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Thinking is Dangerous.

E

Exxcell

Guest
Nov 28, 2011
324
4
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
#1
So, I just typed out a 7 paragraph topic on my girl problems and fear of losing people I love, hoping for advice from men on the Internet about what I should do.

After writing it, re-reading it and thinking, I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid. This girl has been on my mind consistently for two years, and I'm afraid of dating her because if it goes sour, I'd be devastated.
Devastated only because, for these past two years, she has become basically an idol.

Now I don't know what I want. A relationship that could leave me broken hearted for quite a while? Or not act and be friend zoned and possibly lose the relationship because a dissolve?

Ugh. Women...
 
#2
Well, for one, don't put her on a pedestal so high you can't reach her.

And it's perfectly normal to feel that that you'd be devastated.

We(humans in general) often fear starting relationships(or even making our feelings known) for a few reasons:

We fear rejection
We fear it won't live up to our expectations, especially if we build the other person up too much.
We fear the loss, if it goes bad.
We fear altering or losing the initial friendship, if it goes bad.

See how the common problem is fear? Only you can sort something like this out for yourself, but it's something to think about.
 
#4
Exxcell said:
I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid.
Click to expand...

Repeat this to yourself several times. Then repeat it some more. Then think on it for a little while longer and say it a few more times. Then go make a sandwich, come back, and say it some more. Just about the time you're tired of saying it say it some more, take a nap, dream it, then wake up, come back, and say it a few more times for reassurance.

You're young, you're stupid, it's part of life :)

Truth is, you're going to lose people you love, and there is nothing you can do to change that. The trick is finding out who is genuinely worth that kind of concern, and honestly it's (usually) only your parents, siblings, kids, and the mother(s) of your kids. Everyone else should be treated simply as a pylon on your trip through life. Give them respect for who and what they are, but remember that it's only one point in the grand scheme of things and shouldn't be given so much concern that it ruins your life in the here and now. Honestly, any girl who causes you this much grief isn't worth the time or energy. Find someone who gives you the time of day and reciprocates the love you give them. You'll be a much happier person if you do this.
 
#6
I've been in this situation before. Not as drastic but similar. Definitely no fun. But life is about learning, so why not give it a shot? If worst comes to worst, maybe you'll just end up great friends, or maybe you'll never speak again.

It's a gamble.
 
#9
Exxcell said:
So, I just typed out a 7 paragraph topic on my girl problems and fear of losing people I love, hoping for advice from men on the Internet about what I should do.

After writing it, re-reading it and thinking, I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid. This girl has been on my mind consistently for two years, and I'm afraid of dating her because if it goes sour, I'd be devastated.
Devastated only because, for these past two years, she has become basically an idol.

Now I don't know what I want. A relationship that could leave me broken hearted for quite a while? Or not act and be friend zoned and possibly lose the relationship because a dissolve?

Ugh. Women...
Click to expand...

Don't over think things. When you meet a girl you want to ask out, ask. RIGHT NOW. DON'T WAIT. WAIT FOR WHAT?

When you want something done for you at work, ask. When you need something from someone, ask. Act confident even when you don't feel confident.

If you don't ask you'll regret it even more in the long run and be unhappy about all the good times you missed. Sure, somethings won't work out. That's life. Be happy for what you had, what you learned and what you lost. That's how we learn to have perspective.

Can't learn anything by not doing anything. Mistakes will be made. Just don't make them again. Learn to change, improve and be patient with yourself.

Some things take time. Give yourself time.

Good luck!
 
#10
Exxcell said:
After writing it, re-reading it and thinking, I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid.
Click to expand...

And that, my friend, may be the smartest thing you ever said. For to become old and wise, one must first be young and stupid. Seriously, at any age, once you realize that there's more to know than you could ever possibly know you can start to learn a few things.

Anyway, ASK HER OUT! If I may invoke yet another cliché, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all ... or not. If she blows you off post haste, then you can stop wasting your time pining. If she shows an interest, it may be the start of a long and lasting love. Or not. But what the hell - YOLO. (Please don't tell anyone I said that.)
 
#11
Exxcell said:
So, I just typed out a 7 paragraph topic on my girl problems and fear of losing people I love, hoping for advice from men on the Internet about what I should do.

