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Women.. I don't understand them

#101
BaditudeDude said:
+100. I was married for 7 years, together for 10, then divorced 12 years ago. Had a friend-with-benefits relationship for a couple of years after that. Have had dates with a few women since, but nothing romantic materialized.

I am perfectly content to be single. I savor the freedom I have to do or not do what I want. My ex, who remarried (rather unhappily according to my kids) accused me of negatively influencing my 18 y/o son with my attitude, as he shows minimal interest in women (no, he's not gay). She said I should have presented him with a better role model by being in a relationship. I didn't say it, but I silently thought to myself that maybe her own behavior has had more influence on him than mine has. :ninja:
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I hear you, my friend. My ex has serious issues with control and turned out to be a master manipulator. I mean, really really bad issues. Got to the point of where I was beginning to think that I was a brain dead idiot who couldn't do anything right. She also loved spending money that we didn't have.

She got re-married to a guy who makes a about 3 times the amount of money that I make. Beautiful house, they lack for nothing, they take some wonderful vacations....and deep down she's just as miserable. Spends money like mad and according to our son who grew up with them, she treats her husband like he's a brain dead idiot. I've even heard it myself.

Fact is, just last week my son told me that while the bond between him and me is eternal, he came to realize that he's never felt any kind of a bond with her due to the way she is and doesn't think he ever will. While I told him that I hope things can turn around I came to once again realize that it wasn't me that drove our marriage apart. But while even knowing that I still can't help to think how lucky I am to have my freedom. Life is too short to live under someone elses control.
 
#102
pie_man_25 said:
I think that the statement of "I don't understand women" comes from the idea that women are all basically the same person. This can be true in a number of ways - after all, all women breathe and eat (unless of course they're dead). And yes, all people are basically just slight variations on the same basic themes, but that doesn't stop the fact that all women are different. That's like saying that all men are the same, I bet I can't find two men on this forum with identical tastes in basses, amps, and which bass is best for metal - just like I have yet to meet a woman with the same taste in music and ability to tolerate my music.

With that being said - all women are different, I learned this one through graduating from high school and talking to all different sorts of women. Therefore, being attractive to a woman isn't just a simple matter of being a pompous ***hat and letting tons of chicks with daddy issues chase after you. From my (albeit relatively meager) experience, it's more a matter of being yourself, and just eventually finding somebody you're attracted to that you find easy to be yourself with. Of course, dating isn't a matter of dating the hottest chick you can find, but I'm not going to lie when I say that you should be physically attracted to the person you're dating, sex is a fact of life and it's kind of important - why else do you think it's been hard-wired into our brains so effectively?.

Anyway, that's just my $.02 based on my experience. It's not a matter of changing yourself - you're probably already who you want to be - it's more a matter of finding the person you're compatible with. If the one girl you're going for isn't responding to you, just find another girl - it's not always easy, but it's really just that simple. Women aren't all stupid, emotional, illogical, four letter words with big boobies and daddy issues, but if that's your type, then chances are you aren't much different.
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EXACTLY. Thank you. There are -definitely- some women that are nothing but big boobs and want no more than a sugar daddy, but the majority of women? People, just like dudes, with complex personalities, wants, likes, dislikes, etc.
 
#103
after 20 yrs of marriage it took work for me to start to feel ok as a single guy. i have not completed that work yet. while i haven't been at it for long enough to judge, i do think its important for me to respect that i may well be a 'couples' guy. i don't like being home alone (tho i can adjust). i like being out around friends. i still see myself as having a someone to enjoy life and grow old with.

i won't deny i enjoy the freedom of singlehood. and the feats-or-famine approach to sex is a lot more fun than routine sex with the same person method for me. tho the person i was with was clearly not approaching sex from the same place as me.

so for me its an on-going process. i have been exclusively dating a woman for about 4 months now. we have a great time together and i really have nothing to complain about. but for reasons i can't explain (and don't fully trust) i find myself wondering when i am gonna end it. the thought of going, say, one year in a committed relationship now sounds too long to me. i don't think i have grounds for this idea, but it's still there...
 
#105
EBodious said:
i do think its important for me to respect that i may well be a 'couples' guy. i don't like being home alone (tho i can adjust). i like being out around friends. i still see myself as having a someone to enjoy life and grow old with.
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I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that anyone is a "couples person" simply because you prefer having people around you. I see that more as a sign that you're just a more social person. I have long periods of time where I prefer my own company to that of anyone else and then I go through phases where I just want to surround myself with friends, family, and people who aren't afraid to have fun. (And there are a lot of us who love our single lives who admit that having someone to come home to would be pretty awesome. I'm just not willing to settle for one who doesn't know how to respect my alone time.)

...we have a great time together and i really have nothing to complain about. but for reasons i can't explain (and don't fully trust) i find myself wondering when i am gonna end it. the thought of going, say, one year in a committed relationship now sounds too long to me.
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You aren't the only one who has this thought. My rule of thumb, FWIW, is that if you get to 90 days and you're not feeling the emotional connection that leads down the "we have a future together" path, it's time to have a very serious talk with the other person and make sure they know that. Emotions are weird things. If I'm asking myself when I'm going to end it, I believe that I owe it to the other person to be up-front that I'm probably not going to be interested in more than dating just the way it's been going. Quite frankly though, I've been surprised by some of the reactions.
 
