Tired of Waiting...

[el murdoque]

We've one guy in my main band that does lots of FOH jobs in the area. He's approached a lot with requests for our band and got fed up with the same thing. He started including a date/time by which everybody had to respond. Texts like

We can play a show at the XXX, on <DATE / TIME>. Payment is $$$. I need to reply by 1 o'clock tomorrow

In one instance, all members agreed quite fast, but one did not write anything.
at 1:06 the following day he wrote that since he did not get confirmation by the full band in time,
he declined the gig offer.

At 1:10, the one member that failed to respond in time became very upset.
It was a good gig for good money. Not-reply-on-time-member realized that this behavior cost the whole band a good gig and everybody plainly knew why.
The thing is, Gig-booking-member played by clearly defined rules, set a time and date and acted exactly
as he told he would - and no amount of twisting words could spin Not-reply-on-time-member out of this.

All in all, this cost us a gig, but it gained us far better reply times for band texts.

 

[Neil Folkard]

Speaking from a personal perspective, I may check my phone once a day, sometimes not at all, my notifications or alerts are turned off and I never set up my voice mail. I can't be the only one who finds cell phones intrusive.

You're not alone, and I can even go you one better. I don't even own a cell phone! Once a day for emails is about it. If I go away for a few days, I'm not even on the internet.

 

[Neil Folkard]

These days I am pretty busy with things and make it a point that unless urgent (as in someone dying) I only answer texts when I have down time..at a red-light, on the train, etc...that may mean 24 hours elapses before I can answer something.

Sucks if that gets peoples panties in a bunch on the other end of that text, but I will not let my electronic devices dictate my life.

Please don't take offense at this, because none is intended, but I find it surprising that someone who doesn't want electronic devices to dictate their life, would actually consider stopping at a red-light down time, for answering texts.

 

[baileyboy]

Is your relationship with other band members on a friendship level or business level? The reason I ask is that I have a busy life and will only join the group back-n-forth texts if they are relevant to rehearsal or gigs. Some of the other band members are friends outside the band, and like to group text about things irrelevant to the band, and so I don't join any of those written conversations.

 

[BobDeRosa]

Those who advocate calling are most likely around my age and cling to unrealistic expectations. We Boomers, who were raised with only phones that we couldn't carry in a pocket, need to accept that younger people were raised in a digital world. They don't want to talk when they can text, and often don't answer their phones. On the receiving end, I either do or don't answer calls depending on other priorities but respond to texts almost immediately and e-mails as soon as I can. It's a matter of respect for others.

 

[Zooberwerx]

"...don't respond to band texts for hours, sometimes days and, occasionally, not at all. Why does that bug me so much? "

If the lag in communication hinders operations, yes it's a problem. I can send a group-text in less than a minute along the lines of "...available for rehearsal / gig on such & such a date?". I like to think I'm an important guy at work but I can still find time to formulate a response to return-text. I don't have time to place or receive voice calls as it can be disruptive. IME, failure-to-respond is usually an indication of or precursor to other problems existing within the the project: lack of enthusiasm / responsibility / accountability / preparedness.

Here's what bugs me...raise your hand(s) if it applies:

I pick an easy tune (country), chart it out, and hand-out to the band for a dry-read accompanied by "Alexa...play so & so". The response: "I'll have to take it home and work on it". Of course, that never happens and the experience becomes a grand & glorious waste of my time.

Riis

 

[bobalu]

Days I can understand frustrating you. But many people:

- have jobs/lives where we don't have access to our phones 24/7.

- have lives/jobs where we have more important things to do than answer texts.

^^^^ Exactly this. I'll check my phone when I have the time, which maybe is once a day. I can live fine without knowing what someone ate for lunch, how their shoelace was untied, and all the other stupid things people feel a need to text or tell the world about that very second.

 

[40Hz]

Days I can understand frustrating you. But many people:

- have jobs/lives where we don't have access to our phones 24/7.

- have lives/jobs where we have more important things to do than answer texts.

By the same token, "we" also have lives and more important things to do than have to wait around hours or days for an answer to a text message we sent. Especially in an era when so many people have developed an aversion to making or answering phone calls.

