Tired of Waiting...

[4SG]

I'm in two bands. Both have great guys, great players, great songs. No egos, no wingnuts. No complaints, really. But the singer in one band and the lead guitarist in the other don't respond to band texts for hours, sometimes days and, occasionally, not at all. Why does that bug me so much? Does this sort of thing bother any of you folks? When a bandmate texts or emails or calls me I respond as soon as possible, always. Oh, well. Many worse band problems to have than that, I guess.

I'll just leave this here...

 

[MattZilla]

Yeah, it’s shih tea.

 

[DirtDog]

That’s more expectations management than band management.

 

[gln1955]

The expectations at my work are that emails and texts will be promptly responded to. If it's a question that can't be answered at the moment, at least acknowledge the message and follow up later. There's no reason a band shouldn't have the same expectations. Who doesn't look at their phone or emails a few times a day? I know, the keyboard player in my last band. It's one of the reasons he ended up getting the boot.

 

[ArtechnikA]

Not every message invites or requires a response. If you are asking a specific question that requires an answer, make sure you are clear that you are asking a question that requires a response.

Sometimes, if action is pending a response and they're playing power-trip games by withholding an answer, you can prime the pump by stating your intended course of action: "If I do not hear to the contrary by 5 PM Friday, I will do this [fill in blank with what you want]." This way they don't have to respond, but they waive rights to be surprised, unhappy, or disappointed about you doing what you said you'd do.

I've seen a bunch of texts with rhetorical questions, statements of facts, or expression of opinion. None of which require responses.

 

[buldog5151bass]

Days I can understand frustrating you. But many people:

- have jobs/lives where we don't have access to our phones 24/7.

- have lives/jobs where we have more important things to do than answer texts.

 

[charlie monroe]

I've seen a bunch of texts with rhetorical questions, statements of facts, or expression of opinion. None of which require responses.

I experience the same.

Need a response about something? Request one.

 

[basted]

We had a discussion about this recently. Some band members are using their phone constantly with social media and expect a prompt if not immediate reply. Others, myself included, don't feel the need to be checking our phone so frequently. Arrived at rehearsal and singer says lets try the new song. New song? Yeah , I posted it a couple of hours ago. All our expectations vary but I see where the OPs frustration comes from.
We are doing this at a hobby level. If it was our primary income then clearly we would all need a more businesslike approach.

 

[Brich]

Texts as well as email shouldn't be considered immediate. If someone wants an immediate response, then call.

 

[fdeck]

My boss used to say: "E-mail is passive aggressive. Pick up the phone."

I think the expectation of immediate response is extreme. Maybe it matters more in some industries than others. In my line of work, almost nothing is more precious than attention. A lot of technical workers have to get into a state of "flow" in order to do difficult work. A lot are already busy enough because they're loaded with interruptions stacked on top of interruptions. And sometimes they've got their hands full.

I get it, managers like to interrupt people because it helps them organize their own work to deal with something and not have to pick it up again. But I always wonder if they realize: The fact that they are interrupting me and asking me to do something right away, means it will probably never get done because someone else will interrupt me.

I once read a book on time management, and it suggested not checking your e-mail more than twice a day.

Maker's Schedule, Manager's Schedule

 

[gln1955]

Texts as well as email shouldn't be considered immediate. If someone wants an immediate response, then call.

It really comes down to what everyone agrees on as the best way to communicate. I do not want to be called at work or by my band members unless absolutely necessary (i.e, something too complicated to deal with by text). A phone call invariably means I'll be interrupted from what I'm doing and then be tied up for at least several minutes as the other person yaks on. On the other hand, I can read and usually answer a text or email in less than a minute AND I can do that when it isn't interrupting my task at hand.

 

[4SG]

Maybe I should have clarified: I am only talking about scheduling texts, not shooting the breeze about various topics. This is an issue for me because both my bands and my son's band all rehearse at my house. Avoiding scheduling conflicts between three groups requires a lot of juggling. I always request a response for this reason.

