Today I won.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Psycho, Jul 12, 2013.

  1. Psycho

    Psycho Guest

    Jun 24, 2008
    Today I won.

    Today is the end of the longest battle of my entire life. Roughly 20 years ago, I was born. I was born 15 weeks (3 months) premature, and had a stroke at day 2. The stroke damaged, among other things, the germinal matrix; the part of the brain directly responsible for fine and gross motor skills. To give you a scope of it, doctors originally said IF I were to walk, it would be with a cane. However, while the effects weren't quite as severe initially, they controlled my life. I didn't play sports at recess, opting instead to play by myself off elsewhere. Why bother trying to kick a soccer ball, if I wasn't even sure if my leg would hit it? I could stare all day long at that ball and kick, and have no guarantee I'd touch it. I hated writing as well, with teachers always telling to use capitals here and not there, or to write cursive and not "chicken scratch". And even while taking physical therapy, progress felt minimal. I still couldn't run or jump or kick or climb or swing or do anything it felt like. So I never tried. I grew up thinking I wasn't just different, but damaged. Like a shiny new penny with a big gash across the face. And in middle school, I was scared. Scared to resist and fight back. I knew I couldn't do anything physical, so I let the bullies hit and push and call me names. What could I do? Run? PE class consistently proved that wrong, my fastest time on the mile being 10:30 and only being able to do 18 pushups at best. I could either stop trying and be bullied for being weak, or try as hard as I could and still receive the same treatment and called the same names for not being good enough. Pussy. Weak. Scrawny, bitch, fag, loser. And so I learned to hide. To never try, because what good was trying if I could never win? All I'd ever do was be reminded I couldn't succeed like everyone else. And so all throughout high school, I never tried. I hid. I tried as hard as I could do disappear. Carried a switchblade, and clung to the only measure of security it could bring me. I'd later learn that security too, was another false facet. Time to hide even more, to never get better because how can you get better when you're already the worst? After high school, I found a speck of light in a dark, dark place. Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu. And as I struggled with that, I grew. Mentally, physically, emotionally. But after 6 months and only tapping others out twice, I grew very frustrated. No matter how much I trained, pumped iron, or thought, I couldn't win. Each time sparring was just another walk to the gallows. So I tried Kali, the art of stick and knife fighting. I found this much easier; I just needed to see the line, and break the time. To see the blow or slice coming, and beat the other guy to it. It felt natural, something nothing else ever had. And so when I picked up Muay Thai and boxing, I could apply the same timing and thought process to them as I did with Kali. I stopped lifting weights, and started lifting myself. Nothing but bodyweight exercise, nothing but working with myself and my own weight and muscles.

    And so today, after sparring in class, my Sifu was helping me with timing. To see without looking, to feel without touching. He then turned to my dad on the bench and told him:

    "You can't tell me he doesn't have motor skills now."

    And then it hit me like a wall of bricks. My eyes welled up, and my throat closed tight as I choked back sobs. I did it. I had no excuses anymore. I had no reason to hide, to be scared, to not try. I had overcome a 20 year struggle with myself, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I had finally won. I had proven every single bully, teacher, therapist, doctor, test, and everyone else who ever doubted me or underestimated me wrong. I wasn't damaged anymore. I wasn't sick, I wasn't weak, I wasn't inferior, I wasn't worthless. I was strong. I was whole. I was the victor. I had finally beaten the ultimate struggle that had plagued everything I did in my life from day one.

    Today I won the longest, hardest battle of my life. I felt like I should share that with you all, in the hopes that this will help another who is struggling.
  2. propellerroom

    propellerroom Guest

    May 12, 2013
    Prescott Arizona
    thank that is poeetful
  3. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    You've been beautiful your entire life. :)

    Don't let others define you.

    History is just that. Look forward!
  4. Wademeister63


    Aug 30, 2004
    Denton Tx
    Congrats on scoring that very nice win!

    On a much lower level I've been struggling with some things myself. Music and my band in particular. I have actually been considering quitting my band so they can search for a good bass player. Since I've read your story I'm inspired to change my habits. Instead of my usual playing video games all night, I'm going to get to sleep early and start getting up early for some quality time with my bass. I need to be reminded from time to time how important it is to not give up and your message is particular timely for me at this moment. I can do this thing!

    Thank you for sharing this great story Psycho.
  5. icks


    Jul 12, 2001

    You did a lot of martial arts, which one is your favorite?
  6. That's a really awesome and inspirational story mate
  7. Nice!


    As a BJJ practitioner (blue belt, 3 years of training almost daily) i can tell you that most people take at least 6 months to understand the basics of the sport. And even then it is a life long journey to be the best you can.
    It's not about tapping others, it's about you getting better than the you of yesterday.

    Might be worth trying again, i can't imagine a more complete fighter than someone doing BJJ, Kali, Muay Thai and boxing
  8. Tituscrow

    Tituscrow Inactive

    Feb 14, 2011
    NW England
    Awesome tale. There's a few folk around who could find inspiration from this. Good job :)
  9. Evil Undead

    Evil Undead

    Oct 31, 2009
  10. Wow, that was amazing. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Keep winning!!
  11. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Right on. Keep the momentum going and go win something else.

  12. Cmymud


    Oct 19, 2009
    Prince George, VA
  13. slobake

    slobake resident ... something

    Inspiring! Thanks for openings eyes a little wider
  14. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2006
    That is a great story. Thanks for sharing.

    I've studied Kali as well, and it's a fantastic martial art. Congratulations to you! :)
  15. pocketgroove

    pocketgroove Guest

    Jun 28, 2010
    Awesome story! Congrats, and keep pushing on no matter what.
  16. GregC

    GregC Questlove, Black Thought, Hamilton Gold Supporting Member

    Jan 19, 2007
    Wow! That's a fantastic and inspiring story, congratulations! All the best to you.:)
  17. Relic

    Relic Cow are you?

    Sep 12, 2006
    Robbinsville, NJ
    f-ing A!! Good on you brother!!!
  18. Jared Lash

    Jared Lash Born under punches

    Aug 21, 2006
    Denver, CO
    Awesome. Definitely a story worth sharing and I'm glad you did.
  19. Psycho

    Psycho Guest

    Jun 24, 2008
    Kali comes most natural to me, but I really like JKD and Cera Silat as well. Muay Thai and boxing are fun because of the mental game behind them, they feel sportier. I suppose I like a lot of them too much to have a favorite! :D

    Thank you for the support everyone. I owe a lot of you for helping me with my technique and improving my overall knowledge of bass, I'd figure I could pay it forward with something motivational. :bassist:
  20. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Inactive

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Great story only made better by the fact that it is true! Keep on keepin on! Congrats on breaking through that brick wall. Now that you have both the physical thing going, and your new found pride, the struggle will come in trying to keep that positive attitude. Keep it! You will fail at some things and win at others. But the thing for you to remember is that now you are in the game just like everybody else, and that is awesome! You are no longer on the sidelines. You are brave and strong. Stay in the game.

    Thank you for sharing.