And lets not forget the practice referred to as 'ghosting' where someone decides to digitally disappear rather than, for whatever reason, respond to a request or answer a question. I've run into that several times in the last year. Fortunately, it was a behavior confined to those who were still in their twenties.

 

[buldog5151bass]

By the same token, "we" also have lives and more important things to do than have to wait around hours or days for an answer to a text message we sent. Especially in an era when so many people have developed an aversion to making or answering phone calls.

And lets not forget the practice referred to as 'ghosting' where someone decides to digitally disappear rather than, for whatever reason, respond to a request or answer a question. I've run into that several times in the last year. Fortunately, it was a behavior confined to those who were still in their twenties.

Ghosting is not limited to texts. How many people do you know won't answer phone calls?

The answer is simple. At the next rehearsal, talk. Unless there is an emergency, people should respond to texts by the end of the day.

 

[yodedude2]

it's a conflict of egos. that's why it bugs you so much.

 

[two fingers]

The expectations at my work are that emails and texts will be promptly responded to. If it's a question that can't be answered at the moment, at least acknowledge the message and follow up later. There's no reason a band shouldn't have the same expectations. Who doesn't look at their phone or emails a few times a day? I know, the keyboard player in my last band. It's one of the reasons he ended up getting the boot.

This. You don't have to answer the question now. But at least acknowledge you've seen it.

My family life is wonderfully complex. It's a beautiful mess. Work, school, volleyball, karate, dance, church, band, etc. I can rarely tell you what night I can rehearse next week until I have a meeting with Mrs.Fingers.

My "cute" response to a question regarding scheduling is "Let me have a dinner meeting with my agent and I'll get back to you." (My band mates all know and love my wife and know exactly what I'm saying. Their lives are complicated too and they get it.)

But, yeah, respond with something and get back to us later. I have the same hang-up as OP. It's disrespectful to not at least say "I'll let you know" within the first couple of hours.

 

[40Hz]

Ghosting is not limited to texts. How many people do you know won't answer phone calls?

Lately hardly anybody under the age of 50 answers or makes phone calls from what I'm seeing. Which is unfortunate considering a two minute phone call can usually accomplish something much faster, to say nothing of avoiding misunderstandings, than twenty back & forth text messages.

I'm also not sure what point you're making equating how people don't return phone calls vs people not responding in a reasonable timeframe to text messages. The whole point of arguing for text (like voicemail) was to better allow for asynchronous communications. A supposed feature because, as someone previously pointed out, people have "lives" and "more important things to do." And you can text conveniently in far more places and situations than you ever could have a voice conversation. So the arguments for ducking a text message tend to be less creditable (to me anyway) than not "calling back,"

Either way, the bottom line is that inconsiderate behavior is inconsiderate behavior whether it's via vox or text.

 

[ArtechnikA]

Lately hardly anybody under the age of 50 answers or makes phone calls from what I'm seeing. Which is unfortunate considering a two minute phone call can usually accomplish something much faster, to say nothing of avoiding misunderstandings, than twenty back & forth text messages.

Yes, but let's not forget the other side of that coin...
First - if you're in my Contacts list (i.e. - I know who is calling...) which includes all band members, I will answer if I can.
But either way - leave me a message telling me WHY YOU CALLED. Do not tell me "Call me." Do not tell me who you are, your phone number, and the time. This is already recorded by the phone - I already know that stuff. Tell me WHY you called and what you want from me. You already know, and I shouldn't have to spend a 10-minute phone call to get to 'what do you want.' "Gig n/nn at wherever pays $nn are you in?" Was that so hard?
If you called and didn't leave a message - you didn't call.

 

[40Hz]

But either way - leave me a message telling me WHY YOU CALLED. Do not tell me "Call me."

Agree 100% with you.

My answer message clearly states: "Please leave your name, number, and a brief reason why you're calling if you need me to return your call. Callback requests left without a message will NOT be returned."

Works like a charm with most callers.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

I prefer email threads to text messages threads. Text message == stop what you're doing and answer this right now. That's ok if that's what's needed. If it's lower priority, use a group email. If we're trying to determine availability for a gig on some date and everyone but Bob has replied, then a call is appropriate.