Also, without exception, all of my bandmates prefer texts to calls. They've got office/hospital/studio jobs and don't want to be overheard handling personal biz on calls. My son and his bandmates are all in their 20's -- they rarely use email, if at all. And I'm not sure his generation even knows they can use their phones to actually talk to each other!

 

[dogbrained]

Speaking from a personal perspective, I may check my phone once a day, sometimes not at all, my notifications or alerts are turned off and I never set up my voice mail. I can't be the only one who finds cell phones intrusive.

 

[JRA]

IME:
- younger than i am now (playing full-time) = when i get around to it.
- retired (gigs when i can get them) = why the hell hasn't anyone responded? it's been at least 5 minutes!

 

[OregonJim]

the singer in one band and the lead guitarist in the other don't respond to band texts for hours, sometimes days and, occasionally, not at all. Why does that bug me so much? Does this sort of thing bother any of you folks?

If you want instant response, then call and speak.

Texts and emails are not for real-time exchanges, despite the opinion of some. I know that people like to think they are, but that is an unreasonable expectation in my book.

(FWIW, I check my email and/or text messages when I think of it, which may be several days from now.)

 

[JRA]

 

[GretschWretch]

I'm in two bands. Both have great guys, great players, great songs. No egos, no wingnuts. No complaints, really. But the singer in one band and the lead guitarist in the other don't respond to band texts for hours, sometimes days and, occasionally, not at all. Why does that bug me so much? Does this sort of thing bother any of you folks? When a bandmate texts or emails or calls me I respond as soon as possible, always. Oh, well. Many worse band problems to have than that, I guess.

I'll just leave this here...

Have I ever seen a higher slung bass?

 

[sean_on_bass]

More and more i just abandon my phone for hours at a time, since it tends to be an unnecessary distraction often. Sometimes i take a day or two to respond to a text/email. I do eventually respond to people though. I think that if you expect everyone to respond to you quickly you are going to be disappointed with alot of musician interactions. I agree that if you want a quick response, call the person. I always assume that if you are calling me, it is important.

 

[ArtechnikA]

Maybe I should have clarified: I am only talking about scheduling texts...

This illustrates the issue perfectly ;-)
6 hours and 12 posts later, you realize your initial post was not clear...

Scheduling is -always- an issue. n-way communications networks among multiple players in multiple projects are nightmares.
Some kind of shared calendar resource would seem the best way; I've never seen it used successfully, and reasons (ahem - excuses - ahem) are legion.
As you are the gatekeeper of a scarce and shared resource, you should be in a position to dictate some boundaries.
Always state a default course of action and a time limit on dissenting inputs. (e.g. "If I don't hear back from everyone by XX:XX your slot is gone.")
This time limit must be reasonable, given the many circumstances detailed in this thread...
But after the 3rd or 4th rehearsal gets cancelled because someone blew off a response, some kind of behavioral use change will occur.

Why does it bother you? Because you believe people should think and act the way you want them to, and they don't and won't.
It's personal for you, and it doesn't have to be. It's business. People will make or avoid making decisions, which will have consequences. Some of those people will then expect -you- to "be flexible" and do it their way even though they are the source of the initial conflict.

You've evidently taken on the scheduling and hosting tasks yourself. Let it be someone else's responsibility. Or else it's your rules.
Let them try that act with a commercial studio and see how well it plays out...

 

[Spectrum]

I have the opposite problem. My band leader (who is significantly younger than I am) sends a flurry of texts. Instead of writing out one complete thought he splits it into 4 or 5 fragments which he then spreads out over 15 minutes or so. And he will send them at odd hours. In addition, I work a job where I can't always have my phone at my side, so I can't respond immediately during work hours. Despite explaining this multiple times, my bandmates and friends text me during those hours and then get upset when there is no immediate response.

I turn off message notifications when I am sleeping or busy and they can all wait until I'm ready to respond.

I am not antitechnology. I just believe that technology, if it's to be worth anything, has to work for me and not the other way around, and I act accordingly.