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What Do You Lot Think?

#41
stephdawe04 said:
I know it's a dumb question, asking what a bunch of bassists think, but here goes anyway. :p

I have a friend, who used to be my teacher, but now I've finished high school so he's not any more. He's an awesome guy, and I'm so glad that I've been able to keep in contact with him not only as a student but as a friend, 'cos this year has been hard, and we all need someone to lean on when times are tough, right?

Anyway, I was over-thinking one night and came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, I may have fallen in love with this guy [uh oh]. Why do I say that?

I can't wait to see him.
I love spending time with him.
I feel a lot happier with him.
I miss him when he's not around.
I worry about him when bad stuff happens to him.
I get excited when good stuff happens to him.
He's the only one I'm comfortable with when talking about uncomfortable stuff.

Bear in mind that I'd never act on it - he's married and older and is only a friend, and I couldn't see him any other way. I was just wondering.

'Cos everything in that list is pretty much what I'm looking for in a partner. I just thought it was weird, or strange, or even interesting.

And I mean it all in a hypothetical sense. It being real would make things really awkward.

But it made me wonder.




What do you reckon?
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For the above highlighted reason alone, I'd leave the whole idea of love out of the picture. If you really think you're in love with him, I'd end the friendship. That's just my narrow-minded-unhollywoodromantic personal opinion. You don't want to put yourself or him in the position to even think about ending his marriage....cuz then we'd have to call you 'steph the home wrecker' and I like you too much to have to do that ;) :D
 
#43
stephdawe04 said:
Oh, ok then. You're right - I must really be screwy in the head.
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Is this point even up for debate?

Mr. Teeth's arguments go largely unchallenged because he tends to speak in vast generalizations and hypotheticals.

Women DO like nice guys. They date and marry them all the time. We just don't hear about them as much as the women who do take up with them don't spend their time complaining about them.
 
#44
yes, absolutely true, many women like nice guys

dominatrix types, for example, could be expected to like submissive wimps.

also, many women can find men who will be respectful in public and then wear the pants the rest of the time. picky women can get the best of both worlds w/ out anyone realizing it.

and yes, there are probably a few weird situations where women really are sexually attracted to genuinely nice guys. these people really might live happily ever after and all that.

the vast majority of relationships do not work this way. remember the thing i said about evolutionary psychology? certain traits that are benificial to reproduction as well as the survival of offspring (and therefore the continued production of those same traits) will also lead to morally questionable behavior. women have to be picky to find the genetically superior specimen. the vast majority of weakminded guys are nice to beautiful women, so nice guys, regardless of their traits are ignored, simply because that's the easiest way for women to get past the bulk of possible mates.

women will often hate the fact that they're attracted to ********, but that doesn't matter. and men often regret having to be jerks, but the fact that they're capable of refusing to go w/ the innitial urge to be nice to the pretty girl shows a kind of unique strength. in other words, i'm not blaming women or men, i'm just making observations.
 
#45
oh yeah, and women w/ normally functioning brains are not altogether sane, depending on how you look at it. evolutionary processes have shaped the female brain so that women are attracted to things that will inevitably make them unhappy, because we're all here to reproduce and pass on favorable genes, not to enjoy life. if you like nice guys then it might actually be possibly for you to be happy, and in that respect a woman who likes nice guys is lucky regardless of how normal she is, or how benificial her brain functions are to future generations.

hopefully i'm explaining myself propperly. i'll try again once i've got my beer goggles on....
 
#46
Yes. You've got it all figured out! In yer 22 years of life and probably 3 years of dating you've got it all down.

...The two posts you've just put up are full of half truths, false generalizations and odd extrapolations. You seem like maybe you've had a few undergrad psych classes, and maybe seen a few PBS shows to work it all into a big ball of misogyny...that I find as offensive as any racist slurs.

I honestly don't know where to start with the two above posts or if I want to exert the energy to take them apart line by line. They both leave me feeling slightly sick to my stomach.

