Where to meet women

[MrLenny1]

Meet someone thru your friends, the ones that really know you.
My nephew recently got married @ age 39. He had dated on and off
but was a work-aholic. Most of his gang were married but they hooked
him up with a compatible gal and they married a year later.

 

[hrodbert696]

The women at "singles spots" are not necessarily women you want for a long term relationship.

You want a woman who identifies with your interests. So go to places you like, and make the effort to talk to the people there.

I would recommend expanding your social circles, just on a friend basis. Follow your interests, if you dig chess, go to club, if you like some sport, find a team to play weekly with. Check out your collegues for a similar taste in music and go out with them, again on a friendly basis.
I have found out that having big and wide friend circles is easiest and fastest route to opposite sex. When your new friend (male or female) likes hanging out with you, he/she is very likely to introduce you to some nice girl and you will have much in common. That's always good basis for a healthy relationship.

I agree with these. My wife and I were watching one of these get-married-on-TV shows, and the thing I commented on was that all these people were basically saying, "I'm ready to get married, now I just need to find someone and I'm hoping the show hooks me up with them." That's utterly the wrong way around. The way it really works is, "I found this amazing person, and now I can't imagine life without them."

These things mostly work out either when friends or a family member introduce someone to you because they think you'd be good together ("My old college roommate has this sister, you two should meet each other..."), or because you get to know someone naturally as an organic outgrowth of a shared interest or activity. I met my wife (26 years now) at a Christmas party for a Bible study that I got invited to because I had been ushering at a theater and the study was facilitated by the theater manager.

I don't know what you're current lifestyle is like, or your personality, but like RattleSnack said, get out into contexts where you're doing things with other people. Join a book club at the library, volunteer at an animal shelter or anywhere, join a hiking club. The subtle thing is this; as with the "smelling desperation" thing, don't get into these things as a tactic to meet women. Insincerity and ulterior motives won't help. Rather, take your frustration with meeting women as an opportunity to diagnose what you're doing with your time and ask how you might grow and engage more as a person. Do things that are worth doing to you, regardless of whether they get you dates. Then one of two things will happen; you'll meet someone that has stuff in common with you, because these things are worthwhile to them too; or else you'll be more at peace with singleness because you'll have meaningful things you're investing your efforts in.

 

[friskinator]

I'd be curious to know more about the OP's experiences with dating apps and sites. That seems to be the most popular way people meet these days. I met my wife on Match, and thankfully, she was the first date I went on through Match.

I know there are a lot of flakes on the dating sites, but what specifically didn't work? Even if you're just getting a few coffee meetups off the sites, it's good practice for something more serious.

 

[hbarcat]

Audit a college course on a subject that interests you. Then you'll have a room full of classmates to browse. You'll also have a reason to hang out on campus and study.

There'll be lots of "quality" women to look over and you'll present yourself as a "quality" guy.

An added benefit is, regardless of how the dating thing works out, you'll learn something.

 

[Playbyear]

My issue is I cannot seem to get women to stick around long enough to really get to know them well or get anything going these days and it's not because I rush or freak them out,

I'm not looking to put you down, but something is going on here. It might not be a big thing, but it's something that you're probably not even aware of that's making a bad impression, or making dates feel uncomfortable, or just a situation they don't want to be involved in.

As far as meeting, everyone is meeting online through the various sites and need patience and filtering but it works. I know many people who have found success.

A working musician usually has no trouble meeting women. I wear a fake wedding ring to help keep the vampires away!

 

[BadSanta1281]

I can think of about zero couples who met at a bar and developed a stable long term relationship, though I suppose it might happen once in a while.

It happens. I met my wife at a bar in December of 1981. Still together and still madly in love.

 

[Shlabotnik]

I met my wife in OK Cupid. Met lots of nice women also on OKC prior to meeting to my wife there. I used it from my late 30s into my early 40s. It takes LOTS of writing and lots of dates, both good and bad, but they're out there! You must have a good profile. DM me if you want another set of eyes to read through it!