After writing it, re-reading it and thinking, I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid. This girl has been on my mind consistently for two years, and I'm afraid of dating her because if it goes sour, I'd be devastated.
Devastated only because, for these past two years, she has become basically an idol.

Now I don't know what I want. A relationship that could leave me broken hearted for quite a while? Or not act and be friend zoned and possibly lose the relationship because a dissolve?

Ugh. Women...
Click to expand...

Don't put ANYONE on a pedestal. Not only can it be used against you be the person you put there, it can also lead to you seeing yourself only in terms of being part of a couple and not who you really are. Then, if you split up, you'll be blind-sided and you won't know A) who you are and B) what to do next.

If you want to ask her out, ask her out but don't idolize her. People rarely live up to our expectations, for good or bad. This can be good, though. If we don't expect much and they turn out to be better, it's bonus time.

BTW- writing (or typing) things like this out is a good way to learn what you really feel and think. You can fine-tune it in ways that are difficult just by thinking about it and it's the whole reason people write diaries & journals.
 
#12
One thing I know for sure is emotional wounds heal but regrets will follow you all your days. Looking back over my years it is not the loss that saddens me because I know the reasons for the loss. What troubles me is the what if's in life, what could of been if I only were to give things an honest chance. Those are the things that follow you that make you truly question the path you chose.
 
#13
I had the exact same problem really recently mate. Then I acted upon, thought it had paid off, only to realise she wasn't even close to worth it, even though she's still on my mind.

But I think in the end, if you can accept that your (we're) still young and stupid then its ok, because we know logically it'll pass, even if for a while it just totally sucks. I would say though, either do whatever you can to get over her or act on it, because just idolising her's a never ending, very sucky road.
 
#14
Bassic Playing said:
I had the exact same problem really recently mate. Then I acted upon, thought it had paid off, only to realise she wasn't even close to worth it, even though she's still on my mind.

But I think in the end, if you can accept that your (we're) still young and stupid then its ok, because we know logically it'll pass, even if for a while it just totally sucks. I would say though, either do whatever you can to get over her or act on it, because just idolising her's a never ending, very sucky road.
Click to expand...

You wouldn't happen to be my clone, would you? You basically narrated my situation and thoughts :p

IMHO, we often get tangled up in thinking about what might happen and end up underestimating our ability to cope with a broken heart, all the while overestimating the stakes involved.

As far as idolizing her goes, with a recent experience such as this myself I say this - be rest assured. Nobody's perfect.
 
#15
Exxcell said:
So, I just typed out a 7 paragraph topic on my girl problems and fear of losing people I love, hoping for advice from men on the Internet about what I should do.

After writing it, re-reading it and thinking, I've come to the realization that I'm young and stupid. This girl has been on my mind consistently for two years, and I'm afraid of dating her because if it goes sour, I'd be devastated.
Devastated only because, for these past two years, she has become basically an idol.

Now I don't know what I want. A relationship that could leave me broken hearted for quite a while? Or not act and be friend zoned and possibly lose the relationship because a dissolve?

Ugh. Women...
Click to expand...

Here's an idea. Date her like you're gonna bone her, and then....don't.

She'll keep you around. She'll want to figure you out.
 
#17
Well, I've been thinking about it some more.

Something I left out in the OP is that she lives almost three hours away. And we only see each other every other weekend at best. We also both know that we like each other.

I also feel like its now come to the point where she's waiting for me to do something. But engaging in a long distance relationship is almost a sure fire way to lose someone you love. I've tried it more than once, and its never worked.

So, once again, I'm young, stupid, and stuck with a decision I can't figure out.
 
#19
Exxcell said:
Well, I've been thinking about it some more.

Something I left out in the OP is that she lives almost three hours away. And we only see each other every other weekend at best. We also both know that we like each other.

I also feel like its now come to the point where she's waiting for me to do something. But engaging in a long distance relationship is almost a sure fire way to lose someone you love. I've tried it more than once, and its never worked.

So, once again, I'm young, stupid, and stuck with a decision I can't figure out.
Click to expand...

Yikes. How old are you exactly? Unless you're relatively older I'd highly, highly suggest passing on this.
 

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