at bedtime. Let the child read
with you and follow along.

Baby poop doesn't smell. Especially when it is your baby.
(Until you start solid food.)

Breast feeding is a great thing. It has Daddy benefits
too

Research crib designs and equipment well. There are a lot of
badly designed and recalled products out there.

Stay in for the long haul. They will still be your kids when they
are irritating 13 year olds and adult 27 year olds. You need to
evolve with them and be there for them. By no means a
small commitment.

Eat meals together, this is great family time opportunity, make
it a habit to sit down together as a family as opposed to
quick snacks in front of the TV.

TV: Leave it OFF unless there is a specific family show to be
watched. Default position for the idiot box should be OFF.

Make the sacrifices. Ex: I am a straight commission sales guy
so taking time off from work cost me money. The time I cherish
most looking back was the time I was the Cub Scout
and Webelos co-leader, the T-Ball Coach, the assistant
Scoutmaster and the Odyssey of the Mind
organizer/judge/schlep. Don't miss out on their lives and these
opportunites to interact, you will not get another chance.
Another thing this does is:

Set a good example. Want your kid running around dropping
the F-Bomb? Don't use it. Want your kid to be polite, then
BE polite. Want your kid to abuse drugs and alcohol, then
have them watch you. Want your kid to do a good turn
every day, do one every day as an example.

Be patient. Yelling and verbal abuse is toxic to children.

Be firm and fair. Don't waffle on principles, and be sure you
and your s/o agree on policies. Kids learn quickly to shop
for an answer from one parent or another if the stances are
not uniform.

If you are religious or spiritual, include your family and
reinforce good values.

Reward good behavior. Whether it's extra effort, unloading the
dishwasher, helping out around the house, rewards are nice.

This is personal, but I kept a bang-around guitar in the house
the kids could play with that I didn't have to worry about.
We also have a small piano, and we offered the kids lessons
if they were interested. They were. Musical variety is a great
thing, expose them to all kinds of genres - show tunes, classical, jazz,
rock, fusion, pop, etc. Take them to concerts and shows. A rich musical
life is a beautiful thing to give a child.

WORD!!!

 

[nsmar4211]

Not a parent, but I work retail and see parents doing things that make me cringe.....

Tip: If your child starts acting up in a store, *take him/her outside*. The store will not mind if you have to leave your cart. Outside you can take a breath and do whatever you do to stop the tantrum. Inside everyone is staring at you and the kid is getting allllll sorts of attention.

As for leashes....please put the kid on a leash if they're the kind that's prone to run away. A few near misses of kids running out the front door into the busy parking lot made me change my opinion of leashes. Little kids move quick!

Pay attention to your kids when they try to get your attention. I watch kids going "mom mom mom" to the point where they are about to start screaming and mom/dad is too busy gossiping on the cell phone to listen to them. Then the parent wonders why the kid is upset. If you're talking to someone else, time for the "excuse me" lesson .

 

[guy n. cognito]

I have. Lots of times. Probably did for your grandparents, and for most of your ancestors before them. As well as mine. Young kids having their own beds (and their own rooms) is a very recent development, historically.

The idea sure does polarize people, though. Read "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevenin, if you're interested in an informed alternative to your opinion. Or keep your opinion if you like.

My ancestors did share beds.....because they had to. They also lived without air conditioning, electricity, running water, indoor toilets, televisions and computers. Having all those things is a very recent development, historically.

I'll assume when you reply to this post that you haven't burned your computer.......

 

[guy n. cognito]

OK, here's my real advice:

1. Perfect parents don't exist. Set reasonable expectations.
2. Ignore anyone that begins giving you advice by saying "I don't have kids, but......."
3. Don't be too concerned about any temp under 100.3
4. A little TV never hurt anyone. Neither did a little chocolate, a little fast food or a few video games. Teach your kids about moderation, not about absolutes.
5. No one wants to see pictures of your kids. You'll show them anyway......
6. Women don't have an exclusive on good parenting skills simply because they gave birth. Translation: your wife isn't always right.
7. You'll get kicked in the junk more over the next 3 years than ever before. Get the fellas ready....

