Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
To play at daughters wedding or not
- Thread starter penguineman
- Start date
-
- Tags
- wedding
Yeah a few songs. I have played a gazillion weddings and several times dad got up (or cousin or uncle or college roommate or whatever) to do a few. Just let the band know in advance and enjoy the day with your kid.
As father of the bride, and a member of the wedding party, you have social obligations at the wedding. Your place is circulating among the guests doing the 'meet & greet' and making sure everything is going smoothly. Not standing on stage all night playing bass.
Play a song or two and then attend your daughter's wedding.
PS - best wishes for the happy couple.
Play a song or two and then attend your daughter's wedding.
PS - best wishes for the happy couple.
Last edited:
- Jan 26, 2014
- 1,525
- 1,946
- Disclosures
- I teach lessons and perform live music in and around San Diego CA. Sometimes I even make money doing it!
Disclosure: I play a lot of weddings, it's probably 80% of my business. I will do small portions of friends' and family's weddings, but pretty much refuse to do anything that will feel like "work" unless I'm compensated. If they're gong to ask me to work a full hour or more, I charge whatever I would normally charge minus $100. Preparing and working these gigs is no joke, it's not a hobby, and I don't want to resent having to do hours of preparation, setup, and performance as a "favor." That usually gets me off the hook
It's very normal to not want to work at your own daughter's wedding, I completely understand it. You want to dance with her and celebrate with friends and family. Hopefully you can let her know that. Sure, it's nice to throw in a little bit of music yourself if your daughter wants you to be a part of it, but leaving the rest of the work to someone who wants to work is completely appropriate.
A very good friend of mine went through the exact scenario last August. His daughter wanted his band to play the wedding. He didn't really want to play the entire night. So he hired a friend to sub, so he could play as much or little as he wanted. He had the sub start the first set so he could meet and greet, dance with daughter, make a toast etc. He ended up playing the majority of the gig, but it worked out perfect. Daughter was thrilled that "daddy" played. "Daddy" was thrilled he could fulfill daughters wish, and had a sub there so he could be in on the necessary festivities. All the guests thought it was so cool that Dad played daughters wedding. A huge win all the way around.
I've got close to two decades in the wedding entertainment business, so this has come up numerous times. This is my observation and advice:
As one of the most important members of the wedding party, Father of the Bride, you really should be enjoying your day interacting with the wedding party and invited guests and family members as FOB, not as the hired entertainment.
As a nice gesture, one or two songs would be plenty. But socializing is more polite and appropriate. Enjoy your day, press the flesh, catch up with people's lives, thank them for attending. Be a gracious co-host. Even if you like performing as much as I do, in this case it would separate you from the party and put you in a position of a vendor or member of the service profession.
A wedding is a joining of two families, strangers suddenly find themselves in-laws, family and friends sometimes come from long distances, some of these people you haven't seen in a long time and may not see again for a long time, if ever. It is a union of people over a common gathering and celebration that will probably never be repeated. Don't be a hired hand; circulate and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime occasion. Maybe you can gently communicate this outlook to your daughter.
Congratulations, enjoy your daughter's big day.
As one of the most important members of the wedding party, Father of the Bride, you really should be enjoying your day interacting with the wedding party and invited guests and family members as FOB, not as the hired entertainment.
As a nice gesture, one or two songs would be plenty. But socializing is more polite and appropriate. Enjoy your day, press the flesh, catch up with people's lives, thank them for attending. Be a gracious co-host. Even if you like performing as much as I do, in this case it would separate you from the party and put you in a position of a vendor or member of the service profession.
A wedding is a joining of two families, strangers suddenly find themselves in-laws, family and friends sometimes come from long distances, some of these people you haven't seen in a long time and may not see again for a long time, if ever. It is a union of people over a common gathering and celebration that will probably never be repeated. Don't be a hired hand; circulate and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime occasion. Maybe you can gently communicate this outlook to your daughter.
Congratulations, enjoy your daughter's big day.
Last edited:
I wouldn't play.
The focus is the bride. The groom is secondary. Anything that takes the focus off of those two is bad taste, IMO.
The focus is the bride. The groom is secondary. Anything that takes the focus off of those two is bad taste, IMO.
I'll see everyone's "just a couple of songs" and raise you a "surprise father/ daughter duet" dedicated to your future son-in-law. Or tell your daughter that you can't play, then do the surprise duet with her future husband.
I'm probably in the minority here but if she wants you to play and not someone else that may mean a lot to her.
Hey dad your paying for it so they better let you "sit in for one"!
For sure she and future hubby need to help pick the band!
For sure she and future hubby need to help pick the band!
Our singers family loves music. At the singers wedding, he had two bands. The other band played the reception. After that, everybody changed into normal clothes and the band played a couple of sets while the wedding part was around a fire pit. So he got to play and do all the "wedding stuff".
My daughter got married in 2013 and she insisted that I play at her wedding. I wasn't all that crazy about the idea, but I had hired a jazz trio for the reception that included a drummer I was working with off-&-on, and a guitarist was a family friend invited to the wedding anyway, so we did 3 songs as a trio.
My daughter was playing bass at the time in a band with her now-husband and their band got up and did a short set. Before they played my new SIL made this announcement over the mic: "neither of us really dance, so we're going to play a First Set as husband and wife". It all kind of made sense then.
My daughter was playing bass at the time in a band with her now-husband and their band got up and did a short set. Before they played my new SIL made this announcement over the mic: "neither of us really dance, so we're going to play a First Set as husband and wife". It all kind of made sense then.
Why does it have to be only one band? Opening band, dad dances with daughter. Main act, dads
plays. from midnight to four, closing DJ, all the kids dance to music you hate and wouldn't play. Everybody wins on all fronts. =)
plays. from midnight to four, closing DJ, all the kids dance to music you hate and wouldn't play. Everybody wins on all fronts. =)
I think you need to hash this one out with her and be on the same page regarding whatever expectation is set.
Do one song, preferably the first song that she dances with her husband. This will allow you to yelling at him through the mic should he get handsy or inappropriate. Also, only playing one song will allow you to subtly follow him around drinking, and telling him what you will do to him if he ever mistreats your daughter according to your standards.
I feel sorry for the guys my daughter's marry.
I feel sorry for the guys my daughter's marry.
I played acoustic guitar and sang a couple of songs during the ceremony of my daughters wedding. Didn't play at the reception although she asked at the reception if I would. I just wasn't prepared to do a bunch of songs at her reception so I didn't. I wanted to be sure she had good memories of that day.