 

[ArtechnikA]

I prefer email threads to text messages threads....

Me too, but I'm afraid we're in the minority on this.
Email and SMS both wind up on my phone immediately - but email also hits my PC, where I more likely am.
FaceBook - maybe once a day, on the PC only. It better not be time-sensitive. I hate it.
Email and SMS (and to a lesser extent, FB) mean that -everybody- is getting the exact same information at the same time. This is not true with phone calls.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

Me too, but I'm afraid we're in the minority on this.
Email and SMS both wind up on my phone immediately - but email also hits my PC, where I more likely am.
FaceBook - maybe once a day, on the PC only. It better not be time-sensitive. I hate it.
Email and SMS (and to a lesser extent, FB) mean that -everybody- is getting the exact same information at the same time. This is not true with phone calls.

I usually only do phone calls when 1) I need the info now 2) Need to know you really have the question / inquiry 3) Make sure you don't have any questions. But the person probably won't pick up anyways.

 

[slagbass]

This happened in one of my bands. We had one member who tried to book a lot of gigs last-minute and one who was non-responsive. Not a good combination.

We sat down as a group an mutually agreed that:
1) Email was the preferred form of communication (one member didn't own a cel phone but had a computer).
2) Checking email 2x per day and responding to critical items quickly was possible and reasonable.

Problem solved. This is how adults deal with things.

 

[TuneIn]

Doesn't seem like something to waste time worrying about. Talk to them person and discuss it.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

I'm in two bands. Both have great guys, great players, great songs. No egos, no wingnuts. No complaints, really. But the singer in one band and the lead guitarist in the other don't respond to band texts for hours, sometimes days and, occasionally, not at all. Why does that bug me so much? Does this sort of thing bother any of you folks? When a bandmate texts or emails or calls me I respond as soon as possible, always. Oh, well. Many worse band problems to have than that, I guess.

I'll just leave this here...

Guilty. I Know Its bad but I usually dont respond if trivial. I didnt take my response time seriously , until someone pointed out how Passive aggressive it is! Not what what I was intending! I was in a band that was not invested in, & the de facto BL was the drummer, who took it upon himself to inform the rest of the band Every little thing! things like what was said on facebook, things not really relevant to anything, so instead of responding, I would glance at it and see how meaningless it was and ignore it even if it became a lengthy convo. So I eventually started to ignore all his texts( kind of like him crying wolf all the time!)Plus I didnt wanted to get involved in any outside drama! Yeah yeah, I know its impolite, but it was maddening! and when I did respond, It seemed to become more & more frequent! it was very annoying! after all it was never official band info! rarely an all points Bulletin. so instead of trolling or negatively responding I just started to ignore him! we eventually had a band meeting to hash things out, which became a B*tch fest of complaints, so he relented & I became more responsive. I learned to at least reply with the minimal response as feelings & mutual respect were being affected by no response! so I guess what im saying is Communication is key. it needs to be adressed if it bugs youto avoid it becoming a big personal issue! It might be as with this "bL" he did it during work hours, when we were all at our jobs, so replies were very sparse! I was not to be on the phone or take personal calls at work. a coworker, not me spoiled it for everyone! The Band agreed "Band Alert!:" Texts were not to be ignored & were Deemed Important Band info, which required a response that the message was recieved, such as the next rehearsal Time& place or a song to be learned, no lengthy response was required, a simple, "Copy That" or "got it" would suffice & set the sender at ease that their message had been acknowledged! that cleared out the banter & simple "chatter" to pertinent info being conveyed! I have made a point to at least reply with "busy" or simply: yup, Or nope, so im not hurting someone's feelings or being disrespected!
That solved our problem & I corrected my bad behavior! by simply asking him not to abbuse his De Facto power & explain my work situation that I wasnt able to reply quickly, nor was it me disrepecting his "authority"nor it wasnt personal, just situational. And he admitted his text were trivial & too Frequent, he was just having "fun".I didnt realize, I was Slapping his face by noy rplying to his "Hey guys, Howit going???"