Oh yeah, post reported for forum violations.
 
#49
Floating teetH said:
drink some energy drinks and have a go at it, it should be easy, right? after all, you're older than me, right?

which rules have i violated? assuming i have violated some rule, i apologize, as that sort of thing is inacceptable, but i don't see it
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Thanks...maybe I will...it will be tomorrow though. Gotta show to play tonight.
 
#52
bassturtle said:
For the above highlighted reason alone, I'd leave the whole idea of love out of the picture. If you really think you're in love with him, I'd end the friendship. That's just my narrow-minded-unhollywoodromantic personal opinion. You don't want to put yourself or him in the position to even think about ending his marriage....cuz then we'd have to call you 'steph the home wrecker' and I like you too much to have to do that ;) :D
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:D Thanks 'turtle. It's nice to be loved (get it? Never mind).

I highly doubt that whatever feelings I thought I had would ever be returned. I'm confident that Carlos would never so much as look at another woman (I may be wrong, but that's what I like to believe. :smug: ). So I doubt he'd be in a position where he'd have to choose between me and his missus. And besides, we've joked around before that I'm the Anglo daughter, so if he sees me as anything more than a friend, it be like a daughter (which got me worried about the whole feelings thing in the first place).

And after the response from this thread, I don't think I'm in love. Just love him. :smug:

BurningSkies said:
Women DO like nice guys. They date and marry them all the time. We just don't hear about them as much as the women who do take up with them don't spend their time complaining about them.
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That's what upsets me about Floating teetH's comments - he thinks we all have eyes for horrible men, and that's not true. I mean, come on. What have we been talking about in this thread? I was worried that I might have been attracted to a decent, honest, wonderful man who loves his wife and daughters, does an awesome job as a teacher (and goes above and beyond in that regard), has a big heart and helps just about anyone who needs it.

I think that right there disproves everything teetH's had to say.

And by the way, let's not turn this thread into a bashing thread. We've done all right so far - I don't want this closed because people can't behave themselves. A nice quiet thread death would be nice. :D
 
#53
Oysterman said:
I have feelings like that for some of my best friends, and also my older brother. I love all of them, of course, but I'm not in love with any of them... there's a difference. So perhaps you've just found a great friend that makes you happy, and nothing more. One could at least hope so... less pain that way. ;)
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+1 ...exactly was i thinkon that! thats the ways eveeryone should feel abot their friends! I know i do...

Anyon posyt after oysterman's post are worthless beucase he is right... witch makes my posxt worthless... which makes me worthless...



i love you all...
 
#54
my explanation was screwy

for one thing, women are not attracted to men who treat them poorly, so long as they've been seen treating someone like crap, because this is how they show they are in a position of power

also, it seemed like i was saying women are just here to get screwed and make babies, which is not what i meant at all
 
#55
Floating teetH said:
for one thing, women are not attracted to men who treat them poorly, so long as they've been seen treating someone like crap, because this is how they show they are in a position of power
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I disagree. And if I saw that happen, I'd dump the guy in a second. No-one deserves to be treated like dirt for the sake of winning a girl's affections.

Floating teetH said:
also, it seemed like i was saying women are just here to get screwed and make babies, which is not what i meant at all
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I'm glad you didn't.
 
#56
Floating teetH said:
okay.....what's your point. I'm not claiming to an alpha male, in fact I'll admit that i'm not one. I'm a genuinely good person, unfortunately. I treat people w/ respect even if they haven't earned it, and guess what.....women ignore me in favor of my overweight unattractive ******* friends.
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DING DING DING.

You want to talk psychology? Forget your undocumented "evolutionary" nonsense - unless you've got some hard data on that - and start considering that this theory of yours is one perpetuated by whiny, bitter, date-starved men who are desperately searching for some rationalization that doesn't impeach their own character or looks.
 

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