Over the weekend I had a discussion with the other two members of the band I've been playing with for the past 2 years and change. To shorten a long story, we all recognized that I had been disengaged and distant over the past few months, and recognized that it was time for a change. I slept on the discussion and then came back the next morning, letting them know I was certain it was time for me to move on.
Essentially this came down to incompatible priorities and schedules. My early enthusiasm for playing shows has waned as it's becoming more and more of a burden on my health and family for me to be out til the wee hours of the morning. Scheduling has also been a challenge as I discuss evenings I want to be out with my wife; we have two young kids so one of us being out means the other is on the hook for the dinner/bath/bedtime routine. I'm the only one in the band with young kids (lead singer has a teenager) and I'm also the only one with a full time, normal business hours job.
For me the things that weren't working were that I am also the only one with a car that can fit the drum kit, making me the de facto transportation for the band (so leaving early after we finish was never an option). It also became clear to me that I'm the only one who practices to improve technique in my (very limited) spare time; our drummer is competent yet unspectacular, our lead singer has an amazing voice but very basic guitar skills that haven't developed much in the past two years, which limits what we have been able to do.
We realized that what it comes down to is that we have different and incompatible needs; they need someone with the flexibility to play shows as they come up, and I need to be challenged musically without needing to be out late. The separation went amicably and there aren't any hard feelings either way, so overall I am feeling good about this, a touch of sadness but a lot more relief that the pressure and frustration I had been feeling is gone now.
I don't know what comes next. I still love playing music with people so I'll surely seek something out that meets my needs better; I've pretty exclusively played original rock music, but perhaps it's time to look at other options too.
I'll always have a special place in my heart for the time I spent with this band and the music we made. I regret that we never finished the recording project that we started, but so it goes. Moving on now feels right though. If I had decided to push myself and carry on, I think it would have been with resentment festering under the surface. Far better to end things now on a good note and part as friends.