 

[Stan_da_man]

Don't do the "Let's be friends first" thing. It never goes anywhere and is a nice way of letting you down slowly. You want a lover, not a friend.

Any girl who says "I need time to think/evaluate/figure it out" isn't worth pursuing. She's either into you or not.

My advice? Don't give a ****. The amount of times women messed me around when I was younger... I just stopped caring. After that, they then wanted to stick around?! Also, take charge. You're in control and not them... at least whilst figuring out where the relationship stands.

 

[fhm555]

If you're ever in Fayetteville, NC ask around for a guy called Easy Jay. He'll hook you up with a quality woman.

Jay, or his brother must have lived in Jacksonville NC in the early 70's.

 

[hrodbert696]

I'd be curious to know more about the OP's experiences with dating apps and sites. That seems to be the most popular way people meet these days. I met my wife on Match, and thankfully, she was the first date I went on through Match.

I know there are a lot of flakes on the dating sites, but what specifically didn't work? Even if you're just getting a few coffee meetups off the sites, it's good practice for something more serious.

I met my wife in OK Cupid. Met lots of nice women also on OKC prior to meeting to my wife there. I used it from my late 30s into my early 40s. It takes LOTS of writing and lots of dates, both good and bad, but they're out there! You must have a good profile. DM me if you want another set of eyes to read through it!

I didn't mention dating apps because I assume the OP would have mentioned them if that's the way he wanted to go. Most of what I hear, like with you guys, @Shlabotnik , is that there's a lot of sifting through the weeds but you can find a winner if you're patient (kind of like finding a good band on Craigslist...). My wife and I were married before apps were really a thing, but her brother found his wife-to-be through an old fashioned personal ad in a newspaper (something about seeking a "zesty" relationship - we never let him live that line down).

It does remind me of a story an elder in our former church once told. A guy was in a coffee shop and happened to notice a pretty lady sitting by herself, reading a book or something. So he approached her and started making conversation, being honest that he thought she was good looking and hoped she would agree to a date with him. She freaked out. How dare he just... say HELLO to her, out of the blue? Didn't he know that you're SUPPOSED to go through an app, so that she could screen out who she wanted to swipe right (or whatever) for? It's a different culture now, for many people.

 

[Rev12_11]

I met my wife 30 years ago at church so I think it's a great place to meet a woman.

 

[bholder]

"What the hell did you expect to find, Aphrodite, on a bar-stool, by your side?"

Pictures of the Night, Gin Blossoms

 

[hbarcat]

A working musician usually has no trouble meeting women. I wear a fake wedding ring to help keep the vampires away!

When I was married, I found that my wedding ring attracted the interest of a certain type of woman who was usually interested in a very "temporary" kind of relationship.

This wasn't just my imagination. After I divorced, I sometimes wore my ring at bars or other social gatherings and it made a noticeable difference in the amount of attention I got.

Of course this is the opposite strategy to use if you're looking for more than a casual relationship.

 

[Gaolee]

I meet them everywhere. Concerts, the grocery store, the gym, out for walks etc. etc. Lots of girls love Target. I could probably just walk around Target and pick up women if I wanted to


Of course I'm happily married. I have no problems though meeting women and striking up conversations. If I wasn't married, I sure wouldn't be single with the opportunities that present themselves all the time. Of course with all my muscles and tattoos, the girls do come a flocking. I also am one of those people who got the gift of the gab, so I can get anyone talking.

I am married and have been forever. I am absolutely not looking and when women talk to me, there is no other motive. If it was different, they would know and probably wouldn't be as approachable. That is my take on it. Friendly women are good for my ego, but deep down I know thy would not be as friendly if I was on the prowl.

 

[klejst]

Thanks for the responses everyone, was a long and busy weekend thus lack of response until now. A lot of good info on here indeed and insight.