 

[EBodious]

* You will lose it once in a while -- everyone does. Be sure to apologize to the kid and explain why it happened.

yes indeed. everything is a teachable moment. and be patient with yourself as well as your kids. we are all human. everything you do is setting an example. they need to learn how to handle ALL emotions, i don't support teaching kids to swallow their feelings. another side of this is that they also watch how you treat others (from spouse to strangers). i know someone whose dad "taught" him to treat women like crap by how he talked to his wife. not good. try to model respect and dignity.

Big +1 on "Read to your kids". It's fun for both of you, and an invaluable investment in their education. Kids who learn that reading is fun and normal - read.

They learn a lot more from what you do than from what you say.

Finally - they are their own people. They're not little versions of you, or of your hopes and dreams. Guide them, but also see who they are, not who you think they should be.

reading is excellent. there are so many awesome kids books out now. my kids are long past picture books, but i still take them home from the library cause i love the art work and the simplicity of the storytelling. helen oxenbury is great for the littlest kids.

and, yes, one of the hardest lessons, in my opinion, is giving up the control. we influence our kids, but we don't control them. they are their own persons. and it is a great feeling when you see glimpses of your kid becoming their own person.

 

[playinpearls]

+10 to Thor's post...

The thing i noticed is that after all the planning and decisions you make before the baby is born:

"He's gnona eat only organic food"
"We are gonna do this always"
"It says this is the way you are supposed to do it..."

It wil all go down the drain within the first week of the baby being born. There is no book of how-to's. Only a book of suggestions. Probably only half of what you have read or decided about your baby will work without knowing him/her for a couple weeks.
Before my first son was born we were gonna make him sleep in the crib, and he was only going to breast feed, and we were only gonna give him organic milk... That lasted about 3 days. You'll figure it out when you've been up for 2 days trying to calm him/her. Come to find out...he was too impatient to wait for the let down, so he would stop feeding off the breast within 10 minutes. Then came that disgusting formula... He slept in my bed for at least the first year, and then half the night for the next 6 months. He now drinks kroger cheap milk when we actually have to give him some... It definetly turns into a "flying by the seat of your pants" kind of situation.

Get some patience, grow some balls (you'll need them), and remember that your life has now been changed forever...

The benefits all outweigh the annoyances...

 

[PSPookie]

I could never comprehend the following statement until I became a dad: "It's just poop."

Now it makes perfect sense.

 

[bassteban]

I could never comprehend the following statement until I became a dad: "It's just poop."

Now it makes perfect sense.

One of my favorite things to say(when appropo): 'Oh- it's actually not poop.'

 

[EricF]

OK, here's my real advice:

1. Perfect parents don't exist. Set reasonable expectations.
2. Ignore anyone that begins giving you advice by saying "I don't have kids, but......."
3. Don't be too concerned about any temp under 100.3
4. A little TV never hurt anyone. Neither did a little chocolate, a little fast food or a few video games. Teach your kids about moderation, not about absolutes.
5. No one wants to see pictures of your kids. You'll show them anyway......
6. Women don't have an exclusive on good parenting skills simply because they gave birth. Translation: your wife isn't always right.
7. You'll get kicked in the junk more over the next 3 years than ever before. Get the fellas ready....

Yup. All true.

Additionally...common sense, compromise, and patience are 3 key ingredients.

 

[PSPookie]

Yup. All true.

Additionally...common sense, compromise, and patience are 3 key ingredients.

And the occasional bribe.

 

[EricF]

And the occasional bribe.

Absolutely.

 

[bassteban]

And the occasional bribe.

Key word: *occasional*
To clarify- IME, it's not good to do/buy something in exchange for a promise to *mow the lawn/wash the car/whatever* very often, whereas getting the work out of the kid prior to the reward is really not bribery, it's a wage.

 

[EricF]

Key word: *occasional*
To clarify- IME, it's not good to do/buy something in exchange for a promise to *mow the lawn/wash the car/whatever* very often, whereas getting the work out of the kid prior to the reward is really not bribery, it's a wage.

Right. It should be understood that the kid needs to pitch in with chores (age appropriate, of course) around the house because he/she is a part of the family without having to be compensated in some way. Bribery (or "motivator", if you prefer), however, is not always about material stuff, it could be a special treat or a special activity they enjoy.

 

[dave64o]

- Anyone can become a father, but not everyone makes a good dad.

- Never underestimate the power of harsh words on your child.

- Never be afraid to admit to your child you were wrong.

