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Wife girlfriend support

#42
CrashClint said:
Man, you guys can be brutal. Most likely English isn't his first language, extend him a little grace. :p
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+ 1 for real lets see you guys in a forum that isn't your language.....Is TB full of English and grammar teachers?

Anyway I got my note pad out, sweater vest on, and therapist couch out, before reading I need insurance information or the price of a session.

Any relationship is a compromise you have to be there. I don't know if you guys got kids but that multiplys it's. If you have a spouse and kids can you just at the drop of a hat play music all day and but thousands in gear? Depends on your relationship.

The fact your spouse/girlfriend (or boyfriend if we have any gay members) but if they're missing you it is not a bad thing. Honestly if my fiancé had wanted me gone all the time and not care then what's the point. Not saying this is anyone's situation.

Me and my fiancé are culturally opposite were an inter racial couple with different upbringings. I am a music lover and loves to perform I was always in bands and around them.She does like a lot of different music but she didn't grow up with people forming bands like me. Granted she didn't get it she understood I liked to play and didn't stop me.

She came to one of my gigs after she said before the baby comes you need a bass (I had some hard times sold mine had to borrow one). She understood some more or at least saw me happy but does she still not like me leaving sometimes yeah we love each other but she knows her and the family come first and does support it.

Being missed isn't a bad thing.
 
#44
My wife (of nearly 25 years) tolerates my playing out. Never compliments or offers any positive input. Rarely comes out to hear me play with any group, etc. Nothing until she figures out the upcoming gig pays really well. Then, she's interested.
 
#45
First wife, now ex-wife;

1. Moves in and asks if “I really need the P bass and portaflex in the in the living room” So they get moved to the lower level.

2. Asks if “I really need the Guild bass and another portaflex in the master bedroom” So down to the lower level.

3. Asks “If I use all those cabinets” so the Showman with the ring gets sold, B25B cab get sold, PA system gets sold, Peavey guitar amp gets sold, 2 horn loaded cabs get sold, 200S gets sold, Misc. monitor and others get sold.

4. We move, the 361 cab gets sold, couple of portaflex’s get sold, 1969 Gibson SG gets sold, Alvarez Yairi gets sold.

5. We get a tad broke, so the WM4004, a 2x10 cab, a Yamaha bass, my Baby Bass, Ampeg BA112, Trace Elliot BLX80, and Guild bass get sold. Actually I wanted to sell the Guild, someone gouged the heck out of it by accident, and I couldn’t even look at it.

6. The suggestion is made that I sell a 1923 Gibson L-3 that I inherited from my father. We get divorced.

New GF buys me an Ibanez SR500PB, and a Genz Benz intro 50.
 
#46
Wife pretty blonde nice body. We argue plenty some her fault some mine but not matter because very very hot. Hotness not make marriage say some but those people who not understand spark is fire and fire might burn but ultimately life better whe there is heat. Twelve years and not kill each other yet, play in same band, scare hell out of other people with some arguments but never violence so far. Considered divorce plenty times but little voice say not live without so maybe love.
 
#47
The only time to really worry is if wifey is constantly urging you to get out of the house by supporting your hobby and/or second job as a musician, but never wants to go with you.

If you are not getting out very often with music and she brings you home a wad of fishing tackle, golf clubs, etc., but none for her...
 
#49
gene beauchamp said:
I know what you are talking about even though it is hard to read. What you need to do is write down every time this happens for a little while. Then show her the crazy behavior on paper. Then explain why you had to do it that way and she might go wow I need to get it together.
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Ferret, you might want to avoid duty book writing if you take this advice. ;)


"hey babe jan 1 you buy me new strings, great thanks, very next day we have domestic and you complain my instrument no function jan 4 we go to show together great time but jan 10 I have gig and domestic for another time in 2 weeks wth LOL hey baby why it gotta be that way? now I give you $2000 for craft shows and you give me $1000 in music but then throw it in face every domestic how are we gonna domesticate you so you can masticate food before spitting in my face? I wrote this in crayon so you will simple understand once and for all" :help:
 
#51
Ferret said:
Kmonk said:
The real question is: do you face support but if having a domestic that has nothing to do with music uses it as an attack tool knowing that's your weak spot.
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I know the frustration - but I have a question. Does your wife feel you do not acknowledge her?