#106
Tat2dHeart said:
You aren't the only one who has this thought. My rule of thumb, FWIW, is that if you get to 90 days and you're not feeling the emotional connection that leads down the "we have a future together" path, it's time to have a very serious talk with the other person and make sure they know that. Emotions are weird things. If I'm asking myself when I'm going to end it, I believe that I owe it to the other person to be up-front that I'm probably not going to be interested in more than dating just the way it's been going. Quite frankly though, I've been surprised by some of the reactions.
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thanks... i think. that's some difficult stuff you are talking about. getting together and having fun on the weekends is really easy and comfortable, y'know! ;)
 
#107
EBodious said:
thanks... i think. that's some difficult stuff you are talking about. getting together and having fun on the weekends is really easy and comfortable, y'know! ;)
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I know. Agreed. But I don't want to mislead anyone, so if I'm thinking about when I'm getting out, I figure it's better to just let them know I'm not 100% in, either. Let them choose their own destiny and not be victim to my moods.

Now - enough of the buzzkill and let's get back to the fun.
 
#110
EBodious said:
women! ...i can't understand them! but i sure do like to hang out with them.....

they're all curvy and stuff......
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thumbs-up.gif
 
#111
MakiSupaStar said:
+1. This was my first thoughts, but I will say this. She is giving you clear signals that she's keeping her options open and that a romp in the hay is not off the table, unless she likes doing it on the table, especially a pool table, sometimes a dining table, or a kitchen table once in awhile. She doesn't strike me as a coffee table type, usually there's a couch nearby those tables. What were we talking about again?

Oh yeah chicks. Listen this article was written to perpetuate the myths. Matticus was right in one regard, chick's rely on emotion more than logic, and I'll even go as far as to say that sometimes they misinterpret them as sexual attraction. But there is one constant the generally works, they ALL crave attention. It's not the 'type' of guy. That's what this article wants you to believe.

Nice guys or to be more specific guys that have been relegated to the dreaded 'friend zone' never get laid because chicks don't value their attention. It's always there when they want it because a dude in the friend zone is always available, always there to listen, and NEVER regulates the amount of attention they give to these chicks. Chicks want what they can't have, and it's not the bad guy, or complicated artist, or the good looking guy. They want the attention from the guy that's not giving them attention. Attention is a chicks crack. They hoard it, collect it, covet it, dream about it, and get off on it.

I have a joke with a buddy of mine. How do you get laid by a blonde chick? Tell her you're into brunettes. How do you get laid by a brunette? Tell her you're into blondes? You want to know why I love sexy Asian chicks? Because you get laid by telling them you're into sexy Asian chicks. :D

Seriously though. If you want avoid the friend zone and always be a consideration for a chick learn how to regulate the attention you give her. Upon first meeting her, make her laugh, half joke half be serious about how hot she is, etc etc, and let her get used to the attention. If she doesn't put out, remove your attention. Sometimes this is such a shock to a chick they might have sex with you just to get your attention back even when they had no inclination of having sex with you in the first place.

So gentlemen, don't let me hear you talk about not being the bad guy, or her 'type' again. Control her crack. Regulate your attention. My two cents :)

Oh and Matticus. Tap that multiple times. Repeatedly. Wear a jimmy.
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I need to save this and re-read it from time to time. I have to learn to find that balance. With most things there's a fine line...

Just lost the woman I thought I'd marry from not maintaining that balance. Too much, too little, too much....
 
#114
Mike M. said:
Is anybody out there just happy and content being single?
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I am. Now that Im single, of course. I was happy and content before, though, as well.
I tend to just be happy and content in general.

Mike M. said:
I couldn't help but notice lately how many threads there've been about relationships ending and couldn't help but wonder....how many are out there like me who have been alone for years and are not bothered by it? I've been alone and single since my divorce in 1993 and I can say in all honesty that while I may be alone I am not lonely. Not saying it's perfect or it's eutopia, but I've really come to enjoy the peace and the satisfaction of being able to make my own decisions, to do what I want when I want (or don't want) and not have to answer or have to get "someone's permission" to to as I see fit.
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Ive been married twice, both for very different reasons, and both have failed. The first one, for me, was for all the wrong reasons and it didnt help that I was young and trying to do what I thought was the right thing at the time. I realized that my views on marriage were much more sacred and chose to dissolve the marriage as, to me, it wasnt real.
My second was the opposite. I married a woman who I was completely in love with, wanted to remain with forever, and had all of the things that you posted enjoying about the single life (the peace and the satisfaction of being able to make my own decisions, to do what I want when I want (or don't want) and not have to answer or have to get "someone's permission" to to as I see fit). Only problem was that she didnt feel that way. I still believe in marriage, but I dont think its something that Id ever do again. Being that a lot of my spiritual views are derived from Buddhism, Ive learned the importance of nonattachment in all areas of life (no excpetion for my love life, Ive recently learned). Or, as Robert DeNiro states in Heat "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

lowfreq33 said:
I'm perfectly happy being completely on my own, but women just keep showing up every time I find myself single. Every time I say it's the last one I always seem to make one more try. I know I'd be 100x better off by myself, but when they come knockin I just can't help but answer the door.
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You can answer the door, and you can invite them in, just dont forget that at some point, theyve got to go home.
 
#116
Some of you may be wondering how my date the other night went... well, I had fun, but it didnt go as planned. I didnt get none, but I also didnt change a headlight. Balance!

Anyways, the next night, after practice, I went and hung out with my friend who works at the dispensary. Ok, not her, but her cute cousin.
And lets just say that I went home in the morning, after she made me breakfast.
 

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