Ok bit of a backstory. Hang on it might get long.
In a 4 piece Classic Rock/Country cover band, all members are over 50. The singer is female, lead is a female, she formed the band and acts as boss, drummer is male, and I, the bassist, am male. The lead player is an intermediate level player, and that is being generous. I stayed with them as the novelty of a cute, blonde girl playing lead seemed to be ok for us as we were gigging one or two gigs a month. Last January lead player found out she has breast cancer, very mild stage 1, so we didn’t play until May. She is cleared no cancer now and seems healthy.
We had our first gig post cancer on May 24 weekend (Canadian thing ). All was ok but it’s the same old same old as we never progress. End of gig lead player says, “that was great, we will get together now and go over some new material”. Ok finally? I think. 3 days later she sends us a group text, hey just to let you guys know a band from a town about an hour and a half away contacted her and asked if she would play with them. She told us she already had jammed with them before the last gig and she really didn’t know any of their material so she will be busy for the next while learning their songs. She says that the rest of us have outside projects which we really don’t. Singer does open mic once a night, I was doing videos with old band during Covid, but they are clear across the country from us. And drummer did have another band, but the fizzed out. She then sends us her availability for the rest of the whole year, one or 2 days a month available.
I wait a few days and send a group message to her and ask, what is your priority, I then say that not playing for 6 months prior to last gig has really caused me to lose interest in the band and I fear that her not having time to play now will really kill my interest in band. I just ask for a simple answer, what is first priority?
She responds, “Really, you guys all have outside interests, how come I can’t “. Classic heat reversal, she rants a bit more and tells me maybe I should go book some gigs.
So for me that’s it, I’m out, I wait a week or so not a chirp on our usually quite busy group chat. I decide to talk to singer, she is just as angry and confused as I am. I ask her if I find another lead player would she like to play with us, she loves the idea, same story from drummer, but they both won’t commit to leaving the current band. Just do the new band on days the old lead player is not available.
I go on Bandmix and fortuitously find a lead player who just that day decided to find a band that is gigging, we have gigs lined up already by the singer. He says he is very professional and has played on studio recordings, we scheduled a jam with him and he is smoking, so good in fact that the singer and drummer decide right then and there that they are out of the old band and want to devote everything to getting the new band going. We are fit together perfectly the first time we played our songs with him sound a hundred times better than a hundred with the old lead player, he is easy to get along with, has great ideas, and all around just a nice guy.
I then send a group text to the old lead player on the old band chat. Told her you’ve had your chance, been dismissive of me one too many times, I’ve taken the band to a new amazing lead player, see ya later.
The drummer went to her place to pick up his drums a few days ago and she said the new band didn’t work out, I’m sure once they got over her looks, her mediocre playing didn’t cut it. So now she is out, alone.
I wonder if I am a bit of a jerk or hothead for not giving her a few weeks to see that the new band wasn’t going to work. Maybe it was just the cancer caused her to have a bucket list sort of episode? Was it ok to drag the band with me, I was gone no matter what? They were angry with her too.
In a 4 piece Classic Rock/Country cover band, all members are over 50. The singer is female, lead is a female, she formed the band and acts as boss, drummer is male, and I, the bassist, am male. The lead player is an intermediate level player, and that is being generous. I stayed with them as the novelty of a cute, blonde girl playing lead seemed to be ok for us as we were gigging one or two gigs a month. Last January lead player found out she has breast cancer, very mild stage 1, so we didn’t play until May. She is cleared no cancer now and seems healthy.
We had our first gig post cancer on May 24 weekend (Canadian thing ). All was ok but it’s the same old same old as we never progress. End of gig lead player says, “that was great, we will get together now and go over some new material”. Ok finally? I think. 3 days later she sends us a group text, hey just to let you guys know a band from a town about an hour and a half away contacted her and asked if she would play with them. She told us she already had jammed with them before the last gig and she really didn’t know any of their material so she will be busy for the next while learning their songs. She says that the rest of us have outside projects which we really don’t. Singer does open mic once a night, I was doing videos with old band during Covid, but they are clear across the country from us. And drummer did have another band, but the fizzed out. She then sends us her availability for the rest of the whole year, one or 2 days a month available.
I wait a few days and send a group message to her and ask, what is your priority, I then say that not playing for 6 months prior to last gig has really caused me to lose interest in the band and I fear that her not having time to play now will really kill my interest in band. I just ask for a simple answer, what is first priority?
She responds, “Really, you guys all have outside interests, how come I can’t “. Classic heat reversal, she rants a bit more and tells me maybe I should go book some gigs.
So for me that’s it, I’m out, I wait a week or so not a chirp on our usually quite busy group chat. I decide to talk to singer, she is just as angry and confused as I am. I ask her if I find another lead player would she like to play with us, she loves the idea, same story from drummer, but they both won’t commit to leaving the current band. Just do the new band on days the old lead player is not available.
I go on Bandmix and fortuitously find a lead player who just that day decided to find a band that is gigging, we have gigs lined up already by the singer. He says he is very professional and has played on studio recordings, we scheduled a jam with him and he is smoking, so good in fact that the singer and drummer decide right then and there that they are out of the old band and want to devote everything to getting the new band going. We are fit together perfectly the first time we played our songs with him sound a hundred times better than a hundred with the old lead player, he is easy to get along with, has great ideas, and all around just a nice guy.
I then send a group text to the old lead player on the old band chat. Told her you’ve had your chance, been dismissive of me one too many times, I’ve taken the band to a new amazing lead player, see ya later.
The drummer went to her place to pick up his drums a few days ago and she said the new band didn’t work out, I’m sure once they got over her looks, her mediocre playing didn’t cut it. So now she is out, alone.
I wonder if I am a bit of a jerk or hothead for not giving her a few weeks to see that the new band wasn’t going to work. Maybe it was just the cancer caused her to have a bucket list sort of episode? Was it ok to drag the band with me, I was gone no matter what? They were angry with her too.