To sum a few things, yes there was a time when I was very desperate and yes women could smell it a not just one mile but five miles away. I did have some "come to Jesus" moments and established what not to keep doing as it was not working out. Again, I'll never admit to be perfect however I refuse to chase women because if it's more of a chore than exciting then it's not worth it. Numerous times I have taken the reigns and just ended things all together because I could tell it was a time waste and the women looked at me as an option when they had nothing better to do and would get me to buy dinner knowing there was no way they wanted to pursue anything further. That is one of the reasons why I always try to do something more public, relaxed, fun and engaging then the typical dinner date anymore. I have found in theory you should not have to wine and dine to impress on a first date and instead something more casual of mutual interest is often better like going for a walk around a park, a baseball game or something else that if things don't work out you're not out a lot, besides I always look at a dinner date as a job interview atmosphere.

When I said "keep women around" I meant it in no matter what I have tried recently (not caring as much, taking control (but not a freak about it) I often always either become an option or get ghosted. Very rarely have I ever had a woman in recent years be the one who came out and said "thanks but I am just not interested." I take care of myself and have been called cute and handsome by women, however again I feel looks are everything and then looks are not everything. Never tried to make or expect much to happen from the bar so I don't even try much with that. I will not knock online because I know it works, just not for me. I know women get bombarded with 100's of messages so I do take time to read their profiles and cater to something in them I liked but also perhaps am interested in. Out of a 100 messages I'd be lucky to of gotten one or two...but that often is the case I hear so I don't take it personally. A lot of single mothers, nothing against them but a lot of them and women in general seem to have these what I would call "unreal expectations" of a man even though they have next to nothing to bring or offer. I try to keep drama out of my life if I can help it. I have a dog, I go to the dog parks and am open and friendly, however have never had a woman approach me. I really do put myself out there and put forth effort, I learned most of the signs and red flags over the years and also not to be desperate or needy, but as a great quote I heard along time ago goes "women wait and the finish line and pick the winners" most times. I'm still looking for that diamond in the rough I guess who starts and runs that race with me.

 

[Bob_Ross]

I have no advice to offer OP* but this thread reminds me of something my wife said the other night. She had gone out with a bunch of her coworkers, all of whom were single women, and they were bemoaning just how awkward and awful the dating scene is, especially if you rely on on-line apps (swiping right, etc.) After hearing these relentless horror stories the missus came home and said to me "Please honey, never leave me!"




*well, that's not entirely true. if I found myself on the single market suddenly, I'd try to find an activity that I enjoy and that lots of other people enjoy -- iow, a hobby like bicycling or kayacking or rock climbing or wine tasting -- and then I'd join a cycling/kayacking/climbing/drinking club, and I would go to club events expressly for the purpose of not meeting women but instead just so I could have fun cycling/kayacking/climbing/drinking...and I would bet within ~6 months I'd have a crap-ton of female cyclist/kayackist/climbist/drinkist friends who would want to hang out and maybe take our friendship a little further.
Just a guess.

 

[Stan_da_man]

First date - Walk in a park
Second date - Coffee or a drink
Third date - Dinner

 

[klejst]

No joke, I have never had a woman go out of her way by any means to come up and talk to me. I've been involved with clubs and such in the past with again no intention and after months and years never had a woman interested in anything further. @Bob_Ross , thank you for your story about your wife. It's often true on the side of men too. I've often heard men say the same things of women being way to picky and having too much of the power on the online sites. It goes both ways.

 

[Acidic Pool]

Both people really have to want the same thing out of the situation or it just won't work. It's hard to find that balance, but it's necessary.

 

[twinjet]

I found the right woman for me when I stopped looking. Maybe just forget about finding a woman and focus on being the best quality you that you can be.
I've been told that women can see/smell/detect desperation a mile away. For most of us, someone desperate is a turn off.
There's no need to rush. What's meant for you will arrive right on time.

-Mike

Same here, Mike. I was chasing a girl when I decided to get into college, but woke up and said "dummy, go for you. Not for her!". After three months of going for me, this cute dirty blonde/brunette walks into math class and it has been all downhill since... nine years this week.