My wife deeply supports me & my music, but yes occasionally has some remarks about spending habits, numbers of basses, playing to loud in the living room late at night, being obsessed by basses, etc.

yes it's annoying etc, but the fact is: my wife supporting me does not imply an excuse to ignore her or avoid her company. Those things - my wife supporting me and my music, me acknowledging my wife, are different things that all go together. And I need to be able to trust upon my wife's honesty and willingness to speak up, otherwise my marriage is doomed, plain and simple.

You might not want to hear this, but if you are only willing to look at your wife's role in this dynamic, there is no resolution here. After all, the only person you can work this out with, is your wife.
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#53
Hi Mr. Ferret,

Yes, it is hard to reply compassionately, effectively, and intelligently when you don't quite understand the question. But I think I get the idea.

If your wife brings up everything from the past every time you get into an argument then your wife is being one or more of the following; manipulative, petty, mean, selfish, and is probably insecure in the relationship. There may be a reason for this behavior. That reason could be you.

If you value this relationship I would strongly urge counseling for the both of you. There are proper ways to argue, or rather, communicate each others' wants, needs, and concerns.

Mrs. BassCliff supports my musical endeavors. She realizes that I need new gear sometimes but I don't go crazy buying stuff "just because." Sometimes I'll even turn down a gig because I realize I've been gone a lot and I need to spend some time with her and my daughter. She doesn't come out to see me play as often any more, we've been married almost 20 years. But she and some friends are coming out this weekend. It'll be fun.

But I digress. I wish you luck and hope you and your wife are able to come to terms. And remember, just because you're mad at someone doesn't mean you stop loving them.


Thank you for your indulgence,

BassCliff
 
#54
Not sure I entirely understood the weirdly concise opening post…

But me and my partner of 14 years have no issues relating to my involvement in music. She's involved in a local arts project and has worked in theatre production and drama education her whole professional career so it's not surprising that she supports me in any creative endeavours.

Maybe she'd feel different if I was doing a cover/tribute band or something, but I've always done creative gigs.
 
#55
my chick is mostly cool about it except when I have a lot of shows in a given week.
2 or 3 is cool, but when summer rolls around and I am working my day job then going to gigs 4 or 5 nights a week, she gets a little mad.

She only comes out to the shows at the nice clubs or weekenders out of town. We;ve been together long enough to where she knows when she is gonna have fun or just be sitting at the merch booth by herself for 5 hours.

As far as her buying me music stuff, she doesn't even know what kind of strings I use, so she doesn't even try.

I sell stuff to buy more stuff, and it seems to work out ok. I'm not broke, and I have lots of toys.

Use the toys to earn some money, buy her some flowers, repeat.
 
#57
Ferret said:
Anyone have issue that spouse says supports even buys equipment because likes to but soon as an argument throws playing back in your face playing more important than her but when all good says need to get more shows. Never practice and complains should then complains when you do, says wants to go to shows but then complains that goes if having domestic about something.
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This is either the product of a texting generation, or ESL. Probably the former or a combination of both.
 
#58
ImNotJoel said:
+ 1 for real lets see you guys in a forum that isn't your language.....Is TB full of English and grammar teachers?
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Jesus, this thread has turned into a school yard bully session. "Get the guy who talks funny!" Go on on Spanish or French forum and see how you fare.

Edit: Apparently OP is fluent in English but writes like Borat talks. My bad.

Luckily, my wife takes about as much interest in my band as I do in her handbag/jewelry collection. She probably isn't even really sure if I play bass or guitar. She is polite and supportive and will come to a show occasionally, but honestly, I have a much better time at shows when she's not there. If I'm there alone, I don't have to worry about if she's bored or tired or what time I have to go home.
 

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