- Offer your child opportunities to try all kinds of things. You never know what he/she will be good at or be passionate about.

- Don't let your child's accomplishments become about you. Be a proud parent, but don't push them to do more, be better, etc. to make yourself look better or feel better.

- Hug your child, tell him/her you love him/her, and then show that to him/her every day.

- You can't buy their love.

- Give them plenty of opportunities to learn responsibility, good judgment, and to make decisions.

- You'll be surprised at how much more your child teaches you.

- Work every day to earn their trust.

- You will never have all the answers so don't pretend you do. But always let them know you'll always do their best for them.

- It's much, MUCH harder to give them what they need rather than give them what they want, but it's much, MUCH more important to do so.

- You can't stop them from making mistakes, so instead teach them to learn from them.

- Teach them the value of setting goals and working toward something that's important to them.



Wow, I was expecting to list a few things and then they just kept coming. Anyway, congratulations on fatherhood.

 

[JoshB]

Wow guys...these things are awesome! I'm the dad that bassteban was talking about. My daughter is a month old now, and I am completely, hopelessly, and unavoidably in love, and am going to be so screwed in about 14 years...good thing I like shooting shotguns!

Thanks again for all the good words of advice here. My wife and I are getting an absolute kick out of some of the things here and some good laughs as well! It's amazing what ceases to bother you when you become a parent. Case in point, we gave Kaiyah a bath this morning, and while I was holding her and drying her off, she peed on me. Oh well...no big deal. Get a new towel, get her wrapped up, and then when she's settled and happy, throw a new shirt on.

Nobody told me how much extra laundry we'd have to do for ourselves though...that did take me a bit by surprise. Ah well.

Thanks again all!

 

[EricF]

Wow guys...these things are awesome! I'm the dad that bassteban was talking about. My daughter is a month old now, and I am completely, hopelessly, and unavoidably in love, and am going to be so screwed in about 14 years...good thing I like shooting shotguns!

Thanks again for all the good words of advice here. My wife and I are getting an absolute kick out of some of the things here and some good laughs as well! It's amazing what ceases to bother you when you become a parent. Case in point, we gave Kaiyah a bath this morning, and while I was holding her and drying her off, she peed on me. Oh well...no big deal. Get a new towel, get her wrapped up, and then when she's settled and happy, throw a new shirt on.

Nobody told me how much extra laundry we'd have to do for ourselves though...that did take me a bit by surprise. Ah well.

Thanks again all!

As the father of two girls, I can honestly tell you...


...hold on. It's going to be a hell of a ride!!

 

[bassteban]

When you are sure your kid is ALL screwed up & it's ALL your fault, go visit someone else w/kids- ideally, older or more than you have. You'll either A. see that your kids are not all that bad by comparison or B. see how it's done.

 

[Thor]

Wow guys...these things are awesome! I'm the dad that bassteban was talking about. My daughter is a month old now, and I am completely, hopelessly, and unavoidably in love, and am going to be so screwed in about 14 years...good thing I like shooting shotguns!

Thanks again for all the good words of advice here. My wife and I are getting an absolute kick out of some of the things here and some good laughs as well! It's amazing what ceases to bother you when you become a parent. Case in point, we gave Kaiyah a bath this morning, and while I was holding her and drying her off, she peed on me. Oh well...no big deal. Get a new towel, get her wrapped up, and then when she's settled and happy, throw a new shirt on.

Nobody told me how much extra laundry we'd have to do for ourselves though...that did take me a bit by surprise. Ah well.

Thanks again all!

Reminds me of a story of when my boy was a year old. He was
a difficult baby. I used to come home from the office and my
wife would shove him at me and say 'HERE, HE'S ALL YOURS!'.

Anyway, we had just switched him to formula, and it was Saturday
morning, my turn to take care of the l'il fella. I had
to go to the office so I loaded him up in the car and took him
down there. He was fussy all the way. There was a
restaurant downstairs under my office and I was friendly with
the 2 cooks. I sit down and feed the kid a bottle of formula
which he sucks down in 2 mins.

Then I held him up to my shoulder and burped him.
Unfortunately, this burp was the whole bottle I just fed him,
and soaks my polo shirt and pants. Meanwhile, my 2 friends
are laughing hysterically, spewing liquid through their noses.
Yup, major eruption. Had to drive 10 miles back to the house
covered in sour formula. Good times.